The sound of the other shoe dropping

If it was possible to take out insurance for lifetime protection against unforeseen personal problems, Jack ought to be the first to leap into line to plunk his pennies down.

If it was possible to take out insurance for lifetime protection against unforeseen personal problems, Jack ought to be the first to leap into line to plunk his pennies down. The way this man's luck runs, he may as well have been born beneath a black and menacing bad luck cloud. Makes me wonder how he ever started calling himself Smilin' Jack. Because I've been watching his antics for a very long time, and I can hardly remember when he last had something really worth grinning about.

What is it with the Abbotts anyway? Are they living under a generational curse or something? I know everyone has their mountains to climb, but life has definitely not been a bowl of cherries for this family. Starting with the cuckolded patriarch, who was blessed with a daughter not biologically his, though I don't believe he ever knew it. And it's not like John's luck improved with wife Jill, who shared her intimate party favors a little closer to home, with John's own son.

Daughter Traci grew up with an inferiority complex the size of Texas and self-esteem the height and breadth of a pea, ever under the shadow of her prettier, slimmer big sister, and was menaced for years by a stick-thin, yet still envious Lauren. Despite that, the introverted Traci met and married Brad, who eventually fell out of love with her and into it with her sister Ashley. Although Traci lost Brad's love, no one could take from her the best thing that came out of the marriage, their daughter, Colleen. Which she enjoyed for years until vindictive Victor came along, and managed to take that too.

As for Ashley, she went mentally around the bend too many times to count, along the way, aborting one baby, miscarrying another, stealing a third, and finally winding up with a lass she thinks she birthed, but didn't.

Of the Abbott siblings, Billy seems to be the most well-adjusted of the four, although he didn't completely escape the Abbott curse, what with that marriage to his off-limits cousin. Other than that, though, his problems were mostly of his own making.

But, as usual, I digress. So, I'm hauling myself back to Jack and his current situation. Which I'll call his marriage from the hot place. Given what is likely in store for him, perhaps he should consider renaming himself Grimacing Jack, or Second Choice Jack. Anything but smilin'. Not a man to fear love despite the way it's kicked him in the teeth countless times, once again Jack has handed his heart over to the first pretty face to come along. But unlike Phyllis and Sharon whose love for Jack ranked second after some other's, this time if he plays his cards wrong, Jack could lose his life instead of just having his heart bruised or broken. I'll be listening for that other shoe to drop, probably right on the top of Jack's head.

I wonder how long it will be before Jack starts to stare at his wife with eyes of suspicion. After only a couple of days, already I've spotted him with that slightly alarmed look he used to wear while frolicking in the sheets getting worn down to a nub with Patty. Of course, considering the ease with which insane Patty has been able to fool every sane person she's come into contact with, it's likely to be awhile before anyone puts one and one together and comes up with the right answer. Because apparently, in Genoa City, the crazies have an on/off button on their insanity switch. And I guess if it all gets too much for the fruitcake to bear, she can simply prescribe herself some anti-psychotic meds.

In this case, however, I can't really fault anyone too much for not suspecting anything is amiss. A hefty pinch of belief suspension is in order for us fans to choke down the completely unbelievable scenario of a padded cell inhabitant able to do so much with so little, but who in Genoa City land would ever suspect their loved one's life had been taken over by an imposter simply because they started exhibiting a few peculiar character traits? For the real Emily's sake, though, I hope Patty is so preoccupied with loving Jack and helping him get Jabot back, she doesn't go back to finish what she started with Emily, before the doctor recovers and blows her bleached brunette look-alike out of the water.

I bet I wasn't the only fan cackling myself off the couch when Jack told Emily there were still some things he needed to learn about her. Wow, if that wasn't a mouthful of understated words! Considering Jack's only known the woman for three months, I'd say there's a whole truckload of things he needs to learn about this nut.

You know, sometimes I think these Genoa Citians deserve nearly every bad thing that happens to them. It's hard to feel much sympathy for folks who are so blasted gullible.

Take Jack and this business with owner-changing Jabot. My goodness, Jack's been fighting with Victor for eons over this company. Yet he claimed to be so focused on getting Jabot back, he let his guard down and failed to hear Victor tiptoeing up behind him. Whaaaat? He knows Victor has never been a man to let bygones be bygones and should have known there was no way Victor would give him a free pass for his part in the diary debacle. Healthy beating heart, notwithstanding. Yet he never considered that Victor might swoop in and snatch Jabot right off the chopping block? Why doesn't Jack let the vultures constantly picking at Jabot's bones just have it? It hasn't really been their family company for a very long time anyway, and with all the money Jack has squandered trying to make it so again, he and his siblings could have bought ten cosmetic companies. Of course, if he had, I suppose Victor would simply have changed his life's mission to take that new company from Jack too.

The next family that rates zero sympathy from me is the too-trusting trio of Kevin, Michael, and Lauren. I swear if you emptied the contents of their skulls into one pile, you'd be lucky to wind up with one brain's worth of common sense. Why are they always putting more trust in people they barely know, over those they profess to love and care so deeply for? Who died and willed the duty of being Daisy's champion to Kevin? And another thing. Does anyone in Genoa City ever look around them while carrying on very public conversations? Or is it that when vision was handed out, they missed the line marked peripheral? How else to explain why this group never notices the object of their discussion is lurking only inches away? Practically with one ear flapping in the wind they're so obviously eavesdropping. Why don't they ever question the timing of Daisy's convenient accidents? You would think they might learn a few lessons after what Sheila has done to their lives over the years, but nooooo, they continue to open their doors and private lives to strangers that mean them harm.

Now, because of Kevin's insistence on opening their lives up to Ryder, a mutt who has repeatedly bit the hand that kept tossing him tidbits, Kevin could lose the only woman who loved him in spite of the awful things he's done.

Who did snatch Jana by the way? I'm about to bust with impatience waiting to see the face of Mama Bear. Is it Sheila back from the dead or someone else? As much as I abhor the Daisy-Rider-Mama Bear stuff, I really, really want to know who is behind all this tormenting. They must have the wealth of Victor and Tucker combined at their disposal to pull off everything that has been done since Deacon came to town.

Speaking of strangers, I know it takes time to develop a new character, but so far, Tucker has failed to live up to all the hype that heralded him. Nothing against the current portrayer, but I found the previous Tucker much more interesting. For one thing, I could see his hurt feelings from the pain of Kay's rejection behind his actions. But this Tucker just seems cold, like it really is just all business and nothing personal. His interactions with Victor certainly haven't helped his image either. Victor so easily tricked him; it's hard to believe he's this astute businessman who conquered so many unsuspecting companies. As for chemistry, the only flicker of heat I've seen was in his and Ashley's exchanges. Ashley's reaction to him was so acidic; you just know they will one day be a match made in heaven. When it comes to Tucker, it's early days yet, but I sure hope there's more to him than the cardboard cutout we've seen so far.

Obviously, after the way Tucker booted Jill's unwanted behind to the concrete curb, he's completely unconcerned about the rumored wrath of a woman scorned. Is he really so cold and uncaring? Was Jill really just one more painful sliver to slide beneath Kay's skin? If so, too bad, because although Jill was wrong to let her libido cause her to linger in Tucker's bed even after she learned of his deceit, she didn't deserve to be dumped quite so cruelly. But payback, as they say, is a mean and snarling female dog and I must admit I'm looking forward to Jill paying him back in cruel and uncaring kind. Here's hoping her bite turns out to be much worse than her bark.

I never thought I'd ever admit this, but I was rather proud of Victoria for standing up to Papa and scorning his Jabot CEO seat once she'd seen the dirt beneath the bid deal. Alas, no such props will be delivered to her brother, who, despite his prior self-righteous ramblings and professed scruples about what should or shouldn't be done in the name of business, he showed he wasn't above breaking the law to get what he wanted after all. I guess like so many in this town, it's only wrong when other people do it.

And lastly, Adam, still the most hated man in town, but the man also providing most of the excitement in Genoa City. The walls are closing in, his conscience is occasionally pinching uncomfortably, and one after another, Genoa Citians are lining up to cast a hard stone of accusation at him. Phyllis is so close on his trail, the back of his neck has to be turning bright red from her hot breath. Yanking one skeleton after another from his closet, the sound of the rattling bones must be driving him mad. How long before Phyllis deduces the tie that bound Adam and Dr. Taylor so tightly together was made of braided blackmail?

With Phyllis spreading the information as quickly as she comes across it, Ashley, Victor, Nick, and Neil are already lined up against Adam. Patty, safe behind her Emily mask, is getting into the act as well, probably planning to torment him with needling innuendo just to watch the cracks appear. With so much mounting information stacking up against him, it can't take too many more secrets being uncovered before Sharon, too, turns a suspicious eye on him. At least that's what I hope. I won't bother to let my hope ascend too high, though, because so far Adam has had this uncanny ability to squeeze his sleazy, slimy form through even the most microscopic of loopholes.

Speaking of secrets, I would love it if Phyllis was the one to place Sharon's baby back in her arms. The only thing I'd like better than that would be for Adam to prove he can love someone more than his soulless self and give Sharon the gift of the truth about what really happened to her baby even though it would undoubtedly cause her to leave him for good.

With memories of past events finally beginning to trickle back to Ashley's consciousness, when are the lights in Sharon's memory bank going to start flickering into life? Is she ever going to recall the note Adam held up before her panicked eyes before that plane crash? It took a purple scrap on the floor to jog Ashley's memory. What will it take to dissolve the fog in Sharon's?

Well fans, it's been a great year so far. Although every fan doesn't feel the same (as indicated below), I have to say, with a few storyline exceptions, I'm mostly loving my show and don't plan to miss a day! So until next time, here's some selections from the e-bag.

* * * * * * *

APRIL - I was hoping that with the arrival of Tucker McCall, someone would finally take on and defeat "THE GREAT AND POWERFUL OZ" (namely Victor Newman). However, I see that instead we're stuck with the same old tune. No one is invincible; no one always wins, except the rotten miserable Newman Clan. It is time the Abbott's get there DAMN company back. I wouldn't even want to breathe the same foul air that Victor breathes. He is NASTY and evil. All the damage that he caused by bringing loony Patty to town, but he's still not satisfied (and she isn't even done yet). Let me move on to another Newman, namely Phyllis. She is not doing all this snooping on Adam just because Adam is bothering her precious Nick. Phyllis is trying to crush Sharon in every way possible. She takes a special joy in screwing Sharon over. Victoria is another piece of work. Correct me if I'm wrong, but SHE was the one that cheated! J.T. is supposed to be wrong for working for Tucker, but Vicky continues working for that piece of crap daddy of hers. What a hypocrite! If I was J.T., I'd be running as fast and far from that bunch as I could. I must say that the chemistry between Victoria and Billy is absolutely a joy watch, but then Billy has chemistry with everyone he plays opposite. The prospect of he and Vicki getting together is great, and will cause much tension and drama.

AJ - I must be one of the few that enjoys Adam. The Newmans treated him like pond scum in the beginning for doing hardly anything, before the baby switch. Victor would never allow Nick to do his time, so Adam should be pissed. Sharon and Phyllis are both pathetic pining over Nick, just desserts. As for Emily/Patty story, it's just plain stupid!

ANNE - This is about the silliest soap on TV. Adam is not caught yet, how can a lady in a mental institution dye someone's hair the same color as hers and escape the room? Now we have to go through weeks of Patty being Emily. Sharon's baby will be going to school when she finds out this is her daughter.

CHRISTOPHER - Unfortunately, Y&R will continue its ratings reign no matter how poor the writing is or whether or not it has to make sense. MAB and company are counting on this so they can get away with "stupid stuff." I flipped off Y&R when Patty emerged as Emily w/o any kind of plausible, make sense explanation. I was incensed and said how could this show insult my intelligence. I could not suspend disbelief. But like I said - Y&R will continue its ratings reign no matter. What stupidity.