To the victors belong the spoils

After a death, three disasters, and an explosive revelation, residents of Genoa City are getting ready to rumble, grumble, and mumble until someone walks away with all the marbles and gloating rights. Read on as this week's scribe ponders the difference between the spoils, the spoiled, and spoiling for a fight!

I thought I would fall out of my recliner, howling with laughter, when the Thursday episode of The Young and the Restless opened with Victor holding a pillow and politely inquiring whether or not he could put Jack out of his misery. And bam, just like that, all the humor, irony, sarcasm, and great, witty repartee was back, breathing life into the tired battle between Jack and Victor. Just when it seemed like there was no new wrinkle to be had, the dialogue got crisp and believable, and I didn't care anymore. Where will it take us? Down familiar paths, to be sure, to the usual ending, no doubt, with the usual victor reaping the spoils, probably, but oh, what an exciting ride it promises to be this time.

Jack and Victor are both grumblers now that they've aged, but they can still rumble. Mr. Mumbles was on his toes and close to gleeful in his scenes with Jack, who appears completely taken in by Victor's newfound bonhomie.

Jack really should recognize the signs that are flashing, "spoiler alert." Victor was way too gracious in his compliments to Kyle. That ought to have been a dead giveaway to Jack, who seems too bedazzled by the fact that Victor saved his live to see the complex Machiavellian maneuvers that the dark prince is making. But we, fellow fan addicts, are now beginning to see the faint outline of Victor's plot, which must have started when Kyle was spying for Jack and Jill; or maybe even way before that because, really folks, Victor can hold a grudge even longer than my brother can!

Victor must have planted that information about Bonaventure for Kyle to find and pass on to Jack and Jill. I don't think Victor is in financial trouble, as he appeared to be recently when he was trying to redevelop the warehouse district. It's more than possible that Victor created a clever ruse to leave that impression so that selling Chancellor to Jill and Cane didn't seem suspicious -- and had the added benefit of making them even more eager to acquire the company at Victor's asking price.

I'm not sure what Victor's end game is, though certainly wiping out Jack once and for all has got to be a top priority. I do know that Victor will pounce on the spoils, whatever they may be, likely Chancellor, probably Jabot -- he's already stolen "Hex," which makes me wonder about that trampy interlude between Jack and Kelly. Was that really Jack, a Jack imposter, or Jack under the influence of Kelly wearing Hex? If it was Jack, why doesn't he remember? Or maybe Jack does remember and is lying to Phyllis, which seems out of character for Jack, who is usually more boy scout than playboy. I would certainly like to know whom Victor met in the confessional, and I'm guessing it was not a priest.

How delusional is Kelly? If she were wearing "Hex," wouldn't she know it? Maybe, maybe not. Hmm, unprotected sex in a storeroom, isn't it a soap rule that Kelly should be pregnant? I'd actually like to see that. And think about what an inspiration Jack could be to all those other Viet Nam vets who now use that little blue pill, which Jack, and come to think of it, Victor and Paul, and even Nick, now that he's almost 50, never have to even think about using. Michael did, but not until he developed prostate cancer, which was a definite downer, um, I mean spoiler, for Michael's love life.

I'm beginning to think that Victor has orchestrated everything to make it seem to Phyllis that Kelly is the crazy one and to make Kelly think that Phyllis is off the rails. Victor, like the serpent in the garden, whispers his allegiance in each lady's ear while at the same time convincing Jack that he and Victor are "frenemies." The ladies may think of Jack as the "spoils of war," but Victor just thinks that Jack is spoiled, so all is fair!

Speaking of spoiled, Summer never ceases to disappoint as "whinezilla." Granted, waking up from a drug-induced sleep to have your suddenly dead husband fall out of a closet would be disconcerting to the most hardened horror movie veteran, but Summer and her friends seem more like those teens in that Geico commercial who decide that it's safer to hide behind the chainsaws than to hop in the running car and escape. Instead of trusting the police, these 20something knuckleheads -- remember Noah is 25, and Mariah and Kevin are older -- decide to try to pull off a cover-up. Haven't they learned anything about karma and lying? Apparently not.

To complicate matters, Kyle is home, an obvious victim of SOWAD, Soap Opera Weird Aging Disease, because he is aging backward, like The Curious Case of Benjamin Button. Two years ago, Kyle was about ten years older than Summer. Now, he looks like her younger brother. I'm not impressed by his acting talent, but I'm willing to give him a chance to get grounded. With that last scene on Friday -- when Kyle remembered looking in the cabin while everyone slept -- it was clear that Kyle will be deeply involved in this mystery, which is probably the summer -- no pun intended -- "I know what you did!" story for the younger players and audience.

Personally, I like where this is going. The story will be fun, if a little campy, which is great as long as it's well acted. I'm not yet sure this incarnation of Kyle will be up to the task. He and Summer together are not generating anything close to Summer and the previous Kyle, who I thought was awful. .

Wow! Abby and Austin -- didn't see that one coming! I like this twist, though, and wouldn't be surprised if those flashbacks Abby is having were a recent inspiration by our new head writer. What a great way to bring discord between Summer and Abby. I think Austin and Abby make a better couple than Austin and Summer. I hope we get to see Abby and Austin's story in more detail, even if it is in flashback.

I'm having real trouble believing that Austin is dead, but since Summer has identified the body...Hmm, is it irony or satire that both Summer and Abby are spoiled princesses who love Austin, the "spoils" in their, as yet unannounced, battle for his affections. At least Summer will have Kyle to comfort her, even if he does look fifteen. Abby, unfortunately, has either dated, or is related to, almost every other shoulder available to cry on, so she'll have to tough it out on her own, unless she can "Hex" Stitch.

While it made sense that a snowstorm could cause a plane crash and a roof collapse, the penthouse fire seemed like overkill, until I figured out that it gave Adam a chance to do something heroic, have Billy in his debt, and put him under the same roof with Chelsea. What do you want to bet Adam will be outed during May sweeps? I know, I know, I am ever the optimist when it comes to revealing what the audience already knows.

I really enjoy the banter and bickering between Billy and Adam as they jockey for position with Chelsea. Sage is chafing and just a little bit jealous, not because she loves Adam, but because she saved his life, and he doesn't seem as appreciative or as careful as he should. Sage wants the money. She thinks she's entitled. Maybe she is, but Sage is on a slippery slope that will end in disaster for her. If Sage doesn't step carefully and guard her words, all her plans will be spoiled. Even though Sage is getting closer to Nick, she had better take Adam's caution to heart: Sharon and Nick always find their way back to each other.

As the war for Chelsea's heart heats up, I can't help but hope that a driver other than Adam killed Delia. In the comments section, after my last column, one reader suggested Sage was driving and another suggested that Austin was the driver. Austin would be the perfect patsy! He's dead, so no jail time, and during that drinking game they were playing when Fen said he had never killed anyone, Austin acted guilty. What are the chances that Austin killed Delia before he met Summer, kidnapped Avery, and shot Paul? Perhaps Austin is also spoiled, not as in "pampered princess," but in a "bad seed," Devil's spawn kind of way. Maybe Austin is Ian's Ward's nephew, and his marriage to Summer and dalliance with Abby is all part of some larger plot! I know, I know, time to take my Prozac and calm down.

I thought the special effects Y&R did on all those disasters was spectacular. The plane crash was fantastic, but only on TV do survival rates defy the odds. Of course, in Genoa City, it helps to be rich, but that didn't help John Denver, John F. Kennedy Jr., or Ricky Nelson, to name a few who perished in private planes. Neil and his clan can count themselves lucky.

The roof collapse at the Underground was also very convincing, though the joint seemed a lot smaller before the ceiling fell in. I was surprised by how difficult it was for the rescuers to hear Nikki and Phyllis yelling and banging on the pipes. (She said drolly, with tongue planted firmly in cheek! LOL) There was certainly a lot of tension as we waited for the rescuers to unearth Victor, Jack, et al. A recent Soap Central news article referenced Star Trek and soap opera, so I ask you, was it a tip of the cap or a curious coincidence that Y&R amped up the suspense by killing off a nameless bartender and pilot instead of leading characters, just as Star Trek killed off nameless crewmen in red shirts, instead of show regulars?

Nikki's battle with the bottle has been exposed, and though she is talking about repentance and rehab, Nikki has not finished imbibing. Nikki's demons are not done with her yet. Neither are Neil's, whose revenge was spoiled by an untimely plane crash. Poor Neil. He got to enjoy his dramatic revelation for all of 30 or 40 seconds before the plane crashed and he had to become all noble and set off to rescue everyone.

Not to be outdone, Hilary turned in a tour de force performance so convincing that it had me wondering if she really had been playing all of us, along with Neil and Devon, for the past year. Hilary's tears at the end of Friday's show say, "No." Hilary did not want to spoil Devon's relationship with his family, so Hilary chose to spoil the relationship she had with Devon instead. How is that going to work out for her? Not well is my guess. Hilary will cry a lot, and Devon will mope. Neil will drink and turn to Lily. Ho-hum.

Something's missing here. Not sure what it is. Even the Cane-Lily tiff seems about to be resolved too easily, but maybe that's the lesson, maybe that's what happens between people who really love each other. Maybe no matter what happens, no matter how seemingly unforgivable or irrevocably spoiled a relationship may appear, it never really is, because where there is that undeniable, unconditional, committed love, nothing is ever unforgivable. I don't know that of my own experience, never been there, never done that, but I like to believe that there are a few of you out there who have that "Love means never having to say you're sorry" relationship, even if that wish labels me as a hopelessly romantic cynic.

One thing about Hilary, the girl knows how to gloat, which I admire, but I can't think of anything more off-putting than gloating, especially in a female. I know, because I'm a gloater and I've heard it before from non-gloaters. I tend to make friends with fellow gloaters, those individuals who understand the rules for competitive gloating, i.e. gloater must also be gracious gloatee should another garner the gloating honors. That's probably why I identify with Victor; he's a gloater, though not very gracious, and rarely the gloatee because it is very difficult to get a gloat on Victor. Jack often gloats, he just does it prematurely and usually ends up feeling foolish when his gloat falls flat.

I can hardly wait for the gloat that Victor is going to have after he bests Jack and Jill. I'm going to enjoy it while I remember my late friend Dale, best Scrabble player and best gloater ever. He could teach both Hilary and Victor a thing or two about gloating, twisting the knife, and making you laugh. Devon, though devastated, may eventually figure out Hilary's ruse. Cane will probably help him without telling Lily. I'm still a fan of Hevon, despite their less than honorable behavior -- I blame the old writers -- and want a happy ending for them because I like their "coupledom," and I want Neil to find someone his own age!

Summer is the funniest character on the show right now. I got a big laugh seeing Summer stomp around so sure-footedly in mega-high, skinny-heeled boots on ice so slick that it caused Kyle to fall down a ravine, and again when Summer whined that she just wanted Austin to return, I guffawed when Kevin asked if Summer was aware that Austin didn't have a pulse. I even gained a little respect for Summer when she quit crying long enough to snark back that a doctor had not examined Austin, so he could still be alive -- and she's right. Anything is possible on a soap!

There was a lot of funny stuff in the previous Two Scoops column as well. I loved the humor, and better yet, I agreed with almost everything! So, if you haven't already read the column, take a few minutes to enjoy it.

Until our next SA (Soap-a-holics Anonymous) meeting at Crimson Lights, riddle me this, fellow fan addicts: Is it better to have imaginary friends in times of no meds or imaginary meds in times of no friends?

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