I. (i): Todd's Penthouse
Todd rifles through a toolbox, grabs something, beats his ankle monitor, switches to a hammer, beats it some more, saying "sorry officer, I ran into the coffee table," knocks off a piece, and a small alarm sounds. He taps it with the hammer, and the alarm stops. The phone rings. Todd shakes his head, changes his expression, and answers as Ms. Perkins. It's tough guy Max, who's gonna come right over cuz he wants the paper. Todd claims he's being examined again, "there's more shrinking going on here than in a very, very cold swimming pool." Max warns Tommy Boy that time is running out. Tom replies, "I know that, you jerk," and hangs up. A rap at the door. Todd raises an eyebrow and glides to the door. He swings it open to reveal Kelly, who Rod immediately devours with his sexy eyes, while growling appreciatively. Kelly blinks, "who are you?" Rod, pressing his cheek against the door, introduces himself.
(ii): Police locker room
Kelly's picture hangs on the inside of Drew's locker. Drew asks the bare chested, towel clad Sykes if Sykes was cut during an arrest. Sykes is defensive. The nasty scar is over a lower right rib. Sykes claims he was stabbed in the line of duty, but Drew cleverly suggests that there's gossip around the station that he was cut by some crazy old girlfriend, and flat out asks if it was Barbara.
Barb arrives to talk to Joey, who still can't get over that kiss she planted on him at the club. She fidgets over her gun-filled purse while Joey tries to convince her to go away with him on a romantic, relaxing weekend. While he talks, Kevin comes downstairs and lurks at the doorway, listening.
(iv): Carlotta's Diner
Lindsay viciously heaps sugar into Nora's coffee. Will tells her to knock it off, but Lindsay won't be calmed. She accuses Nora of making Will lie to her when he refused to go to lunch with her and he turned her down. "Just because you lost your daughter, don't you think I'm just gonna stand back and watch you steal my son." In the background, Roseanne watches Will, who looks disgusted and annoyed.
II. (i): Art Gallery
In front of an enormous, fun painting of chairs upon chairs upon chairs, Dorian is on the phone with R.J., who is reporting that Kevin just followed Barb into Llanfair. Dorian wants pictures, though R.J. hasn't taken any, because she needs tangible proof that..... Cassie walks in with David, and Dorian abruptly hangs up on R.J. Cassie notices, but Dorian quickly switches the conversation to all the terrible things that are happening to ruin the night of the gallery's opening. Cassie comforts that the place looks great, and David notes that Dorian is exaggerating. Dorian lists all that's wrong: the 'star' artist backed out, the model who was to pass out brochures is sick, the serial Mugger is on the loose, and her daughter is still with her "cad fiance who isn't worth the oxygen it takes to keep him alive."
Barb tries to refuse Joey's offer, but when he tells her she can't let what happened with Kevin ruin the rest of her life, Barb relents, thinking it'd be great to let it all go, and agrees to come with him. As they hug, Barb sees Kevin (who sees her see him), and then kisses Joey sensuously. As she leaves to the hospital, Joey turns and sees Kevin, who warns that Barb is just using him.
(iii): Police Locker Room
Sykes has no intention of talking about Barb, and huffily reminds Drew that there is a Mugger plaguing Llanview, then exits. Drew calls the hospital, claiming that Sykes wants him to pick up a copy of his medical records. Carlotta then calls Drew to tell him that Monk is at the diner.
(iv): Carlotta's Diner
Nora spits to Lindsay that if she has a problem with her, fine, but leave the kids out of it. "Thank you," cheers Will. Lindsay accuses Nora of trying to co-op her son. Will defends Nora, so Lindsay turns her rage on him. Behind the counter, Roseanne asks Carlotta if they should do something, so Carlotta pushes a coffee pot in Roseanne's hands, and Roseanne approaches the standing, fighting group to ask if anyone wants some coffee. No one is interested. Will tells Lindsay that he had planned to quit, but thanks to Lindsay's scene, has decided to stay with Nora. He leaves to get some work done. Nora points out that it's just a summer job, but when Lindsay asks "what's he gonna learn, how to end up in prison?" Nora turns to retort, bumps into Roseanne's coffee pot, and hot coffee splashes all over Lindsay's arm. Lindsay wails that Nora did it on purpose.
III. (i): Llanfair
Joey thinks Kevin's ego never quits. Kevin asks if Barb ever kissed him when Kevin wasn't around, and admits he's afraid, because he doesn't know what she is capable of. Joey dismisses Kevin's fears, and leaves to tell Dorian that she won't have a photographer for the opening.
(ii): Art Gallery
Cassie loves Kevin, and Kevin loves Cassie, she tells her mother. Dorian turns to David for help, but David points out that it's Cassie's life. Dorian lashes out at him, but immediately apologizes, hugging him tenderly. Cassie needs to take David to the hospital, and asks if she can do anything for Dorian. Dorian rants, and claims that to fix anything, she'd have to be five different people.
(iii): Todd's Penthouse
Rod disconcerts Kelly, inviting her with a pat to sit on his knee. She sits beside him on the couch, noting that a lot of people think he's faking. Rod comes on to Kelly every moment, complimenting her eyes. She firmly tells him that her boyfriend is a cop. Rod likes that she's feisty, snapping his teeth at her, to which she quickly and warily moves to the arm of the couch. Eying her whole body, Todd asks Kelly why she's there. Kelly moves to leave, since "I'm not so sure you're the one I should be talking to", while Rod captures her in his arms and starts dancing with her. "Your only options are a very nasty man, a very little boy, and a very crotchety old lady." Rod dips her suddenly. "Give me a shot. Or at least tell me why you have come." Kelly returns to her feet. She tells him that Blair is going behind his, behind Todd's, back, to sell the paper, so she thinks he should sell it to her instead.
IV. (i): Todd's Penthouse
Kelly awaits an answer. Rod asks why she thinks the paper is for sale, and looks rather cranked when she tells what she knows about Blair's contract. "It's a stupid contract! Who would sign such a contract? It is Pete! Pete is stupid!" Rod rails about how Blair is a devil, and Kelly pushes the point that he could sell the paper to her for a whole lot of money, or be forced to sell it to Blair for a whole lot less. At that point, Rod moves his face QUITE close to Kelly's, as if to kiss her, so she backs off, laughs, "this is -weird-" "Try it from my side," Todd deadpans. Rod smoothly asks Kelly who put her up to this.
(ii) Carlotta's Diner
Monk catches Carlotta craning her head over her shoulder to nervously eye him. Nora has taken Lindsay to the hospital. Roseanne laughs that she's never met anyone as melodramatic as Lindsay. Dorian enters. She intends to ask Carlotta to hand out the programs, Carlotta refuses, so Dorian sets her sights on Roseanne. Drew cheerfully sits next to Monk.
Barb dresses Lindsay's 2nd degree burns, while Lindsay and Nora continue to snipe at one another. Barb leaves to get a prescription from the doctor, and is surprised to discover Kevin waiting for her in the hall. He warns her to stay away from his brother.
V. (i) Todd's Penthouse
Kelly is acting solely for the Kelly Cramer Corporation. IF they finalize, when would that be, Rod asks. Immediately. Rod is very interested in the money (but not in the paper), and would like to be paid in cash. Kelly laughs, and Rod takes her hand in both of his, promising that soon they will have a very, very nice lunch together. He brings her hand to his mouth, but when his tongue darts out, Kelly jerks it back. They both laugh, and Kelly leaves. Tough guy Max calls to threaten again.
(ii): Carlotta's Diner
Carlotta introduces Roseanne to Dorian. Roseanne agrees to help Dorian, and when Dorian vents about needing a young, brilliant artist, Roseanne watches Dorian leave, then rushes out herself.
Barb thinks Kevin is jealous, but Kevin simply doesn't want her with Joey. Barb asks if he thinks she's just hanging around waiting for a few crumbs from him, which is exactly what he thinks.
VI. (i) Hospital
Nora gets sick of Lindsay's whiny complaining, and leaves her there to wait alone. Kevin tells Barb to leave Joey alone, goes to Cassie, who just arrived, to tell her that he set Barb straight for the last time, and privately admits to her that Barb is not all right at all. A nurse enters Lindsay's room, "Mrs. Buchanan?", and hands her a large envelope. Inside, Lindsay discovers a medical record, and a note, for Nora and Bo, which says "Good news! Everything's normal. Happy Baby Making". Lindsay scoffs and crumples the note.
Sykes, dressed, assures Dorian that he has plenty of units posted, so there shouldn't be any trouble from the Mugger. Joey, in the hallway, gets a call from Barb, who backs out on him, claiming work. Dorian is surprised when Joey tells her he's hers for the night, since Lindsay hadn't told her she had hired him. He leaves to get his camera and film. Roseanne arrives with Cris's painting of her (btw, her hair covers her breasts, and a plant cleverly the more explicit parts of her rear), and Dorian is impressed.
(iii): Carlotta's Diner
Monk glares at Carlotta, then admits to Drew that he didn't sell Barb a gun. She merely paid him to get HER gun, the one that was stolen, back, which he did. Drew is worried, since that means she wants to do something with a gun that's been reported stolen.
(iv) Hospital Locker Room
To the music that played when she had sex with Kevin in the cellar, Barb takes the gun out of her purse, and points it at her reflection in the mirror. (We see the reflection, so it looks like she's pointing it at US). Then, Barb sees Kevin's face in the mirror, cocks her gun, but her reflection returns, so she lowers the gun. She goes back to the bed, and takes some bullets out of her purse.