More flies with honey...

Hilary was all honey and sweetness with Victoria but took a more vinegary approach to Lily. Find out who used what on whom in this week's Two Scoops.

My grandmother used to say, "You catch more flies with honey than you do with vinegar," which was aptly demonstrated in last week's episodes. Victoria was the fly and Hilary was all honey as she apologized and abased herself with sweet promises to Victoria. Victoria's ruffled feather were soothed with the promise of free publicity and creative control of a live interview. Hilary is more than capable of pulling a fast one, but Friday's exciting surprise ending has me thinking that Victoria is more likely to tank her own interview, than for Hilary to renege on her promise, especially if Victoria doesn't get immediate treatment after hitting her head.

I rewound and watched the accident a couple of times, and I didn't figure out what happened, but Victoria is a tough bird sometimes. I can visualize her calling AAA and taking a cab to The Hilary Hour so she can fall apart or pass out in front of Hilary's legion of viewers. I think that Victoria is about to have something seriously physically wrong, like an inoperable brain tumor, that will be miraculously cured by some one-of-a-kind surgery immediately after our emotions have been wrung out for everything they're worth -- personally, I'm looking forward to a good cry!

A medical crisis would put Billy more firmly back in Victoria's orbit, especially as his relationship with Phyllis is developing cracks and its trust level is sinking. Another advantage is that the illness can explain Victoria's rash decision to risk all Brash & Sassy's resources on the men's line. Another advantage is that such a catastrophic illness could also bring the Newman clan back together again. (I'd still like to know what Victoria did with the $500 million she got from Victor, and if it's gone, why didn't Nick give his share to her to bail out Brash & Sassy -- big sigh -- "It's only a soap!")

I'm proud of Nick for taking the stand he did about the trust fund money. Nick took the high road in his praise of Victor and what Victor has accomplished. I do hope that when the time comes, Victor will be able to follow Neil's advice to offer unconditional love to his son instead of letting anger control his reaction and treatment of Nick. (Not gonna happen, but I can dream.)

Hilary was not so nice as she gloated in acidic tones to Lily about her date with Jordan, whom Hilary assumed had dumped Lily. Not to be outdone, Lily was delighted to inform Hilary that Lily, not Jordan, had done the dumping, and Hilary was the backup plan. Hilary was seething. I can hardly wait to see what happens with Jordan, who can leave town anytime and become a distant memory, as far as I'm concerned. I'll admit that he was nice eye candy, but I'm as opposed to objectifying men as I am to objectifying women, and I don't see that his character serves any useful purpose at the moment or has its own stand-alone story. In my opinion, the character is tedious and boring.

Predictably, Cane and Juliet are growing closer. Cane has moved her into the mansion so he can monitor her health and the health of his son. From the beginning, Juliet has been a master of the honeyed tones and soothing words. Not only with Cane, beginning in Tokyo, but in all her encounters with everyone. I'd really like to be that sweet and that pleasant with everyone all the time, but without all the lying, manipulating, and conniving.

It's still my opinion that Juliet will lose the baby but continue to pretend she's pregnant. Since I expect that supercouple "Lane" will eventually reunite, Juliet and her baby have to disappear, like Jack's son, Keemo; Neil's son, Moses; and Dr. Stitch. I actually like the actress who plays Juliet, and I wish there were a place for the character, but Juliet has burned too many bridges to have much of a future in Genoa City, despite her lovely honeyed, dulcet tones.

I've no doubt that Jack, Traci, and Ashley wish that they had taken my grandmother's advice with Graham and welcomed him to their bosoms with sweet words of inclusion while they found out Graham's dastardly plan. At a minimum, why didn't Jack get one of his judge friends to issue a temporary restraining order, keeping Dina in the hospital until a court could rule on whether the venom Graham heaped on Dina in front of an audience was enough to disqualify him as her caretaker? I know, I know, "It's only a soap!"

At least the mystery of Graham's relationship is solved. He was briefly Ashley's stepbrother, which means that Graham is also expendable and free to be a mean, horrible villain. It would be nice to have one of those again -- someone so evil that we don't care if they fall off a cliff into a live volcano. Because we know that even if they do, the soapiverse can resurrect any character, even one whose death was certain and seen by many. Just look at Jason Morgan on GH -- two guys have come back from the dead who both think that they are he!

Ashley has a lot to deal with now that her parentage has been made public. I think it's more her pride being hurt than anything else. She was raised by John Abbott as his child, and nothing can ever change that. You know what I'd like to see? Ashley gets another paternity test that proves that John Abbott was Ashley's father all along, and the first test, which proved that Brent Davis was her daddy dearest, was the fake one.

Ooh, ooh, just a thought, but how good would it be if Graham is in business with Zack and the trafficking ring and had been using Dina as a cover. Graham's mother is in Florida, and that's where Dylan served his undercover stint. Wouldn't that tie up both stories with a nice big bow!

Finally, in the "Will they or won't they" relationship between Tessa and Mariah, I'm getting tired of the puppy dog looks and the sad eyes. I think they are acting more like middle schoolers than grown adults. At this point, it's clear that Mariah has serious feelings for Tessa, but I'm not so sure how Tessa feels about Mariah. Tessa definitely feels close to Mariah, but is it platonic, or something more, as it seems to be for Mariah?

Whatever it is, Tessa seems sure that she is happy with Noah and wants Mariah to be happy with Devon. Ideally it would work out that way, and no one would get hurt, but this is a soap, where emotional agony is the torture we long for, so I expect that Mariah and Tessa will eventually give in to their feelings, especially if they continue to be thrown together in the trafficking story. Danger in soaps always seems to be an aphrodisiac.

In retrospect, the recent allegations of sexual harassment in Hollywood should not have surprised me. That powerful, admirable women are missing from the soaps should have been a harbinger. Where are the Katherine Chancellors, the Erica Kanes, the Victoria Buchanans, the Dorian Lords, or the Stephanie Forresters of today?

Even Victoria Newman seemed to be taking second place when she exchanged workspaces with Billy, who now sits at the head of the table in the power position facing the door. The place where Victoria used to sit and, as head of the company, should sit.

Some might say that I am being very, very picky, and I am, but if we women don't watch out for ourselves, then we can't expect men to do it either. I think that if the entertainment industry -- as the outcry against Harvey Weinstein might indicate -- really wanted to stop sexual harassment, they would make fewer films and television programs that glorify that very thing -- prostitution, graphic details of rape, abuse, torture, and murder of women. I think those movies are "How to" manuals for budding psychopaths! What kind of person thinks up that stuff?

Please forgive the ranting. I turned 72 last week, and despite how far women have come in my lifetime, I still don't think that we are recognized, even by ourselves, as full intellectual equals to men! If you want to read more of my ranting on this and other issues and at the same time make a small contribution to my retirement fund, please buy one of my books. If you find my book boring, you can always recommend it to someone you don't like! You can find my tome at Amazon Books.

We've been told to expect some new and exciting storylines for fall. Let's see if Mal Young is any better at delivering on his promises than his predecessors! Creative storytelling has been in short supply lately, so I'd like to see at least one story about a powerful woman, who is "large and in charge" but, unlike Victor, doesn't need underhanded tactics to succeed; a woman happy with her life and her choice to concentrate on her career instead of romance; a female who is not an overbearing witch. I'd also like to see a sexual harassment story where the woman is not lying about it, like Juliet did. As I recall, Adam had a false claim filed against him, and Gloria made similar false charges against Jack last year. This reinforces the stereotype that all women are liars when they make accusations of rape. It's past time for equity in the storytelling.

Balancing more serious stories, I'd like to see a big dose of humor injected into the writing and dialogue, especially in Mariah's speeches. Enough moping after Tessa. Give Mariah a verbal sparring partner so we can have some comic relief while digesting more serious content.

Most of all, I'd just like something original, something that I can't predict -- even a new twist on a old idea would work for me. As always, I am eternally hopeful -- and just waiting for a tasty morsel to grace my jaded palate keeps me tuned in every day, and, hopefully, for years to come. For more about Mal Young and his autumn plans for Y&R, click here.

Thank you for letting me share my thoughts with you, dear friends. As always, I welcome feedback about this column in the section provided below. I enjoy all your comments, even when you don't agree with me. Everyone's opinion counts. Please return in two weeks for another edition of Two Scoops.

Thank you for letting me share my thoughts with you, dear friends. As always, I welcome feedback about this column in the section provided below. I enjoy all your comments, even when you don't agree with me. Everyone's opinion counts. I'll be back in two weeks for another edition of Two Scoops.

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