C'mon baby, light my fire

It takes a special person to convince themselves that the lie they are telling is the truth, but Willow has managed to do just that.

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Hey everybody! I know that last week was a rough one, given what was going on down in VA, but I hope this column finds everyone safe and happy. It's times like these that I am thankful for the wonderful world of soaps, because they are such a great escape and a comfort when we just can't understand the horrible things that go on in the real world. But onto the show. The first thing that I want to say is: NICK FALLON! YES, I AM TALKING TO YOU, NICK. GET OUT OF WILLOW'S ORBIT!!! I'm sorry for yelling, but since I was screaming at my TV, there was really no other way to convey how MUCH I HATE Nick even talking to Willow. And I must state how much I sincerely enjoy the fact that Willow seems to have convinced herself that Chelsea really is the one who set Bo's and Hope's house on fire and stole Hope's jewelry. Now you know that it takes a special person to convince themselves that the lie they are telling is the truth. I do have the same question as Roman though: When da hell did Nick and Willow become best friends? He seems to feel so bad for her that her baby will be born in prison he appears to be forgetting one very important thing: SHE REALLY DID IT!! Note to Willow: If you don't want to have your baby in prison there is one simple thing that you could have done; stopped breaking the law.

The new Stephanie is a very pretty girl, even though I wouldn't believe for a second that Steve and Kayla birthed her. She looks more like Chelsea than Chelsea. And what was up with the Hooker Barbie outfit? If I had been out of town for months and knew I was coming home to have dinner with my mother, I wouldn't pick an outfit that morning that is specifically designed to give her a heart attack. But I think she did a good job on her first day and I am looking forward to them calming her down a bit, which I'm sure they will. With the exception of Willow, Days does tend to take the "skanky" characters down a notch as far as dress goes, after they initially introduce them wearing a couple of band-aids and a belt. And honestly, Willow doesn't even really dress so much like a hooker anymore, but she sure still does act like one (strip-search anyone?).

This whole EJ/Sami/Lucas thing is really having it's moments of driving me completely berserk, but this week did have a couple of moments that I found myself enjoying. Moment 1: When Kate shows up at Lucas's hotel room after she figured "Brandy Mathas" was an anagram for Samantha Brady. Lucas tells her that he is going to have "I DON'T CARE" tattooed on his forehead Priceless. Moment 2: When Kate shows up at Lucas's hotel room AGAIN, with Philip this time and she is really acting nuts, Crazy Phil of all people attempted to show her exactly how nuts she was being. It helped me remember that I actually do like Philip when is not acting like a raving lunatic and is actually being normal.

But onto the heart of the Sami/EJ matter. Don't you just wish she would tell the truth already? Isn't it getting tiring seeing Sami revert to the same old pattern of lying to cover something up and then lying to cover those lies (although with much better dialogue than she has had in years)? I love Ali and James so much and I think that they are terrific together, but EJ has turned into a creepy, now violent, stalker (you can write to me about this if you like, but did anyone else jump when EJ grabbed Sami by the throat?). And I must admit that I did cheat and watch Monday's show before I finished writing this column, and I am not going to give anything away, but even you disgruntled fans need to watch this. If you get SOAPnet, it comes on Sunday at 7:00. I don't think you will be sorry. Some of the best performances I have seen on this show in years were happening (barring of course Hope and Bo from last winter). But back to last week, I thought Sami bursting through the door of the cabin at nine o'clock and like fifty-five seconds was great. Sami's right, she never does catch a break. Not only does she have EJ at his most insane breathing down her neck, now she's got Kate in full mama bear mode chasing after her and telling anyone who will listen that Sami is not in her hotel room. Gee, thanks Kate. If she was a normal mother who let her grown son enjoy what grown people enjoy in hotel rooms with their fiances, Sami would probably get away scot-free, but since she insists on interrupting Lucas and Sami every five seconds, I wouldn't be surprised if Kate sleeps outside their door just so she can say "Aha!" when Sami tries to come in from outside.

Some random thoughts:

Maggie went all Rambo on Max didn't she? Although Abby does sometimes act like a child to me, she is technically an adult, which means that she can see whom she would like to see. I never have been a fan of the whole "you live in my house and will live by my rules" thing when it comes to boyfriends or girlfriends. No smoking in the house? Fine. No putting cups on wood tables without coasters or leaving dirty laundry on the bathroom floor? Fine. But unless someone has a police record or is abusive or violent, I don't see the logic in telling a grown person whom they can and can't see. It usually backfires anyway and pushes them closer together. It seems to me that everyone is worried about poor little Abby getting her heart broken, but I'm sorry that's just part of life. I'm sure that 98% of us get our hearts broken at some time. You either learn from it or you don't. Not to get on a rant, but Maggie, Jack and Jen can't shelter Abby forever.

I felt really bad for Gabby when Belle was letting her have it. Belle basically forced her to spill that she had had a baby that died. I still don't trust Gabby and I think that she is totally after Shawn, but I felt really sad for her. Belle is being really hostile. In my experience, if a girl is after your man, befriend her. Then you can keep an eye on the wench. But being mean and snarky will just about guarantee that she will go after your man that much harder because she will convince herself that he deserves better than someone so mean. Oh, if only I wrote the show.

Line of the Week: Duck to Shawn: "You're a good guy, but you're dumber than a box of rocks!" Praise the Lord that someone said it.

So dear readers, what will happen next week? Will Sami and Celeste turn EJ into roasted EJerky? (whomever wrote that on the message board, I am sorry for borrowing it, but it was too funny to pass up!) Will Lucas wake up before Sami gets back? Will someone stuff a sock in Kate's mouth already? What will Nick's reaction to meeting Stephanie be? What will Max's reaction to seeing the new and improved Stephanie be?

One last thing before I let you guys go here, my fellow columnist Pam is going to be taking a bit of a sabbatical this spring and summer from writing the two scoops due to work and family commitments. So you guys are stuck with me, just until she returns though, hopefully this fall. I hope that you guys enjoy reading my thoughts on the show as much as I enjoy reading hers until we can welcome Ms. Pam back with open arms.

READ MORE OF THIS WEEK'S TWO SCOOPS The Bold and the Beautiful | General Hospital | The Young and the Restless

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