It's like rain on your wedding day

Steve and Kayla tied the knot (again)! But everything's not great in Salem this Sweeps. Let's look at the good-ish, the bad, and the plain ol' ugly in this week's DAYS Two Scoops!

After weeks of pondering the current state of DAYS during Sweeps, I got it! I got it, I got it, I got it. I. Got. It. Mad Libs! I'm pretty sure now-former/then-still Head Writer Dena Higley knew she was being fired and just Mad Libbed the February Sweeps scripts. Anyone else in on this theory after last week? I mean, really, she couldn't have thought most of these storyline or character directions were a good idea, right? Right? Wowza. But I'm going to class up this intro and begin with a classical literary reference...

That's John Steinbeck's Of Mice and Men. While I believe Lennie, err, Higley didn't mean to pet the puppy so hard, she did. She gone and killed it. This lady just won't stop petting and, well, that's why they won't let her tend to the rabbits. Higley and company just needed a fired-up Adrienne in the writers' room, yelling, "Stop!" when they went too far. Like last week...

Why, writers? Did we need Monday's episode of Shane and Steve explaining their shenanigans regarding Stefano? No. No, we didn't. Did we even need Shane and Steve to pull off said shenanigans? No. No, no we didn't, but the Higs went on petting the pup and ruined a good -- ish -- thing.

That is, at the end of the pervious week, Stefano simply disappeared from his jail cell in Prague. Okay. That sounds like a very Stefano thing to do. I'll buy it. But that wasn't enough. Nope. Higs had to keep petting. Now, not only will fans ever be divided on Hope's actions in the first place, but we can lump Shane and Steve into the unsavory category by having them orchestrate the "Stefano's Not Dead" show, complete with grave digging, body swapping, a Phoenix costume, and a lot of lying. Like, lots of it.

Look, I adore that Shane and Steve love Hope so much that they wanted to give her the ultimate peace of mind that she didn't (but did, but maybe not) kill Stefano. Hope needs to get them both bestie bracelets and take them out for FroYo, but I digress. And, you know what? I love Hope, too, but Higs really should have left well enough alone by just letting Stefano disappear from that cell. THAT would have cleared up all the loose ends that needed to be cleared as they had the DNA and such. The ISA could continue to search off-screen with Shane popping up to give updates here and there. And Salemites could randomly wonder if a sound that goes bump in the night is Stefano returning. But, nope. We didn't get that (but did)...

Higs and company decided to have Shane and Steve for an entire episode, explaining in gratuitous detail how they dug up Stefano's body, planted DNA, etc., etc. I'll give it to them. It was a well-executed plan stemming from a well-meaning place, but I literally didn't need to know any of it. It just made me feel icky about Shane and Steve. More so, because they went on bragging like teens who pulled off a caper to sneak out of the house to attend a party and later reminisced about the story from their bunk beds. Their "You know what the best part was...?" and "I loved when..." felt out of character for both Shane and Steve. It was rather crude, as was Shane's comment about the fat suit. I just couldn't with those. It made my blood boil. Those kinds of comments made a character who's always been the epitome of suave simply seem unclassy.

But you know what the most ironic part is? Shane and Steve discovered Stefano is probably alive anyways. D'oh! He's in Prague, feeding pigeons and probably laughing his limoncello off at these dopes running around in a Stefano suit. So instead of leaving it as Stefano is alive, he disappeared, the ISA has the DNA to clear Hope, and everyone wins, we got Shane and Steve looking like uncouth chumps. Guh-rate move, Higs. Next time, stop at Stefano disappearing in the cell. It will save everyone grief and still clear Hope while giving Stefano (more so, Joseph Mascolo) fans the warm fuzzies that the Phoenix will always be out there somewhere.

Oh, right. Speaking of "guh" and "grief," let's move on to Deimos -- though I'll give you a minute to scroll down, as I'll be discussing a major casting spoiler. Ready? Set. Scroll!

A Soap Central exclusive broke last week that Vincent Irizarry is out as Deimos. Mixed emotions, anyone? This sucker definitely has two sides of the coin for me. There's the Vincent one, and there's the Deimos one. Let's begin with the easier side of the two...

Vincent! Love the man. He's a gifted actor. He's a super soap supporter who unrelentingly waves the daytime banner in support of the genre, his coworkers, and fans. He also seems like a genuinely great guy. I'm a fan. In fact, he won me over in 1990 as Gino Santangelo, and it's been all admiration since then. So, to say I'm disappointed to see Vincent leave DAYS is a fact. However...

The same can't be said for Deimos. While Vincent put his all into the role, Deimos is a character that was as thought-out as some random 4:00 a.m. tweet. That is to say, not at all. But even aside from the constant roller coaster of character inconsistences, Deimos was force-fed to viewers until our stomachs burst. It's like Higley invited us over for ice cream. Ice cream's good. Sure. But then she wouldn't stop spooning it into our mouths, going as far as pinching our nose so we'd eventually have to open our mouths only to be fed more. Enough, Higs. Enough. Now we don't like ice cream anymore, either. Thanks, Chief Pets Too Hard.

During his time in Salem, Deimos was everywhere, and his everlasting ego was largely out of control. Last week, he literally had lines such as,"As long as I get what I want" and "I expect to get everything I want today on multiple fronts," and that does not make him a likeable character. Pompous bullies are not fun to root for. They're not even fun to love in a "love to hate" them way. As Adrienne would say, "Stop!" Just stop. And so it has been set to stop now, but the end can't come soon enough, especially when Nicole is still spouting things like, "It's just not true" while defending Deimos' dirty dealings. Oh, Nicole. I can only shake my head and listen to the sounds of sad martini glasses everywhere spontaneously shattering from your downward spiral.

LOOSE ENDS: Here's a solution to the Holly fiasco. Send the baby to boarding school. In four or five months real time, which is x-many years in soap time, she can just come back as a teen and chose who she wants to be with. Done. And you're welcome, Salem.

Sooo. Just so we're all on the same page, Eric was saying he doesn't want to return to Salem, right? That wasn't clear. At least now he has a laptop and maybe he can YouTube funny videos and, you know, crack a smile.

Sad news: David Banning died. You know, Julie's son/Scotty's father/Valerie's first love. No? Okay, hit the character profiles and meet me back here in ten...

The writing's on the wall regarding this twist. You know... David and Val's on and off again relationship... Valerie has a son... Valerie was jumpier than a long-tailed cat in a room full of rocking chairs when Marlena said "David's son"... You know what that adds up to...

I'm just sorry the writers felt David needed to die to let it play out. Spoiler: He didn't. Though I was very young when David was last on, and my memories of him are a little fuzzy, it would have been meatier to have him back while the Val/maybe *wink* David's son drama unfolds. I mean, Val herself is a recast, so why couldn't David be, too? Nope. You're right, writers -- better to kill off a legacy character off-screen. Nailed. It. Again.

Sidebar: It was great to see Susan Hayes with meaty material again! She delivered the goods and then some. Bravo, Susan!

Well. It's week three of Chad and Gabi being locked up together for a second time. The, um, breaking news: the freezer turned on, and they have to do what they can to stay warm. "That never ends pretty," said one passerby. Now, let's go to our Two Scoops Correspondent Reporter, Claire Brady, who's standing by live outside of the freezer to give a personal account of what can happen when two Salemites have to snuggle to stay warm...

Unfortunately, it looks like we've experienced some technical difficulties and can't reach Claire live outside of the freezer. And by "technical difficulties," I mean she's taking selfies of herself rolling her eyes at Ciara and can't be reached right now. So, I've provided the above picture.

As Chad and Gabi are in the freezer, now Sonny has been taken as well. I'm fairly certain there's a soap writers' bar somewhere in Hollywood where Higley and the scribes from the other three daytime shows meet to place bets. That has to be the case. This bet: "Let's see what show can have the most characters abducted in one month." For the first time, I can confidently say my money's on Higley.

While the Orwell device drama has its fair share of glitches, there's been some downloadable success, too...

One, I adore that Jennifer is in the driver's seat. Melissa Reeves's performances are brighter than ever. She's easily reminded me of why I fell in love with Jennifer oh-so-many years ago. Add Anne and Adrienne as the Charlie's Angels of reporting and Drew as their bumbling Bosley, and it's been a total win on that front. Love. It. All.

Two, I love Abigail's newfound/re-found strength. From her compassionate yet stern warning to Dario to "Learn from it!" ("it" being his mistakes) to her awesome bravado of "Look, I'm finding my man, so you can all step on or off, but this sassy bus is leaving the stop," Marci Miller has totally won me over.

Three, just "YEZ!" to Maggie and Adrienne. When a fired-up Maggie said, "I'll handle this!" I believed her. And when an even more fired-up Adrienne went batcrap on Dirty D, I applauded. If those two want me to be the lookout while they take Deimos, a few baseball bats, and some duct tape into a freezer, I totally will.

Oh, and I kind of loved the moment when Deimos tried to play innocent while Adrienne and Paul kept up the chant of, "We know!" It's cringe-worthy how big Deimos' ego is. He can't fathom anyone else possibly being as smart as him. I really wanted Arianna Grace to wander by, kick him in the shin, and say, "We know, fool!" when he looked down. Anyways...

And finally, four, while most of the drama is a pissing contest between Deimos, Andre, and Eduardo with their Scrappy-Doo sidekicks Sonny, Brady, Chad, and Dario, I can appreciate that the storyline has integrated such a large part of the cast. That's always a plus. It's been great for random character interactions and shining moments for a lot of characters. Shining, eh, shiny-ish. You know.

HOT While Steve and Kayla's wedding wasn't perfectly perfect, it tried. Foremost, the performances were stellar and very heartfelt. Stephen Nichols and Mary Beth Evans' sincere chemistry makes it hard not to fall for "Stayla" over and over again. I know I did.

I was also as excited as the happy couple to see Stephanie visit (welcome back, Shelley Hennig)! I'm glad we got a Stephanie/Joey scene as well as Stephanie's time with Adrienne. Add in the cute "cuz" moment between Stephanie and Carrie, and I was rolling out the welcome mat.

Plus, I could actually identify most people at the wedding! That seldom happens as it's usually a few random family members, some friends, and a bunch of oohing and ahhing extras. Caroline's presence was missed, of course, but she's "with Kimberly," "recovering." Okay. At least she sent a nice necklace.

And, if only for a fleeting moment, it was nice to see "sweetness and light" on DAYS! There were toasts, wedding traditions, dancing, and smiles. And no rings made of bullets (wise move, Patchman). It was great while it lasted. Mazel tov, Steve and Kayla!

NOT Cue Adrienne. I need her to yell "Stop!" again. This time, let's focus her rage on the writers for yet again using Nicole's "porn past" against her. It's insulting. It's degrading. It's victim-shaming. It's simply bullsh...

Reminder to the writers: A teenaged Nicole was forced to do porn by her father! That's child abuse, not something Nicole did because "she so whacky." I know the writers put the words in characters' mouths, and while I can see Victor using such insults, Belle is too classy for that, especially as a woman herself. Let's just retire that, shall we, writers, unless it's Nicole in a therapy session, talking about her past.

LINE OF THE WEEK Abigail (to Dario): "Look, I've survived burning buildings and faking death. I think I can handle Salem after dark."

RANDOM THOUGHTS I'll never not laugh at the way Anne greets her foe/former foe/current boss. "It's nice to see you, Jennifer." Pronounced: Jen-if-fur. Love!

Speaking of Anne, I really, really -- like infinite reallys -- wish Vivian were around so these two could run into one another. Something tells me hilarity would ensue.

I adore Doug. I want his quote about people taking pictures of each other, sharing them, and looking at the picture of them together as life marches on around them on T-shirts. Your breakdown is so not wrong, good sir.

C'mon, Hope. I'm not negating that she has been through hell and back the past few months, but if your stepmother/half-sister loses a child in a vehicular accident, you might want to be there for her. Rafe has proven his patience. The dancing can wait. Then again, how on earth could Hope comfort Julie -- she has no idea what it's like to lose a child in a vehicular accident. #TinyManZack I repeat, "C'mon, Hope!"

Kayla lying to Caroline about the church ceremony was cute, but the jig might be up when Caroline sees the photos of them at Club Eduardo (or whatever it's called now. Sill TBD? I dunno). Mothers always know, Kay. They always do.

It's ironic that Titan owns 95 properties, and all we ever see is a meat locker, foyer, and living room.

I was tweeting with a fellow DAYS fan (and all around awesome gal) recently, and this week reminded me of our conversation. It was, "Why is that angel statue still up?" My best bet was just in case Abs runs away again, but now, maybe they can just change the name on the plaque to, "In Dedication to the ISA's Glory Days."

I laughed until it hurt at the following exchange: Deimos: "What makes you think that Sonny was kidnaped?" Paul: "[exasperated] I WAS THERE!"

I laughed because I was just as fed up with Deimos' crap as everyone else in that room at the Kiriakis mansion. Self-proclaimed "powerful" men who can't accept the truth need to go far, far away. They're infuriating, and it makes them look a wee bit pathetic. Buh-bye, Dirty D.

Christie Clark really needs to stop being greedy and share with us where the Fountain of Youth is located. She. Is. Stunning. One thing's for sure, Carrie is certainly still defending her Bella magazine "Face of the '90s" title. You go, girl!

I appreciate Detective Raines's quest to do things by the book, but I can't help but chuckle a bit when he breaks out the occasional Christian Bale Batman Begins voice like when he gutturally notified Rafe, "Don't tell me how to do my job." I was really waiting for him to add, "We will. We can bring Gotham Salem back."

Stephanie update! She's living in Seattle, works a lot, and writes letters to Joey. One, OMG! Joey can read. Two, Seattle beats a morgue drawer and a sunroof in Salem, I'd say.

How fierce were Kate's glasses? Lauren Koslow rocks fashion unlike any other. I'm starting a petition to make "Koslow" an official synonym for "fabulous." Wait. It probably is already.

If Chad thinks Gabi's hysterics are bad, wait until one of them needs to use the rest room. #week3inthefreezer

More Anna and Andre scenes? Yes, please!

While I enjoyed the scene between Stephanie and Joey, I can never forget his description of her when he was talking about having siblings versus being an only child. He said something like, "I dunno. She's just always there, like trees." Joey cracks me up. I love that kid.

Question! Has Austin always been so funny? I remember him being easily manipulated and often looking confused, but I don't remember funny. In any event, Austin Peck is cracking me up this time around. I'm a fan. And, well, I guess after the "Virtual Garden of Eden," you have to find humor -- or die of embarrassment. There's that.

PARTING THOUGHTS So, friends and fellow DAYS fans, that's Two Scoops for the week of February 20. Laurisa will be back next week to usher out the final week of Sweeps and to help Deimos pack his bags. Okay, let's be real. She already has them packed for him, and "That's a fact!"

As always, thanks for reading! Tony

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