Payback is fair play...and fun to watch

After months of Daniel secretly ogling Amber's text-pixed breasts and semi-scandalous website, his multitude of lies are finally coming back to bite him hard in his deceptive derriere.

It's amazing how little it takes to satisfy this fan. As I've mentioned before, I like a good dollop of deceit as much as the next soap addict. Because a daily diet of all sweetness and light would send me for the channel changer in no time. What I don't like are deceivers constantly getting away with their dastardly deeds with no one ever being the wiser. All it takes is a little balance to keep a small smile on my face. Mix a little good with a lotta evil. A little sweet with a splash of sour. And payback. There must be payback. At least a little. So, having said that, as you might imagine, it's been a rather fun week for me to watch as I get a little of each of what I like.

Let's begin with Distasteful Daniel Dirtypants. After months of his secret ogling of Amber's text-pixed breasts and semi-scandalous website, all the while parroting to his pals his alleged all-encompassing love for Lily, finally, his multitude of lies are finally coming back to bite him hard in his deceptive derriere. Okay, it's not the porn perusal that makes me hold my nose when he comes within smelling distance. Likely only a stone statue would remain unmoved and unimpressed at the sight of a well-toned, semi-clad form, especially one writhing and romping theatrically upon rumpled sheets or atop a spotlit stage. And Daniel, is 20-something, not 90 plus, and not made of immovable marble. No, what diminishes Daniel in my eyes, is the fact that he is obviously more concerned with all things Amber than the woman he pledged to place on a pedestal above all others. (I'm with you on that one, fan Shannon, below) Sure, I get that Daniel and Amber are bosom buddies, literally, in a sense, and of course, he would be worried about her kidnapped welfare. I don't fault him for his caring. But, just my opinion, he has gone way more than a bit overboard with his whole knight in shining armor shenanigans on the floozy's behalf. Hello, Daniel Dirtypants. You have a wife and her name ain't Scam-ber.

As for the tinted-tressed tramp in training, I doubt there's much of anything that would scare up so much as a shred of sympathy in me for her. So much about this character annoys me: her screechy nails on a blackboard voice, in use whenever she's not doing her breathy sex kitten imitation, complete with rapidly batted eyes and melt into her man body movements; her boob-bouncing mincing about; and her continuous litany of lies, to name just a few things. And where the heck was Revlon or Maybelline when Amber was searching the Wal-mart shelves for a decent brand of waterproof mascara? I sure hope she doesn't tell everybody she only buys Jabot.

But I digress into the ridiculous. Let me haul myself back to something equally ridiculous: Amber's kidnapping. It's said that every dark cloud has a silver lining. And that was proven as I watched the kidnapping unfold and wrap up, all in less than a week. In this particular case, I am grateful for the current lightning fast pace of most Y&R storylines these days. Otherwise this could have been dragged out unbearably for weeks. Treachery abounded with Carson the kidnapper, himself kidnapped and trussed by the Treasury Agent with murderous intentions. There was no lack of silliness either. Daniel's near hysteria for the woman not his wife. His rude and disrespectful mouthing off to his father-in-law. (What father worth his salt wouldn't be itching to rip a chunk out of Daniel's deceitful hide in support of his daughter?) Then there were those worthless GPS anklets worn by the two un-kidnapped Stooges, anklets apparently unequipped with any sort of warning bell or madly blinking light the instant they'd been sliced off (when Daniel cut his off the first time, the only one who noticed was Neil). Oh well, enough of that. I'm just glad it's just about over. Yeah, yeah, I know, there were arrests all around, a quickie courtroom hearing that only the Genoa City well to do seem to enjoy, and the hoods are out on bail. But don't even think for a moment that might mean an upcoming court case or 'gasp' a possible punishment is in any of their futures. For all intents and purposes this one is over. And with it, hopefully two marriages that probably never should have taken place in the first place. Oh that's right. One of them didn't. Lily and Cane are well rid of their ex's to be if only they stick to their convictions and send those two packing. Daniel and Amber deserve each other and if there was any justice in the world, they'd fall madly in love and live happily ever after competing with one another to see who could tell the tallest tales. In the meantime, you can bet I will be in the front row thrusting my pom poms in the air and yelling out encouragement every time Cane deceitfully returns to Amber a little of what she delivered to him.

When it comes to the extortion court case, we all know it's laughable. Yes, its true Phyllis threatened to flood Brad's dark closet with unforgiving bright light and expose his extramarital fling with his sister-in-law. And yes, we know that had Brad failed to crumple to his knees and do as she directed, she would likely have found a way to let Victoria in on his secret. So it's not a question of did she do it. She did. Was it a threat? It was. Would she have made good on that threat? Despite what she's saying now, that she never would have, we, of course, will never know for sure. But was it any different than what so many others have done in this town? Of course not. As a matter of fact, taking her cue from her now estranged daughter-in-law, Nikki did to Brad precisely what Phyllis did by forcing Brad to turn her in or face Nikki's threatened consequences. But you don't see her perched on the hot seat, her palm in the air, swearing to tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth about it. Anyway, I doubt Phyllis is on the verge of being pitched in the pokey with a cellmate nicknamed Tattooed Tina, the key thrown down a sewer. There's not a whole lot of story telling that could be spun around a locked cell at the Wisconsin State Pen, or whatever its legal name might be. I don't even want her to go to jail. I just wanted to see her squirm a little and that she has. Because regardless of what she did or did not intend to do with the information she happened upon, I haven't forgotten just how much she thoroughly enjoyed roasting her victims over a hot fire of threat and intimidation.

Is it all Phyllis' fault, the disintegration of Victoria's marriage, Brad and Sharon's humiliation, Dru's death? Of course not. There's plenty of blame for all parties concerned. No one forced Sharon and Brad to sleep together, no matter what had happened between Nick and Phyllis. And had Sharon not felt the need to shake out and air their dirty sheets in the very public arena of the Athletic Club, Phyllis never would have overheard her. And finally, Brad and Sharon could have chosen to go to Victoria themselves, like the adults they claim to be, and confessed their sin, and Phyllis would have been left holding her rapidly deflating bag of tricks.

Of course, had they not had a trial, I wouldn't have had the very pleasurable experience of seeing Nikki get blasted from all directions. That alone was well worth the price of my courtroom pass. And lastly, another reason for gratitude at the trial's quick end is so that I don't have to see another second of Michael Baldwin's over the top courtroom theatrics.

When it comes to payback, it doesn't appear Brad is going to be able to avoid receiving his portion. While the Newman heiress was securely in his pocket, Brad enjoyed every opportunity that arose or he manufactured that gave him a reason to remind Neil who was boss of all Newman surveyed. Standing with his wife and then amicable mother and brother-in-law, Brad was prepared to help stab the man who'd made Newman what it is today, in the middle of his back. But as is often is said, he who laughs last, enjoys the longest and hardiest hilarity of all. Well, thanks to Victor, who is wasting no time whittling Brad back down to his former, unimportant size, Neil's belly must be aching atrociously from fits of jubilant glee. Replacing Brad with Devon was a blow that had to have caught Brad in the kidneys. I would imagine Brad's grip on that Board seat will be the next thing Victor pries out of his fingers. It certainly doesn't seem as if Brad has much of a future left at Newman. I hope he didn't burn his bridges to badly over at Jabot.

Speaking of Victor, ridding his company of Brad obviously hasn't monopolized all of his free time. Because he had enough of it left to order an investigative spotlight focused on David Chow's past. So, according to Victor's investigators, our Mr. Chow likes to meet, marry or woo wealthy women. Hmmm, sounds a little like that Carlton cad, doesn't he? But, of course, Nikki didn't want to hear a word Victor had to say about her new hire and the currently separated marital pair punctured each other's thick skin with a few vicious insults over Chow's motives. David's already claiming Victor tried to kill him by running him off the road. Did this really happen or is he laying the ground work for a massive monetary settlement? I tend to think the latter, however, because these days, few in GC are of the pure and pristine variety. Victor will probably turn out to be not far from the mark when it comes to pegging David Chow for what he likely is. A man out for money. I guess time will tell.

The new girl in town. Colleen number three has now arrived. Her blonde locks newly blackened, she looks quite different than the pics I've seen of her. Amazing how a change of hair color can alter a person. Anyway, it's much too early to opine on how she fits or doesn't. Naturally, it's going to be a bit awkward as fans and characters get used to the newcomer. And it will take a little while for the suspicious stench surrounding why Colleen No. 2 might have really been dismissed to dissipate. Then there's the minute matter of that Australian accent that keeps popping out now and again, disconcerting us all. Does she look too young for the Professor? Many fans say yes, but I'm not so sure. After all, at times, he barely looks old enough to drink himself. So for now, I'll try to keep an open mind and give her some time to find her place in the GC family before I weigh in with my opinion.

Whoa, Kevin is all over the place with his feeling for Jana, isn't he? He may as well be holding a four leaf clover, chanting I hate her, I hate her not. Obviously, she isn't faking the brain tumor, but is she faking her symptoms? Maybe not, but I've thought so ever since the day she was spotted telling her troubles to her mirrored likeness. It looked a lot like practice makes perfect to me.

Well, it's a wrap for this week. I suspect there will be plenty more payback to come for many next week. And I can hardly wait! Following, for your enjoyment, is what some of you thought about the week.

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NITADRINK - I guess the problem I have with the Nick/Phyllis hook-up is the age difference! Maybe some don't realize it, and no, they certainly don't look it, but I've been watching this show since 1977 and you just can't help remember how small Nick was when Phyllis first came into the picture. Maybe if I could get past that I could see the chemistry. Yeah, I know they play with age all the time on soaps, but come on, to me it's like when J.T. 'accidentally' slept with Anita.

ALISSA - A few thoughts: I may be the only one, but I think Melody Thomas Scott's new hairdo makes her look so matronly. Bring back the long locks! I like how producers are using music a lot during and at the end of the show. Cool tunes! They really add to the mood of a scene. Could Amber's kidnapping lead to my dream, that the character is killed, gone from the show forever? Ugh to the latest mis-cast, the new Colleen, an Australian actress. Her American accent is far from convincing. Out of all the U.S. actresses out there, Y&R couldn't find one to fit the bill? Love the Phyllis trial scenes - isn't Christian LeBlanc the best? Love having the 'old' Nick back!

ANGELA - I think that Lily and Cane would be good together and also a great twist. Tired of Amber! I also think Nick and Sharon should get back together and let Phyllis and Jack get back together after they find out Summer is his, not Nick's.

JM - I feel like my tolerance with my fave soap has hit the breaking point this week! This story of Amber/Carson is so stupid that I'm embarrassed to say I'm a fan of this show anymore. Just the fact that Kev and Daniel are running around town in tracker devices has pushed the boundaries of soap reality. The writers have pushed romance out the door and replaced it with murders, conspiracies and stupid storylines. I hope things improve, as I have watched this soap for over 30 years and really don't want to give it up.

LISA - I love Nick, don't care who he is with, he is fantastic. I don't care that much for Phyllis with him, I liked her better with Jack. I love Jack also, I just wish he and Victor could call a truce and Victor would keep his word. I don't know who died and left Victor in charge of everyone and everything. I can't stand Nikki. She is so two faced. I don't think much of Sharon either, but I don't want her to leave Jack and hurt him again. As a matter of fact, I really can't think of a woman on the show that I like much, maybe Lily, but she is too whiny and I liked the old Colleen. I guess I like Katherine and Jill, but I think Jill is soon gonna be disappointed in her new love. I do love Kane, they need to hook him up with someone good ASAP and not let him fall for Amber again. I disliked her on B&B and feel the same way about her now. I like Daniel and Kevin, I wish there was some way to redeem Jana because I thought she was good with Kevin. And I can't help myself, I love Michael and Lauren together. This whole trial for Phyllis is utterly ridiculous. Who gets arrested for something they said? Ever hear of he said/she said? Absolutely no proof. And I really wish Gloria would get her just punishment. And someone please give Neil something to do so he can stop being so self righteous. I like Neil, but please. And someone please wipe that smirk off Brad's face fast. I can't stand him.

JOANNE - I am confused by the writing on this show now more than ever. Is Nick going to go back to Sharon - is he going back to Phyllis? Who knows? I don't get what they are trying to do. One minute he is supporting Phyllis and holding her hand and the next minute he's telling Sharon he had it all with her and he let it go! What is up with that? The whole story with Amber and the too boobs helping her was just too stupid for words and I could care less about any one of them. We all know that Cane is not who we think he is so who cares about him. In fact, everyone seems to be harboring some deep dark secret or just one minute shy of having an affair so who can we care about anymore? The trial is a farce because we know Phyllis will never be found guilty of anything or go to jail for a second so what is the point of it all? How do the actors cope with this stuff? It is all a mystery to me. If you read the spoilers you know what's coming as they are pretty accurate but when you actually see what happens it is more often than not very disappointing to say the least. Bring back my Y&R where the people were not all bad and you cared what happened to some of them.

ELLEN - Watching Y&R these days is a most uncomfortable experience. It seems like almost every character on the show is either bitter, snide or depressed. I find the whole extortion plot ridiculous. I mean, how many times have people held secrets over other people in this town? My recollection is almost everybody. The way people have been going on about how Phyllis is to blame for Brad's marriage, Sharon's pain, Dru's death, etc. is starting to drive me crazy. Especially Brad and Sharon. Let's face it folks, None of this would've happened if Brad and Sharon had not had the affair, and once it was in the open, took responsibility for it. What Phyllis did was wrong, but it seems to me it is something well within the capabilities of all these other characters. Is Phyllis responsible for world hunger as well? The ugliness that is being displayed toward her seems way over the top. She is no saint but I dare say 'people who live in glass houses' ... the actual result of Phyllis' threats was to get Neil a board seat. The only reason these people are in the courtroom is because of Nikki! And I find her really unpleasant and nasty these days as well. In fact, right about now, the only person who comes across as human and caring is Jack. I hope we move on soon and while I liked Nick and Phyllis together I think she should dump him and let him chase after Sharon. I'm sure it is only a matter of time before she cheats on Jack with him anyway. Um pot? The kettle is calling. I am also finding the editing sort of odd on Y&R these days. Nick confronts Sharon about her affair with Brad and the scene just ends and we are never privy to their conversation. Noah says he wants to stay with Phyllis and instead of seeing the adults discuss and argue over it he is simply at her house the next morning. Noah says he wants to live with Phyllis and Nick in front of Sharon and the scene simply ends and we never hear anymore about it. What gives? Let's all move on and enjoy some love and laughter. I do like there to be conflict and intrigue on the show but this is really no fun.

SHANNON - This new Colleen is horrible. I hate everything about her - barf! I found myself saying thank God for FF whenever she appeared on screen. Please recast immediately! I'm so glad this trial has started because I was beginning to think that got placed on the back burner like so many other S/L. I was all too pleased that after all that crap Brad was talking and all that taunting he was made to look like a fool and an even bigger liar on the witness stand. He looked so defeated walking out of the court room. What is up with Daniel and his undying love for Amber? I mean come oooonnnnnnnn! His marriage is in shambles and all he can think about is Amber's safe return?! GMAB. Neil and Devon are pissing me off with their hatred for Daniel. Yes, he messed up but coaxing Lily to leave just because of an indiscretion is ridiculous. If Dru left him every time he messed up they'd be married more times than I want to count. I must admit that I like the chemistry between Lily and Cane. I saw some sparks flying and they could possibly be one of GC's hottest couple. I must applaud the GCPD for its services rendered ... Not! I have got to move to GC because the legal system is great. When I get arrested I don't go to a holding cell, I fly by without being booked and fingerprinted, I can keep all my personal belonging (Daniel still had on his biker chains and cell phone) and the best part is Mike Baldwin will be my lawyer which mean my case is pushed to very top of the affidavit. Come on Y&R, you're getting sloppy.

HEATHER - They're doing it again! I know this is only a soap and real world rules don't usually apply, but I am so tired of GC kids graduating high school and then becoming executives at Newman! First Vicky and Nick, and now Devon has been given his own clients (taken from Brad, no less)! After just one year of college and zero experience, he's been promoted straight from the mail room to the board room. Puh-leeze! This kind of story really insults me, because most of us work our butts off our whole lives hoping to move up in our careers and never even get close to that kind of success. Would it kill the writers to be a little more realistic - to have the kids finish college, work in the mailroom a little longer, and then gradually move up? The kids would still be in the middle of the storyline action, just not teen-aged execs and vice presidents.