Mad science

The evil Theo injected Brenda with what he described as a new and rare neurotoxin. Sonny and his posse rescued Brenda and took her to the hospital where Patrick, a brain surgeon, and Robin, an expert on drug therapy, decided on an antidote with which to inject Brenda without calling someone who was, let's say, a poison expert.

The evil Theo injected Brenda with what he described as a new and rare neurotoxin. Sonny and his posse rescued Brenda and took her to the hospital where Patrick, a brain surgeon, and Robin, an expert on drug therapy, decided on an antidote with which to inject Brenda without calling someone who was, let's say, a poison expert.

But hey, time was of the essence, and Brenda was lying there limp and sad, so they had to do something, right?

I'm mad about this, readers. We waited for 14 years for Sonny and Brenda to finally tie the knot, and then an hour after they finally did, Brenda was kidnapped. Sonny finds her just as she's about to die from being injected with poison, and as reported here on Soap Central, Vanessa Marcil has announced her time on GH is "almost over."

So what, no happy ending? They dragged out this storyline for months and took us through the wringer and we don't even get a payoff? Is she going to die from the poison? Is Theo going to kidnap her again and run off into the night? Will Brenda discover her baby is alive and go in search of him? I don't know, and I don't care, all I know is that Sonny and Brenda aren't going to get very long for their happily ever after, and that angers me.

I'd like to believe that when a couple (even a fictional soap couple) withstands years of obstacles and finally overcomes them and gets married, that they can then rest in that love for a long, long time. I'm fool enough to hope that being faithful to your heart when the whole world advises you against it would pay off eventually. I want the two people who belong together to get to be together and live life together, and I'm already sad that it won't happen.

I don't think people are interchangeable. Some people believe you can make a relationship work with anyone. Possibly true -- you can get along with anyone if you try. But the ability to get along with someone random doesn't pack the same wallop as having a soul mate that you know was made for you.

Sonny has been with a lot of women over the years, and we know Brenda was engaged to Murphy right before Sonny showed up at her door. It didn't matter who else they were involved with (killing time with) in between. When they were alone at night, staring at the ceiling -- Sonny was dreaming of Brenda, and Brenda was dreaming of Sonny. That was the one love they couldn't shake, the one person they connected to like they had never connected to anyone before, and that Big Scary Love of theirs superseded every other relationship they had. But, apparently it was all for naught, Brenda will be gone soon, and Sonny will do what? Go back to having one-night stands with Claire? Take Olivia from Steven? Bully Coleman into giving him back Kate? Sigh. Whoever she is, she won't be Brenda.

I can't decide what will happen next. Will Franco emerge again? Will Theo and Suzanne just vanish to reappear three years from now (assuming any soaps are still on the air three years from now)? Or is there more story to tell here? I'm still trying to decide whose side Suzanne is on, and I'm not even sure she knows herself. My guess is Brenda's baby is still alive and that Suzanne has actually grown fond of her grandson's Baby Mama. But seemingly she still loves creepy Theo, or is terrified enough to pretend she loves him.

Let's shift gears to young romance. Michael is about to have his first night of lovemaking with Abby, but little sister Kristina ratted him out to Carly, so I suppose she'll come busting into Abby's apartment and ruin the moment as only Carly can do.

I wasn't sure about this relationship when it started, but Abby and Michael have really grown on me and are one of the sweetest romances in Port Charles. Everyone is on board with the two of them now except for Kristina. It's hilarious that she's worried about Michael dating a stripper after she dated someone who beat the crap out of her. I mean, at least Abby doesn't leave bruises on Michael, so you'd think she'd pass Kristina's low, low standards of dating material...

Now for a rant about a Spoiler. I know some of you like to remain pure and spoiler-free, so I direct you to jump down five paragraphs right now. I just HAVE to address an upcoming plot because just hearing about it made my head want to explode.

Readers, if you've spent any amount of time with me, you know I'm kind of a GH Jedi. I have faithfully watched General Hospital since the late 70s and have invested 30+ years in this crazy show. I know the ways of the Soap Force and can often predict its next move.

But sometimes I read spoilers and hear rumors and am stunned, and this week is one of them. SPOILER ALERT-- GO NOW IF YOU DON"T WANT TO KNOW. The rumor is that they are going to kill off Jake Spencer. And worse, Josslyn is going to have some deadly illness, and Jake's organs will go to save her. Hmm -- can anyone say "B.J. and Maxie"???

I saw this plot before, and it was one of the most powerful storylines ever to air on General Hospital. Apparently, the lazy writers thought so, too, and decided to recycle it instead of coming up with something original. They should all send Claire Labine half of their paycheck.

Why? Are they out of ideas? Does the possibility of Jason and Sam having a baby mean Jason's other son has to die? Is Liz jinxed? Well, here's what this plot will do. 1) If Josslyn is deathly ill, Jax and Carly will reunite to get through the crisis. 2) Liz will be grieving and lean on Lucky just about the time she discovers that he's really Aiden's father. (And probably right after he's married Siobhan in their green card scam.) 3) With Jake dead, Jason will be all the more jubilant when Sam announces that she's pregnant.

I see how this storyline can resolve several plots, I'm just sad adorable Jake will have to die in the process. Many fans were still rooting for a Jason and Elizabeth reunion, and without the lure of their shared son, Jake, that is even less likely to happen. END OF SPOILER ALERT, NEXT PARAGRAPH IS SAFE!

I am amazed by how many people in Port Charles know how to pick a lock. I wish I possessed that skill because I have locked myself out of my apartment many times and had to rely on a key from my landlord -- it would have been so much easier if I had been able to just jimmy it open with a paper clip or Visa card.

Maxie and Matt hit paydirt when they broke into Johnny's apartment and discovered that there was indeed a hidden syringe in his place and that he'd been covering for Lisa. Robin and Patrick broke in next and searched frantically for the evidence. They were very thorough; I saw them check inside the same vase at least three times!

Johnny's rant in defense of Lisa when he caught them took me aback. Could it be he's actually developed feelings for Lisa? I can't decide if it's some twisted Claudia residual angst, or if he is genuinely on Lisa's crazy side. Rumor has it, he's going to give both Lisa and Robin hints about where he's hidden the syringe, and they will have an Amazing Race to see who reaches it first. No, really.

Another deal with the devil, Carly has agreed to be in cahoots with her shady Uncle Luke to find something on Jax to blackmail him out of suing her for custody. I wonder what hot dirt Luke will uncover? Hopefully he will take Dodge with him on the quest to give Maya and Kristina a cooling off in their fight for the heart of Ethan.

Readers, you might disagree, but even though the romance between Maxie and Matt is growing, I miss Spinelli and Maxie. Yeah, Matt is "normal" and Spinelli is a little offbeat, but I just adored that pairing and am still sad the writers broke that couple up. Spinelli is a nerd on steroids, quirky and clueless about so many things -- but I adored the fact that a self-centered fashion diva like Maxie fell in love with oddball computer nerd Damian Spinelli, and I can't fully embrace Maxie with Matt because I'm still rooting for "Spixie."

What will happen tomorrow, dear readers? Will Theo and Suzanne find Helena down there in the creepy caves below Port Charles? Will someone steal the Balkan's glasses and see if he can Mr. Magoo himself out of the catacombs? Will Michael use a defective Enduro condom and make Carly a grandma? Will we ever see the Quartermaines again if Ethan and Maya move out? Will Dante get to arrest Theo, or will Jason get to plug him? Will the antidote Robin and Patrick gave Brenda erase her memory and she'll have to go to Paris with Laura for five years of "therapy"?