Until cheating do we part: Let them eat cake

What does a cake to the face, a kiss on the lips, and a whack on the jaw make? A beautiful wedding, of course! We had a wedding without a hitch and a cheating son of a bitch this week on B&B

Everybody knows I detest smack-happy heroines, but damn! Did you see the way Ivy sneak-slapped Ridge's taste out of Quinn's mouth? The wedding champagne lulled me to a romantic euphoria, but when Ivy's hand sideswiped Quinn's face, I sobered up to the darkness that lurks behind marital bliss -- lying, cheating, good-for-nothing spouses.

You can add sons to that list if you live in Los Angeles. Let's scoop on the flawless wedding and how it might be "until cheating do we part" for Quinn and her coveted spot on the Forrester wall.

Quinn obsessed over her space on the wall this week after Eric and Zende asked if Nicole could borrow it for her wedding day. The moment the wedding was over, Quinn tacked her portrait back on the wall. Eric assured her that her portrait would never come down again, but if Quinn wants to keep her spot on the wall and in Eric's heart, she might want to try keeping her mind and her mouth off Ridge. Ivy caught Quinn red-handed, and everyone knows it's "murdah" for anyone whose secret Ivy holds.

In case you missed it, there was a lot of forgiveness for all in the bride's eyes -- for all except Sasha, that is. As the Forrester men patted Zende on the back because his begging to Nicole finally paid off, the Avant women were elsewhere, cooing about what a better man Zende would be with Nicole as his wife. Sasha arrived to grovel for family crumbs, but the best the ice princess Nicole could offer was a frosty hug and permission to attend her wedding.

Tony and Kristen attended the wedding but didn't blink an eye -- or question Eric's senility when he called the bride Nicole Forrester, not Nicole Dominguez or Forrester-Dominguez, which was the last name written on Zende's childhood passport when he was adopted.

Also in attendance were the Avants, and Julius wasted no time in noting that the mansion wedding had to cost a fortune. To be fair, he'd offered to pay for it; however, he probably did so because he knew the Forresters wouldn't hear of it. The offer made him look good as the father of the bride, but the lack of follow-up was very transparent.

How would Julius pay for it anyway? By winning golf tournaments? If so, Vivienne was right to cultivate his sports ambition, even when times were hard for the family back in the day.

I wonder what would have happened if Zende had handed Julius a bill for fifty thousand dollars. Silly me. Zende wouldn't have seen the bill. He apparently left the caterers hanging on the bill, which Ridge wound up paying, either on his own or at Eric's instruction.

Yeah, Nicole's making Zende a better, more responsible man already, isn't she? Ironically, Kristen is glad he found a woman to accept him for who he is, but isn't a mother always the last one to know how irresponsible and untrustworthy her son really is? Stephanie would be a prime example of not seeing the truth about her son.

Brooke seemingly never made Ridge a better man, according to Bill, who burglarized Brooke's home once again this week to bring his sick woman "the Bill Spencer Pick-Me-Up" protein-overloaded cure to what ailed her. Brooke had a cold and didn't attend the wedding, but Bill thought she was also inflicted with the "destiny" disease, for which only he is the cure.

Sally Spectra and Grams infiltrated the wedding, dressed as caterers. In the wigs, Shirley looked more like Norman Bates's mother and Sally like Velma Dinkley. It's true. Just Google them. Thomas tried to get rid of Velma before Steffy solved Pam's caterer mystery, but before Sally and Grams could escape to the mystery van, Steffy smushed Sally's face in the mystery cake.

A wedding without Steffy in a cake fight or with poop in her hair is like Liam without the Quinn whine. Strange, isn't it, that he didn't even manage a grimace in Quinn's direction at the wedding? As I said before, his fear of Quinn disappeared right along with Steffy's tattoo.

Steffy got Sally back for the dessert incident at Il Giardino, but I'm not sure it was wise of Steffy to exact the revenge during a social media war. Was it justice for Steffy when she decided Sally ought to try picking cake out of her hair like Steffy claimed she was still doing ever since Tiramisu-gate the other week?

To be fair, Steffy knows good and well that weave is changeable and disposable. If she didn't want to glue in new weave herself, all she had to do was go to the hairstylist. Next, if Steffy thought Sally's wig was her real hair, then an optometrist needs to make a house call on Steffy.

It's highly unlikely that Sally will bother picking chocolate cake out of the wig. Sally will most likely toss it in the Forrester trash, and Charlie will sniff it out and lick whatever chocolate he can get off it. Who knew poor Charlie was so chocolate deprived? Pam had better ease up on the finest lemon Meyer cakes that Shirley will never taste and get Charlie some chocolate before he starts slumming around Shirley's kitchen and tasting Shirley's cakes.

Steffy might have gotten justice on Sally with the cake fiasco, but Steffy going for the momentary gratification played right into Sally's plan. Steffy knew what Sally was up to, but Steffy lost her temper and gave it to Sally in full view of Shirley's cellphone. It's a shame Wyatt isn't still managing Steffy's social media. He would fit like a glove into this storyline and become the key ingredient to make the Forrester/Spectra feud more than a knockoff from the past.

If I know Wyatt, he'd turn it into a social media war, and douse Steffy in a spotlight that would eclipse anything Sally could come up with. Wyatt plays dirty, and he can stage cakes fights with the best of them. I'd be entertained by Wyatt and Sally trying to out social media each other.

A storyline like it might lead the competitive Thomas to run to Sally's defense and spice her social feed up with the hint of a romance between them. This, of course, would boil Caroline's pupils black, and she'd skyrocket back to Los Angeles on her vanity-fueled broomstick to reclaim her man and her social media status.

Instead, Wyatt is moping around the Spencer dog pound with the other abandoned puppy, Bill. Wyatt's pining for Steffy made it hard to take some of the wedding speeches rendered on Zende and Nicole's special day. To me, it was appropriate for married couples who'd weathered storms to advise the newlyweds, but a few single speakers needed their mics cut off.

Tony spoke about Kristen standing by him despite his HIV positive status. Rick and Maya spoke meaningful words about their history with Nicole and Zende. Julius also spoke, and with a forgiving wife like Vivienne, he knows something about being grateful and about loving everything about his spouse every single day. Eric spoke. He isn't the shiny pillar of spouses, but what are you going to do? It's his house.

Ridge needed to take several seats when it came to speaking at a wedding, especially since he's coveting his father's wife at a wedding in his father's house. At least he kept it short and didn't give advice. He just hoped their dreams would take them where they wanted to go.

The speaker who took the cake for me, though, was Steffy. She waffled between brothers like Zende did between sisters; however, she had the nerve to stand up at a wedding and say, "I just want the love and connection you're feeling right now to last all of your lives. And take it from me, that can happen. So just trust your heart and have faith. Hold onto each other so tight and never let go."

Around the same time Steffy spoke the words, Wyatt was over at Spencer, still coping with his marriage falling apart. Trust Steffy, it can last Wyatt's whole life. Ironically -- or maybe stupidly -- Bill is proud of Wyatt for working through his breakup but refuses to accept his breakup with Brooke. Brooke's robe probably reeks of cough syrup and Ridge, but Bill is still turned on by her. Gross.

I might have decided that Sasha's speech took the cake, but I couldn't hear her pitiful brown-nosing because Sally and Shirley were whispering over what Sasha was saying. It sounded something like Sasha really loved Nicole and wanted the best for Zende and Nicole. What else could Sasha want after she left the door open for Zende and wound up with a house full of flies?

I wonder what the holdup is with Nicole forgiving Sasha when Sasha has been groveling and pursuing it for just as long as Zende. What's your opinion? Is it time for Nicole to let go of her anger toward Sasha, and why is it that Nicole can forgive Zende but not Sasha?

Maybe Nicole doesn't view the infractions as equal, but I'm interested to know what makes Sasha's worse. Sasha and Zende each promised not to do it again. They each broke the promise. To me, Sasha wasn't as bad because Zende told her that it was over with Nicole. Women do have a code that we don't sleep with each other's lovers or exes, but don't couples have a code not to sleep with others, especially their lovers' family members?

I think that if Nicole can forgive Zende and marry him, then she needs to forgive Sasha and move on. What's your opinion? What's the point of still being upset at Sasha?

Maybe Nicole gave Sasha a tacit forgiveness upstairs on the wedding day when Sasha arrived and cleared the room again to have another talk with Nicole. Nicole did managed to murmur that they were sisters and to put a little more movement into the hug than versus the one the day before. Are we to assume forgiveness and closure? Perhaps.

Ivy is upset with Quinn, and Quinn's transgression might be unforgivable. Ivy just returned from a trip to Australia. She missed the wedding, but she didn't miss Quinn kissing Ridge before he slipped off to his car. Ivy's hand didn't miss Quinn's face, either, when she slapped the unholy crap out of Quinn as Quinn turned to go back in the house.

That was a hell of a slap. Quinn walked right into it, and Ivy's aim was impeccable because the swing seemed to start before Quinn even turned around. All I could say was, "Da-umn! Oh, snap!" Meanwhile, Quinn was holding her face as if her teeth might fall out.

Maybe Katie was just a red herring, and Ivy is the one who'll blow Quinn and Ridge sky-high. After all, Katie wasn't even at the wedding, thank God, and we haven't heard another word about her since Quinn threatened her via Brooke. I do wonder why the wander-over-anytime neighbor wasn't at the wedding, though. Maybe she took another trip.

Do I like violence? No. Do I complain when people slap people on this show. A lot of times. Do I condemn Ivy's act. Yes. Do I think Quinn needed to be slapped? Abso-freaking-lutely.

I as I see it, Ivy did it for Quinn's own good. Quinn is so far gone, I don't know if there's anything else anybody can do other than try to knock some sense into her. A relationship with Ridge is not sustainable. It's fueled only by forbiddance. She won't want him once she can have him freely, if she even wants him at all. I think she just wants to play the game. Hopefully that smack reminded her that she'd lose at the game, just as she revealed in San Francisco that she had in the past.

Even worse, Quinn is cheating on Eric. I tried to give her leeway because she's trying to change; however, considering her words the other day, it is apparent that she knows what she's doing, and she enjoys the dark side. "I will admit that part of me is attracted to danger and the dark side...I try not to go that way, but sometimes, I can't help it...no matter how hard I try, there's a darkness in me," she told Ridge.

At this point, Quinn has turned from fighting an attraction in which Ridge ensnared her to trying to lure Ridge into a dark attraction of her own. She wants the goodness of Eric and the badness of Ridge at once. I change my mind. It isn't Ridge who started it, really. She started it all the way back when she smiled at him on the runway last fall.

I'm glad it was Ivy who saw them, and not Eric, who could have stumbled upon them while looking for his newspaper to read in bed. I'm glad it wasn't Katie because I'd be twisting the facts on this worse than Donald Trump about his crowd size just because I don't like Katie.

What is Ivy going to do with this information? Was she adroit enough to slap Quinn with one hand and film the exchange on her phone with the other? It's unlikely, but I wonder if Eric would have to see a video before he'd believe Ivy about what she'd witnessed.

Knowing Ivy, Quinn and Ridge will probably be able to convince her to wring her hands in guilty silence for a while. As it stands, Quinn was Ivy's only confidante, but maybe Ivy could discuss what is going on with Wyatt -- or that too-sexy Carter who dropped in on us this week to marry Zende and Nicole. It will blow Wyatt's mind to find out that his mother is risking the best thing she ever had to play flirting games with the dead end, disloyal, cheating Ridge.

To be clear, it is cheating. To me, anytime you get some kind of sensual gratification or titillation from exchanges with a person other than your partner, you are cheating. Some cheating is mental, and some cheating is physical. If you seek a person other than your partner out because that person makes you "feel" a certain way, you're cheating.

People, unfortunately, do it all the time on text messages and social sites and often in their partner's presence. Ridge loitered around Eric's house instead of going home because he was hoping to get some type of attention from Quinn. That makes Ridge a cheating son of bitch in my book. What about your book?

Where do you draw the line between cheating and not cheating? For example, is Brooke cheating because she entertains Bill every time he shows up? Brooke knows what Bill wants, but she keeps letting him stay at the house and flatter her with his devotion instead of walking him to the door.

Some considered it cheating when Bill was doing the same while married to Katie. Others thought it wasn't at least until last summer because, before then, Bill and Brooke were not acting on any feelings -- or grabbing at each other and vowing to be together.

In another example, is Eric cheating because he seeks Katie's company, even against his wife's wishes? Or will he be cheating if he continues to spend time with Katie now that Brooke has announced Katie's crush? Maybe it isn't so black and white, and cheating emerges when you just get a "feeling" that something isn't right. Taking each relationship in isolation of the others, comment below about what you think on when a partner becomes a cheater.

In other tidbits, it seems that Sally Spectra is a force to be reckoned with, and the only person who can derail her is Thomas. She can't even remember what she's saying from one moment to the next because he's on her mind so much. At the same time, Sally might be on his mind more than Douglas and Caroline, whom Ridge and Thomas have yet to discuss.

Now that Thomas and Sally are all goo-goo eyed with each other, it might be a safe bet that Thomas will not unite with his baby's mama. Because Thomas and Sasha didn't say two words to each other at the wedding, it's a safe bet that there will be no Thomas triangle in Sasha's future.

Does Sasha even have a future now that Zende is off the market? It would be nice if the writers remember Carter can do more than marry and divorce people. On second thought, let's not forget the dark side of marriage: those lying, cheating spouses. Zende has already shown a propensity to dance on the dark side, so he might be right back on the market if he chooses the "until cheating do we part" path.

How are you enjoying the chemistry between Thomas and Sally? Sally is growing on me, and I think the development of the relationship is kind of cute. I still just fear Sally will go the way of Caroline and Sasha once the storyline concludes.

Thomas is growing on me, too. I don't know if it's the hair or the fact that Thomas is no longer in that horrid "maybe rape" storyline, but I've warmed up to him. I love the new hair! And look at his beard. So sexy. Jacob Young, I'm mad at you for shaving, you sexy man. Thorsten's beard was shaped up all nice this week, I noticed. Oh, too many handsome men on this show! That is not a complaint, by the way.

It was sexy man overload this week because we got to see so many of them dressed up and dapper in their tuxedos. Eric and Julius looked like royalty. And check out Tony. I was like, "Where have you been all my life with that handsome goatee?" Facial hair aside because he has none, Zende was a handsome groom. He looked like he was going to prom instead of getting married though.

It goes without saying how gorgeous our ladies were for the wedding. Nicole looked like Dream Wedding Barbie, if there is such a doll. You guys know I sweat the Forrester ball gowns, and Nicole floated in hers like she was in a dream. I loved Vivienne's gown, too. Anna Maria Horsford has such bright personality that she glows in whatever she wears.

Though Quinn's dress was an understated sheath, what I love most about how wardrobe dresses Quinn is the consistency of the jewelry. It always sets off her outfits. Sasha's lace sheath dress was also very nice, and Steffy's black, back-out gown was mature and sensual. Go, sexy CEO. Pam is always on point in her dress, and Karla Mosley was working her black, off-the-shoulder gown. Fierce, Karla! Work those curves. I'm jealous.

Overall, it was a fantastic wedding with a house full of our beloved faves, and there was actually a reception complete with a bouquet toss and a sobbingly overjoyed mother of the groom. Pam dive-intercepted the bouquet from Sasha, in case you're wondering. I have to agree with Steffy, who purred, "Uhm..I just love a good wedding..."

Tell us what you think of the wedding, the fashion, the cake fights, and the smackdowns from the Bold and the Beautiful's week of lovers, cheaters, and smackdowns. Until we scoop again, if you must have your wedding night in your bedroom, that room had better be bold and beautiful, baby!

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