What a tangled web...

After Jack tangled in the sheets with Kelly, he woke up next to her dead, bloody body. Meanwhile, Marco continued his impersonation of Jack even as Paulumbo closed in. Hilary and Devon reunited, to Lily's dismay. Sage told Nick he was about to be a father again without bothering to mention that she had also had unprotected sex with Gabriel.

Darth Victor's sinister plan to steal Jabot from the Abbotts was revealed last week, along with Yack's true identity. Turns out he's Marco, the South American drug lord and psycho killer. He also just happens to be a dead ringer for Jack. How Victor happened on him is still a mystery -- Did Victor post an ad on Craig's list for a look-alike -- but we are getting some flashbacks to the Peruvian prison where Victor found the mustachioed Marco, so eventually all will be revealed, or at least all that the writers don't gloss over or decline to actually explain.

Meanwhile, like my friend Bessie and a lot of you, I, too, was of the opinion that yet another twin story was repetitive, silly, and unworthy of Y&R's usually superior storytelling. I've had a change of heart, but haven't had a chance to run my theory by Bessie -- my very reliable sounding board. Anyway, here's what I was thinking. It seems to me that the last risky plotline that Y&R used was way back when Jeanne Cooper got the first facelift on TV. That was a brave and courageous story, but since then, Y&R has stayed firmly in the middle of the road with its storytelling.

Y&R has also stayed firmly at the top of the ratings, so despite our bitching and moaning, this must be what most of us want. Otherwise, Y&R would not keep its number one spot, because we would stop tuning in, and we have not -- we are still glued to our screen to watch the perils of Jack and Yack, his slick slimy replacement, who slithers unhindered among Jack's oblivious friends and family.

This is still a tired, repetitive storyline, but I bet Peter Bergman is having a blast. He's played good guy Jack, perpetual loser and Victor's foil, for a very long time now. Slipping into Jack's skin must be second nature and maybe a little like a job after so many years in the role. Playing Marco must be like taking a vacation. For a little while, Bergman gets to let out his dark side. He gets to be Mr. Hyde for a change, and I suspect that when Marco gets killed off -- and he must so that there is no provable link to Victor, who will skate as usual -- Bergman will get to play that "top of the world" moment that made both Jimmy Cagney and White Heat so memorable.

Now that Kelly's dead -- I suspect that Marco had a hand in that -- Jack is in a real pickle. He's drugged, befuddled, and bobble-headed as he wanders the island where he's been held captive. Will Jack have the presence of mind to get off the island and get clear of whatever mind-numbing drug Kelly was giving him, or will he end up in prison for the rest of the summer as Pod Jack cavorts in his place?

Frankly, I'm going to enjoy the guilty pleasure of seeing Jack -- even if it is Yack -- give Victor a run for his money and I have no doubt that a big-time drug lord like Marco will waste little time in setting up a huge drug operation that uses Newman-Abbott's resources for distribution. I also imagine that some other people will get killed along the way -- probably not major characters, but the soap opera equivalent of those expendable Star Trek "red shirts" could be in danger from the evil impersonator.

Victor will not be happy when he finds out that he's been played, and I do think that we will see Victor take a few hard hits and stagger. Victor may even go down for the count, but Victor will get up and eventually win by a TKO. While Victor is on the ropes, I will enjoy seeing him tangled in his own web. I hope he is held accountable for the dire consequences that he created. Both Austin and Courtney would be alive if Victor's greed had not driven him to destroy Jack and the Abbott legacy.

I do not expect that Victor will suffer legally -- he's too good at covering up -- but his crimes will be an open secret to his family and the Abbotts. Everybody will be mad at him for a while, but eventually, all will be forgiven, and like a river that has been diverted temporarily, its course will be restored, and all will be right in Darth Victor's world again.

Melody Scott Thomas is also getting a chance to emote and show us her powerful acting skills as well. Having lived with a female roommate alcoholic -- who eventually dried out and quit drinking -- and a male lover -- who never got sober -- I have some familiarity with alcoholic behavior. It's not pretty, and there are a lot of people affected by this disease, not only the ones who drink, but the family and friends of those people. In my experience, most drunks eventually pass through the happy phase and get to belligerent pretty quickly if you challenge them or try to limit their intake of alcohol. If you love and live with a person like that, sometimes it's good to seek help for yourself so you can learn to cope.

Nikki is going through all the phases. She is trying to quit drinking. She can stay sober for a little while, but as soon as she is near a bottle, her desire for it becomes overwhelming. I know exactly how she feels. The same thing happens to me whenever I'm near anything chocolate. Fortunately, that addiction is much less serious than Nikki's plight. She needs to get to a shrink, go to A.A. meetings, or better yet, if I were Nikki, I'd take the private jet and check myself into the most expensive, posh rehab facility I could find and stay there until Victor stopped scheming. Instead of "Get thee to a nunnery!" it's "Get thee to a rehabbery!" (I love making up words, but spellcheck hates me. LOL)

I understand Nikki, but I don't feel sorry for her. She knew what Victor was each time she married him. After 30 years, it's about time that she admitted that money was a big motivator and then accepted Victor as he accepts her. She's either got to stand behind him or get out. Nikki has lied to Victor about many things, but she expects the truth from him. They have a very dysfunctional relationship. I can't imagine living in the same house with someone that I couldn't trust.

That's probably why 50% of marriages fail. Most of us have trust issues. My brother and I were talking about that recently. He's had three failed marriages, and I've had one marriage and one relationship failure. We decided that trust issues affect every relationship, whether it's friendships, business, or family. The same is true for Nikki. Not only does Nikki have a hard time trusting Victor, but there doesn't seem to be anyone else that she trusts, either, even Paul, who is estranged from Nikki at the moment, not only because she was in the car that killed his unborn child but because Nikki continues to lie to everyone about everything.

Now that Paulumbo, sans wrinkled raincoat, is on the trail, I wonder how long it will take him to figure out that Yack is Marco -- and by the way, who, in this day and age, ever heard of a criminal who has prints on file but no photo? When Marco's prints were taken, why didn't someone take a photo? Was the camera broken? And if Victor could so easily find Marco in a Peruvian prison, why couldn't the FBI? Does Victor have more money than the Federal government? Oh, right, all together now, loud and in unison, "It's only a soap!"

I do think that Paul will figure out the double first, after Phyllis, who, in my opinion, should have known immediately that something was very wrong. It's that trust thing again. If Jack and Phyllis had real trust, then she should have known right away that something was very off with Yack. Maybe some of you "happily-married-for-a-million-years" folks could weigh in on that and answer this question for me. If your spouse went to the bathroom and a look-alike returned, how long would it take you to recognize the difference?

It appears that the Winters Clan will be in reruns this summer, though I do like that they have added Gwen to the mix. We have the Hilary-Lily ongoing name-calling, reminiscent of the days shortly after Lily learned that Hilary was the GCBuzz blogger (I wonder if the writers are so lazy that they will rerun the dialogue from those days, too -- just saying!)

At least Devon and Hilary aren't sneaking around, but that certainly is not placating Neil. Devon doesn't seem to get any respect. He's supposedly got billions -- unless he's already squandered it -- and owns the hotel. Devon could fire Lily and tell everyone else to take a hike if they did not like his choice of paramour, but he didn't. Devon was a wuss, or maybe he's just trying to preserve his relationship to his family without giving up Hilary. Good luck with that, Devon! You and Hilary have your own web of deceit to untangle.

Sage is busily nesting and spinning her own deceitful web of lies. One of Y&R's favorite reruns is "Hide the baby from the baby daddy," a plotline that I find as boring and absurd as some of you find the twin story. I'm guessing that Adam is the father, which will lead to complications with Chelsea. How long before that is revealed? Can anyone say "Sweeps?" Is what Sage is doing any worse that what Sharon did? At least Sharon had contributing medical issues. Sage just thinks that Nick will be a better father than Adam, but will he? Adam is very good with Connor. It's obvious that he dotes on him. How will he behave if Sage's baby is his? It will certainly throw a spanner into Adam's plans for reuniting with Chelsea under his Gabe guise, again a very tangled web. How can there be trust? Chelsea and old Adam had a very good relationship at the end. It's obvious that they could rekindle that because Chelsea pines for Adam. Adam needs to let her in, even if Gabe has to reveal who he is to her.

If Adam doesn't tell Chelsea first, Billy is going to ferret out the secret and, if he doesn't pick up a gun and go after Adam, he will run straight to Chelsea, who will then drop on Adam like the proverbial "ton of bricks." Chelsea's upset will be that Adam did not trust her enough to reveal his true identity. In Billy's anger and rush to judgment over Delia, I wonder if he will pause long enough to remember that: a) Billy shot and left Adam for dead, b) Adam went into a burning building to save Connor, and c) Adam went back into that building to save his enemy, Billy.

There is a certain nobility in that. I think that's what I like in this Adam that was missing in the other. This one is more cocky nobility with less tragic overtones. Don't get me wrong. Both Adams are phenomenal actors. I'm just very happy with the more lighthearted approach that Justin Hartley is taking. It's not a radical departure, just less dour.

Despite an early dislike for the most recent Billy and the new Kyle, the actors are growing, and have grown on me. Newest Kyle has been the repeated victim of SO SAD, Soap Opera Strange Aging Disease, so I cut him some slack. Even though the other Kyles were older, this Kyle is closer to the age he ought to be. Now that his acting is improving, I can stand him and might even like him eventually.

I do like Burgess Jenkins as Billy. He is not the Billy that Billy Miller played. This Billy is more serious and focused on business ad Jabot. He is not as playful as before, possibly due to the trauma he suffered as a result of Delia's death and the events that followed. Either way, he's grown on me. Over at GH, where Billy Miller has taken on the iconic Jason role, the same thing has happened to the character that he plays. He is not playing Jason the way that Steve Burton did. His Jason is a tougher Billy Abbott with military training. Miller is a terrific recast. He just won't play the role in the same manner that Steve Burton did.

THIS JUST IN FROM THE PICKY PICKY PICKY DEPARTMENT. Why weren't Chelsea and Gabe at the big party that Jack gave on Friday for all the bigwig Newman-Abbott folks? The chemistry between Sharon and Nick as they talked at Cassie's grave was overwhelming. I hope something throws them back together during the summer because Dylan and Sharon do not rock my world, but I digress. I chuckled when Nick said that Noah was a baby when Cassie entered their life. As I remember, Cassie was six or seven, but let's assume that SO SAD has made Cassie only a few months older than Noah. Noah is 24, at least he was two years ago, and to my knowledge he has not had a birthday since. So if Mariah is 25 and Sharon was 17 at the time of the birth and Nick is the same age as Sharon, then Nick and Sharon are at least 42. That means that Nick was conceived 12 years before Victor met Nikki. Go figure! Like I said at the beginning: Picky, Picky, Picky!!!!!

Well, I see by the old cat claw in my arm and the dog claw on my knee that it's time to take care of these animals and cater to their every whim. It's my day job, and I definitely don't want to get fired, especially if I have to keep making payments on the house and then hire them a new pet/companion with opposable thumbs.

Now that Avery has more free time, maybe I could get a consult with her about my legal rights at the next Soap-aholics Anonymous meeting. Until then, take care fellow fan addicts, and remember that it's better to have imaginary friends than no friends at all, especially if you have pets that have no imagination. Next time, I'm getting an imaginary pet!

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