Restless Style: Apocalypse Edition

Usually, bad things happen in threes, but how about catastrophe in sixes? Beneath the rubble, snow, blood, and charred wreckage is a perfectly unblemished copy of this week's Two Scoops. Check it out in the safety of our Two Scoops bunker.

Usually, bad things happen in threes, but how about catastrophe in sixes? Beneath the rubble, snow, blood, and charred wreckage lay perfectly readable copies of Restless Style: the Apocalypse Edition. The edition chronicles the insanity that befell the mostly disaster-free Genoa City.

Sure, there's an occasional blackout, plane crash, car wreck, building collapse, murder, and fire, but for Valentine's Day, all six struck at once. Alien abduction might be on the list of craziness due to Jack's peculiar behavior with Kelly and Ashley at Underground. Pull up a seat at the bar, but watch out for falling debris as we dive right into Restless Style's articles about the week.

GC residents file health claims left and right as they drive off the road, get pinned in rubble, and survive blazing fires, tainted drinks, and slaps and socks in the face. Local psychiatrist thanks Jack Abbott and Nick Newman for creating headcases like Phyllis, Kelly, and Sharon.

God is mad at somebody, and He chose the day of love to show his rage. With all the chaos, I wouldn't be surprised to see non-tipping locusts on Underground bar stools, gorging on drinks, or residents sporting new "666" tattoos. It's all gone to hell on the hand-basket express, giving viewers action whiplash.

While Avery's filing her insurance claim for Dylan clocking her in the face, let's give the producers kudos for the elaborate sets and special effects. The murder cabin was the trusty Abbott cabin, but the Underground's roof collapse transformed the show into something out of Universal Studios' Earthquake ride.

Over at the plane crash site, we have woods, snow, sub-zero temperatures, and real plane pieces. As Soap Central reported, producers found a private jet fuselage suitable to film from inside and out and installed hundreds of platforms to create the snow-blanketed scene.

At Chelsea's high rise, we saw real EMTs and fire trucks surrounding actress Melissa Claire Egan, who told Soap Central that they had to be careful working around the smoke with the children. We witnessed a spectacular midrise explosion, which chained Adam and Billy's fates together in yet another life-or-death situation. At least this time, one is not trying to kill the other -- even though it really is in Adam's best interest to leave Billy vaping on a carbon monoxide hookah.

Insurance companies won't cover everyone's claims. New health care policies probably have a clause voiding hypothermia coverage if you're half-naked in a blizzard or you freeze to death because your cold heart won't let you huddle with your enemies for warmth. Winding up drunk beneath rubble might negate coverage, too. Sharon had better not even bother filing a claim because she's no doubt maxed out her coverage with psych visits.

Some citizens came out with barely a scratch, like all the un-murdered cabin members in the woods. Kelly might have a gyno-visit in her future after that raunchy sex with Jack, but otherwise, she probably made it home unscathed. Cricket was probably at home making Phyllis voodoo dolls for her kid's crib and missed all the action. No harm came to Lauren and Michael, except maybe carpal tunnel syndrome for having to actually lift a phone receiver from a real landline.

Supposedly, a main character is supposed to die. At week's end, the only dead man so far is the jet pilot. I don't count the Thriller Zombie Austin, who moonwalked away from his staged death scene. Besides, if he's a main character, our show is in real trouble, isn't it?

There are some characters that I'd like to see die and stay dead. Let's start with Faux Billy. Can I have Billy Miller back, please? In fact, I also want Michael Muhney and Michelle Stafford -- but -- I do happen to enjoy their replacements. I knew I'd love Gina. She flawlessly replaced Dinah on Guiding Light. I wasn't sure about Justin Hartley, but he reminds me of a younger Muhney. Hartley's face and body got him in the door, and then he won me over with talent. Still miss Muhney, though (pout, pout).

I'm also through with Dylan, Joe, and especially Avery. Die, die, die, you cheating wench. Cheating with your ex-husband on the guy with whom you cheated on your husband. Mouthful, huh? Did Avery deserve to get a mouthful of Dylan's fist for it? Probably -- even though the punch was an accident. If she and Nikki need so much attention, maybe they should leash each other up and go for a walk instead of cheating and drinking.

Next, let's go on and kill Summer. I can't take too much more of that devastated, crying look that's glued on her face. Kill Cricket, too. Damn, Cricket, I know Phyllis ran you and Paul over when I was like nineteen years old, real-world time. Kudos to the writers for a throwback plot solved, but let it go already, Cricket. You forgave Michael for attempted rape faster than this!

Tell me, Scoopers, what characters would you like to be discovered not breathing or at least maimed when all the dust, ice, and snow settles? Surely someone else is dying next week because losing Zapato was more poignant than losing Austin.

A body was seen wandering the woods outside the Abbott cabin over Valentine's Day weekend. Cabin occupants claim to only remember Bill Cosby wearing a checkered robe and offering them Jell-o Pudding Pops. Gloria Fisher, who looks a lot like Gloria Allred, has taken their case.

"What is WRONG with you?" Summer screamed at Fen, and in a rare moment, I actually understood what she was whining about and agreed with her. Yeah, Fen. What the hell is wrong with you? Sneaking around, drugging people's drinks! What kind of fun did this fool think he'd have by putting the entire party, including himself, to sleep? What a numb-nut.

Message to self -- never leave Fen anywhere near my drinks. The punch-spiking was an obvious plot device in the mystery, and it's bad timing, coming off the heels of public unrest about the Bill Cosby allegations. Though the mounting of the allegations is about as absurd as this plot, the seriousness of drugging people isn't. Fen didn't even know if he was putting mollies or antifreeze in the punch.

Molly is an MDMA compound, which is the active ingredient in ecstasy. It's a lovey-dovey party drug, and a bad reaction can cause painful side effects. Antifreeze makes you sick and eventually kills in high doses. It tastes sweet, which makes it untraceable in drinks.

Fen poured liquid into the punch bowl, so the drug could be GHB, also known as liquid X. This drug slows the heart rate, increases arousal, and in overdose instances, causes blackouts or death.

Hey, now, Scoopers, don't use this information to mix up your own cabin-murder party cocktails. I'm merely illustrating the danger of not even knowing what chemical you laced a drink with.

I want to know what Fen hoped to accomplish with this mass drugging -- euphoria and flirtiness or an orgy with his friends, some of whom are related to each other?

I thought Fen had learned a hard lesson with drugs and had gone to rehab. Fen probably attended a party college with nothing to do but drugs, liquor, and other students. Lauren should have made him go to GCU. There, she could keep both eyes and an ankle bracelet on him.

What do you think about Fen's braindead decision to drug the whole party? And while I'm at it, why did the of-age partygoers allow the under-aged ones to drink? Was liquor mixed in the punch along with the drug? Now that the Scooby Doo gang has staged an accident for the defunct Austin, I wonder if they can give the police a staged answer as to why the medical examiner will find in Austin's blood stream traces of GHB, Drano, or whatever else Fen spiked the punch with.

Is Austin dead? If so, could he have survived longer if he hadn't ingested the laced punch? Do we even know if Austin had some punch? Is Austin really alive, or did the laced punch create a zombie, which is wandering the woods and slowly making its way to eat Devon's brains as Devon wanders around with a map, lost between sets?

Oh, wait. Never mind. Devon has no damn brains to speak of, for who with brains would screw his father's wife? Zombie Austin will starve to death because no one in the woods at the cabin or crash site has any brains. Maybe the brain of the Winters clan's "insignificant" pilot will still be edible -- if the stranded clan doesn't eat him first.

I'm not sure of what to make of the whole Agatha Christie, Friday the Thirteenth, Weekend at Bernie's, I know what you did last Summer -- Summer! plot, but I'm sure "Austin, who?" will probably be scrawled on Austin's tombstone. His gravesite will be one spot I doubt Summer will be sulking in, since Kyle is on the way back to town. Murder's a clean way to start a new romance, isn't it? Until you get convicted of murdering your husband for the insurance money or for cheating.

Summer had better be glad she and Austin celebrated all those holidays when he was going to jail. Bet they never imagined they'd lose the time because Austin would be in dirt instead of behind bars.

I have a question, though, for the Scooby Doo crew. How did Summer put the murder weapon under the sofa cushion if Courtney was passed out on that side of the sofa? Courtney wasn't laying there in the flashback, meaning she was fully awake somewhere while Summer was allegedly clocking Austin and dragging him into the wardrobe. Was that a logistics mistake or some sort of clue?

Mariah got a big clue about Abby having an affair with Austin, but something tells me it's the punch and hallucinations. Abby admitted to what Mariah accused her of, but was it out of truth, or was she just agreeing out of guilt of not knowing what happened? After the way Summer lit into Mariah about kissing Austin, it's easy to see Summer bashing Abby in the head for it, not Austin.

Abby's flashback didn't indicate an affair. When she thought of last seeing Austin alive, the conversation they'd had did not indicate any type of romance. In fact, they were talking lovingly of how he'd treated Summer. Abby asked Austin if he had a brother, but he didn't answer. Please do not tell me another twin has arrived in town, and he's the killer. Tell me what you make of Abby's confession.

Good old Plato Sphere is used to dealing with murder and crazy folks. He began a life of attempted murder when he locked Colleen in the freezer during the fire he set at Gina's. Then, there was that crazy wife of his, Jana Hawkins, who framed him for yet another fire and attempted murder of Colleen. It all gave Kevin the experience he needs to turn a murder into an accident.

Who's the real killer? The Scooby Doo gang is right. Summer couldn't get Austin into that wardrobe by herself, unless she's been doing CrossFit after those wimpy gym workouts at the club. So either Austin stepped into it himself, or there's another assailant. I think he stepped into it by himself to teach them all a lesson about that "I have never committed murder" game question. Courtney is either in on it or needs to be fired for not knowing how to do CPR or take a pulse.

A Genoa City jet fell from the sky as passengers wrestled with a crazed man holding them hostage with a briefcase. The black box reveals that the jet crashed because the pilot was too busy listening to arguments about lies and affairs to pay attention to where he was going.

It all started when Neil poured himself some liquor and regaled the jet passengers with a riveting tale of regaining his eyesight only to get an eyeful of his wife in bed with his son. If the passengers didn't have motion sickness, hearing about Devon and Hilary certainly made them hurlish.

Lily smacked Devon so hard, his head should have flown off his ball-tee neck, and then Lily tried to claw Hilary's weave off her head. Hilary wanted Neil to step away to talk. Step away to talk? You're on a jet, woman. Where will you step to, Hilary -- a cloud? 'Sides, why talk in secret? The whole family deserves an explanation.

What had Hilary and Devon expected to happen to the family as a result of their affair? Jill guessed that she, Lily, and Colin were the only ones ignorant to the affair, but Neil threw Cane to the wolves and put Colin straight on blast for blackmailing Devon. The jet cabin exploded with arguments.

Colin seemed to be the only one concerned about the silver briefcase Neil kept hugging and got paranoid that Neil had transformed into a jilted jihadist, ready to kill and die for love. Why this particular affair touches Neil so deeply, I don't know. It's not like he hasn't been through it with Malcolm twice, playing the cheater and the one cheated. Moses and Lily are the byproducts of those incidents.

Oh, the memories. And Neil held the family hostage with them as the family demanded to know what was in the briefcase. Where's Homeland Security when you need them? The plane plummeted from the sky before what turned out to be a briefcase of memories exploded photos all over the jet.

The snowy wreckage was a mess. Slowly, the passengers rose up -- all but Lily, Hilary, and the dead pilot. A chunk of the jet pinned down Hilary, and Lily was nowhere to be found. Devon and Neil forgot their problems as, in a chorus of "Baby, Baby," they tended to Hilary. Jill and Colin didn't seem to be studying anything but keeping themselves warm by the fire, and I can't blame them. Barely any of them had coats, and there were inches of snow on the ground.

I can't believe that not one of them packed gloves for a winter's trip to Chicago, and if they could find Neil's briefcase of memories and Lily yards from the crash site, why is it that they couldn't locate their luggage and some warm clothes? Devon and Cane were running around there in paper-thin shirts when the wind around those trees had to be several frigid miles per hour.

Cane should have left Lily lost. I can't believe he was the main one looking to save her butt, but the minute she became conscious, all she could do was revert right back to bitching about what was going on when the plane went down and giving Cane the evil eye. She was so disgusted with him for keeping secrets, but she sure didn't mind lying up under him and taking his body heat all night.

How no wolves, bears, or bobcats sniffed the group out for a midnight meal, I can't figure. But in the morning, Neil was ready to use the map to find a way out of their predicament. Devon argued that he was the strongest, but Jill berated him for wanting to go for help as penance for his affair. No, Jill, seriously, he's the youngest and fittest to go. I don't see your selfish ass volunteering to do it.

What do you think will happen to the Winters family as a result of this affair? Will Lily ever shut up and realize that Cane didn't do anything to hurt her? She'd better not let that hunk of a man be estranged from her with winter booty shorts-wearing Abby on the loose. What kind of secret does Hilary have to reveal at this point? And will Super Soldier get there in time to save them all?

Super Soldier rides to the rescue of not on, but dozens of Genoa City residents. Witnesses state that it's too bad he can't seem to save his own coffeehouse or love life.

There's a bit of a recycled storyline going on with Dylan and Sharon. Remember when he first had those Sully flashbacks? He was driving in a blizzard and collided with Sharon's car. Here he is again in a blizzard, having Sully flashbacks, when he sees Sharon's car after she'd already had an accident.

Stupid Sharon is either off her meds, or someone switched them with Dum Dums for trying to convince Faith to walk all the way back to the car and move it. Why didn't she drive it home in the first place if it was movable? Is she also doing CrossFit and can push it home herself? Faith wasn't down for all that. She scooped up Miss Patsy and called it a night.

Sharon's all worried about Nick finding out she was in a car accident with Faith -- as if Faith won't open her own little mouth and tell him herself. I guess Sharon was going to coach Faith to lie with no regard to the lying lesson she learned with Mariah in court. What's more dangerous? Sharon's snowy car accident or Nick's collapsing building? We don't need a judge to determine the answer.

Dylan moved on to helping out the rest of Genoa City, not even minding that his coffeehouse was once again turned into displaced victims central. These people ought to pay that man rent for as many times as they've used his electricity, gas, and toilets in a crisis.

Dylan got Sharon stitched up by Ben, no Obama Care needed. Dylan swiftly moved on to teaching the police chief to block traffic, coordinating the Underground rescue, and digging out trapped citizens. Was he seeking some kind of penitence for punching Avery, like the plane crash victims think Devon is doing for volunteering to find them some help? In my eyes, Dylan earned it for saving Avery and Joe and preventing Avery from telling Joe if she wanted him to remain in town. No, Joe, now go!

Dylan became my hero when he set Nick straight about yelling at Sharon. I rolled my eyes when Nick asked if Sharon was really that scared of him and losing Faith. The crash at his place must have knocked the wax out of his ears because it's all she could do for months to express those things to him.

Avery wants to talk about Dylan wanting to lie for Sharon. I chuckled. Does Avery want to talk about it, or is she sensing some change of feelings in the wind? She's an expert at drifting from one relationship to other, so it's no surprise if she senses Dylan and Sharon in the wind.

Tycoon saves his wife from drowning beneath a liquor tsunami. As he grilled her on her sobriety, bored houseguest Phyllis Newman was overheard asking him if they could go home yet.

Yeah, the silk panties joke was funny when Sage first said it. By the third time, it fell flatter than Nikki almost did before Victor saved her from wiping out from atop her vodka tidal wave.

Victor doesn't make his money on power deals. He amasses his fortune by tucking away a dollar for every time Nikki opens her mouth to henpeck him, and that's exactly what she was doing for about the billionth time when she brattily stomped off and stumbled. Victor broke her fall, got a whiff of that stench, and knew right away that his wife was drunker than Brooke Logan at an ex-fianc's wedding.

Thank God somebody finally clued in because Nikki's been drinking out of purses, plants, drawers, flower vases, and funeral urns while everyone else just laughs and socializes as if they don't see her behavior or smell it on her minty-booze breath. She even guzzled down strangers' drinks -- which is a big Mono No-No! Nikki's getting dragged behind the wagon and doesn't even care that Neil is hanging onto the axle, bumping and scraping himself right alongside her.

Only one thing cheers up misery, and that's inviting all its friends to the party. Nikki is miserable sober, so she drinks. Then she becomes miserable drunk. She spreads it to those around her like herpes, and suddenly, Victor's pissed off and arrogantly asserting, "That's enough! I'm done talking to you about this." Satisfied she got a crumb of attention, she yells back that she's done talking to him, too. "Be gone!" Victor orders. Grabbing her purse, Nikki snipes back, "Gladly!" and usually stalks off.

Wait. Did I just describe the effects of the alcohol on the Newman marriage or the way my parents behave on a daily, sober basis?

When Nikki's not making Victor miserable, she's busy sticking bugs up Phyllis and Sharon's asses. No one can deliver a backhanded insult as thoughtfully as Nicole Newman, and I love to hear her polite condescension just before she twists herself over to a secret flask of vodka.

Nikki stumbled upon an old drinking buddy, the best miserable company of all. Nikki and Neil found each other in a bar, faces in the mud beside the sober wagon. Instead of helping each other up, they dug in deeper. While Neil swigged back "Redrum" thoughts straight from Stephen King's The Shining, Nikki dreamed of hobbling Victor like Annie did to Paul in Misery. Would hobbling Victor keep him where Nikki wants him -- in Nikki's business and out of everyone else's?

If Neil was any real drinking buddy, he would have advised Nikki to use air freshener because people can smell liquor in clothes. Like gnats, its stale, redolent scent orbits around drunks. Victor didn't catch the scent because Nikki had banished herself to the guest room, where he couldn't get up-close and smelly with her.

Victor certainly got close enough at the bar on Valentine's Day, and as Nikki tried to trot away, she stumbled into a whole mess of trouble with him. Fortunately for Nikki, the ceiling collapse upstaged the drunk reveal. Her sniping fell away, and she became all, "Oh, darling, save me from the rubble!" She sure sobered up fast, didn't she? Collapsing buildings will do that to you.

Will all these disasters make Victor or Neil's loved ones forget that Nikki and Neil have box seats at the corner bar? Victor paid Nikki attention for all of two seconds before jumping to Jack's rescue -- and she's back to praising Victor about how wonderful he is. Will he be so wonderful when he's right back into Phyllis and Jack's business instead of even remembering that he'd caught her drinking?

Nikki's barely a blip on Victor's radar. Victor was preoccupied with Phyllis when Nikki was dealing with the cult leader from hell, and now, Phyllis lives in Nikki's home. Plus, Victor goes out of his way to help Phyllis, but he hurt Dylan with the real estate deal. If that doesn't drive a wife to drink...

Officials warn citizens to be on the lookout for a Jack Abbott doppelganger, who was last seen wandering out of Underground without Jack's blue Valentine's Day tie.

Double your pleasure, double your fun with a doppelgnger by Victor Newman. It's the only thing that can explain how Jack Abbott was acting Valentine's night.

Jack arrived at the party, dressed as he always is, in some sort of drab-colored suit and a blue tie. After he and Avery pulled a mental whammy on Phyllis, leading her to think he'd hooked up with Kelly, he goes and hooks up with Kelly! But first, he and Phyllis fought, and Victor discreetly sent a text message. Next, Kelly overheard Jack and his tie saying that they were leaving.

It sounded like Jack was leaving for the night. Kelly went to the bathroom, and upon exiting, saw Jack standing in the cement corridors, looking at his phone -- without his blue tie. She was surprised that he was back. He offered to talk about it somewhere more private. Ah, this germ-infested janitor's closet will do nicely for an unprotected private "talk."

In the closet or storage room, Kelly ranted about how Phyllis treats him. Jack said he'd be a fool not to want Kelly. "Whoa, down boy!" Kelly told him, but he was insistent upon humping her legs and everything in between. She wanted him to screw her single-celled brain out, but first she needed to know why the change of heart. "All I know is I want you," he replied and ripped off her clothes.

Jack gave it to Kelly and left her huffing and grinning. It had never been like that between them before! And it had never been like that with him tossing her clothes at her like a street whore, either.

While Kelly did the walk of shame out of the club with her thongs no doubt wadded up in her fist, Ashley caught Jack coming out of the closet -- without his blue tie. Ashley wasted no time lighting into her big brother, asking all the right questions to kick off this doppelgnger mystery.

"Who the hell are you? Are you back on drugs? Are you back to being a disgusting womanizer?" Ashley demanded to know. Jack was sorry he upset her. He appreciated her concern. "Thanks!" he said, pecked her on the cheek, and left again -- almost as if he didn't know her.

The power went out at the Underground, and who wanders back in? Jack -- with his blue tie! He looked a little disoriented, too, when he crossed the threshold, paused, and stared at the cracking roof.

Y&R loves doppelgngers. Remember Marge, who Clint enlisted to impersonate Katherine? Lauren had one, too, and it was Sarah Smythe, Sheila's sister. Speaking of Sheila, she came to town once, wearing Phyllis' face. Even John Abbott had a look-alike, Alistair Wallingford. Victor is no stranger to the doppelgnger market. He just brought one to town, but Mariah turned out to be a twin.

The tie thing has got me thinking -- a Jack doppelgnger slept with Kelly, and the look-alike probably has a SKU in the back of his head like 47 from Hitman. With Victor all up in the mix, it isn't a leap to think he hired or bought this look-alike from a robot sweatshop in Singapore. And I'll bet that's why Victor saved Jack's life, too. First, he stared really hard at Jack beneath the debris, probably making sure it was Jack and not the doppelgnger. Victor probably would have let the fake Jack die just to cover Victor's tracks, but Victor wanted the real Jack alive to suffer through the fallout of the doppelgnger sleeping with Kelly.

If it turns out to be really Jack, the only other thing I can think of to explain his behavior is Hex. Maybe he did leave the Underground, put his tie in the car, and returned. Maybe after sex with Kelly, he went to the car, put his tie back on, and reentered the building. If so, then Victor must have given Kelly some of his version of the pheromone perfume, and she put it on in the bathroom and probably was headed to Jack's house when she saw him conveniently outside the bathroom.

The perfume is supposed to make you horny for people you already have a connection with. Who knows what the effect has on each individual. Maybe it turns him from Dr. Jack to Mr. Jackass sexually. Either that, or his doppelgnger is a completely rude lover, different from the lover Kelly knows Jack to be.

One thing's certain. The blue-tie-wearing Jack who's laying under asphalt has to be the real Jack because he knows about Adam. "The bastard's alive!" Victor cried, and Jack coughed his way back into the world of the living. Although, when Victor saved Jack, I had to question if there might be a Victor doppelgnger, too.

What do you Scoopers think? Is there a tie mystery at all? Did the props department mess up by forgetting to give Peter Bergman his tie back during out-of-order scene taping? We'll find out soon enough because next week, Kelly lines herself up for a smack like never before when she tells Phyllis that Jack screwed her in the broom closet on Valentine's Day.

Advice columnist gives a sure-fire plan to win the girl. Step one: Tell her that you're in a loveless marriage. Step Two: score brownie points by saving her son and lover from a burning building.

So much for the new furniture Adam dropped all those dimes on. He might be a homeless man, losing some prime stalker real estate, but he just moved one centimeter closer to Chelsea maybe, possibly, kinda-sorta having a passing thought about him while she's grinning and kissing Billy.

Valentine's night for Adam began and ended exactly where he wanted to be -- next to Chelsea. Lonely clairvoyant Sage predicted that Chelsea was cozied up by the fire with the man she loved -- Sage just couldn't foresee that it was a four-alarm fire or that the man was Adam, not Billy.

The first mystery I want solved is how this fire started. Kevin's at the cabin. Sharon's wandering the country roads, using the Rudolph-the-red-nosed-reindeer ruby on her skull cap to guide her and Faith home. The two arsonists had the night off. Was it an electrical fire? Or did Delia follow Billy home and get as pissed as Faith about the woman her daddy spends time with?

As Delia's ghost followed Billy home, Adam wormed his way into Chelsea's house with her favorite wine. Of course, he claimed that it was for his night with Sage that hadn't worked out. Adam managed to wind up in Chelsea's arms for a pity hug before Billy got home with a child ghost who had to be displeased enough by the sight of Chelsea and Adam to spark the blaze.

At least that's my theory. You got one?

Adam heard from Chelsea that his son was still in the building, and he stepped over Billy's limp body -- literally -- to get to the boy. Chelsea was grateful for Adam's heroism but terrified about Billy still being in the building. Seeing Chelsea push forward as if she'd go in there after Billy with Connor in her arms, Adam returned to the fiery blaze to retrieve Billy.

Adam rarely does anything for anyone's sake but his own. He gets it from his father. Remember his reluctance to save Nick from the bear trap? For this reason, some confused viewers say that Billy's savior has to be a doppelgnger Adam, but it is really Adam. He and Billy play the same save-the-enemy game that Victor and Jack play. Life's no fun when your best rival is dead, is it?

It's more fun to watch your rival implode his own relationship while you innocently stand beside his woman. At least that was Adam's approach Valentine's night when Billy spent more time half-smiling and whispering with Victoria than he spent holding onto his dear children and Chelsea. Did anyone even see Billy check on the kids? Or was he too busy checking out his ex?

The EMT officer was certainly checking and double-checking Adam, and so was I. Someone needs to rub their fingers down that washboard stomach just to make sure it's burn-free. I'm surprised the EMT only found one bullet hole scar on him. I would have found all three, even if it took all night.

What's your take, Scoopers? Will Billy's lack of attention and the plethora of "Gabe's" washboard abs lead Chelsea to help Adam test out his next new bed?

GC residents feared the worst when the black-gowned "Next" Lady turned up missing from the end of their soap this week. Victor Newman has posted a one-billion-dollar reward for her safe return.

We can add another mystery to all the drama this week -- who killed the "Next on the Young and the Restless" Lady at the end of the show. I'm debating whether I care more about what happened to her than who killed Austin.

I put on the song "How am I Supposed to Live Without You?" and I wondered -- was she fired? Will she be back after sweeps? Has she vanished from my life forever like B&B's Clarence?

Just when all hope seemed to be gone, we saw the black gown on Thursday and heard the sweet, sweet sound of her voice saying, "Next, on the Young and the Restless..." The "Next" Lady is back! Now she needs to hint to what's on tap next week when the characters discuss their Valentine's Day weekends. I imagine it'll go something like this:

Cane encounters Nick at the club. "You wouldn't believe my Valentine's Day. I was in a plane crash and stuck in subzero temperatures with people who would spit roast each other on the campfire." Nick says it's nothing. "Genoa City Main Street fell into my whole bar full of people!" Nick replies. "I had sex in a closet," Kelly says with a goofy grin.

Tell us your thoughts on the week's disastrous Valentine's night, and tune in for next week's Two Scoops to learn how the disasters wind up and what Nick's next business venture will be. He doesn't own Restless Style anymore, so he has to open something new -- if all the club-goers don't sue the pants off of him, that is.

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