Dingoes ate my baby

What on earth will our crazies and criminals give thanks for this week? Warm blankets in a jail cell? The smell of horses in their prison dungeon? Open visiting hours in the PCPD holding cell? Since it seems the whole town is in jail, they will have to be creative. Let's discuss in this week's Two Scoops!

Readers, did you ever see the film A Cry in the Dark, where Meryl Streep says, "Dingoes ate my baby"? This week, while Ava was in her hospital bed, shrieking at anyone who would listen about needing to find her baby, I said out loud in a terrible Australian accent, "Dingoes ate my baby!" and then I laughed and laughed because I think I'm hilarious.

The reason that line came to mind is because Ava had that same crazed look in her eyes, worrying and fretting about Baby Girl Jerome. That is, right up until she realized her own behind was on the line for murder then she promptly forgot about finding her baby and ran to hide out at Silas'. I find it hard to believe that Sam hasn't called Silas yet about the news that Ava is Connie's killer, and since Silas didn't get a chance to read his paper, he may not know for days that he is harboring a fugitive.

I know Nina is stark raving mad, but I kind of think she'd be a better mom to the baby than Ava would, simply because she would kill someone to protect that baby, while on the other hand, Ava would use the baby as a shield to protect herself.

Almost all the secrets are out now. Ava shot Connie and Olivia, Sonny shot A.J., and Carly, Kiki, and Morgan knew and were covering it up.

But the secrets don't end there -- in what can only be described D to the umb-idiotic logic, Shawn and Jordan decided to unburden their consciences by filling in T.J. on the sordid truth behind his father's death. Readers, I have to tell you, I would never in a million years tell my child such a story. Even if it turns out that through revisionist soap history, Shawn is T.J.'s bio-daddy, why even tell him that? The man he presumed to be his father is gone, and Shawn is already acting like a father figure in his life. Let T.J. believe his dad was a hero and that another man stepped in to love him. Maybe someday he'd even call you dad anyway.

But perhaps I am projecting my own issues into this storyline. Trust is a hard thing for me, and once broken, nearly impossible to repair. T.J. will never be able to trust them again.

In the same manner, Michael will never be able to trust Sonny and Carly again, or possibly Morgan and Kiki either. Can you imagine how Michael must feel, knowing his entire family lied to him for months about his father's murder? His sense of betrayal and his intense rage is justified.

I am sure Michael's head is replaying every conversation he and A.J. had over the years. I am sure he is hearing A.J.'s voice saying that Sonny and Carly were purposely trying to keep the two of them apart. Michael can look back at his life, the horrible things he has endured, being kidnapped, shot in the head, and even raped in prison, just to name a few, and say, "I could have been living a cushy life in a mansion with my real family and never had any of those things happen to me!"

I hope he holds onto that righteous anger for a long time and fully immerses himself in all things Q. I almost want Jake to remember that he is Jason Quartermaine and move into the mansion with Michael and go back to med school, too. Imagine Sonny if Jason is alive and Michael is across town and neither of them wants anything to do with him! Don't write me hate mail, Jasam fans; I am not saying I don't want Jason with Sam, only that I want Jason not with Sonny.

In spite of Sonny's criminal ways, we love him because of "his code of honor" and moves like the one he made this week to protect Carly. Instead of trying to weasel out of a murder rap, Sonny pleaded guilty to get Carly sprung from jail. But I think we all know Sonny can't stay in prison forever, and I can't imagine how he can get out unless A) A.J. is really still alive, B) He gets out on a technicality like they forgot to read him his rights, C) He wasn't on his meds and someone argues he wasn't in a sound state of mind when he pulled the trigger, or D) The taped confession is declared inadmissible and he changes his plea later. Seriously, readers, do you have any ideas on how he is going to get out of this? Diane doesn't, and she is beyond exasperated with him right now, but an angry Diane is always entertaining.

I think if Sonny gets out, Monica might murder him with an assist from Alice. I am delighted that the Q clan is front and center these days. With Lord Ashton providing excellent comic relief, Michael declaring himself a Q, and indications that Jake recognizes his parents, at least on passing photos in the hallway (which made me cry) -- I feel like we have all the makings of a Q revival. Bring back Jimmy Lee Holt and Celia while you're at it! Have Brook Lynn come for Christmas and sing "O Holy Night" at the hospital Christmas party. "Q" it up! And if you don't get the Hobson/Dobson references Larry has been dropping, click here and scroll down to "Crimes committed."

Across the waters to Spoon Island and the home of another crazy family, the Cassadine clan is discovering that criminal mastermind Faison has been living in their horse stables for months. Robert and Anna, two world class WSB agents, thought the best place to hide an evil genius, who has escaped from maximum-security prisons like Steinmauer, would be to lock him in a barn with a rug covering him up? Gee, maybe he thought to lift the trap door and move the rug? Maybe one of the people who groom horses heard screaming under the rug and opened the door? Or maybe the Chupacabra sprung him. At any rate, he is gone now, and one can only assume he is parading around in a Fluke mask, just as I speculated months ago! Hooray for me.

Soap rule #1 is Habeus Corpus. Produce the body. If you don't see a dead body, they aren't dead. So, with that in mind, Victor Cassadine is probably still alive, Stavros is probably still alive, Stefan is probably still alive, and even Helena, whose dead body we did see, is still alive.

The dance between Anna and Liesl this week was a delight to watch -- Kathleen Gatti and Finola Hughes play so well off of one another and are so much fun to watch. In fact, I think they have a lot more on-screen chemistry than many so-called "supercouples." Liesl believes that Anna killed Faison, and now that there is no body will be even surer, but I am fairly certain that Luke is face-to-face with Faison at Miscavige Institute.

It is so good to see Tony Geary's beautiful face on-screen again. I love him so. I am glad they replayed the showdown between Luke and Fluke in flashback for those who may have missed it earlier. Seeing Luke spit out his pills and wrestle himself out of a straitjacket was good for my heart. I couldn't bear to think of anyone trying to fence him in.

As the mysteries begin to unravel, Sam and Patrick did their part by spying on Lord Ashton and hearing his conversation with Jerry Jacks. After making a copy of his safe deposit box key with baby Danny's Silly Putty and having a new key made from it in about 20 minutes, I think Sam could quit being a P.I. and just open up "Sam's Key Emporium" because lots of criminals would love that fast, easy access to other people's keys.

But I digress. My husband Jeff, who pretends he doesn't watch GH, was very upset that Sam and Patrick opened Larry's box, found another box, and didn't just stick it under their jacket and leave. "Why are they standing there, trying to open it? Why don't they just take that whole little box and leave before he gets there?" He seemed very agitated for someone who doesn't watch the show.

I didn't disagree with his logic. Up until the point that Larry saw them in the bank, he had no idea that they had overheard his conversation or had a copy of his key, so he would not have suspected them when his box turned up missing. Now, of course, he knows they are onto him. Great that Patrick got his job back as a brain surgeon because he's not the best P.I. Isn't it time for Spinelli to get back to work with Sam? I want Elly to dump him so he can come home.

Readers, if I had to give Emmys every week for GH, to me the very top scene in a week of incredible scenes was between Franco and Nina as Franco very gently brought Nina back to reality, convinced her the baby she was holding wasn't hers, and made her remember what she had done. Both characters are mentally unstable; in fact, they are stark raving mad, and yet the tenderness in their performances makes my heart bleed for them and sympathize with them in the midst of their insanity. Roger Howarth and Michelle Stafford have crazy chemistry, and I could watch them interact for days.

Right now, the entire canvas of GH is riddled with criminals and crazies, up to and including the police commissioner, as pointed out by the stoic Agent Kyle Sloane, but I promise I will suspend my disbelief in order to keep any of them on canvas. Because, let's face it, if Ava, Julian, Carly, Duke, Sonny, and Anna all end up in prison, Port Charles would be a pretty boring place!

Dear readers, on a week where we count our blessings, I would be remiss if I didn't tell you that writing this column and having you read and enjoy it are among the blessings I will count this week. As I mentioned in my last column, I've had a long and torrid love affair with GH, and for the past decade or so, sharing that love with you has been a gift I genuinely treasure

What will happen next week? Will Julian tape his exercise routine and market it on QVC as Julian's Jailhouse Workout for $29.95? Who will run the paper while he is in jail? Will Michael ever get Rosalie to confess her big, deep, dark secret? Will Morgan and Kiki hook up for grief sex like Sonny and Carly always do? Will Britt's lies about Spencer be exposed as Kelly Thiebaud is potentially set to leave the show, or will she get away unscathed? Will the doctors at GH study Ava to find what sort of medical miracle allowed her to scurry about town after being injected with multiple drugs and giving birth without pain meds? Will it be Lulu or Tracy who is able to tell Luke from Fluke? Will Julian finally free himself from the mob to reclaim Alexis and his family, or is that just wishful thinking?

Only tomorrow knows, dear readers, and I will tune in tomorrow as long as there are tomorrows!

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