Ain't no sunshine when you're gone

The weather forecast for Genoa City, Wisconsin, is cloudy with a chance of heartbreak. Join our Two Scoops columnist Boone as she talks about the cold front that has descended upon town and how this autumnal shift may lead to a winter of discontent.

Is it just me, or have we reached that time of year when the soaps slow down and the sunshine goes away? You know what I mean. We are no longer getting our full 37 minutes of soap every day. Instead of just Mondays, most days seem to start with a scene that recaps a scene from the previous episode -- precious seconds lost. The plots slow down and plod along, rehashing old events with new dialogue. Actors take vacations and recharge, while the writers prepare to roll out the big guns for November sweeps. I only say this because I suffered through a repeat on Friday of the already ho-hum scene between Avery and Sharon that ended the Thursday episode. It clicked in that the same thing was happening on General Hospital. I had to remind myself that the soap doldrums are as inevitable as the tides, and like the tides, will turn.

As plodding plots go, there is definitely no sunshine for the Winters clan, because we are still not done with Hilary. I was really happy to be fooled by the writers when Cane pulled that fast one and got the goods on Hilary, but I wondered if a deep background check on both Hilary and Anne Turner, with an investigation that included passport photos, DNA, and fingerprints, would have worked just as well. Of course, then there would have been no reason for Cane to take off his shirt, which some might consider a guilty pleasure -- I'm not naming names, but you know who you are!

Neil was kind of an -- how do I say it? -- Oh, yes -- an ass to Hilary as he explained what happened to Rose. He barely let her speak and then walked away. Definitely no sunshine there. If I were even half as angry as Hilary, I might have posted another "truthful" half-truth on the Internet also. Neil could have at least hung around long enough to let Hilary vent verbally.

Of course my preferred way to express outrage is through some kind of healthy physical or artistic endeavor. Maybe Hilary needs a kickboxing class or a course in creative writing -- oops! Strike that, she's a blogger for the GCBuzz!! That is pretty creative.

I do admire Neil's forgiving nature, but I'm for calling the cops and lawyers. Surely between Neil and Cane, they have enough resources to keep Hilary and the GCBuzz tied up in court for years. Where is Hilary getting all that money to pursue her vendetta? I know, picky, picky, picky. Repeat after me, "It's just a soap!"

On soaps, or TV shows in general, ever notice how the villain always seems to have an endless stream of financial resources to pursue his/her villainy? Look at Carmine. He escapes from armed guards and, with the Genoa City police in hot pursuit, is calmly sitting in a caf, planning to surprise Lauren at her award luncheon. Ain't no sunshine for Lauren. I am sure Carmine will succeed in getting to her, because the soap police, no matter how competent their chief may appear, and no matter how hard they try, are bunglers and morons.

I expect the Carmine stalker plot to plod along through October, but I still think that ultimately Carmine, like Romeo, has to die, and there is no time like November sweeps to start a murder mystery with Lauren, Michael, and Fen as suspects. There's also the unknown person that Alex told Kevin had helped Carmine overpower two guards in an armored prison van. Unbelievable? Repeat after me, "It's just a soap!"

That reminds me. Were any of you as taken by that song, "You Killed Romeo," on the September 23rd episode as I was? I thought the words were awesome -- I keep the closed captioning on so I don't miss any dialogue when I watch -- and as I read along, I was very impressed by the words and poetic phrasing. The melody was haunting.

Later in the day, I was absolutely thunder stuck to learn that Steve Burton had written the words and that Jonathan Jackson had written the music and that both had performed the song. It will be interesting to see if this is a "one hit wonder," or the beginning of a modern partnership on the order of Simon and Garfunkel, Sir Elton John and Bernie Taupin, or Joni Mitchell and, well, Joni Mitchell. Steve and Jonathan are certainly off to a great start.

I'm heading to the iTunes store to add "You Killed Romeo" to my iPod, the first ever song that I've purchased which was written later than the eighties (though I do confess a guilty pleasure for rap, which I loved, incidentally, in the movie Romeo Must Die).

Was I right or was I right (Okay! Okay! I'm only gloating a little bit), when I told you in my first or second column that Steve Burton was the crme de la crme in the art of shedding the manly tear? If nothing else, he has certainly shown us GH fans that Mr. Stone Cold is gone and there's a new, and maybe even improved, flesh and blood man in town. Sorry, fellow GHers, I'm thinking that we had better start hoping for a killer recast -- bad pun intended -- of Jason on GH, because Dylan could grow into a great star on this show.

Should Dylan prove to be Nikki's son, he can have storylines in Genoa City for years and years in the future. It may be a just a tease, but it seems that more and more often lately, the Nikki's baby search scenes are juxtaposed with the Dylan scenes. That's usually a tip-off that the two segments are related. I thought that the week's final scene that found both Nick and Dylan, looking like lonely, well-dressed winos, secretly tippling in the park, was also telling. Was that a hint that one or both might develop a drinking problem? Does that scene indicate a connection not only to each other but also to Nikki through her addictive personality?

I think that it was very realistic to show that Dylan's first attempt at counseling for his PTSD ended badly. Most people are not cured on the first visit and not every counselor is right for every patient.

It was terrific that Stitch was able to get an appointment with the VA so quickly. It took a lot longer that that in my brother's case, and he had to drive 60 miles for his first treatment. I can say, though, that once he was in the system, he has been well cared for and receives the treatment he needs, some of it even local. My prayer is that it will be the same for Dylan and for viewer Deborah and her husband, who has experienced PTSD. Deborah shared her take on the effects of PTSD and the value of a PTSD storyline in a recent column.

A few columns ago, I thought that I wanted to see Dylan and Chelsea together, but I've changed my mind. Ain't no sunshine for Chelsea until she pays some penance for her lies, which so devastated so many lives -- even Nick and Avery's breakup was indirectly caused by her big lie. All I can say is that I was momentarily blinded by Chelsea's tears, lost objectivity, and went into mother hover mode. It's a credit to the acting talent of Melissa Claire Egan, who I remember very well as a standout sobber on All My Children, that she could affect me so much.

That bias might also have motivated last time's Rush Limbaugh-like rant about Adam's character defects that went on and on and on and on... I made a new writer mistake. I fell in love with my own words. Thanks, readers, for giving me another chance. I did take this viewer's words to heart (especially the part about being entertaining):

Would it be possible for you to cut down on the length of your "Two Scoops" column? Although most of it is entertaining, it is way too wordy.... I don't have the time or the patience to read it in its entirety. You seem to belabor your opinions and give us more "recaps" than we need.... there is a specific section for those. In my opinion, you can say what you think of the past week's shows in a more concise way, which would make the column easier to read. Thank you.

No, thank you! You reminded me of a time long ago when I was reciting serious poetry at a drunken after-hours party. One of the attendees looked at me and said, "Sweetheart, you've got to lighten up, you're giving me a headache!" After that, I concentrated on the funny, double entendre stuff and got more attention when I was "entertaining."

I still don't like the way that Adam's character is being written, as opposed to the character and the actor, which I like very much. My friend Bessie helped me see the difference. Adam has so much potential to be the good guy, but, like the Tin Man, he is doomed unless he develops a heart. I can see Adam gaining a heart if he and Chelsea can find their way back to each other and bond through their son, who ironically, did not have a genetic condition, but one caused by a "traumatic" birth.

I went, "Huh? Traumatic birth?" As I recall, Chelsea grunted two or three times after a five-minute labor and plop a baby popped out. She didn't even get blood on her wedding dress. How much less traumatic could a birth be? Okay, all together now, repeat after me, "It's a soap!" This condition will give Adam ammunition to go after Chelsea as an unfit parent and give Chelsea more reasons to bawl. Did I mention that I'm a sucker for good crying?

I have to wonder what will happen to Avery now that she and Nick are over. Unless Phyllis recovers, Avery has no close family, except Summer, to hold her in town. In the short term, she is Dylan's first love, but in the long run, she's the rebound girl, and ain't no sunshine there. The rebound girl nurses the hero back to vigor and health. He says he loves her, but eventually it turns out that he meant as a friend. That's why people who divorce often marry three times before they get it right! First marriage, rebound marriage, third-time's-the-charm marriage. After that, I guess it's anything-to-not-be-alone marriage.

I hope to see Dylan eventually end up with Sharon. Dylan would be a very good stepfather for Faith, who still needs counseling, even though the immediate threat of Avery is over for Faith. Surely there will be new issues. Viewer Melissa shared my take on a Sharon and Dylan pairing:

I would like to see Sharon as the central character in a good old-fashioned love triangle -- not the unbalanced third wheel. It would be nice to see Nick decide he wants her back and her say "NO". Steve Burton and Sharon Case can have chemistry with a potted plant. My guess is they would explode on screen together. I would like to see Sharon and Dylan develop a friendship/relationship as they both heal.

Another fan, Susan, agreed:

An Avery and Dylan pairing would be boring!! A much better couple would be Sharon and Dylan!! They could meet up and commiserate while in the hospital for treatment for their respective mental health issues and become supportive of each other while they recover. Dylan would be able to empathize with Sharon. As a couple, they would not only ruffle Avery's feathers (because she doesn't really want anyone else to have Dylan), but Nikki's too!! Nikki would see it as Sharon going after yet another one of her men.

And yet another fan weighs in about Sharon and Dylan. Here's what Cathy says:

I suspect that the paternity saga will be over by the end of October. It will end about the same time that Ashley Abbott comes to town to lend some support to Jack. I think that Chelsea and Adam will be coming together for the sake of Connor. As much as I like Dylan and Avery, putting them together would be rather boring. I love Nick and Sharon together but I know that won't happen either. When Dylan first came to town, I pictured him being paired with Sharon. The two would be good for each other. I still think that Nikki's baby is not Dylan but his brother Connor.

Sharon may be starting to unravel, so Cathy's prediction about the paternity saga could be correct. It would coincide perfectly with sweeps month. And Cathy could definitely be right about Dylan's brother. If she is, remember that you heard it here first!

Mary responded with comments about the differences in the way bipolar is played on the soaps:

I wanted to respond to your comment about Sonny's Bipolar VS Sharon. The truth is that Sharon is pretty realistic in the portrayal of her disorder and the manic symptoms can cause hallucinations and delusions. However, after watching Sharon since her mental health deterioration and before, she is most likely has a sub diagnosis of borderline personality disorder which quite often accompanies bipolar in females. This of course unmedicated or poorly medicated can also cause the delusions specifically that Sharon has about her relationship with Nick. And she seems to be starting to get delusional regarding Noah's intentions towards her which is being fed by her own guilt of knowing what she did to Phyllis and not owning it or helping Phyllis. I say all this because I am a bipolar female who has had this disease for 44 years. It takes medication and therapy to make life livable. I am now dealing with bipolar and aging issues, which is a whole new adventure.

Very brave of you to share, Mary.

Victor emerged unscathed and Odin-like after his confrontation with Jack and Adam. Turns out that Katherine gave him the business, and I mean that in the best possible way. I'm with Katherine Chancellor, firmly planted in Victor's corner. Katherine knew what she was doing when she willed her company, Chancellor Industries, to Victor. Katherine shared friendly relationships with all the men in Genoa City. She knew their flaws as well as their strengths. In the end, when it was time to decide who she most trusted and believed in, Katherine chose Victor as the least flawed and the most capable.

Victor's smooth move, as he made an end run around Jack and Adam, was worthy of an NFL highlight reel. While, I don't think that Victor's vindictiveness toward Jack and Adam is wholly justified, I definitely admire the quick and elegant way he made his move and played his hand. I found it extremely sexy. Or maybe I'm just channeling an old TV show called Rat Patrol, starring a handsome young actor name Hans Gudegast...

Anyway, back to the future tense, I totally share Victor's fierce competitive instincts. I am completely aware that not everyone has them. And although some might call me "Victor in a dress," I do understand that if you aren't competitive, it's difficult sometimes to be around, and cope with, people who are.

Some people find competition invigorating, other are intimidated or even threatened by it. Victor definitely thrives on competition -- anyone who is a ruthless bridge player can vouch for the feeling because it definitely brings the sunshine! Competition is intoxicating, dangerous, and addictive. That said, I'm not sure that humiliating his son was the correct parental message for Victor to send to Adam. Perhaps Victor should have found a way to curb his competitive urges.

Ain't no sunshine for Victor and Adam. I really want to believe that there is some way for Adam and Victor to bridge the gap between them, but stomping on his offspring like Godzilla stomping on Tokyo just didn't seem to be the best way for Victor to go about it. I believe that Victor and Adam want the same thing, to have a genuine, loving, father-son relationship, but there is no way that can happen until they believe in each other and communicate truthfully.

Sadly, although each is trying to give the other something he values, what is given by each appears valueless to the other because Victor and Adam do not value the same things, making the gift valuable only to the giver, not the recipient. Victor, in his dysfunctional way, values family. Adam values achievement. Victor underrates Adam's achievements, and Adam spurns family.

Just like any alpha male struggle anywhere in the food chain -- head-butting rams and ravenous wolves come to mind -- the old ones need cunning and guile, as well as strength, to survive and retain status within the group. One well-aimed, crafty blow from sly old dog Victor sent Jack and Adam scrambling and reminded us why Victor has been at the top of the Genoa City food chain for the last thirty years.

No doubt there will be more sparring, but what would this show be if Jack and Victor weren't snarling at each other over some bone or other in the long-simmering Abbot and Newman feud that is central to this soap. Eventually, though, wouldn't it be great if Adam and Victor reconciled so that when Victor passed over, he could come back as "ghost" Victor and team up with Adam against Jack and "ghost" John? Oh well, just a thought. Repeat after me, "It's just a..."

Jack had the second best advice last week. Right after Victor informed Jack and Adam of how he had bested them, Adam was devastated as he said to Jack that he had sacrificed all and now he had no Chelsea, no Newman, and no healthy son. Jack told Adam that Adam should not take the view that he had lost the chance to run a company with his father, but rather take the approach that he had gained the chance to build a company for his son.

In one fell swoop, Jack turned a negative into a positive and reminded me why I like Jack. I am sure that building something out of love is better that being motivated by hate. I truly wish that Adam finds a cure for his son and somehow -- I know this is nave of me -- finds a way to the heart of the Newman bosom. That would definitely bring sunshine where none exists now.

I thought I had something else to add, but it temporarily slipped my mind. If your Two Scoops beast is still raving, you can satisfy your craving with last week's two for one special featuring Teddi and Taleen.

Oh yeah, now I remember, the best advice of last week came from Stitch, who cautioned Dylan that being alone could put a person in the company of his worst enemy. Words to ponder from soon-to-be-doctor Stitch. Personally, though, when I'm alone, I contend that I'm with my best friend! Does that mean I'm in need of serious therapy?

This week's Get-Your-Rant-On-Girl Award goes to Lauren for this email-bag beauty:

How can you even say that Adam really wanted to win his fathers love, he intentionally went behind Victors enemy and he has been scheming and planning with Jack all along behind Victors back. I believe that Adam had some plan all along and never trusted Victor. He didn't want to be his son... he wanted to truly get even by turning the tables on him -- building a relationship with his father and then betraying him. I hope Victor's plan is good...

So I think the possibility that Dylan could be Nikki's son would be great, but what about the possibility that this long lost Abbott cousin is Nikki's son. And this Abbott child relates more to the Abbott's than the Newman's. That would not please Victor one bit. That could tear Victor and Nikki apart.... Again....

Regarding your thoughts on Chelsea and what she deserves... no, I don't think she deserves Dylan's love. She has wounded him, and sent him backwards as far as his PTSD is concerned. But Adam, he and Chelsea deserve each other...

Also I hate when readers/viewers watch what is going on in the SOAPs and get offended.... "This story line make people like me look bad" or "this is not practical, that wouldn't happen in the real world". Yes, it may not be the typical way that child paternity concerns are addressed, but nothing that happens in Genoa City is normal! It's a soap opera!!! It's supposed to be juicy and exciting, and NOT everyday life.... That's why we watch it!!! In everyday life, men ask for paternity tests, and people can't just walk into testing centers and cheat DNA tests. In real life, I don't know anyone who I thought was dead, that turned out to be alive, and I don't know anyone with an evil twin. It's a SOAP OPERA People!!!

About paragraph one above: Well, I can say it, but that doesn't make it true!!! Repeat after me, everyone, "It's just a soap!"

Till next time, dear fan addicts, may you always have sunshine, and may the soaps be with you as the stories ebb and flow, like ocean tides moving a slow boat to a destination that will, hopefully, remain forever just out of reach.

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