Eric-tile dysfunction

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As if Carter never existed, Quinn devoted herself to restarting Eric's sluggish, retconned engine, while Sheila didn't even have to lift a finger to make Steffy and Finn's not-marriage impotent! Get stimulated with Two Scoops' Mike!

Has your week been bold and beautiful? Did you forget that you already put your batteries in the charger? Did you decide that what worked for your sister would work for you? Did you choose to start fall a little early? These and more situations faced the Forrester-Walton-Buckingham-Finnegan clan this week!

Let's get it on, Scoopers! Well, apparently Eric can't, which is not entirely inconsistent -- but Papa F's current saga would benefit from connecting some of his roots from the past. Meanwhile, Paris turned down Zende's move-in request to hover around Finn, who navigated the choppy waters of Steffy's reaction to Sheila. And just when Sinn got on track, Sheila dropped like it was hot. Y'all ready? Let's Scoop about it!

Mr. ED

A horse is a horse, of course, of course, but it looks like Eric is no longer the most studliest stud in the stable. And that's perfectly fine -- erectile dysfunction, for some men, is part of getting older, and certainly younger men find themselves afflicted, as well. The show is to be applauded for introducing the ailment into Eric's arc. It would just be landing better if it wasn't a retcon of Eric's marriage to Quinn and his personal history.

In my last column, I was aghast that Eric had essentially emasculated himself to take Quinn back, declaring himself in the wrong when it had been Quinn who torpedoed things by coming between Ridge and Brooke and by cheating with Carter. Now we know why Eric turned the blame on himself. He hadn't been able to become aroused for months, and that had been why he had pushed Quinn away.

Except, um, I don't remember it that way. Eric had chosen not to make love to his wife because of his fractured faith in her. Now he's acting like that never happened and that it was only the ED that had shut off his desire to be intimate. I don't mind the overlay of ED onto the situation, but there had never been any indication of such as we were living that part of the storyline.

Maybe Eric had been living with the double whammy of Quinn's betrayals and declining sex drive. Understandable, right? And even the ED retcon is okay, but not if we're going to change Eric's reasoning for icing Quinn out of his bed. Let's run them both at the same time. Quinn broke Eric's trust over Bridge and also had his tank run out of gas. You can't overwrite a story we already saw to make a new one work.

And there's also one component we fans haven't forgotten, even if the show has. In 2008, Eric got a prescription for Viagra when he started up his relationship with Donna. This came into play later when Pam, in an attempt to sabotage the romance, replaced Eric's little blue pills with sleeping pills. So, we know that Eric needed a jump-start over a dozen years ago in real time.

That naturally begs the obvious question: has Eric continued to take Viagra all these years, or is this official diagnosis of ED a newer problem? Is there a connection between these health issues? There should be. It would be a natural extension of what came before. Perhaps newer viewers don't need to tie Eric's current malaise to his past, but those of us who watched Eric go through it the first time do.

Anyway, Quinn gently and determinedly made the effort to ease into any potential intimacy with Eric in any way he felt comfortable. She offered to start things off by catching a flick in the screening room (what screening room?), or maybe skinny-dipping in the pool. Quinn felt that such activities just might lead to Eric having a breakthrough.

And Quinn was wonderful. She was warm and caring; it was palpable. But, in soap time, she had only come home to Eric the night before. Let's also not forget, just "yesterday," she had told Carter she loved him. Yet there she was, coaxing Eric in such a way, it was like her relationship with Carter never existed. Quinn didn't show the least amount of hesitation or conflict.

Affecting as it was to see Quinn so devoted to Eric and helping him achieve arousal again, it just didn't seem as plausible as it would have had Quinn not told Carter the previous day that she felt like she was leaving part of herself behind in ditching Carter for Eric, as Carter's flashback reminded us. Do any of you feel the disconnect with that, or is it just me?

At any rate, Quinn, the woman so kinky that she scared the letters S and M out of the alphabet, was remarkably patient and caring with Eric, promising to progress as slowly as Eric needed to. But Eric got frustrated. It wasn't going to work. He'd been to doctors and psychiatrists (when?), and none of it had helped. Eric even suggested that Quinn desert him so she wouldn't have to go through it all with him!

Now, I've never been married, and I don't have Eric's problem, so maybe I just don't understand. But if Eric knew he'd lost his ability to make love, why on earth did he ask Quinn to come home? Or, at the very least, why didn't he tell her about his ailment first so she could decide for herself whether she wanted to deal with it? John McCook, as always, is turning in legendary performances, but B&B is sure moving some goalposts to make his story work.

ED-GY CONVERSATION

Carter's got it bad, and that ain't good. Though I guess I should be fair and concede that it's really only been a day since Carter lost Quinn, from his perspective. After Carter thought back on their affair, Quinn arrived at the office and...AWKwarrrrrd! Carter got unusually personal about Quinn's reunion with Eric, asking if they'd done anything special. It must have been fulfilling for Quinn to be back in Eric's arms, Carter surmised.

So, what, he was looking for the blow-by-blow? I mean, given what romantic reunifications usually entail, it just seemed like an invasive question to ask. Unless Carter was trying to live vicariously through Eric. Quinn deflected, and her bracelet suddenly fell to the floor. She and Carter both bent to pick it up, and boom, hands touched, chemistry abounded. Another flip-flop as far as Quinn was concerned!

The co-CEOs' office then became a refuge for storyless characters. Wyatt walked in, and, upon seeing his mom and Carter together, Wyatt appraised the scene disapprovingly. "Do I have to remind you not to screw this up?" Wyatt wanted to know, referencing Queric's salvaged marriage. Gee, Wyatt, kinda bitchy there! Assuring Wyatt that everything with Carter was G-rated, Quinn abruptly told Wyatt he should fast-track a marriage to Flo!

"You and Flo have been engaged for too long!" Quinn exclaimed! That may actually be true -- B&B couples get married the same week as the proposals these days, and Flo got a ring on her finger back in March. That's several years in soap time. But let's not rush Felony Flo down the aisle, shall we? Not unless the bridesmaids are wearing orange jumpsuits. I've been just as happy to forget Flo is even on this show.

Later, despite Quinn telling Carter that things with her and Eric were good, Carter didn't think her declaration passed the smell test. And Quinn almost got fragrant by spilling Eric's ED tea! Until Shauna, another character with no story, arrived and also made a point of tsk-tsking Quarter, even though they weren't doing anything. Carter remembered he actually had some work to do, and he left.

This left Shauna to take over the Hardy Boys/Nancy Drew Mysteries Quinn was signaling the existence of. And Shauna was adamant that Quinn 'fess up, because they had promised each other "no more secrets!" Secrets from others, maybe; I don't recall the Vegas BFFs keeping too many things from each other. And Shauna's just as untrustworthy as Quinn, so let's not try to steal Flo's undeserved halo from her.

Quinn showed she had retained at least one lesson from her past exploits and looked behind her before she opened her mouth, checking to be sure no one was listening and that the door wasn't open. Making headway! Quinn hunched over to Shauna and mostly whispered that Eric couldn't make love to her because he had ED. Somewhat oddly, the besties opted to continue the conversation over at the mansion, for privacy.

Because, you know, that house doesn't have a 34-year record of confidences being overheard or betrayed. If those walls could talk, they'd have to have their mouths washed out with soap. And I mean Lava soap, not no wimpy Camay. Shauna seemed bent on reminding Quinn how hot the sex was with Carter, and now Quinn couldn't get any from Eric.

Somehow these folks are acting like any bedroom play between Quinn and Eric is strictly off-limits. Why not expand the narrative and make this a social issue story, specifically by mentioning there are other things Mr. and Mrs. F can do that would be satisfying? Maybe Eric's disco stick won't disco, but he has other body parts that work. And in L.A., you can pretty much pick up sex toys along with your groceries.

I know this is all meant to cast Quinn as tempted by Carter, but I think it's a disservice to the subject matter to not at least explore workarounds. Those are still intimacy. Come on, B&B -- you dropped the ball with Brooke's menopause in 2013; let's do Eric a solid (ahem) and get this right. Speaking of Eric, he walked in just after Quinn lamented to Shauna, "he's always been so virile!"

Again, answer the inherent questions, please. If Eric was on Viagra thirteen years ago but didn't have a problem with the equipment in the five years he's been married to Quinn, then did his original problem resolve itself? Eric offered no answers, listening as Shauna got Quinn to admit that she missed Carter. But, instead of running out like a beta bitch like most overhearers, Eric stuck it out and got the payoff he wanted.

Yeah, Quinn might have had a sexually charged relationship with Carter, but she didn't care. When she married Eric, she had signed up for whatever that involved. That it meant Quinn couldn't get one particular need met anymore was par for the course. She would do it for Eric and be true to him in the bargain. Flip-flop cycle complete. We're back to Quinn acting as if Carter never happened. It's dizzying.

A MARRIAGE, ED-ITED

Steffy lost her ish over the idea of Sheila being in her house and holding her baby. After all, this was the woman who had shot Taylor (and Brooke! Awesome that Steffy made sure to mention that!). Sheila had therefore deprived Steffy of her mother for years! Now, who couldn't understand that reaction? I can...but I would more if this issue hadn't just come up recently.

Jacqueline Macinnes Wood took over as the barely legal Steffy in 2008. In all the time since, have you once heard Steffy talk about how hard it was thinking Taylor was dead, and how that was all because of Sheila? Did Phoebe ever express heartache over it? Has Thomas ever placed the blame for his motherless years on Sheila's gun? No. So it feels a little contrived for Steffy to be making this an issue today.

Don't get me wrong; it makes perfect sense that all of Taylor's children would be scarred by Sheila causing their mother's absence. I just wish it had come up before now. Maybe it would have been too random; I realize soaps can only tell the story on the canvas at the moment, which often means blunting out peripheral history. But that's a big enough trauma, you'd think it would have fueled the Taytots' actions all of their adult lives.

Steffy understood that Jack had put Finn up to letting Sheila into the house and giving her access to Hayes. But Steffy was livid that Finn hadn't called the police as soon as Sheila got one foot in. Hell, Sheila could easily have kidnapped the baby! I don't know where Steffy was getting that. Sheila has never stolen an infant while on B&B. And what were the cops supposed to do? For once, Sheila wasn't breaking any laws.

While Sheila had been on the receiving end of Steffy's bitch slap, Finn got a figurative one when Steffy revealed that she couldn't look at Finn. Nor could she handle the idea that both Finn and Hayes carried Sheila's blood within them! Finn was cowed and offered to stay in the guesthouse to give Steffy space. Wait -- what guesthouse? And, as many of you have pointed out, if there's a guesthouse, why isn't Paris living there instead of rooming in the rarely seen upper level?

It turned out that the Finnegans had an appointment at the courthouse the next day to finalize their marriage by signing the necessary papers. What's up with that? Don't these papers usually get signed at the wedding ceremony itself? Naturally, this development was to quicken the rift between Steffy and Finn. But it's nothing new. Bridge went through this twice, once when Pam forgot to file and once when Ronn Moss's Ridge ditched Brooke for being in contact with Deacon.

Steffy told Ridge that all she saw was Sheila when she looked at Finn. That was why she had asked Finn to leave. Um, honey, you didn't ask nothin'. Finn offered to go. Even if Finn forgot his own actions when relaying them to Paris. Finn hoped making his marriage to Steffy official would help prove his commitment to her. But Steffy didn't want to sign, knowing that Sheila was still out there!

I have to say, for someone who's sure Sheila has some sort of devious master plan in mind, Steffy is playing right into Sheila's hands. Sign the damn papers and solidify your marriage to Sheila's son. Instead, Steffy is risking being cut out of Finn's life by Sheila on a technicality. That is, if Paris doesn't beat Sheila to it. What is going on with our latest Buckingham, anyway?

YOU'RE SO ED-IBLE

We joined Zende and Paris already in progress, with them making out at work. Hey, what happened to slowing things down? I guess Zende's hormones blanked out his memory, because it wasn't long before he went to the other extreme. Zende asked Paris to move in with him! In what universe is that taking things slow? Paris declined, but not because she thought her apparent boyfriend had U-Haul on speed dial.

Paris decided not to take this next step with Zende because she wanted to be near Finn! Okay, she didn't say that directly, but in so many words, definitely. Paris enjoyed being around a dynamic couple like Finn and Steffy, and Finn Finn Finn. She did actually say other things, but that was the gist of it. If Paris had gushed any more about the good doctor, Zende would have had to bring in a shop vac.

Having discarded subtlety as any sort of strong suit, Paris popped in on Finn at the guesthouse not once, not twice, but thrice. The guesthouse with no A/C, so Finn could run around without his shirt and Paris could get even more thirsty. I'm sorry, first a never-before-mentioned guesthouse and now no one could spring for air conditioning? Do you really think Bill wouldn't have had that installed when he first bought the place?

Paris heard Finn out about what had happened with Sheila and Steffy, and she immediately took Finn's side. Paris did the typical I-want-you-but-I'll-tell-you-how-awesome-your-spouse-is thing by opining that Steffy loved Finn, because "how could she not?" Paris was so obvious, even Zende noted how invested his GF was in Sinn's marriage. Paris topped this off by giving Finn's hard, topless body a warm hug.

Paris did make the good point that Finn had supported Steffy through some major crap (her addiction, her having cheated on Finn with Liam, her not knowing whether Liam or Finn was the father of her baby), and maybe this was the time for Steffy to reciprocate that kind of support. Paris isn't wrong, and a good number of you share Paris' feeling that Steffy is overreacting.

But Paris acting like her sister, Zoe, is not helping anything. That's right, it's just like when Zoe was with Carter but crushing on Zende. Now there's a weird karma in that Paris is with Zende but crushing on Finn. And y'all must remember how much flak Paris gave Zoe for her wandering eye, right? Yet here's Paris, doing the exact same thing. We don't know much about Paris, but it feels like the beginnings of character assassination to me.

THIS HAS BEEN SO ED-UCATIONAL

Ridge had had to knock on the door to see Steffy, and he commented that the door was locked for the first time in years. We all know that soap characters leave doors unlocked because it takes up valuable air-seconds to go through the process of unlocking them, but it still baffles me that anyone, even in a ritzy area like Malibu, would not bolt their doors.

Ridge was possibly more torqued with Finn than Steffy was, as Ridge's tirade seemed to make Steffy more compassionate about what Finn had done. As for Jack, Ridge huffed that there was "something off about that guy." And you know, for all of Ridge's blustering over the years, he usually does have a sixth sense about these things.

Ridge did his best to assure his daughter that Sheila wouldn't be a threat because they would all come together to prevent it. Hayes having Sheila's blood was no prob, either, because "he's gonna be just like us, and that's scary enough." I love Ridge's self-aware moments; I always get the feeling Thorsten Kaye improvises them! Ridge understood that Finn felt a pull toward his bio-mom, but the family forgiving Sheila was not an option.

It wasn't obvious, but perhaps Ridge managed to talk Steffy down a bit. When Finn came back to talk to his estranged bride, Steffy let down her guard. Finn felt that his love for Steffy was forever, and Steffy returned that sentiment. Sheila was gone, Finn reiterated, and even if she wasn't, Finn vowed he would not have anything more to do with her. Steffy accepted this, and the newlyweds kissed and made up. Awwww!

FOR YOUR ED-IFICATION

Her face still stinging from the back of Steffy's hand, Sheila opened her hotel room door to find Jack standing there. Jack barked that Sheila had gotten what she had wanted. She had seen Finn. She had been able to hold Hayes. Why the hell wasn't she gone? Sheila tried her trademark menacing on Jack, but the elder Finnegan was having none of it. He ordered Sheila to pack her bags and go!

I've said this before, but I love how Jack stands up to Sheila! Usually, even the people who make strong showings against her end up blubbering puppets. No sign of that happening with Jack so far, aided by Ted King's veteran-level performances. Sheila wasn't about to leave Finn behind again, recalling the night she had told Jack she was pregnant.

And this is where my soapy sense tingles again. Yes, Jack confirmed he and Sheila had had an affair. But we know it wouldn't have been out of Sheila's wheelhouse to get pregnant by someone else while telling Jack he was the father. (Sheila tried something similar in 1994 when she tried to get pregnant by Connor Davis while telling husband Eric she was expecting Eric's child, only to get punked by Eric because he'd recently had a vasectomy.)

With Sheila -- and the erratic way she's been written since her 2002 return -- we can't just take her word for it. I need airtight proof that she's really Finn's mother. And you guys recall Sheila has been known to mess with paternity tests, so Fort Knox the thing. Then Jack told Sheila, "Either you keep your promise [to leave] or..." Sheila predictably snarled, "Or what?"

Jack didn't answer, but he didn't shrivel, either. So, I have the feeling Sheila might have met her match to some extent. The next day, Sheila stared at the heart emoji Finn had sent her. (I could be wrong, but I don't think you can zoom in on texts like that.) Glowing, she reminded herself that she had held baby Hayes, as if she would have forgotten. If only Steffy hadn't ruined everything!

Uh-oh! You know what happens when Sheila selects a target. Our memories were refreshed regarding this trait of Sheila's when she indicated the floor and smirked, "What do you think of that, STEFF-anie!" Long-time viewers will know that this was always how Sheila addressed La Forrester! Sheila was gratified that Stephanie was looking up from hell to be tormented by Sheila's new place in her family's life!

What a great scene. Like I always say, soaps do best acknowledging their history because it connects the past to the present, and it doesn't always have to be done in major ways. This little allusion did so much in a matter of seconds. And Sheila claimed the last laugh, because Hayes's existence meant Sheila was a permanent fixture in the Forrester family. Take that, STEFF-anie!

Stoking Sheila's fire was the fact that Steffy had smacked her twice. Think back to 2017, when Sheila nearly killed Quinn simply because Quinn had called her a bitch. By that benchmark, Steffy should be pushing up daisies by now. Perhaps literally playing devil's advocate, Sheila could bolster her own case by also remembering that Steffy shot her in the arm four years ago!

If Steffy can hate Sheila for shooting Taylor, then, by Sheila's twisted logic, Sheila can hate Steffy for shooting her. This is a beat that needs to be played. And while we're on the beat, Sheila beat a path to Finn's door faster than you could say "Steffy isn't home." Indeed, Sheila LET HERSELF IN through the patio door and announced herself to Finn!

The hell? What happened to the security guard who was supposed to be posted around the cliff house? Has Carter actually been too busy staring at proof sheets Quinn shouldn't have to file the restraining order Ridge wanted against Sheila? Because that order is taking forever to come through. And Ridge had just said Steffy had uncharacteristically locked the door...so why was the patio door unlocked? I swear!

Sheila didn't even have to try to pull her next scheme. She smiled and told Finn that she couldn't resist seeing her son again. Gotta give props to Finn, though; he held his ground. He told Sheila that she couldn't be there, and NO, she couldn't hold Hayes one more time! Did I say Sheila didn't have to try? Well, she did, because she tried it. This heffa tried it! She even wanted Finn to call her "Mom!" And he wouldn't!

The welts still healing from Steffy's tongue-lashing, Finn continued growing a pair and told Sheila she needed to leave, because she had promised she would! Finn turned his back on her (not always the best idea with Sheila), and suddenly...clunk! Sheila fell into a dead faint! Finn went into doctor mode and checked her pulse while calling 9-1-1 for an ambulance.

Hey, we finally got the cliff house's address into the bargain: 4185 Bluffside Road. Then Finn made a dangerous mistake. He told the dispatcher that the fallen was his mother. Yikes! Sheila's lip curled in a cat-that-ate-the-canary smile! Yeah, y'all knew she was faking, didn't you? Too bad Eric forgot to tell Finn how Sheila had faked the severity of her Quinn-tessential concussion to stay under his roof! Have you seen Ghost, Finn? 'Cuz you in danger, girl!

What's your take on things, Scoopers? Is Quinn being flaky about her feelings for Eric and Carter? Should the show draw a cohesive line between Eric's erectile dysfunction and his (previous?) need for Viagra? Is Paris acting like Zoe by fiending for Finn? Does Steffy's hatred toward Sheila for Taylor's "death" seem a little too convenient? And do we still need more blanks filled in about Sheila for her return to work? Get excited in the Comments section below or the Soap Central message boards, or simply click here to submit feedback. Your comments could wind up in a future column! Like these!

"I...think it's time Paris hightailed out of Steffy & Finn's home. I'm sure she can afford her own place. After all, doesn't she have a high paying job at FC? And if they do want her to stay on because she can sing a lullaby & put Hayes to sleep, they are more stupid than I thought." -- Richie

"I'm of two minds here. I would love to see Donna have a second go at marrying Eric. On the other had I want to see Quinn stick it to that hypocrite Brooke. As much as they are good together, I can't see Quinn and Carter making it as a couple unless they leave LA. I really hope this storyline doesn't drag on with them continuing their affair if/when Quinn gets back with Eric. It'd be just more of the same 'We shouldn't ...'. I for one am over it." -- Eva

"I have said from the beginning the only reason for Sheila's return is [to] break up Sinn and dump Steffy back in the eternal triangle of Steffy, Liam and Hope." -- Christine

Heaven forfend! But the official fall preview just released suggests Liam and Hope will have their hands full with a mystery of their own involving another returning character. And, with Steffy on Sheila's radar, the sexy CEO is already going to be too busy to lean on Liam. The scuttlebutt also has it that Eric's saga is about to get "controversial" and be something not really seen before on daytime. Is Eric about to give Quinn an open marriage so she can be emotionally satisfied by him and sexually satisfied by Carter? That would be something new, for sure!

The saga continues, so keep watching, be alert, and most of all, be bold. And for soap's sake, get vaccinated! Because protecting yourselves and others from a virus and its variants is always beautiful.

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