Kiss kiss, bang bang

Last week, a blaze of gunfire swept through The Cellar, as another batch of GH citizens settled their difference through violence and bloodshed.

Last week, a blaze of gunfire swept through The Cellar, as another batch of GH citizens settled their difference through violence and bloodshed. This week, some armed gunmen showed up at Sam's TV studio to presumably start another round of bloodshed. There is an awful lot of gunfire on GH. If we all played a drinking game where we did shots every time we saw Jason pull out his Shoebox O' Guns from the closet, we would have to all join 12-step programs by the end of the week.

I have never been comfortable with all that blood. I don't like GH when the focus makes it feel like Genereral Mobspital. I was a big fan of the 'Love in the Afternoon' era when GH was actually about matters of the heart and medical drama. Sure, we had Frank Smith, but he didn't have machine guns. We didn't see piles of bloody bodies left behind after he exited a scene. I simply hate the constant violence. Does that make me old fashioned? Maybe. I never revel in the shoot outs and this week I found myself liking it even less. We live in a society that glorifies gun violence in our media, from GH to the Sopranos, but then we are stunned and horrified when a real person takes a real gun and blows away real college students. Are we hypocrites? Do we as viewers have any responsibility? Do we add to the problem when we watch hours of TV and films where guns are glorified and do and say nothing to object?

I think we do. I think we have a voice, GH last week had about 2.5 million viewers and I wonder -did any of us write ABC and say "Stop having machine gun battles on GH." I didn't. Did any of us write ABC's sponsors and say "I won't buy your products if you advertise on shows which glorify gun violence."? I didn't. But I should have.

Families in our nation lost their children this week because someone thought the best way to solve his problems was to buy a gun and shoot people. Our society and media showed him time after time that guns were okay with us, simply by our silence, by taking it in stride, by our abject apathy. Not that we are to blame for an individuals actions, but we do have to act and choose responsibly. We are responsible to make sure our values are reflected in the things we choose to watch, or in the products we choose to purchase, or the companies we invest our 401K's in, etc. All of our choices matter and they impact the world in a good or bad way.

I know this column is supposed to be a commentary on this week's event on GH, and I'm sorry if I got off topic, but my conscience wouldn't allow me to write without mentioning the tragedy at Virginia Tech this week, and to at least suggest that we as viewers can demand an end to plots that glorify gun violence on our Daytime Dramas. Write the network, write the sponsors, change the channel. Whatever it takes.

Okay, dear readers, have you lasted this long? Are you still with me after my militant tirade? I hope so. Now we can talk about the fluff we all love, the things that take our mind off the horrors of the world. Like when that light almost fell on Sam's head. I swear to you, my friend David has the boxed set of Wonder Woman on DVD and we watched an episode where Wonder Woman was in some beauty pageant and the same exact thing happened. Do the GH writers watch old episodes of Wonder Woman? They must. Sam, of course, doesn't have magic powers or a golden lasso, so she just had to dodge it when it fell. Amazingly, it didn't even mess up her Andrews Sisters hairdo; she must have used a quart of Aqua Net and some Dippity Do on it. (I wish I could insert photos so I could put up some cheesy 60's logos.)

So since it wasn't Amelia that tried to take Sam out with the falling equipment, who was it? One of her old swindled ex husbands? Maybe it was one of Sonny's men who went rogue like Jack Bauer and decided to kill her since she won't quit. Or maybe it's more. There is a rumor afloat that Mr. Craig has a secret identity. He does seem to have a fondness for Alexis, who is Sam's Mom. And he doesn't seem in much of a hurry to leave Port Charles even when his new identity has been arranged. Could he be Sam's birth father and Alexis just doesn't recognize him for some reason? Just speculation. But the idea did cross my mind.

I also spent a little time wondering what "Oopsy Daisy" was, but I will leave that to Ghost Alan and Tracy to sort out. I wish Alan's ghost would go visit Jason or Emily instead of just tormenting Tracy. Mind you, I am thrilled he's there at all, so don't think I am complaining, I just feel sorry for his kids- Jason who realized he loved Alan too late, and Emily who thinks Nikolas dumped her for Robin - both of them could use a little Daddy time. Since my own Daddy passed away a couple of years ago, I guess that's still a tender part of my heart and I keep thinking "Alan, go see your kids!" as I would like to think if my Dad got a reprieve, he'd stop by and visit me.

Emily is now the only own of the Lonely Hearts Club who is out of the loop since Patrick dropped by Wyndemere and stumbled onto the truth, that Mr. Craig is forcing Robin and Nikolas to pretend to be a couple for his own evil schemes. Patrick's first impulse was to punch him, and he nearly went over the bluffs. (You'd think after Summer got pushed off that cliff just because she was a coat resembling Emily's, Nikolas would have put up a guard rail or something.) But Patrick is on to Mr. Craig's creepy plan, and although he is peeved at Robin for not trusting him, they share a deep kiss and sweet embrace. Patrick has agreed to play along for the sake of Nikolas' life, but how long until Emily takes the ride out to Spoon Island, or more likely eavesdrops on Patrick and Robin having some whispered conversation in the unisex locker room at the hospital?

Sonny's whispered conversations are with himself these days as he wrestles with his desire to self medicate his broken heart by cracking open a bottle of Jack Daniels. So far he's managed to keep that desire at bay, but every time he looks at the bar, the bottle gets a bit shinier. If it were me, and I wasn't supposed to drink, I don't think I'd keep the crystal decanter on my desk right in front of my face. How about you?

Sonny had a difficult week. he finally caved in and signed the divorce papers so Carly would be free to marry Jax, and letting go of the love of your life isn't easy. Not to mention that every time he walked outside he had a hoard of reporters following him around town - the press makes it very hard to engage in criminal activities, which must be a terrible nuisance to a criminal like Sonny.

Carly didn't have a much easier time, truthfully. After Sonny's ink had dried; she still hadn't signed the papers - a lag that did not go unnoticed by Jax. Carly loves Jax and is totally ready to marry him, to commit her life to him- she adores him. And yet the part of her that spent years with Sonny is in mourning. Their divorce isn't just the end of an unwanted marriage, it's the death of a dream the two of them shared for many years, the death of her son Michaels' dream who was actively crusading for his parents to remain together. It was bittersweet, a beginning and an ending for Carly. But, she knows that her future is with Jax and finally mustered the courage to put her name on the divorce papers.

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Liz and her alien baby, which is obviously some sort of Shape Shifter as it changes sizes and shapes every 5 minutes, gets more selfish and stupid every day. She just couldn't keep it to herself, she had to confess her love to Jason - which would have been something to do BEFORE she remarried Lucky, but now that she is fully committed to Lucky, she unloads her secret feelings to Jason who is powerless to do anything about it. Well, that's not true actually - he could march up to Lucky and say "I'm the father of Liz's baby and I demand to be part of this child's' life." But Liz has convinced him it's best for everyone to keep lying. Stupid. Lying is never the right answer -but I understand that fear keeps us from telling the truth sometimes. But the truth always comes out eventually, and then you have to deal with the same truth, as well as answering for the lies you told to cover the truth up, so the lies only further complicate things. I wish Chuggin' Charlie would come to life ala Twilight Zone and run her over repeatedly until she fesses up and tells Lucky the truth.

What will happen tomorrow dear readers? Will the back of Laura's head enjoy all the attention she is getting from Scotty? Will Spinelli start a Port Charles section of the Geek Squad? Will Jax and Carly get the Ace of Cakes to make their wedding cake into the shape of the Metro Court? Will Alexis make it down the aisle as Jax's Best Person without vomiting? Will Patrick and Robin have hot make-up sex in the tunnels of Wyndemere? Will Ghost Alan give Monica one last Oopsy Daisy in her sleep?

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