Crazy, lazy, hazy days of autumn

Jack got dumbed down, allowing the fox, Adam, to guard the henhouse, Jabot. Victoria got bent out of shape when she heard Victor name Nick as the Newman heir. Sharon's lies are catching up now that Patty Cake knows her secrets. Even Dylan 2.0 couldn't stop Devon's ill-advised actions in Chancellor Park. Get the lowdown on life in Genoa City from Boone in this week's Two Scoops.

First of all, it's great to be back, and I am so thankful to Dan for filling in at the last minute. What I thought was a minor upset stomach turned into something more serious, but after two shots and a regimen of antibiotics, I am back to full health. Thanks to all of you who sent well wishes.

Now, onward to last week's episodes, as they crawled slowly forward toward November sweeps. This is the time of year where the last scene of each episode is repeated at the beginning of the next day's episode. It's the time when there are flashbacks of flashbacks, and you can skip a couple of weeks -- like I did recently with my other favorite soap -- and not even know you missed anything because the story is moving so slowly, but as summer comes to a close and the nip of autumn fills the air, stories on all the soaps start moving in October. Like out-of-control freight trains hurtling down mountain passes, they speed into November. Such is the tempo of soaps.

We women, including myself, have often gotten ourselves into an uproar over offensive portrayals of our gender. Now I'm wondering if men aren't feeling the same thing in regard to the dumbing down of Jack, the deplorable depiction of Devon as the predictable out-of-control innocent suspect whose idiot actions make him look more and more guilty -- a staple, incidentally, in many, many cop shows and movies. I think men should be either outraged because these guys are so unreal or laughing their you-know-whats off-- like I am-- at these cartoonish caricatures of the male gender.

How dumb can Jack be? This dumb. He knows that Gabe is Adam. He knows that Adam hates Victor. He knows that Adam has the knowledge and the access to plant a virus in either the Newman or Abbott computer system. So why isn't Adam Jack's prime suspect? Call me crazy, but I almost fell out of my recliner when Jack appointed Gabe to be his eyes and ears to ferret out the Paragon Project. Not once did it seem that it even crossed the plane of Jack's consciousness to question Adam or be suspicious. In fact, Jack seems to have completely forgotten Adam's identity as well as all the damage that Delia's death caused. I still don't think Adam did it, but even if he didn't, Jack's going to be in big trouble with brother Billy -- and everyone else -- for not telling, as well he should.

And Devon, what can I say about him? If Jack is "Dumb," then Devon is "Dumber." He is the embodiment of the stereotypical accused innocent who looks guiltier and guiltier because he/she keeps taking the law into his/her own hands. As my old granny would say, "They don't show a lick of common sense." Common sense would dictate that Devon stay with the computer nerd while Dylan questioned the pilot. Again, as my old granny used to say, "You catch more flies with honey than with vinegar." Devon obviously never had an old granny, and he never read or heard the famous quote, "Violence is the last refuge of the incompetent," penned by legendary sci-fi writer Isaac Asimov, who incidentally wrote a book in 1957 about a planet whose inhabitants communicated in a manner very similar to FaceTime.

Asimov was a visionary, while clearly Devon is not, as he flails around, careening from here to there, and more blind now than Neil was when he lost his sight. I loved Devon and Hilary when they first got together. Devon was so strong and manly and smart. Now he's not, and I don't like it one bit. I'd like to see Bryton James do more of his music and have Devon act more like a mogul than a spoiled child throwing a temper tantrum. I can definitely understand Devon's concerns and regrets, but he would have less of them if he had trusted Hilary with the truth before the wedding, and he should have been smart enough to suspect that he'd been drugged.

Every crime-solving show on TV has one (or more) episode every season about a person who has one drink, passes out, and awakens to a dead body, or in bed with a prostitute, etc., and doesn't remember what happened. Surely Devon has watched enough TV or read enough news stories to at least suspect something hinky happened, especially with Colin involved, or did Devon forget that Colin blackmailed him out of enough money to let Jill buy Chancellor back from Victor?

If Devon keeps throwing all his money away on blackmail and lawyers -- because he can't keep his temper or big nose where they belong --then I think that he had better start worrying about Katherine coming back to chastise him, and not in a nice way. Please, oh please, Y&R writers, bring back the virile, manly, attractive Devon and send his ill-tempered, illogical evil twin back into the haze where he belongs.

I'm liking Dylan 2.0 much better than original Dylan or PTSD Dylan -- by the way, he used to be the hothead. Now it's Devon, and a while ago, it was Nick. Now that I think about it, Y&R moves hotheadedness around from character to character, like a virus -- okay, back on point. When Dylan arrived in town, a hotheaded stranger, I was bored. I started liking him again when he and Chelsea were happy, but fell out of love when he became the hotheaded, jealous coffeehouse owner in love with Avery. Now that he's become the calm, clever, problem-solving detective, following in his father's footsteps, I like him again. He's the strong silent type, just like his GH character, only on the right side of the law.

I would really like to see Paul and Dylan working together and building a close relationship, something that they never had a chance to do. I think that could be a compelling story of father/son bonding in tandem with a clever crime-solving mystery. I think it would be especially cute if Dylan joined the police and Kevin became his partner. (It would be just like his dark side persona, in that soapiverse in a galaxy far, far away, who had a computer nerd as his best friend.) Kevin and Dylan might provide some very nice comic bits now that Chloe has left town. Mariah and Kevin do make me laugh more than anyone else, at least intentionally.

Neil, Neil, Neil, what have you gone and done? You've painted yourself into a corner, and sitting there until the paint dries may not be an option. I was dazed for the longest time by how fast Neil was getting back and forth from Genoa City and the island boathouse until one of those flashbacks happened and he talked about flying Hilary back to Genoa City. I was confused by how similar Neil's boathouse was to the boathouse where Kelly kept Jack. Can anyone say "Recycled set?" Funny how the boathouse is the new go-to hiding place for Genoa City kidnappers. I also pondered why Hilary isn't developing a major lung infection from the cold, damp air that is flowing through that unheated boathouse.

When you think about it, it's ridiculous that Hilary is still alive. Neil isn't a doctor (and he doesn't even play one on TV!), so how could he possibly know enough to keep Hilary alive or know exactly where to get drugs in a hospital. The only place you can get drugs in my hospital has two doors to go through that are manned all the time -- even stealing a badge wouldn't get you through those doors to those kinds of drugs. That said, I am enjoying Kristoff St. John's acting, even though I don't like Neil's actions. Neil is coming back to himself and his values, though, and I like watching that play out. Maybe Neil can figure out why he goes for women young enough to be his daughter instead of women his own age. Victor, the patriarch, has been in fine fettle. I knew exactly how Victoria felt when she overheard her father tell her mother that Nick had returned to the fold and would be Victor's heir apparent. Victoria was devastated, just like the faithful son in the Biblical parable about the father who killed the fatted calf -- that he wouldn't sacrifice for his faithful son but did sacrifice when his prodigal son returned. Victoria should not have been surprised. She was blindsided the same way 20 years ago when Victor took the same action, valuing his son more than his daughter, as far as business and the continuance of the patriarchy was concerned. My father was old school like that, so as a first born, I know exactly how Victoria feels. I'm guessing that there are others out there who have felt the same way.

Victoria is mature enough to understand that she can never change Victor. She can only change herself. She really only has two choices: accept Victor's decision and take the role that he thinks is best for her, or, understanding that there is nothing that she can do to outshine Nick in her father's eyes, Victoria can strike out on her own and prove herself to herself as she declares independence from her "daddy" issues and finds her way to what she thinks is best for her.

I'm still voting Adam and Chelsea best couple. (Dylan and Kevin are a close second.) I'm still in love with Adam, no matter how much I hate what he is doing. His insouciance is so charming that I can forgive him anything. And just like I see Paul and Dylan bonding, I have a vision of Victor and Adam finally forging a father-son bond and becoming a real team, but I suppose that if Paul and Dylan are the functional family then some family, a.k.a. Victor and Adam, has to be the dysfunctional one. I think that Adam's identity will be revealed soon, so it's going to be fun, at least for me, to see the fallout from that revelation, which is sure to have a profound effect on everyone in town. How will Adam wriggle out? I don't know, but I have no doubt that Adam will find a way and get a last-minute reprieve from prison.

Nick and Sage are okay as a couple, but not as hot as Nick and Sharon at this time last year. I keep thinking that if Sage and Sharon got pregnant at about the same time, then why doesn't Dylan or someone else question how little Sharon's belly has grown in comparison to Sage, who looks like she swallowed a basketball. Sharon looks like she could model a bikini -- Duh, Dylan, after getting fooled so many times, don't you have a clue?

Sharon's going to get a broken heart, again, and not because she's off her meds, but because she is a liar and does not ever tell the truth. She is so needy when she gets scared or thinks the truth will result in a loss of love, so she lies. Then Sharon's self-fulfilling prophecy comes true, not because the truth is revealed but because of Sharon's lies. I'm still betting that Sharon is going to steal a baby, probably Sage's, and pass it off as her own. This is another staple in the soap story closet. Child stealing has happened so often in Genoa City that I think every child in town needs a therapist.

As Dan pointed out, ratings are rising, so younger viewers, unlike the old guard, are being won over by the actors and the storylines. I think that Y&R has been enjoyable and fun these last few weeks, like those fanciful summer series such as Zoo and Under the Dome. Real, but not really, just something light to pass the time, in no time.

I was so glad to see Lauren and Michael get back together. They are a great couple, and they belong together. Breaking them up permanently would be a tragedy. It was also great to see Lauren and Lily make peace. I'm so pleased that Lily has ceased being so judgmental of everyone. She is so beautiful on the outside that I love seeing her beauty radiate from the inside. I wonder who will take Lily's vacated place as judge and jury for her peers.

I've always respected Y&R for being one of the first soaps to have a core black family with enough members in it to have storylines instead of playing mere supporting roles for others. I mention this because Y&R appears to be introducing a Hispanic contingent with the addition of Marisa and her husband to the cast. I'd like to see some other family members follow them and settle in town.

I think Latino viewers are just as entitled as black and white viewers to indulge themselves in the fantasy of what a middle class family might be if we all had the same wages that the "average middleclass families" earn in Genoa City. While we are at it, why not add a Chinese family. After all, the Chinese culture is one of the world's oldest, and we could learn a lot from them about devotion to family and reverence for ancestors, attitudes that I fear are sorely lacking in our American culture.

Another puzzler: am I the only one that wonders why Patty Cake could stand in a noisy hall behind a wall several feet away from Sharon and Mariah and hear everything that was said but Noah couldn't hear what Marisa's husband said to her in a quiet, empty bar from only three feet away? I know, I know. It's only a soap!

I have to say, next week looks pretty good. I missed the Patty Cake years, but after seeing the actress for the first time, I'm looking forward to her sneaky ways. Maybe she'll take the heat off Sharon, or maybe she'll make it even worse. Either way, I will be watching.

I'm also ecstatic that Michael E. Knight is joining the cast. He is such a clown and so down to earth in the interviews that I've read. And while he will bring humor, Knight has great emotional range, and he can portray tragedy and loss with the same deft acting chops as those he uses to play the clown. I believe that Knight is an absolutely terrific addition to Y&R, and they are very lucky to get him.

According to the coming attractions, Marisa is actually going to tell Noah all -- a wise decision on her part after Noah showed her (and us) that he had backbone --wonder what action Noah will take; Patty is going to threaten Sharon, who I venture to guess will go off the rails, and it will be hard to tell who is crazier, Sharon or Patty; Jack's prediction to Ashley about Victor's wrath will prove correct when Victor tries to have the Abbotts jailed -- that ought to be a hoot; and on the sinister side, Ian Ward is going to make a play for Phyllis. I just hope the old "get you before you get me" suspicious Phyllis is back and foils Ian's evil plan to get the Newmans and Abbotts feuding so that Ian can swoop in and scoop up both companies and all the marbles. Jack also has the opportunity to be the big hero. All Jack's got to do is remember Ian's voice in time to stop the nefarious plan that Ian has set in motion.

Well folks, that's it for now. Please join me in two weeks for the next meeting of "Soap-a-holics and Proud" (SAP for short). Our topic will be "Imaginary friends: when too many are not enough." Until then, fellow fan addicts, take care of yourself, your family, and your friends, even if they are imaginary!

What are your thoughts on ? What did you think of this week's Two Scoops? We want to hear from you -- so drop your comments in the Comments section below, tweet about it on Twitter, share it on Facebook, or chat about it on our Message Boards.