Tramp, thy name is Chloe

Even in Genoa City, a town in which desperate dames abound, Chloe crouches head and shoulders above the clamoring crowd.

Even in Genoa City, a town in which desperate dames abound, Chloe, or the garden gnome as fan L Michele below has so fondly and aptly nicknamed her, crouches head and shoulders above the clamoring crowd. Naturally, given her rather abbreviated build, I meant that statement to be figurative rather than literal. Now, don't get me wrong. I'm all for bad girls scheming madly to get their man. After all, panting after another person's man or woman is typical and entirely acceptable soapsuds fare, but what Chloe is attempting to do to Cane is what I call a straight up tramp move. On top of that, there are few things more distasteful than watching a woman in her undies crawl atop an inebriated fellow, whether he be comatose due to drugs or alcohol, to pretend he'd had his way with her. It was ugly when Chloe did it to Cane, just as it was vomit-inducing when Tricia tried it with Victor and Brittany clambered aboard Billy. Thank goodness most of what Chloe did was left to our imagination. As it was, seeing Cane wake up minus his knickers was much more than my imagination cared to conjure up.

Of course, we've all seen for ourselves that Chloe is a tramp, so I shouldn't have been a bit surprised to see her drop to all fours and behave like the immoral girl mutt she is. Chloe may think she's the cutest thing since the Gerber baby, but for this fan, a little of this narcissistic nitwit lasts a very long time, and I'm never left hungering for more.

Not that the man she's after is some great catch. First, of all, Cane is quickly proving himself to be a man who ought to leave the imbibing of alcoholic beverages to men better able to handle its effects. Cane as a boisterous drunk was a particularly unlovely sight. Okay, screaming out Professor Cowbell was a little bit funny, but not enough to make the rest of his antics tolerable or amusing to watch. And while I realize he was happy to see his Australian mate, drinking himself insensible was a bit much. Didn't this dimwit learn anything at all from his experience with Amber? If he's not going to give up strong drink entirely, perhaps Lily would do well to run as fast and as far as she can from him.

I know not all fans are enamored of the Cane/Lily coupling and would rather see him perched precariously behind Chloe as they take off on her broom than see him live happily ever after with Lily, but I'm not one of them. I liked these two together, and I'm rather tired of seeing Lily get the short end of the stick when it comes to her relationship with men. How unlucky can one lass be? Though it was gratifying to see Lily give Chloe a piece of her mind, we all know she may as well have saved her breath. And Cane too. Both issued threats that are all bark with no bite. So what Cane fired Chloe? Yeah, like that'll stick. Not only has Chloe proven she's not the type to roll over or play dead, it's highly unlikely Jill will allow the firing to stick. One whisper about sexual harassment and Jill and Cane will be the one rolling over and playing. By Chloe's rules. And Lily will be forced by her Faces contract to continue working with Chloe whether she likes it or not. Just wait until Chloe decides to break the impending baby bombshell. I'm already dreading the slack jawed look of astonishment I expect will overtake Cane's countenance at the news. Will he even ask for a paternity test or will he go all wet eyed with nostalgia for the family he never had. I can almost hear him now. Me Dad and Mum weren't around when I was growin' up. I wouldn't do that to a lad of me own. Ugh! What a dummy!

Okay, enough about this threesome. On to others who also annoyed me during the week.

Like Victoria. Am I ever sick of this woman and her unending whining! What a self-righteous hypocrite she's turned into. And though the year is not yet half over, I'm already declaring her the winner of the blue ribbon booby prize of self-righteousness. So Sabrina did her Daddy and didn't immediately run and tell her all about it. She betrayed me, Victoria keeps on repeating. Well color me contrary because I don't agree. The way I recall it, Sabrina tried, time after time, to attempt to tell Victoria the good news. But as usual, Victoria had no time to listen to anyone else's lament. Not when she could fill the air with her own endlessly repeated tale of woe. You don't know my father, Victoria announced self-importantly, waving away Sabrina's stammerings like they were a cloud of bothersome gnats. He loves my Mommy and she loves him, she gushed. They'll be getting back together any second now. This though she knew Nikki was bouncing in the bed sheets nightly with David Chow. How could she hear anything Sabrina was trying to tell her? When, as always, every fiber of her being was focused on forcing the world and everyone and everything in it to be all about her spoiled behind.

And all that babbling about what she thought six months ago when it comes to Sabrina. Six months ago, she was practically kissing the woman's feet. Begging her to stay in Genoa City because she needed her so. She scarcely wanted to move without making sure Sabrina was hovering nearby to help her take a step. Every time you saw her, she was smacking kisses in the air near Sabrina's cheek. Now she uses every opportunity to trash Sabrina's name to Victor and to anyone else with a few minutes to spare. Did you tell Adrian you had an affair with Phillipe she hissed, her eyes glistening with sheer joy at the thought of her former friend's humiliation.

And that's another thing that rubs me raw about Victoria. What is all that stinky stuff about an affair? Unless I missed something, Sabrina has not enjoyed the state of matrimony before her recent wedding to Victor. So what she had with Phillipe and Victor was a relationship. Now, when it comes to affairs, that was what Victoria had with J.T. while still married to Brad. And it was what Mommy conducted with David while still unhappily though legally linked with Victor. And it's also the name of the play in which Nick played a starring role in with Phyllis while wife Sharon wandered about without a clue to her name. But, regardless of what Victoria chooses to call what Sabrina did, I for one am totally sick of hearing about it. And apparently, so is Sabrina who finally had enough of Victoria and told her what she thought about her jealous and bitchy behind. It was a long time coming and though the words probably rolled off unheeded from Victoria's back, it did my heart good to hear Sabrina say them anyway.

Speaking of Sabrina, while I admit she took a little getting used to (although I still haven't gotten used to the constant kissy kissy with Victor or those French phrases sprinkled liberally throughout their conversation) Sabrina has definitely grown on me. And although I'm still clinging to the hope that the rumors about her are groundless, I have a sinking feeling they might turn out to have some teeth. Maybe I'm one of the few fans who find her so, but to me Sabrina has provided a mighty gust of fresh, bracing air in the musty, near incestuous relationships so much a part of this metropolis. I got past the age difference long ago, especially since when it comes to maturity, Sabrina acts older than most of the residents of this town, up to and including her senior citizen husband. Unlike most of the women who call GC their home, she's dealt with everyone on a rather straightforward basis. And while she hasn't exactly changed Victor for the better, she's at least gotten him to soften his stance on more than one occasion.

Of course, I'm sure Sabrina's recent past will be completely re-written if the aforementioned rumors have any substance. In fact, I wouldn't be a bit surprised to find her rewritten as some nefarious character with a secret and gold-digging agenda, or perhaps even worse be linked to someone completely shady. Like Walter or David Chow. We could even discover the baby she's carrying isn't Victor's at all, but was conceived during some furtive one nighter with some as yet unnamed gentlemen. Just imagine how gleefully Victoria will chortle I told you so. Just the thought of it has my breakfast roiling uneasily in my gut, threatening to return the same way it originally entered.

Wow, there's just not much salvageable about Brad is there? Talk about kicking a man when he's already down on the ground and moaning for mercy. As fast as David is sliding down a slippery slope to doom, Brad could have simply stood back at a safe distance so his designer duds wouldn't be dirtied when David self-destructed on his own. But not our backstabbing Bradley. He's going to oil the bottoms of David's shoes so he'll slide down even faster. And aiding Brad in his quest to conquer Nikki's co-CEO is Skye. Well, Skye may have been number One in her Harvard class, but as an honorable person, she definitely wouldn't make the Dean's List. And on top of that, she's obviously not all she's bragged as a card player either. Just how satisfying is it to win at cards, when the victory came from cheating? I found it pretty funny to hear her claim she had a rule about never betting dollars she didn't have secreted in her dcollet, yet apparently she has no rules at all about bottom of the deck dealing. By the way, just who was Skye so surprised to see at the airport? Was it David, coming to confront her about the bottom dealing discrepancy and demand his $80 thou back?

When it comes to calculating men, Brad isn't alone in this category. Jack's name is right up there alongside Brad's. What a contradictory creature is our man Jack. On one hand he claims he wants to make RSM an upscale product, the pages of which his allegedly upscale advertisers would be proud to position their product on. Yet, on the other hand, he puts RSM in the gutter with an altered article of Sabrina that would probably be better suited in one of the garish trash mags lining the supermarket aisle.

Thank goodness there are interesting and still somewhat honorable characters to offset the others. Like Adam and Heather. Both are showing signs of having lots of interesting layers. A little good, a little bad, and a hefty dash of just about everything else in between. When Adam first arrived, he was as prickly as a porcupine, spiteful, and competitive, never giving a compliment when a cutting comment could perhaps draw a drop of blood. At first wary of Victor's paternal pats on the back, he eventually let down his guard and moved his bags and belongings into Victor's lair. He even unbent enough to be Daddy's best man and slipped once or twice and actually called him Dad. Well, apparently, that was all Victor was waiting for. Obviously believing the salary at work and the hospitality at home made Adam a true Newman, though he's yet to discard his Wilson name, Victor began subjecting him to the same top of the lungs demeaning treatment his other kids find less than enjoyable. Adam, perhaps, because he didn't have to learn to talk around that gold spoon tucked in the corner of his mouth, may be made of much stronger than his spoiled siblings though. Because while obviously astonished at the vitriolic-laced syllables Victor spewed in his direction, he never cowered or wept, nor once Victor terminated his tirade, did he back down or turn away with his tail tucked beneath his hindquarters. Instead, he let Victor know he would continue his relationship with Heather. And faced with Adam's determination to be his own man and suffer the consequences, Victor could do nothing else but fall back on that ominous never say I didn't warn you threat. By the way, I wonder where I can buy one of those crystal balls Victor obviously owns. How else to explain how he can somehow know the future about so many people. Of course, he's right on the money about David. But even he has no idea of just how dangerous a man David actually is. A contract killer? And a killer that obviously has no problem sleeping at night due to his side job as a murderer.

As for Heather, maybe at some point in the future, should it so suit them or a storyline they've come up with, the scribes will flesh out her sparse back story and make her this dark, devious she-devil, ruining Victor her life's goal, but for now, she's been refreshingly candid and honest about her dogged rush to judgment and eagerness to force Victor's round head into the square hole of JiMin's murder. Like Sabrina, I'm thoroughly enjoying the addition of Heather and Adam to the GC canvas.

I wish I could say the same about Devon's relatives. I'm not much impressed with them yet, but they've barely arrived and we know next to nothing about them so I'll reserve judgment until I know more. I'm not much for singing stars though, and while young Ana has a lovely voice, it was rather odd to hear this 11 year old crooning about love love love love love on the Indigo stage in front of a bunch of drinking adults. I'm sure, though, that Karen will live to regret her generous offer of Neil's home. Tyra is already gazing at Neil with goo goo eyes of gratefulness. So it's probably only a brief matter of time before she her eyes fill with longing for a relationship with her benefactor. Guess Karen should have said yes to Neil's proposal when she had the chance.

How refreshing to find a man who isn't the least bit interested in kissing and telling the whole town about how it tasted. Yes, I'm referring to Adrian. He can so often be abrasive. Who knew he could be such a kind and considerate gentlemen? Amber could do worse than he. Now, about Amber. It's really hard to feel much sympathy for her at her present predicament. Daniel was only gone six weeks. Most people could handle that brief parting standing on their head with one hand tied behind their back. But not our Amber. No, she didn't hear from Daniel on a daily basis, but it's not as if there was absolutely no contact for the entire six weeks. Getting drunk and getting busy on the RSM sofa cushions seemed like a bit of contrived overreaction. But, who cares. I like her with the Professor and I like her with Daniel too. So, for this fan, it's a win-win situation. However, it all comes out in the wash, I'll be happy.

And lastly, it's said politics often makes strange bedfellows, but obviously that isn't the only arena where unusual alliances can be formed. More and more it seems certain Jack and Gloria are destined to join forces in an unlikely link-up. But leave it to Gloria to always color in a little something extra when she's imagining the big picture Gloria's just not limiting herself to taking over little Jabot. She has her eye on an even bigger prize, a fistful of Chancellor as well. Though Gloria's been on my least favorite list more often than she's met with my approval, I can't say I'm not looking forward to watching her put Jill in her place, should her scheme to buy her way into both Chancellor and Jabot succeeds. Jill, on her best day and behavior, is not a very likable person and since she's been on desperation mode pursuing Jeffrey, I've found her particularly obnoxious. Like a few others in this town, Jill has become quite one-dimensional. Except for Cane, Chloe and Brad, who doesn't this bitter broad dislike? So I can't wait for the battle to begin. As for Jack, he may be happy to become an honorary member of the Fisher Baldwin clan. Because if he continues playing King of all he Surveys both at home and at the RSM offices, the family he supposedly so cherishes will soon be a thing of the past. That's okay by me, though because I happen to think Jack, Gloria and Jeff, especially with Michael lending a hand, could be a force to be reckoned with and would provide plenty of explosive possibilities battling Jill and Brad for Jabot and Chancellor supremacy.

Well, I'm out of here. Fans, please step up and have your say.

CHRIS - The show needs a poker consultant. You can only have 3 raises per card. They went around and had 6. David went all in and so did Skye. David clearly had Skye covered in chip count. Hire me so you don't embarrass yourself or have Phil Ivey or Phil Helmuth guest star at one of Brad's games. Stop bringing back dead people. Bring Christine back.

ALISSA - I agree that Y&R is returning to greatness lately! It's been so much fun to watch. Love Gloria & Jeff, the Chow Hound SL, Victor and Sabrina, Karen and Neil. My only request? Can we send Devon's aunt and cousin back to Seattle? Snoozeville.

SELMA - We seem to be on yet another already done a few times (by Sheila, Phyllis, Ashley), a 'this is your kid' by lies or sperm steal storyline which is turning me off this show quite quickly. We're already re-living the good and evil twin story. If you have any connection to the writers please get the point across: no more of the same stories.

FELIX - I'm really not feeling the recent storylines. I'm sick of Victor always being right. I'm sick of Amber diving into bed with another as soon as she feels left out. I'm really sick of the Chloe person. I'm sick of Paul getting in other people's business. I'm just sick.

CATHY - Did you notice Nikki's hair was two different colors in the same episode Monday? Tuesday it was darker and Wednesday lighter again.

L MICHELE - I really want to know who David is going to be assigned to kill. I have a feeling it is going to be someone we know and love. Nick and Victoria are constantly on my nerves and I feel that if it were Heather Tom in the role of Vicky I would not be saying this. We would all probably be on her side of the matter. I can't stay angry at Nick for long. All he has to do is give me a smile and all is forgiven. I thought I would never say this but if Nick and Sharon get back together I would not be upset. Phyllis is oh so annoying and Jack is always on a power trip. If I was at a newsstand and had to decide between Jack's vision of RSM and Nick's, I would more than likely go with Nick's. There goes another storyline. They decided to put out a double issue and Nick's issue has more sales. Amber, I must say, is turning out to be a character I look forward to seeing. I sympathized with her in missing Daniel and not hearing from him for days. I went through the same situation of seeing your boo everyday to not seeing him at all. Happy to see some diversity with Devon's aunt and cousin, but please don't let the kid sing again, that is time we could spend in dialogue, and Y&R has some of the best. Last, but not least, Cane. I must say I saw this coming. Who is the garden gnome (Chloe) pregnant by? The thing I find about men in soaps is that they are a little dumb. Cane knows what Chloe is after yet he still puts himself in her aim. I could go on for days about my favorite soap but digress. BTW, anybody here wish that Y&R would start writing for B&B or even make it a 90 minute affair each day. It's maybe crazy but it's a thought.

COLLEEN - I am so sick of Sabrina. Just because she's the new Mrs. Newman does not mean the world turns on her every move. Nikki was right to tell her backing out of being co-chair had nothing to do with her. She looks so much older than Victoria, and by the way, I much prefer Amelia Heinle as Victoria. Any time Sabrina comes swooping into view, I cringe as to what sort of stupidity will be dripping from her mouth. She might be married to sexy Victor, but Victor is a controlling, awful person who I would love to smack just one time.

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As always, I appreciate everyone's comments! Back in a week.