The babysitters club

Kids are the worst. They vandalize cars, hide evidence, call you out on your paternity test switching, and have the nerve to make you reflect about what an idiot you've been. No wonder those little buggers get SORASed! Hurry up and read this week's Two Scoops because the kids aren't getting and younger.

I don't know how it happened (not true, it's totally because of the Merlot) but I've managed to be pretty neutral on the whole Danifer pair. They're very vanilla ice cream to me -- a lot better than warm yogurt (Kate/Rafe) but not nearly as great as chocolate chip cookie dough (Victor/Maggie). But now that J.J. is back in the picture, Danifer is front and center again. But this time the triangle is a bit different. And it's downright interesting.

I doubt that any fan actually likes J.J. as a person. Most bratty trust-fund babies turned drug-dealing vandals (and those are his good qualities!) don't win over the masses. But I bet that a lot of viewers adore that J.J. is a Danifer irritant. It's the whole enemy-of-my-enemy-is-my-friend thing. And that's cool. Heck, Meredith Hudson was a card-carrying loon, and I would support a national holiday in her honor just so it would be acceptable to throw bricks at Rafe.

But if we look at J.J.'s actions, it becomes abundantly clear that he needs a major attitude adjustment. I get that he's grieving. And for the sake of fairness, I hope the show addresses that J.J. also never really dealt with Jack lying to and abandoning the family. J.J.'s understandably conflicted behavior has very little, if anything, to do with Daniel. After all, no matter who or if Jennifer dates, Jack is still gone.

But J.J.'s at a dangerous point where he's committing serious crimes and endangering other people as well as his own future. Quite honestly, a chat with Cousin Nick or Cousin Will about the dangers of not dealing with personal trauma and struggle wouldn't be so terrible.

If not Nick or Will, then DAYS should absolutely keep J.J. in scenes with Maggie. I forgot that Suzanne Rodgers is the younger-actor whisperer. I remember both Blake Berris and Molly Burnett positively bloomed after working with her. Last week, Casey Moss was blessed with sessions with the Lady Rodgers. Soak it up, young padawan! Good things are ahead for you!

Plus, as long as J.J. is in scenes with Maggie, he won't be in scenes with Jennifer. Good night and the morning, that lady is stupid. I really want to cut her a break, since she is dealing with a teenager. But Jennifer used to investigate things for a living. Wide-eyed navet is neither a good nor believable look on Jennifer Rose.

The one person who isn't snowed is Dr. Dan. Should he have grabbed J.J.'s collar? No. But Daniel's a scared new father, and considering that J.J.'s crimes towards Daniel have been escalating, it's not out of the question that J.J. would purposely disregard Parker's safety. So I'm not too angry with Daniel. However, he should definitely have a talk with Abigail about the rules of babysitting. It's not all pizza delivery. Sometimes you actually have to watch the kiddo too.

Coincidentally, that is a lesson Hope could learn as well. Much as I adored Kristian Alfonso and Alison Sweeney getting to have an emotional scene together, I was a little miffed with Hope. My dear Fancy Face, Sami really didn't do anything wrong by not staying in your office to keep watching your kid that you brought to work with you. I get that there are jobs where you can bring your kid to the office in a pinch, but a police station is not one of those places.

But I'm getting off track. This all really goes back to Bo. At this point, I feel like the show is treating Bo's departure like that unwanted houseplant that someone gifted you. You didn't really think they'd leave it at your house. You're kind of still in denial about what to do with it. (Plant it outside? Leave it in that plastic-wrapped pot?) And every couple of weeks, you feel obligated to water it so it doesn't totally die.

I'm starting to feel that this specific plant should be recast if Peter Reckell can't come back. Ciara acting out while Hope takes the blame is not fair to Hope. Besides, there's another mother who needs some blame, and her name is Gabi.

I know, I know. It seemed like I made up with Gabi a few weeks ago. But as long as Chad is still dealing with smarmy remarks for his grudge against Gabi, I have a major problem with Gabi's actions not being public too. By the way, Kate darling, if Chad hadn't spoken up, you wouldn't know that you have a great-granddaughter right now.

Also, there was entirely way too much of Gabi playing the victim last week. What's this nonsense about her not knowing who Nick was? He straight-up told her that he had a problem with gay dudes, and she literally got in bed with him seconds later. He told her that he had information on the Hortons and was going to use it, and as soon as she heard that Sonny was involved, she was ready to lock up that agreement. She also saw his scar and knew there was something he wasn't telling her about prison. Yet, she still married him. She defended him to Rafe, Will, and the mailman. So, no, she doesn't get to play this "oh, I had no idea" card.

Note, I'm not trying to absolve Nick of anything. I'm just saying that there's enough blame for both of them. And I need her to come up with a different apology than, "I'm sorry for what Nick did."

Come to think of it, maybe J.J. and Gabi would make an interesting pair. They could be the first couple to fight over who gets to blame whom. "No, you can't say this is Nick's fault because I'm saying that this is Nick's fault! You can blame Daniel, but I'll win because Nick is much worse!" Jabi, sponsored by Tylenol

LOOSE ENDS: Abigail said that J.J. looked just like Jack when telling a story, and it made her very sad. First, I'd have opted to watch that scene rather than the one we got where Abigail recounts the whole thing to Cameron. Second, as someone who's lost a close relative, I totally believed Abigail. Grief isn't always a steady constant. It comes, goes, and then will pop up in the most surprising places.

As a Passions fan, I find it utterly weird to see Eric Martsolf play a character that finally got a clue. I'm not sure if I like it. Either that or maybe I really did think that Brady and Kristen were fun together. Probably a combination of both.

I adored that Adrienne gently asked Sonny if he's ready for life with a boyfriend with a kid. At the risk of throwing a wet blanket on this whole Wilson cuteness party, I'd been wondering the same thing myself. But Adrienne said it a lot better (and with a lot better hair) than I ever could.

Much as I like E.J. and Justin together, I'm ready for them to do something other than meeting in secluded locations to talk. Let's see some action, boys!

I might be wrong, but wouldn't it just be easier for Cameron to tell Abigail how he feels about her and let her make the decision? He can order Chad to back off all he wants, but if Abigail isn't into Cameron, it really doesn't matter what Chad does.

I totally appreciate that Gabi asked Nick if he married her in an attempt to convince himself he's not gay. Of course, Nick is straight. But this wouldn't have been the first time that Gabi was in that unfortunate situation, so I'm not mad at her at all for asking that question. Good use of history, writers!

Obviously, Chad didn't think that this video he has of Sami was anything incriminating because he was willing to show it to everyone, including E.J. But I have a feeling that Chad may be wrong. Side note -- it's very difficult to come up with which act Sami really wouldn't want caught on video. Not only are there so many, but I'm pretty sure that everyone already knows what a loose cannon Sami can be. Having a video of Sami acting a fool is kind of like having a picture of Bobby Flay grilling.

Stefano had a very dreamy vampire (are there other types?) bring him a snazzy straight-edge razor. Then Stefano ordered that Officer Dirty Mcwhatshisname to "cut it off." I have a feeling that Rafe isn't in for a nice shave and haircut...unless it's the Sweeney Todd kind.

HOT The subtleties that Casey Deidrick put into his performance when Chad heard that Baby Horton was named after Grace were wonderful! It seems like ages ago when Chad was a druggie teen father. (Just look how much Will and Gabi have changed since that time! *wink*) This is a storyline-rich part of Chad's character history and it was nice to see the writers bring it out.

NOT E.J. should not have pouted when Sami had a fight with Kate about Rafe. Sami would have a fight with Kate about lettuce. They're Sami and Kate. That's what they do! And really, Rafe is third on Sami's list of great loves, at best. Instead, I hope we get Stefano/Kate/Rafe as the triangle du summer. At least that one hasn't been beaten with the dead horse stick. Leave Sami and E.J. alone to love and scheme somewhere else, DAYS!

LINE OF THE WEEK (On the topic of parenthood) Will: "I promise that I will love and protect you the same way my parents always wanted to love and protect me." Gabi: "I need to get smarter." Nothing could illustrate the difference in confidence I have in these two as parents more than these two lines.

Honorable mention : Will (to Sami): "Be careful. Remember what happened the last time you touched a birth certificate with my name on it."

RANDOM THOUGHTS Fun with Arianna Grace's birth certificate! Thanks to the preemption in April and the fact that DAYS tapes a zillion years ahead, Arianna Grace's birth certificate reads May 20, when she was actually born on-screen on May 21. Shouldn't Gabi's last name be Fallon and not Hernandez? And I thought Will's middle name was changed to Reed when his paternity got straightened out. But I do kind of like the sound of William Robert Roberts. It's very Phillip Phillips.

I think it's cool that E.J. doesn't hold it against Kristen that Stefano accepted her, despite her DNA deficiencies in the DiMera department. I like Kiki and Eej as buddies.

Sami's blue and green shoes were badass.

Any guesses as to who Ben and Sabrina could be?

If Justin is the lawyer for Titan, isn't it a conflict of interest for E.J. to be telling Justin about Countess W, a direct competitor of Titan subsidiary, Mad World?

How cute was Chad trying to plan wingman for Papa Stefano?

No joke, when Hope called "Brady" to check on him, it took me a long time to realize that she was leaving a message for Bo Brady and not Brady Black. Whoops!

Tell me that I'm not the only perpetual teenager who giggled when Chad told Abigail that if she didn't want to go to Whoopee World (yup, that's the name) with him that he could "find a dozen people who would rather ride the wild tiger" in her place.

For the record, if Lauren Koslow sold any anti-aging product, I'd buy it by the truckload.

I always thought that the kid had to have the same full name as the parent in order to carry the title of "Junior". J.J.'s middle name is Patrick. Jack's middle name was Harcourt. So, is J.J. a legitimate junior, or is this just another example of how Hortons just always get what they want? (Someone alert Anne!) These important things keep me up at night.

And that's it for the shortened week! Thanks to the French Open, we only had three episodes to discuss. That means that next week there better be some Victor, Nicole/Eric, Johnny, and Lucas scenes to make up for it, right? Let me know what you think!

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