Can you keep a secret?

Is John going to cover for someone? Are you rooting for Philip and Gabi? And is Lumi the most entertaining couple in Salem right now? Let's talk about it all in this edition of Two Scoops!

Brady's gotten himself into quite the predicament with the four women in his life. First, I think, like most of us, Nicole is fed up with this Susan/Kristen storyline. She reality-checked Brady a lot of times -- not just about Chloe but also about the terrible person Kristen is. I howled when Nicole volunteered to go down to Statesville and break up with Kristen for Brady. Sure, Nicole's no saint. But she's also not currently conning an innocent woman to take her place in jail. All this "Kristen has changed" noise had fallen flat for me for years.

Second, Kristen has really gone off the deep end. I don't love how she's keeping Susan in jail. Isn't Roger worried about her at this point? Does Kristen call him as Susan? Is she ever going to make good on the deal with Vivian, or is that just on hold for now? Kristen's getting a lot of easy breaks here, and that's got to come back to bite her soon.

Third, Chloe was right to observe that Brady didn't confirm or deny his feelings toward her. Chloe's been put in a tough spot here, both by Kristen and Nicole. I really think Kristen created a self-fulfilling prophecy by constantly questioning Chloe's feelings for Brady. And Nicole didn't help things by forcing Chloe to come clean.

Finally, much like Nicole, while Sami isn't one to be at the front of the line for reputation merit badges, she would be in front of Kristen. It's a brilliant piece of writing to have Sami be the first one on the outside to know about the Kristen/Susan swap. Alison Sweeny and Stacey Haiduk were hilarious together. As soon as Sami learned she was dealing with Kristen, her whole code switched. "Hold on there, Thelma" was hilarious.

However, I worry that Sami's game is slipping. She allowed herself to be blackmailed based on circumstantial evidence. Sami's usually better than that. Still, I'll roll with this one because it means Sami and Lucas get to work together more. I love Bryan Datillo and Alison's friendship chemistry. I laughed out loud when Sami shut down Lucas' (well-meaning) apology for taking advantage of Sami. Likewise, I loved Lucas' eye roll when Sami cried on his shoulder about cheating on the love of her life. These two have surpassed close friends and romantic lovers. There's some other level of connection for Lumi that's special and unique to them.

Across town, we have another character level. Chanel is balsamic vinegar. I never, ever want to have large quantities of it alone. I'm quite repulsed by it. However, add it to most dishes, and it elevates the whole dish to greatness.

That's a long way of saying that I can't stand Chanel. Precious Way is fantastic. But Chanel is vapid and entitled. Worst of all, she makes my wonderful Paulina feel bad, and I am Team Paulina every day and twice on Sundays. Love. Her. However, something about Chanel makes all of the scenes she's in sing. I loved her sparring with Claire. I adore Pauline putting her in her place. And I'm here for Paulina trying to cope with Xander as her new son-in-law.

If I'm forced to think about Chanel, I tend to think that the marriage license is fake, as is the whole wedding night where Xander gave Sarah's ring to Chanel. None of that sounds like something Xander would do. All of that sounds like something Chanel would fake. Xander was quite a gentleman through the whole thing, but Chanel's got another thing coming to her if she thinks Victor's going to just let her cash in on a blank Kiriakis check. Still, I feel the need to mention...Chanel's still in the job market, and Titan has an opening for an intern.

That's because Charlie is still dead -- a point I definitely have to still report on. D.A. Trask was as lovely to see as ever and read Rafe the riot act for not being able to just look over various evidence and give her someone to prosecute already. Oh, Mel, you're always so sweet!

Next up on the list is Belle. There was a red button at the crime scene, right next to the body. Belle's red coat is missing a button. And John remembered seeing a red-coated woman shoot Charlie.

I have so many questions.

Really, Salem PD, how did you not bring this up before? If it was Belle, was she so vindictive as to avoid taking Sami's case so Sami would go to jail for Belle? Does Tink actually have the guts to pull the trigger? And can we just check Belle's coat for a large red hood? That would clear a lot of this up.

In other reveal news, the secret we all saw coming from a mile away is finally here -- Gwen is pregnant with Chad's baby. On the bright side, Abigail found out right away, so we didn't have to see this secret dragged out. Better still, Jack pointedly asked Gwen if this was her plan all along. Like Abigail, I don't believe a thing that comes out of Gwen's mouth, but this question was more for me to know that Jack is still aware that Gwen is capable of terrible things.

Also, I'm glad both Jack and Abigail mentioned how this reveal is very, very late in the game. For this to be true, it means Gwen thought nothing of having no cycle in all of 2021, and she's nearing her second trimester. Gwen's apology to Abigail was weak at best. "My bad! Last year was so nuts, huh?" doesn't quite cut it when you're standing there pregnant with your brother-in-law's kid.

And then we got to the scene where Abigail ordered Gwen to have an abortion. Well, she basically screamed at Gwen to have an abortion. There's a lot to unpack here.

First and foremost, a lesser actress would have crumbled under that line. Killer Miller landed it with sniper precision, stinging as it landed. With two words -- "end it" -- I felt multiple of Abigail's emotions. She's calling Gwen's bluff that she is pregnant. After all, Jack didn't go into the bathroom with her. She's calling Gwen's bluff that Chad is the father. And she's utterly exhausted with every puppet string Gwen's pulled over her life the past year. Who knows what reason was the main driving force behind Abigail offering to call the clinic for Gwen, but they were certainly all there, thanks to Killer Miller's tour de force in this scene.

As for what Gwen should do, that's entirely up to Gwen. I may despise the gal. I certainly see a hurdle when Chad learns that Abigail may have been so quick to weigh in on the matter. But at the end of the day, this is Gwen's body and her choice.

Yay! Theo went to see Chad! I love this relationship and will take any chance I get with these two. I didn't love Chad encouraging Theo to move in on Ciara, but Chad gets an eternal pass on all things Ben. Chad has a right to hate Ben, no matter how many Marlena Gold Stars Ben gets.

Trip and Allie are growing closer, and I very much enjoy it. I love that he really wants to be there for his nephew. This is a guy that grew up with little to no real family, so it makes sense that he'd want to be there for Henry. He's the first family member Tripp's known since birth.

Ben sneaked into Ciara's room to try to inject her with a mad scientist's drug. The things we do for love! Theo stopped him. Ciara kicked his rear right on out. I do feel bad for Ben, but I don't know. They overcame death to be together. They're hardly the first couple to deal with amnesia. With Victoria Konefal's recurring-at- best status on the show, I am not sure what kind of ending would make sense for them. But I'm sure amnesia isn't it.

What in the hourglass is Claire doing? She's chatting it up with Jan like this lady wasn't two turnips shy of a cart. If the Chanel situation proves anything, it's that Claire is not a very good judge of character!

HOT You know what? Gabi and Philip are kind of winning me over! There's something that feels very nice about Philip falling for a woman who is a princess in her own right, regardless of his status. There's something fantastic about Gabi and Philip being able to open up to each other about all their history without a care of being judged. And there's something extremely refreshing about Philip realizing he's the second fiddle and not stressing over it.

NOT: I don't think he's a character who means harm at all. But Theo kissing Ciara felt very creepy. It's not just because I'm a Cin fan. It's because he clearly knows if Ciara had her memories back, she wouldn't want that or do that. That kiss felt like Theo was taking advantage of Ciara. Maybe she'll never get her memory back. Who knows? But she's literally still in the hospital after being diagnosed with amnesia. The timing is a bad look for my dude Theo.

Kate: "Hi, Sami, welcome back. Congratulations on not being a murderer."

Kate and Sami are always a winning pair!

Abigail: "Dad, just stop 'Abigail-ing' me every time you don't like what I'm about to say."

Brady: "She's the mother of my child!"

How is Theresa doing these days, Bradster?

Theo's probably a chess wiz.

Awesome robe game out of Sami.

What was that about Uncle Eric coming home?!

Technically, Sami cheated on E.J. before with Rafe. But this is the first time she felt bad about it.

Tony is here next week and I'll be back in two weeks, Laurisa

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