Witch on wheels

The months of forced celibacy perhaps getting the best of her, Jill has become quite the bitter middle-aged broad.

I'll get you my pretty . . . and your little dog too!!! Insert maniacal laughter here.

Those words sound familiar? Well, if you're a Wizard of Oz fan, you'll recognize those words which should conjure up the same mental picture that starts playing in my mind the moment I see Jill these days.

The months of forced celibacy perhaps getting the best of her, Jill has become quite the bitter middle-aged broad. Sliding rapidly down a slippery slope toward a head on collision with near 60, true joy continues to elude Mrs. Abbott. Lugging around a chip on her shoulder the size of Mt. Everest, Jill constantly throws flammable liquid on the flames of that giant grudge she has burning against Mommy for a virtual host of violations. And these days, Katherine and her harried hired help aren't the only ladies unlucky enough to bear the brunt of Jill's almost daily rages. When she's not ranting about something Nikki has done to offend her, Gloria's wide-eyed likeness is the target most often centered precisely in Jill's viewfinder. If you were an eligible bachelor, would you be attracted to a shrew like Jill?

Of course, I suppose I might wake up with my lips twisted into a bitter grimace too, if my money had repeatedly failed to buy me a halfway decent fellow, as unfortunately has been the case with Jill the last few men she's managed to entangle in her far-flung net. And I imagine it must be quite galling to find herself coming in second to Gloria yet again with a man. Maybe she ought to stop throwing herself at the heads of men already enamored of Gloria. Or maybe if Jill wasn't so thoroughly obnoxious with her snide and cutting comments and the relish she seems to take in kicking as hard as she can a woman already on her knees I might be able to dredge up a shred of sympathy at the fact that she just can't find someone to love. I mean, I get that she derived a great deal of delight when walloping Gloria across the back of the head with her walking papers. Because I'm sure that was something she'd longed to do ever since she discovered Gloria had spiked the coffee she shared with JiMin. And because of that, I would say she was well entitled to the satisfying payback. But was it really necessary to zoom to Crimson Lights on her broom to poke at Gloria with a pointy piece of straw yanked from it? Though the hot sauce manner she chose wasn't one I'd stoop too, I didn't couldn't fault Gloria for doing it. I know I might be one of few, but I'm glad Jeff has no real interest in Jill. Jill's a grown woman. She knows Jeff is in full and complete rebound mode. She ought to let the manipulative man catch his breath before she tries to lock lips with him and steal it away. But, I'm sure Jill would insist she's doing nothing wrong. Just as when she sashayed into the Chancellor manse and wound up luring Phillip away while he was wed to Kay, she'll just claim she was right in her hot pursuit because, after all, Jeffrey no longer loved Gloria. And Jeffrey is no better than Jill for pretending he might actually be pondering the possibility of a future with her when he knows good and darn well he's still mad about Gloria.

Well, how sweet was that little moment between Jack and Gloria? In spite of the many, many underhanded tricks Jack can get up to when he's determined to get something he wants badly, he can always be counted on to give fans a glimpse every now and then of the heart beating strongly in his chest. Such was the case this week when he learned of Gloria's generosity and her long, hard fall from grace. Touching, too, was the watery-eyed moment later between father and son. It was so nicely done, for once I didn't mind that John was appearing in his Abbott the apparition mode. Not so touching, however, was Sharon's rather shrewish overreaction to Jack's offer of the pool house. Extra security cameras? A murderess in the pool house? Oh Sharon, please, get a grip.

And speaking of that pool house, what a luxurious life Fisher the Dog leads. A furnished pool house for a dog to bed down in at night? I swear there's something just a little bit off about some of these Genoa Citians. Does he get hot and jump in the pool from time to time too, to cool off?

Sabrina is certainly a glutton for some old fashioned abuse, isn't she? Did she really expect that Victoria might say Wee, wee mademoiselle, to her request to stand sullenly by her side watching a dewy-faced Sabrina say I will to her daddy? Not even remotely likely. Vicky hasn't finished punishing Sabrina for daring to fall foolishly for her Papa and besides that, wouldn't dream of being a part of anything that might pound in the finishing nails in a future relationship between Mommy and Daddy. I guess she doesn't consider David a threat to that possibility. Apparently she sees him as just an insignificant cardboard cutout.

And then there is Nikki. How many more speeches is she going to write and recite with the same central theme: how could you do this to the children? First of all, neither of those two has been a child for a very, very long time. And as we have all seen for ourselves, both are more than capable of keeping Daddy at a stiff-armed distance. I don't blame Victor for moving on with his life. He has made overture after overture toward those ungrateful brats and still they stick their snouts in the air, like he's exudes a terrible stench. So, yes, that sound you hear is me clapping my hands and telling Victor to go for it. Everybody else in his family has found the alleged love of their life, why shouldn't Victor ride that merry go round grab the brass ring if he can get his hands on it? It's not as if this new love will be his very last. Because if there's one thing one can count on, it's that love eventually peters out in this town. Okay, unless you're Michael and Lauren, that is.

Glad to see Chloe's little seduction scheme came to naught. There she was, her little elf self clad in the scantiest attire she could find, sneakily working her way around to trying to convince Cane Lily couldn't possibly be the right woman for him. And that instead, her no eating, sarcastic, sharp tongued self might be. Luckily Lily's missed flight threw a big, rusty monkey wrench in her creaking gears. Which missed flight lead to Lily's revelation that modeling might not be the dream she'd been pretending it was after all. Leaving Chloe holding the bag. Couldn't happen to a more deserving nag.

Well, looks like David is three steps ahead of plodding PI Paul. Though he's obviously no gambler, Paul still should have known the folly of showing not just the cards in his hands, but the ace up his sleeve too. While I'd love to see the knowing smirk wiped right off David's insincere face, it's not because I really give a flying fig if he steals every single penny stacked in Nikki's coffers. I just want to see the look on her face when she pulls back the cover one day and sees the skin left behind when her snake sheds his fake exterior.

A thumbs up again this week for Heather and Adam. Even though it makes it appear Heather paid a visit to her doctor and received a complete character change, these two are delightful together. I love the way their secret little grins light up the room the moment they spot each other, and the fact that the rest of GC has been too preoccupied to notice their budding relationship. All except for nosy Phyllis who managed to be puffing away in the corner clearly paying more attention to what was going on between them than she was on that machine she was playing around on. Who would have believed that the two stiffest Genoa Citians would get together and turn the other human? At the moment, they've become my new fav couple and I'm looking forward to seeing more of these two.

I know most fans hate Victor and Sabrina together, and perhaps singly as well, but aside from their little French-isms, I like these two together as well, although all that kissy-kissy is way out of character for Victor.

Nothing out of character, though, about Professor Korbel's bitter behavior. How like him to turn an article about GC's only art curator into a hatchet piece. Which is what it seems he's eager to do. And how like Nick to relish yet another chance to thumb his nose at Daddy and portray him in as unfavorable light as he can. So what Victor has spent millions on buying outrageously priced wall-clingers at Sabrina's suggestion? He can easily afford it. Maybe the Professor and Jill ought to get together and perhaps come up with a joint way to relieve a little stress somehow.

And lastly, who are those immature brats running Restless Style? You hit me. Well you hit me first. Which, while that isn't exactly what they're saying, it might as well be. Jack made a sole decision, so Nick does it too. Except instead of that making them even-steven, Nick then made another sole decision. The way they're behaving the only reason this rag mag will make the grade is because is Genoa City and it's all make believe!

What follows is what your fellow fans had to say about the week's offering.

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EVE - I've got my Y&R legal biz headache again: that's the one that comes whenever the Y&R writers decide to make a complete travesty of how the law - and business - works. Example #1: There's Gloria, who wants to "change her karma", so, rather than, say, work at the local soup kitchen, gives away 50 million in one big chunk. Example #2: There's Jeff, who decides he wants all of her remaining money, since that would be half of what she had before she gave away the $50 mil. Since this is Y&R, the judge goes along with it, leaving Gloria broke. Ladies, do not worry, no judge outside of Genoa City will ever do this to you. Example #3: Back in the day when Victor was nailed for bribery, he did his community service all in one fell swoop, too: built that rec center. All I can say is, could just once the writers get the law, and the behavior right? You want us to enjoy watching Gloria? Having her work at said rec center for a while, preferably wearing leopard skin tights, grimacing while she's dealing with inner city toughs, would be hilarious - it would bring back the rec center - and it would give Jeff a reason to come by and make fun of her, while secretly watching over her. And have Jeff lose all the money in a bad sub-prime mortgage investment. That's realistic. On other fronts, Adam and Heather aren't bad: they show more life together than apart. (Although I still think the writers have a grudge against Millenials - Adam, Heather, Chloe - this is a group of robotic bad seeds, folks.) But, of course, they have to be on opposite sides of a legal case, while sleeping together, and... there's that d*** headache again.

BAJANGIRL - I'm sure I'm in the minority, but I like Adam. I'm glad he's getting in trouble for the Natural Glow deal, but I still enjoy the character. He's rude, obnoxious and also very funny. The Newman kids and inexplicably Nikki (she's only one of six wives) seem to feel he doesn't deserve the things Nick and Vicky got and approached him like he was an interloper. Adam wasn't exactly open himself, but I wonder if that isn't fear of rejection and repayment for how he believes his mother was treated (I was watching when the character was played by Hayden Tank and Nikki, Vicky and Nick weren't the nicest people to him or to Hope). And remember, we always get a different side of Adam when he's not around the Newmans (his chat with the housekeeper) or when he's alone (Reed's gift, looking at his mum's photo). I also enjoyed the scenes with Heather thus far, and even before he appeared on screen I thought he and Heather together would be interesting considering the similarities in their back story. I have zero sympathy for Gloria. She has been walking around talking about karma and thinking she can bribe it by throwing money around ... now she knows what it really is. If I were to have any sympathy for her she would need to stop acting like she is owed anything by anyone. She didn't deserve to keep her job, even Michael knew that. When she gets over her feelings of entitlement, I might feel a pang for her. Also, I might be in the minority, but I like Tamrin Sursik as Colleen. She and the professor didn't go well together at all, but her chemistry with Christel Khalil made the Lily/Colleen friendship believable. I was never a fan of Adrienne Leon, so I certainly don't want her back. Lyndsy Fonseca was my all time favorite, but I like TS just fine. Finally, while I'm no fan of Brad's, I'm enjoying watching him getting the best of David.

TOMMY - It seems the Davids of Y&R (Kimble and Chow) have one thing in common: marrying women for money. Once David Chow is exposed will he become dangerous? Will he have the ills of David Kimble? I don't really think it will be that bad but he will get his just desserts.

APRIL - I don't care what Gloria gives back to clear her dirty conscience, she still has not paid for her crimes. Until the entire town knows Jack was not responsible for the face cream fiasco, Glo has not truly paid for anything. Jack lost everything because of that woman, and it should be public knowledge what she did. I am still not watching the show because of this. I wish Nick and Sharon would get back together.

HENRI - It was a little sad watching Glo-worm after her divorce from Jeffrey. However, I think they both should get their just desserts - Gloria for the tainted face cream and Jeffrey for obstruction of justice and blackmail. Wish Victor would have been paired with an age appropriate actress. Do we need another Hugh Hefner figure? Grow up Vicki and Nick. I hope Paul gets the goods on Davy boy. He and Brad are so slick, oil runs off both of them. High fives to Heather for telling Brad she should receive points for keeping their relationship professional. If only more GCer's acted the same!

YOLANDA - It made me so happy to see Jack offer Gloria the pool house after he found out she was behind the enormous donation and is penniless. He definitely made John proud. I am not a Gloria fan but the ole bat is growing on me. Unfortunately Jack's good deed is going to cause problems in his marriage. I would love to see those two on the same team.

MARYANN - Are we supposed to swallow the complete 180 the character of Heather has made? I admit I like this version better, but it's just way too different too quickly. And isn't Adam involved with Skye, his poker-loving girlfriend? I just haven't liked this character from the beginning. He could not have been born from a woman like Hope.

CATHERINA - OMG, I just loved Jack and Gloria and the way he really wants to help her now that he finally sees that's what his dad wanted. I want Gloria to get what's coming to her too, but those were great scenes. Gee, I wonder what Jack will do when he finds out Glo was behind the face cream debacle? I still can't stand Victoria, and Nick and Phyllis are really annoying lately. I am so happy they gave my Adam a girl to have some fun with. I like watching them together. Did anybody else notice the twinge of jealousy coming from Phyllis when she saw them together? Every time I see David I want to hurl some chow mien (get it), what a big weasel. But I think Nikki deserves him, serves her right to find someone like him. I just hope he bleeds her dry before anyone can stop it. Maybe she'll go back to the Bayou and take Victoria with her.

JOAN - I would like to see Dru come back, as herself, not like John or Jeff. She could have just been lost all these years. I'd really like to see Nick and Sharon get back together. Let Jack and Phyllis go together, they deserve each other. Let's get rid of Amber, she is annoying, just like her voice! Get rid of Sabrina and hopefully Nikki and Victor will get back together where they need to be.

MARY -Think your lack of satisfaction in Gloria's fall is partially due to the brilliance of Judith Chapman's acting. Love her ability to make the viewer want to choke her one minute and feel sorry for her the next. I so want to see Gloria and Jeffrey team up again; they can be the most wonderful love'em hate'em team of villains and could really spice up these tired and sagging storylines. And Sabrina & Victor still make me retch every time they're on. Make her a plotting fortune hunter and turn her into a villainess. It would be better than the French spewing saccharine garbage we're seeing now.

ANN - Judith and Ted are really great actors. As Gloria and Jeffery, they are the best on the show.

MAYBELLE - I am so tired of Gloria using her family to get her out of messes. Thinking Jill knows the truth Gloria says to Michael - then find a way to get me out of this. Let her rot. Just stop taking the boys down with you, Gloria. Get rid of her please! She is a self-centered, egotistical, uneducated, pretentious, useless, and unattractive leech. Can't take much more of her screwing up and everyone else paying the price in guilt and being dragged into her messes. What kind of message is this also? Saying you can do whatever you want and always get away with it. No matter who you take down and hurt in the meantime? Time she gets her comeuppance. Pay the piper Gloria - without your family having to do it for you!

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As always, I appreciate everyone's comments! Back in a week.