I know what you did last, Summer

Summer took one look in the mirror and got more than she bargained for. The Scooby gang rallied to keep Summer safe, but it was Abby who was attacked. As Victor pulled the strings, Kelly confessed that she, not Phyllis, had poisoned the tea. Adam decided to make a speech, Abby cried on Ben's shoulder, and Dylan comforted Sharon. This and more as Boone dishes the latest dirt on her imaginary friends in Genoa City.

One of my favorite things about soaps is when the writers take a movie or TV plot and put a soapy spin on it, like now with Summer and the Scooby gang doing everything wrong in their effort to untangle Austin's murder. It's campy, and I love it. This homage to the horror genre is hitting just the right note to keep me guessing and trying to sort out the clues from the red herrings.

The Young and the Restless is probably the least campy of all the soaps, but it's hardly realistic, either, at least as far as job, housing, clothing, and the everyday trappings of life are concerned. I've rarely seen anyone except Esther do housework -- though I seem to recall the Winters clan doing dishes on Thanksgiving.

Very few people actually go to work, or if they do work, it's only a few minutes before they are off doing something personal or jogging through the park or getting coffee. And as far as salaries go, Neil mentioned to Devon that he had spent "millions" on the house that he had bought for Hilary. Millions? What kind of job did he have for Jabot? See what I mean? Not many of us live in that rarified air, but that's okay with me. I enjoy the clothes, the glamour, and the absurdities because no matter what the trappings, real human drama and emotion are on display for us every day.

Case in point, Summer has had a really, really bad year, what with finding out that her dad wasn't her dad, that her mom was in a coma, that the guy she was in love with had shot Paul and kidnapped Avery and then, as if that wasn't enough, her mother woke up from the coma and told her that her first dad was still her dad and that she disapproved of Summer's marriage. Summer defended her marital bliss right up until the moment she found out that her husband, Austin, had been cheating with Abby and that Austin's secret video project had been an expos of the Newmans and the Abbotts and that perhaps he had never loved her and had only been using Summer to get information about her family.

Whew! That is a lot for any girl to take in, especially a nave twenty-year-old. So why don't I feel sorry for Summer and cut her some slack? Well. I am cutting her an itsy bitty bit of slack, but mostly I agree with Mariah (and my friend Bessie) that Summer is a spoiled, needy princess who should stop crying and stand on her own two feet. I do think Mariah was unnecessarily hard on Summer during Friday's show and should take it easier on Summer. It's like kicking someone when they are down, and that's not sporting, at least not in my day, but times have changed, so maybe that's acceptable behavior now. Anyway, I just think Mariah should lighten up a little.

I will welcome the day when Summer finally stops sniveling and finds her backbone. Meanwhile, the Scooby gang has their work cut out for them as they try to figure out who is leaving those cryptic messages on the mirrors in lipstick. As a sidebar, I'd like to know where Summer found that extra large compact with that great big mirror, not to mention how the killer was able to get to the compact to leave that message without anyone noticing. Surely one of the gang would have noticed a stranger entering the cabin, which looks huge from the outside, but very small on the inside, sort of a reverse TARDIS, Dr. Who fans.

Another thing -- picky, picky, picky -- how far is that "remote" cabin from town? It was too far to drive back to Genoa City during the storm, but close enough for Abby and Kyle to get back to Crimson Lights in about five minutes. I can understand why the Scoobies did not want to tell the cops what happened, but I don't understand why Courtney did not insist. She's a police officer. She's supposed to be immune to peer pressure, but when the alleged murderer is your best friend and you are dating her brother then I guess the lines get a little blurred, sort of like between Marvin Gaye and Robin Thicke.

If the gang had waited, instead of hurrying to cover up the crime, they might have remembered more as time passed and been able to convince the police that none of them were guilty. Fen would have gotten in trouble for spiking the punch, but he should have. That was a totally dumb thing to do, but Fen has not impressed me with his intellectual prowess, so no loss there.

Bessie, my pen pal friend, and I are burning up email and scratching our heads about "who done it." One of our theories is that it's not Austin who is dead but a look-alike. We don't think one of the gang killed Austin, but someone from the outside, preferable an expendable character, like the red shirts in old Star Trek episodes, unless Austin is alive and scamming the Scooby gang for his own purposes. That was the plot of Agatha Christie's Ten Little Indians. The first person to die wasn't actually dead but was instead killing all the others one by one. I could see Austin doing something like that. We figured that it also couldn't be Victor or Jack. Both are devious and ruthless with each other, but I don't think either would actually commission a murder, and neither would cause either Summer or Abby that much suffering, although, if Victor found out about the expos, I can see him paying Austin off and sending him to a kingdom far, far away. Jack might do the same thing and consider that it was better for Abby and Summer if they thought that Austin was dead.

So, I guess it is possible that Victor or Jack arranged for a corpse that looked like Austin, but I can't see either of them terrorizing the Scoobies with messages on mirrors or hiring henchmen to do it for them.

Hmm. Christine is a possibility because she is definitely off the rails, like Summer, with good reason, but Christine's pathological obsession with Phyllis and a 20-year-old crime seems very unhealthy, just as her pregnancy, which felt more like a knee-jerk reaction to finding out Dylan was Paul's son than a real desire for parenthood. I was sure Christine would eventually lose the baby, and I have to say that Laura Lee Bell's performance was profoundly touching. I could feel her hurt, anger, pain, and intensity. She moved and acted like a woman who had just lost everything that meant anything to her. I saw what you did last, Christine, and I weep with you, but it does not give you the right to dispense your personal justice! And don't you forget it -- especially with Neil and Nikki!

I saw what you did also, Nikki and Neil, and the truth will come out, as it always does. Is it any wonder Victor is not there for Nikki when she refuses to tell him the truth or share her perils with him? How solid can a marriage be if a couple doesn't have each other's back? Instead of marriage counseling, I prescribe two episodes of Hart to Hart for Victor and Nikki each night before bedtime. The Harts were always truthful with each other and trusted each other. The only drawback to their relationship was that they were crime magnets and had to get out of some awful jam every episode. Even so, they always ended up laughing, or in bed, or both. I could handle that!

I saw what you did last, Jack. You had sex with Kelly then lied about it. Bessie and I disagreed about that. She thinks there are two Jacks, one a doppelgnger hired by Victor to impersonate Jack. Could be, and that's as good a reason as any that Jack would deny the encounter in the storeroom at the Underground that we saw him have with Kelly just before the ceiling caved in. Jack is going to take a very big fall because, just like Wile E. Coyote putting his trust in the Road Runner just before a two-ton weight drops on Mr. Coyote, Jack has once again trusted Victor, who clearly has his own agenda.

What is Victor up to now? Who is he meeting in the hospital confessional? Bessie said it was Kelly. I think Joe Clark is his cohort in crime. Joe is just slimy enough to be willing to do Victor's dirty work. Maybe he's wearing a Jack mask, and he's the one who slept with Kelly. Joe is definitely obsessed with Avery, and I wonder if Avery is as in love with Dylan as she claims. She had an affair with Dylan, went back to Joe, divorced him, moved to Genoa City, got engaged to Nick, left Nick for Dylan when Dylan returned from the dead, and now she is more sympathetic to Joe than I would be in similar circumstances.

I also saw what you did last, Dylan. You were nice to Sharon. We all know what happens when men are nice to Sharon. Sharon is needy, and she makes substitutions when Nick is not on the menu. Same goes for Nick, who is spicing up his life with Sage, but as Adam told Sage, Nick and Sharon always get back together. Dylan and Sharon do have chemistry together, but Sharon Case, like Melissa Claire Egan, has great chemistry with most of the actors with whom she is paired. Steve Burton is no exception. I think that at least temporarily, they would make as good a couple as Dylan and Avery, maybe even better.

As always, though, I root for a Sharon and Nick reunion. I like to see families stick together, and I loved the big family doings at Christmas. I want more of that from the second generation Newmans. I like to believe that some relationships do stand the test of time. I'm confident that a lot of you fit that bill, but I'm content to get my fix for true love from Nick and Sharon for as long as we three shall live!

I saw what you did last, Abby, and that was put your head on Stitch's shoulder. I wouldn't be at all surprised if Abby's next male conquest is Stitch. I've always thought Melissa Ordway seemed like a better fit for Sean Carrigan than Amelie Heinle, but maybe that's because I expect Billy and Victoria to reunite, and I can't get invested in Ben and Victoria. If the baby had been Ben's, then yes, but since it's Billy's, I want the family to get back together so I can live those Leave It to Beaver moments, soap-style, with a happy family unit.Bessie, who had not previously been Abby's biggest fan, has really been impressed with the recent quality of Melissa Ordway's acting, especially as Abby has gone through the devastating experience of being the other woman, getting attacked, and then finding out that Austin, whom she thought she loved and loved her, had possibly betrayed her. Congratulations, Melissa, on getting the Bessie seal of approval. I can't tell you how great I feel when I get it, because Bessie is a tough, but fair, audience and she's been a fan of Y&R since it began, so Bessie knows soaps! I agree with Bessie. Two thumbs-up for Melissa Ordway.

I saw what you did last, Hilary. You did a great job of pretending you did not love Devon. That was very self-sacrificing, but it would probably have been better to cut Devon loose before you slept with him and devastated Neil and his family. Personally, if I had taken that step with Devon and acknowledged love, I don't think I would walk away after everything came out, especially with Devon's billions -- or millions, since I don't think Devon is handling his money all that well. Anyway, the point is that moving away and starting over should be easy and expected. What did Hilary think was going to happen? Did she expect to tell Neil and then be invited to family dinners as if Neil and Devon were interchangeable parts?

It's possible that Hilary thinks Devon will see through her ruse and realize that she is giving him up because she loves him and does not want him to lose the love of his family. I've got news for her. Devon is not that bright, but then neither is Hilary or she would not be "locking the barn door after the horse has escaped."

I'm still expecting Hilary to be pregnant. That's the best way to get her back together with Devon, at least for me, and since Y&R likes to keep one of the parents secret, if Hilary is pregnant, I expect Devon to be not only clueless but the last to know.

I know what you did last, Michael, and that's worry more about whether or not you will be able to have sex again than whether or not you will beat cancer and live to worry another day. All us fans are just as worried about Michael's health as he is, and we know that cancer is very scary, but it's not going to get better by hurting Lauren and throwing the past up in her face. I'm still a little worried that Michael will succumb to his disease, but I'm hopeful that he will not. Michael and Lauren have a good dynamic as a couple and continually prove that love can conquer all. I enjoy that about them, possibly because I don't have a partner of my own, and I savor the vicarious thrill of unreal life. I saw what you did last, Adam, when you were getting drunk and making goo-goo eyes at Chelsea while she and Billy announced their engagement. As Friday's episode ended, a drunken Adam was about to make a speech at the engagement party for Chelsea and Billy. It was obvious that Adam wanted to reveal himself and tell Chelsea that he loved her. I don't think he will. Instead, Adam will make some sappy speech congratulating the happy couple while he continues to pine for Chelsea. I think we will have to wait a few more months before the full truth is revealed.

I saw what you did last, Kelly, and that was to confess. Obviously Victor orchestrated the plan, but how did he convince you? Will Victor turn on you now that Phyllis has been exonerated? I have to wonder if Kelly is lying about what she did. In the beginning, I did think that she poisoned herself to get sympathy from Jack, but if she did, it seemed like it was awfully easy for Victor to get her to confess. I think there will be more. What will Kelly do if Victor doesn't come through -- retract the confession? That would make Christine happy but hardly paints Kelly as a stable, reliable witness.

I see by the old clock on the wall that my sojourn in Genoa City is over for now. It's time to take my meds and say goodnight to my imaginary friends. So, fellow fan addicts, until our next Soap-aholics Anonymous meeting at Crimson Lights, take care and remember, better to have imaginary friends than no friends at all.

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