Full Metal Victor: How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Sprinaventure

Greetings, Mr. and Mrs. Port Charles! As you can tell from the title above, a pair of Stanley Kubrick films have been fresh on our writer's mind, but that's neither here nor there. Guest Two Scooper Steve is back with a few thoughts on General Hospital. It's only April, but a lot has gone on in the early months of the show's 60th anniversary. As usual, there's some good, some bad, and some that's sort of in between. Let's get started.

Folks, let me get this straight. Victor's nefarious "plan" since his return from the smoldering ashes of Crichton-Clark has been to save the planet... by killing off roughly half its population. Do I have that right? There are several words and phrases that come to mind to describe this plan. "Bold" is one of them. "Genocide," "mass murder," and "chemical warfare" are others. Anyway, Happy Earth Day!

Victor's rather impassioned speech on board the Haunted Star, in which he reminded Spencer, Obrecht, and subsequently the viewing audience how much the planet has been damaged over the past 40 years, wasn't exactly a lie. The facts are there, but Victor's solution to all this is, of course, the workings of a madman.

But suppose Victor's plan comes to any sort of fruition. What then? Is Port Charles headed for another freeze similar to what happened in 1981 when the town was declared a disaster area because of the Cassadines' powerful weather machine? (Side note: my mom was nine months pregnant with me when that storyline concluded. I was born to be a General Hospital fan.)

As readers know, I've always had a weird sort of admiration for Victor. He has made me laugh with his uniquely warped sense of humor, his charm, and his one-liners. Sparring with Ava, Obrecht, Scott, and many others has provided some funny moments. Victor casually referring to wicked, pre-amnesiac Esme as "some vengeful Lolita" still cracks me up. What a gent!

I will be sad when Charles Shaughnessy ends his run as Victor. The actor has already confirmed that he will soon exit the show, but I hope a return someday is possible. Performers as good as Mr. Shaughnessy should seldom be written off permanently. To me, Victor has been the best villain on GH since Sebastian Roch reinvented Jerry Jacks in 2007. Here's hoping that Victor's pending doom leaves some leeway for a future return.

I must admit that one thing bothers me about this Ice Princess storyline: the glaring absence of Nikolas. While some are pining for the return of Luke Spencer, Frisco Jones, or another blast from GH's past, I want my Dark Prince back. The real Nikolas Mikhail Stavrosovich Cassadine. Not this Walmart brand version of Nikolas who was a terrible father and betrayed his best friend of 25 years.

Folks, Nikolas' absence here is a missed opportunity, especially when the show had months to recast the character in plenty of time for this storyline. I can't say enough how much I would love to see Tyler Christopher back as Nikolas. What better way to celebrate a show's 60th anniversary than to welcome home a veteran actor who plays a legacy character? The past few years of Nikolas' odd and out-of-character behavior could be revealed as the work of an imposter or lab-created clone. The show already has the perfect fall guy for such a scam in Victor.

On the subject of missed opportunities, I mean no disrespect to any Obrecht "STANS," but I feel that Liesl's part in this Ice Princess storyline should have gone to Elizabeth. Elizabeth (Webber!) has so much history and tradition with the Cassadines that her presence in this storyline would have written itself.

Victor needs a medical professional to administer his pathogen. Who better than the woman who stared into Helena's death gaze and lived to tell about it? Elizabeth also just became head nurse at the hospital. That was a beautiful tie-in to the show's 60th anniversary, and Elizabeth's involvement in this story, combined with a Nikolas return, could have gone a long way in healing their decades-old friendship. I will always "STAN" Nikolas and Elizabeth as best friends.

Alas, Elizabeth remains in relationship hell with Finn. Instead of the audience seeing the Elizabeth that took on Helena and others, we see her constantly weepy before a man who behaves as if he's her father. When not doing that, she's beating herself up for her role in the tame-by-soap-world-standards Nikolas/Esme storyline at Wyndemere.

No one in Port Charles is heavier on self-flagellation than Elizabeth. Writers, please stop having Elizabeth grovel and question whether she's good enough for anyone. It's a horrible look and a terrible message to send to viewers.

Sincerely yours,A dead horse

Alexis' involvement in the Ice Princess storyline would have also written itself. It's not that the writers forgot that Alexis is Mikkos' daughter; they acknowledged it twice this week. It's that they chose to put Alexis in a storyline with Gregory, who we learned this week has ALS.

The only thing I question here is how powerfully this storyline can connect with viewers, given that Gregory is someone the audience hasn't known for very long. Many viewers I interact with either don't like Gregory because of his incessant need to mansplain to Alexis (of all people) -- or they simply don't care enough about him. If the show were going to do a storyline about ALS, would it have been wiser to have chosen a character with more ties to Alexis and to Port Charles?

This week saw the return of three major characters that are all directly tied to the Ice Princess story: Holly, a recast Ethan with Luke's old hair (talk about subtle), and Queen Tracy Quartermaine. Jane Elliot is amazing, and I'm so glad she's back. This is likely just a "hippie dream," as Neil Young would sing, but perhaps Tracy will do some much-needed fumigation of the Quartermaine house (that Alan left to Monica!) and get rid of a few guests that have overstayed their welcome.

Back to what's happening on the Haunted Star. Seriously, how much fun are we all having watching the "Sprinaventure"?! What I love about this story is that the show's "it couple" is featured front and center. I'm talking, of course, about Spencer and Trina (Sprina). Folks, at the risk of sounding hyperbolic, or being accused of recency bias, Spencer and Trina are General Hospital's best couple in years. Full stop.

It's in the looks they give, their stares, and the gazes they save for one another. It's in the touches, the body language, the actual language, and the way they melt one another -- and the audience. Their chemistry and their sensual tones are off the charts. They are hands down the best love story in Port Charles.

The definition of poetry in motion, Nicholas Chavez's Spencer and Tabyana Ali's Trina have every mannerism down to an artful science. When you watch them, you get the sense that even the most minute and microscopic detail is planned out by the portrayers beforehand. Sprina is as supercouple as supercouple gets, and I can't wait for their long-awaited first love scene. (David Muir, you best not!)

One thing that shouldn't be overlooked in such a major storyline as this is the significance of having Trina star as the young heroine. Trina playing this role is rather seismic because of what it represents. With a storyline that's so unique to General Hospital as the Ice Princess (and the fight to save the planet from evil men) is, for the heroine in said storyline to be Trina, instead of someone like Josslyn or -- in an alternate universe -- Esme or Emma Drake, that speaks volumes, I think.

Representation matters. It's important for folks who share the same color of skin as Trina to feel seen, heard, and represented in an America that we know feels increasingly more divided, isolated, and tribal. And yes, that includes achieving front burner and leading lady status on a legendary soap opera that's in its 60th year on the air. All this to say: Trina Robinson, you rock! You are my favorite character on GH right now. To Tabyana, you have earned this moment in the spotlight!

In complete contrast, there's Trina's best friend, Josslyn (Mini-Me) Jacks. Did anyone else find it hilarious that Joss spent months screeching about how evil Sonny was, even going so far as to say that Sonny would "literally kill" Dex if he learned that Dex and his former ingrate stepdaughter were sleeping together? Turns out, Sonny had known for months, and his reaction was essentially Z\_(ツ)_/Z. I wonder what Josslyn's next made-up crisis will be. I'm certain we won't have to wait long because she's never in short supply of one.

Then there's Josslyn's brother. Ah, yes, poor Michael. For at least a year now, Michael has come across as a miserable, wannabe thug. I've wanted him to face payback for his attempts to use Dex to win Sonny's trust by playing on Sonny's emotions for family, but I don't think it's going to happen. For starters, Michael invited Sonny to his wedding to Willow, whose two weeks to live seem to be turning into months.

The invitation, begrudging as it was, is perhaps the start of a healing process for Sonny and Michael. Still, I'm not going to forget Michael's misdeeds. For all of Sonny's faults (and he has many), I find it rather cruel that Michael has used Sonny's affinity for loved ones like Gloria and Mike in this pathetic attempt to send Sonny to prison.

Michael has let his hatred for Sonny and Nina consume him. We have seen Michael step away from his ailing wife, time and again, to sneak around for shadowy meetings with Dex for updates on Sonny. Do people really think Michael's behavior constitutes part of what a healthy marriage looks like? I'm sorry, but what?

Let's be real: Michael only wants to send Sonny to prison for having chosen a relationship with Nina over one with Michael's mother. Read that again if you need to. Michael says that his reasons for this vendetta are that Sonny is a bad man who does bad things, but Michael has known this for years. Michael claiming to want what's best for his family is laughable. How is it in the best interests for Michael's siblings -- the ones who actually care about Sonny, like Dante, Kristina, Avery, and Donna -- that Sonny be sent to prison? It's not.

Now, on to Sonny. Folks, I have a confession to make. I used to be neutral when it came to the subject of Carly vs. Nina ("Granny Wars," as they're often referred to on whatever is left of Twitter by the time you read this). But I have had a change of heart. As viewers, we're allowed to do that. Characters change, and we often start to see things in a new light that we may have previously missed.

In this case, I've gone from Team Switzerland in the never-ending Carly vs. Nina saga to Team Nina, and by extension, Team Sona (Sonny + Nina). You don't have to like them, but Sona is one of the current regime's signature couples. Ditto Anna and Valentin (Vanna) and the untouchably popular Sprina. Sonny and Nina are not without fault, but no couple is.

One of the reasons I struggled for so long to care much about the Carly vs. Nina rivalry is that I found it bland. For me, it was hard to take either one all that seriously. With the benefit of hindsight (a.k.a. rewatching YouTube clips), and more importantly, what I've seen on my screen recently, I admit I was wrong. Several things have made me a Nina supporter in recent months, not the least of which is the incredible performance by Nina's portrayer, Cynthia Watros.

Here's what I mean. When it was revealed to the whole town in January that Nina was Willow's birth mother and that Carly had gone to extreme lengths to conceal that truth about yet another person's biological parent, I expected... something, right? Payback? Hostility? Anger by the people she had wronged? Blowback?

In other words, things that are all soap staples. Here's what I saw instead. I saw Nina put in the work to win Willow's affection, confidence, and ultimately her trust. I saw Nina hurting. And at the same time, I saw Carly being rewarded with sex from her boyfriend that she had spent months deceiving.

I saw Nina wear her heart on her sleeve day after day, giving Willow the half-heart necklace that is so dear to Nina -- only to see Willow blithely hand it to Sasha as if it were discarded trash. That bothered me because I saw again how much Nina was hurting. It was difficult for me not to connect with Nina in those moments.

I saw Nina apologize to Willow in the hospital for something so insignificant that I honestly can't remember what it was -- only to hear Willow screech, "Not everything is about you, Nina!" Again, I saw how much Nina was trying, and failing, and hurting. And at the same time, I saw Carly being instantly rewarded by Willow, who Carly had also deceived for months, with instant forgiveness.

So, how has our Carly reacted since the reveal? Has she looked humbled or genuinely regretful? Was she held accountable? On all counts, the answer is no. Instead, Carly has remained the same smug, entitled, selfish character that she has become over time. She's even planning Michael and Willow's wedding now! (No word yet on whether she's already set up a joint "Willow & Michael Quartermaine-Corinthos" Facebook account.)

Folks, General Hospital has a Carly problem. For one, the character is involved in far too many storylines. She consistently demonstrates smugness, self-righteousness, hypocrisy, tone-deafness, hostility, bitterness, a need to be in everyone's business, and far too often, downright meanness. Take her scenes with Ava this week. Carly went out of her way to throw Morgan's death in Ava's face, all because Ava had the temerity to say that Carly had the power to broker peace between Nina and Willow.

But the truth is, Carly doesn't want peace. Carly can't have peace, because this character always needs conflict and someone to blame. She sees herself as the victim in everything. All she wants is war and continued anger and resentment between her and the people she perceives have wronged her -- both real and imagined. Carly throwing Trina in Ava's face, knowing how much Ava cares for Trina, was despicable. How was Trina even remotely relevant to Carly and Ava's conversation?

I have to ask: when will Carly be allowed to be checked? The character needs this, and most importantly, the audience needs it. Yes, Carly has been wronged by many characters, but she has also wronged plenty of others. Those characters need to be allowed to stand up and to call Carly out for her transgressions. They used to be. They aren't anymore, and it shows. One-sided dialogue does not make for good storytelling. Neither Nina nor Ava is a saint, but neither pretends to be. That's one reason their fans love them.

It's time that GH stops portraying Carly as someone who believes she can do no wrong. She is not "honest to a fault" -- a line uttered by Drew that has to be high in the running for one of the single most insulting things ever uttered to longtime viewers -- and she never was. That's one reason why many fans first loved the character.

Elsewhere in Port Charles, Chase was reinstated to the police force. I'm happy for Chase, and happier still for the audience that his and Brook Lynn's "Port Charles: The Musical" act is hopefully over. I was glad that Brook Lynn finally outed Linc at the Nurses Ball. I only wish it had happened sooner.

Um, Portia? I get that you're concerned for Trina. Any mother would be. But do you really want to try to force Trina to stay away from Spencer? Trina is legally an adult, and while Spencer has hurt Trina in the past, Portia's 20-year lie about the identity of Trina's father is likely far fresher on Trina's mind than Spencer's past transgressions.

Now that Ryan Chamberlain is not only merely dead but really-most-sincerely-dead, can we get Kevin Collins into some more scenes? Look, have you seen the way people in Port Charles behave? Virtually everyone in town could use a therapist. Jon Lindstrom is too good an actor to stay on the sidelines in GH's 60th year.

Quote of the Week from Twitter user Courtney: "I (70 year old white male) want to save the world by releasing a pathogen that will kill half the population. AITA?"

That's it from me. Thanks for reading along, as always. Here's to many good things ahead for the rest of #GH60. Peace, love, and General Hospital!Steve

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