All about the Benjamins

Sally stole for it. Shirley gloated over it. Katie blackmailed for it. And Brooke draped herself in it. Follow the money with Two Scoops' Mike!

Has your week been bold and beautiful? Were you forced to drink a cup of boiling hot Coco? Did you demand honey but instead looked for money? Did you get paper cuts in unusual places, donning currency couture? These and more situations faced the Forrester-Logan-Spencer-Avant-Spectra clan this week!

Wow, Scoopers, this week was a tough slog for me. I mean, there were good moments sprinkled in there amongst some standout performances. But enough rhyme, reason, and continuity went out the window that I couldn't help thinking of real-life situations some of you don't want me referencing. And while others of you celebrated the reunion of Brill, said reunion forced me to break out the Lysol. Let's Scoop about it!

MAKING A SPECTRA-CLE OF THEMSELVES

Not all of you aren't feelin' 'em, but I like the revival of the Spectra clan. Or, at least, I liked how it started. B&B stories have fallen into a nasty habit: they take off well but start to come apart soon after takeoff. Hope's pill addiction. #DrunkBrooke. Aly's descent into madness. Just three examples of intriguing beginnings that became clouded by implausibility, lack of detail, and lack of development.

Alas, the same has happened to Sally 2.0 and crew, only at lightning speed. We don't know where these folks moved to L.A. from -- or where they're living. We don't know how Shirley knows Saul or how Saul knows Darlita. And they were all needle-dropped into story without proper connections. The O.S. (Original Sally) never mentioned having a sister. Sally and Shirley falling out as girls would be a good reason why.

There are also constant declarations of "We're Spectras and they're Forresters and never the twain shall meet." Never mind that Macy and Thorne defied that in 1989 already, and nuSally contradicted that statement herself by telling Steffy that maybe they could be friends like their namesakes! Yes, the Grand Diva started off stealing from Forrester. But she ended up working at Forrester. So quit trippin', B&B.

Let's backtrack to Spectra's all-or-nothing fashion show, which they whipped up out of nothing. They couldn't keep the lights on in the showroom but somehow put up crystal chandeliers and made their runway look deceptively close to Forrester's, as Coco mentioned. Same set, you mean. And how can Spectra afford renos, much less fabric (even synthetic fabric), sewers, and very expensive models?

Even if you could buy Saul thinking back to the voice of a woman he probably never met and Shirley remembering a fashion show she didn't attend (was she hiding in the back?), it's impossible to believe that Saul, who isn't even a designer, reworked Forrester's stolen collection. And then that red dress they were all fussing over never ended up on the runway! The show didn't even have a showstopper! Come on, guys.

I DO MY LITTLE TURN ON THE CATWALK

I guess the real showstopper was Sally locking eyes with the furious Thomas and running after him, which baffled the attending press and buyers. They must have been baffled, because the finally-got-some-balls Jarrett figured out the Forresters had been filched and interrupted Saul's bizarre runway order-taking to spill the beans. Cut to Jarrett telling Bill the crowd was too dazzled by affordable fashion to care. Huh?

Who are you kidding? That's an instant scandal. And about as believable as Shirley gleefully confessing, "You did it!" to the devastated Coco. Shirley was so villainous, I wondered if she resented having to raise Sally and Coco and if this was her way of recouping her investment. Shirley used every justification she could think of, preening that the O.S. would be proud of them. No, she wouldn't, baker lady. No, she wouldn't.

I'm really disappointed that B&B has turned goofy Shirley into a one-note hoodlum. Even if she seriously thinks Spectra can avoid legal action from Forrester and turn a profit, how is Sally supposed to maintain "their" new level of quality? And Forrester's designs were beautiful but not very distinctive. Sally's own work was much edgier and closer to the daring stuff you see sashaying down real runways.

EVERYBODY PLAYS THE FOOL SOMETIME

My nod to the unfortunate passing of Cuba Gooding, Sr. Solid track. And poor Thomas and R.J. must have had it on auto-repeat, dealing with losing their Spectra girls. As for Coco, she must be a Spike Lee fan, because she did the right thing, going to R.J. and telling him, in a roundabout way, that she'd been gussied up in GoPro. Too much circular dialogue this week overall, though. Stop squeezin' orange and get to the juice.

R.J. could have come off a fool, but Coco was sincere, and the boy believed her. Anthony Turpel did some nice work expressing R.J.'s dismay and eventual assurance. It's just too bad these kids were rushed together. Coco considered R.J. her boyfriend, and they've never been on a date. Even Rick and Maya frolicked on Rodeo Boulevard before getting serious. R.J., take Coco to Chuck E. Cheese or something!

I guess I understand why the Forresters told Coco to peace out, but it was another display of indirect dialogue. Coco took the abuse and didn't even respond when R.J. begged her to tell his family what she'd told him. I don't think we'd ever been in the Forrester elevator before, but we watched Coco crumble as she took her ride down, having told R.J. she'd never forget him. Didn't Sally say they'd been raised tough?

THERE'S NO EXCEPTION TO THE RULE

The cream that rose to the top of all this iffery was Thomas' confrontation with Sally. They're the best part of this whole Spectra reboot. Pierson Fod's intensity was palpable as Thomas reminded Sally, "You didn't come to L.A. to rip off from my family. You lost your faith in your work." He is so right. And the one new thing is that the O.S. never stole from a Forrester boyfriend. (Eric only fake-romanced Sally after she stole.)

Sally even offered to not fill Spectra's orders, but Thomas sulked away, calling Sally a thief. Ouch. Well, these two have stolen my heart. No triangle, no waffling -- just two people getting in their own way. Buoyed by the knowledge that Thomas would have helped her salvage Spectra had she asked, Sally told Shirley to stuff it and called her out for crowing that they'd made it on their own. Go, Sally!

As if Thomas didn't feel bad enough, he walked into Forrester with a "kick me" sign on his back, and Steffy, Rick, Ridge, and Maya all obliged. Repeatedly. (Though Maya's bitchy "oh, boo hoo" cracked me up.) Thomas sadly told R.J. they had to move on "after everything the Spectras have done." Like giving you your first design job, Thomas? Would nuSally have had anything to steal from you if the O.S. hadn't hired you?

IT MAY BE FACTUAL, IT MAY BE CRUEL

Coco reamed Sally for costing her R.J. and her Forrester internship, to which Sally replied, "They'd have dumped us anyway." Didn't she just get through telling Grams that wasn't true? Sally wailed that she regretted hurting Coco, who ran down to the perfectly lit Spectra runway and flooded the flood lights in tears. Meanwhile, Sally received a visit from the last person she expected to see -- Ms. Hell in Heels, Steffy Forrester herself.

And that's where it got interesting. Though Sally again talked in circles, the bitchfest I hunkered down for turned unexpectedly tender. "You were slowly being accepted by our family," Steffy said quietly. "You wanted to be a respected designer! Just tell me why." Sally briefly got distracted giving Shirley's "we came from nothing speech" before admitting she'd disappointed Steffy, Thomas, Coco -- and herself.

Now that's gold you can't even get on Forrester lam. When Sally and Steffy met at Il Giardino the week before, Sally offered friendship, and Steffy smiled that stranger things had happened. These two would be awesome besties, and they don't even have to wait decades like Stephanie and the O.S. But I guess we do, because Steffy basically told Sally that her off was sponsored by the letter F before she stalked out.

FACT OR PHALLUS-Y

Bill roared about Spectra's apparent success, yelling, "My skyscraper, damn it!" Wyatt and his snazzy new haircut came out of mothballs long enough to tell Papa Dollah that his obsession with mirrored buildings had to do with Brooke. Where was this wisdom when he was with Steffy? I think I won't tell Wyatt I'm sure I saw Bill's undeveloped monolith in one of the show's fifty thousand establishing shots this week.

So. Forrester is in crisis. Everyone has to scramble to create a whole new showing from scratch. And Brooke picks that moment to saunter into Bill's office, wrap his sword necklace back around his neck, and coo that she's all his. "I'm taking control of my life," Brooke declared. By bouncing to another man? Again? If I were Bill, I'd be asking if Brooke were sure of her feelings. But Bill couldn't walk straight, let alone think straight.

Bill did his embarrassing stallion whinny twice and wanted to take Brooke right there on his desk instead of waiting for her "proper reunion" or a chance to dust his unused sex office. "Oh, he so horny, yeah, he want to fuh!" goes Beyonc's Partition, and that's what Bill's "love" for Brooke looks like to me. He started in 2012 by staring down Brooke's blouse while out with wife Katie! Don't give me this "you changed me" crap, Bill.

YESTERDAY'S HISTORY, THE REST IS A MYSTERY

Over at the Forrester manse, Eric inexplicably held Ridge responsible for their stolen designs, and Ridge retorted that Eric had been doing his "flirty thing" with Sally in Australia. Okaaaay then. At least Carter came in for a dose of common sense by telling them Spectra's look-alike designs "may be obvious to you and me" but that a lawsuit would only be a win for Sally that would give her a ton of publicity.

Before we could wonder why Carter never gets a storyline (at least he didn't perform a wedding this time), Katie came back to make former sword wielder Quinn her bitch again. "You've miscalculated if you think I'm gonna let you bully me," Quinn told Katie in a kitchen full of sharp objects, but the blood licker just quaked while Katie snarked about collecting the job Quinn had arbitrarily offered in exchange for her Quidge silence.

Then Katie cut in on Eric's unusual badgering of Ridge regarding the broken Bridge nuptials to flaunt her potential employment in front of Quinn. Question: when did Katie stop working at Spencer? And is poor Will fated to do nothing except to spend time with invisible Aunt Donna? However, when the youngest Logan sister extorted honey out of her cliff-using mark, B&B gave a glimmer of how the show should be every day.

Quinn wondered why Eric had a cabinet full of expired honey bears, and Ridge sighed that it had to do with Katie's sister. Excellent! A "beary" good reference to Eric's 2008-2010 marriage to Donna! Then, hearing Quinn had "offered" Katie a Forrester job, Eric recalled that Katie had been CEO, which she had been! Only took a few seconds, and see how much richer the show was for these casual mentions? Keep it up, B&B! More!

A HONEY OF AN O

"I'm starting to feel like we're characters in a horror movie," Katie said in mock horror, and no wonder, since Ridge and Quinn spent so long looking for honey, the sun actually set while they were gone. But the real horror is these continual, forced moments of romantic "tension" between Ridge and Quinn. This time complete with Freudian honey squirted on Ridge's shirt. Oh, come on, enough with those two. There's no "there" there!

Are we really in for months more of Quidge's longing looks, Eric being played for a sap, and now Katie shooting up the floor and making Ridge and Quinn dance around the bullets? At least Ridge finally reminded Katie that they used to be engaged and asked how Katie could channel Stephanie, given their former closeness. "You always sabotage yourself," Katie rightly scolded, wanting to know why Ridge wasn't fighting for Brooke!

Indeed! Ridge explained he wanted to give Brooke space, since she wasn't answering his messages and texts, but swore he would get his Logan back. Oh, no. We just got through hearing Bill make that pronouncement over and over since December. It's not any more attractive out of Ridge's mouth. This triangle is empty because it doesn't seem like Brooke loves either of these guys, nor they her. Not with all the ping-ponging.

MONEY MONEY MONEY, MUST BE FUNNY, IN THE RICH MAN'S WORLD

B&B attempted to fill in some gaps about Brooke and Bill's silent embrace in Sydney, with Brill insisting the magical moment outdestinied Bridge's destiny. But why create the gaps in the first place? Obviously Brill didn't marry Down Under -- so, what, they just stood there saying nothing? Bill still doesn't know why Brooke ditched Ridge, and she ain't tellin'. That's a red flag, but Bill charged it instead of taking heed of it.

I think the original Brill reunion script must have gone something like this, only it ended up on the cutting room floor:Brooke: Remember when we first got together, my Stallion?Bill: Yeah. I was cheating on your sister.Brooke: That's right! Good times.

Like a blouse you can't wash Brooke's raw sushi out of, Brill will never be able to wash the stink of their origins off them, and I don't care how many romantic dinners she feeds him. They're gross. Brooke swooned over "the trust that we've created" and Bill's "love and loyalty." Seriously? The way Bill was loyal to Katie with Steffy and then you, Brooke? Brill has no relationship; they've never been together longer than five minutes.

I agree it's kind of damned-if-you-do, damned-if-you-don't: Bridge doesn't work, either, not because it only can with Ronn Moss but because they've been written so badly since Thorsten Kaye took over. Bridge or Tridge, you never doubted that Ridge truly loved both Brooke and Taylor. The only woman nuRidge genuinely seemed to love was Caroline. I'm not feeling Brooke's love for Ridge or Bill, either. Flip a coin.

The former caterer's got style, though: Brooke made a dollar sign out of Benjamins on Bill's bed and emerged wearing a dress of greenbacks with Bill's face on them. No wonder he was so hot; he could make love to Brooke and see himself! Let's put that Beyonc back on: "Took 45 minutes to get all dressed up, and we ain't even gon' make it to this club!"

Are you Team Brill or Team Bridge? Team Spectra or Team Forrester? Bet your Benjamins in the Comments section below or on the Soap Central message boards, or simply click here to submit feedback. Your comments could wind up in a future column! Like these!

"I was so hoping the Spectra storyline would take off much better than it did, but I am slowly wishing they would just leave...let Ridge find out [Douglas] is his instead of Thomas' and get Caroline back...let Thomas resume a romance with Sasha...would like to see Sasha's mom own an international design house...it's long overdue that a person of color owns a business on daytime series...let [Quinn] resume an affair with Bill...their chemistry is white-hot...and Katie needs a man to keep her busy." -- Kathy

"The chemistry between Sally and Thomas sizzles the screen! Just love them, he needs to quit Forrester and go to Spectra!" -- Lisa

"Biggest mystery [for your 30 Unsolved Mysteries of B&B column] is where is Taylor? She's now a grandmother, but is a no-show for Thomas' baby, and why didn't she attend Steffy's wedding? Her kids never refer to her at all!" -- B.J.

To me, that's not the same kind of mystery, since we know Taylor's in Paris. I do agree she should have been there for Douglas' birth and Steffy's wedding, but getting Hunter Tylo back was probably more budgetary and logistical. I personally want to see some other folks visit while we can still do #Bold30. Let's see what Jessica and Dylan have been up to! Put Katie with first crush Rocco! How about next Spectra fashion show, Macy comes down the runway in the showstopper? You know she ain't dead!

And since the O.S. was only ever falsely arrested for stealing Forrester designs (while dressed as a man!), it looks like nuSally will be the first Spectra to face a judge for actually committing the crime. C.J., who strangely took off before the fashion show was over and should have been masterminding Spectra's reboot with Clarke, had better defend Sally in court. That kind of home improvement would be perfect, since Richard Karn is playing the judge Sally has to face.

When next I Scoop -- May Sweeps. Keep watching, be alert, and most of all, be bold. And remember, now more than ever, no matter color, creed, religion, gender identity or orientation, we're all beautiful.

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