The year the drama died

Due to 2006's many outlandish occurrences, what drama that remains is now nestled cozily right next to death's darkly painted door.

Okay, so maybe for many fans the drama didn't completely die, but for this fan in particular, due to 2006's many outlandish occurrences, what drama that remains is now nestled cozily right next to death's darkly painted door. As I've mentioned before, I've been watching this place filled with these people, or some very much like them, for a very long time. Unfortunately, when it comes to the sweeping changes of 2006, that has come to be more of a negative than a positive. Why? Because I've come to know so much about these fictional folks. And why shouldn't I? After all, haven't the scribes spent decades carefully crafting these GC residents in hopes that we would care what happens to them? Through the years haven't they painstakingly fleshed out these cardboard cutouts with families and friends, thoughts and feelings, traits and characteristics, personalities and habits, so we would understand what makes them tick? And haven't they shown us by thought, by word and by deed, the things that make them laugh and the many and sundry situations in which they would be most likely to cry? So of course we're going to be quick to cry foul when these people we thought we knew almost as well as we know ourselves, suddenly starting behaving bizarrely?

Yes, I know, I know, change is inevitable; no one stays the same from birth to departure. And as I've also mentioned many times before, it isn't the changes themselves that bother me. Change is usually good. It tends to keep things fresh, exciting and filled with fun. But only if said changes make sense. And fit with what has gone before. And, just my opinion, many of them have not.

Of course, new fans will probably collectively disagree with what I have to say this column. Completely unencumbered by the burden of lugging around years of background baggage for these GC inhabitants, they can see them in a way that, alas, I cannot. And I don't doubt that some longer-viewing fans may concur with them as well. But I can only call things the way they appear from my particular seat on the sofa. So, here's what I think about things, as always, in no particular order and with no explainable rhyme or reason.

There were a lot of things (and people) in 2006 that aggravated and annoyed me. It would be impossible to pick them all out, even if I remembered them all, which I don't. For me, the worst thing about 2006 is that often as I watched the GC goings on, I felt as if I had tuned in to the wrong show, because many times I found myself staring at the screen, mouth agape, wondering, "who are these people and why is it not much fun watching them anymore?" But, be that as it may, despite my doubts, I did make it to the end of the year

Okay, since this column is supposed to be about the smelly stuff stuck to the bottom of the barrel, I guess I should get started. So what follows isn't so much the worst of what 2006 had to offer, but more accurately, the things I liked least. All right. Here we go.

When I dig down with my pointy stick and rummage around, the first thing I notice when I pull my stick back up into the light of day, is that the oily pitch that clings to the end of it looks amazingly like:

BRAD CARLTON F/K/A GEORGE KAPLAN RELIQUARY AND MORE

If I was going to make a top ten list of the worst of 2006, this would be the one I'd write on the very first line. Not only did this nonsensical mishmash of a storyline have everything tossed into it except the kitchen sink, which will probably be found dumped in there too, when all the other junk has been cleared away, it contained more holes than a slice of rancid Swiss cheese. Like, why would Brad be worried about being framed for his family's murders? He was with his mother delivering meals to the poor, wasn't he? Sounds like an iron clad alibi to me. But the holes in the story weren't really what made me name this one worst of the worst. No, the real reason for its receiving such a meritorious award is because it was one of the most boring and uninteresting storylines I have ever suffered through. Bar none. It even topped the Cameron Kirsten mess of a couple of years ago. And to make an already insufferable situation even worse, unfortunately, it's not even close to being over. Brad the man who always marries up, never down, after all these years, still manages to impress me as nothing more than a conniving boy toy without much depth and I find him as hard to care about now as I always have. Okay, I did manage to squeeze out a few scant squirts of sympathy the year he obtained irrefutable proof that he was Ashley's consolation prize, picked only because she couldn't have her first choice, Daddy, I mean, Victor. But, I wasn't able to sympathize long because it wasn't as if he hadn't always known Ashley had room to write the name of only one true love across her heart, and it wasn't spelled B-r-a-d. But, I digress, as I usually do. Let me get back to the point, which is Brad and this sorry excuse for a storyline.

Why it didn't work for me: It's a big chunk for me to choke down that during all the years Brad has been residing in this town, in the back of his mind, he has been deathly worried about his on the run Mom. As I page back through my memory book I see a barely out of high school Daisy Dukes wearing hedge clipper who seemingly had nothing more on his mind than how to win the insecure Abbott heiress' heart, after winning and spurning the heart of the equally insecure well-to-do daughter of his previous employer. Now I'm supposed to believe that before all that he was killing men in the name of the United States Navy using the alias Brad Carlton. Along with the fact that as the years mounted up and he continued to wed increasingly more well-to-do heiresses, though I never saw so much as one melancholy moment of it, somewhere deep inside he was secretly mourning the slaughtered family and best friend from his past. Um hmm.

Okay, I know it's a soap, which naturally necessitates a certain amount of belief suspension, so I can ungrudgingly give Brad a pass on the unlikelihood of someone hiding so much appearing to have so little to hide. Especially since Brad's past has always been shrouded in mystery. But this backstory really was just too much to swallow. You know all the particulars so I won't waste time enumerating them all. Suffice it to say that what dooms this storyline for me is the fact that it doesn't seem believable and does nothing to cause me to care about any of the participants. How about any of you fans? Did you care? The thought of a family being slaughtered for whatever reason is tragic, unfortunately neither Brad nor his Mother made me feel like it really happened to them. Sure, since all of this came to light, Brad has been marching around with his grim face on, moaning and groaning about the danger to his family. Unfortunately, I can't tell much difference between that particular face and the one he wears when he's sad, mad, disgruntled or perhaps just plain constipated. He and his monotoned-mother, Rebecca, have recited their tale over and over and every time all I can think of is how glad I'll be when everyone who needs to know has been told so I won't have to hear it ever again.

What might have salvaged it for me? Picking one path (at most two) and staying on one of them. But putting it all in one pot, Jewish, concentration camp, art recovery, murdered family, years (months) on the run, Navy, assumed identity, kidnapping, reliquary search, murder by thigh muscles, etc., was too much and a bad fit with what has gone before.

My hope? That the pay-off climax to come will somehow make it well worth the pain of having had to wade through this muddle. Tune in to this space in the coming months and I'm sure I'll be telling you if I thought it was worth the wait.

Next out of the barrel are:

THE INFIDELITOUS (A WORD PERHAPS NOT FOUND IN WEBSTER) ONES

Depending on which side of the stadium you cheer from, Nick and Phyllis hold the dubious distinction of representing both the best and the worst of 2006. (See last column for the best).

For non-Phyllis fans, 2006 has been quite a trying year. Trying not to FF in order to keep from missing something or someone I did like. Okay, it's not that I don't like the Phyllis character at all. I just don't like her in relation to Nick. Though I know infidelity and hot, torrid romance is the bread and butter of soaps, something about this pairing always makes me want to hold my nose. Phyllis is gorgeous, as is Nick. So, what could there possibly be not to like about these two? And Sharon has nothing to do with it. Because it's not as if I've been prostrate with grief over their breakup. They had their hot moments in the sun, but by the end, all they mostly did was fight. And cheat.

Why it didn't work for me: Though I agreed multiple times that Sharon's past history of miss-steps outside the marriage was not without number, in this particular instance, I place the biggest burden of wrongdoing blame squarely on the sheet-tumbling twosome of Nick and Phyllis. I continue to loathe these two together, Summer's sweet cute-ness notwithstanding. I hate the piano plinking that accompanies their nearly every move. I despise the way Phyllis has been repainted into this pristine paragon of morality and virtue. And Nick is now an ever-grinning, belly rubbing moony goon. And I still think she seems too old for him. Case in point. When she was scolding Nick for his lies of omission, she used the same tone with him she uses to scold son Daniel.

What might have salvaged it for me? Plain and simple, just a little believable guilt to go along with all that extramarital galloping. It really doesn't take all that much to appease me. I would have liked to hear and see some honest regret from both of these bimbos. Nick, who being the married one, was the most at fault, seemed to discard his ten-year marriage, however bad it had gotten to be, like it was nothing, with not so much as a single regretful look back. As for Phyllis, when has Selfish and Self-Rewarding not been her middle name? Still, a little more believable remorse would have gone a long way toward changing my ability to tolerate these two. And a whole lot less smugness, which is what I see when I look at them.

My hope? That these two end long before their ten year or even their two year anniversary. Okay, so it's probably just wishful dreaming. Oh well, a girl's gotta dream about something. And if that can't happen, at least wipe a little mud on Phyllis' halo. All that perfection is making me queasy.

Moving on to my next offering doesn't really take me very far. Because like some warped Twilight Zone episode, every time I turn around I come face to face with the person I'd least like to see. Phyllis. Or what I'll call:

SHEILA-SHENANIGANS Just to see if it would make a difference, I decided to watch the last two weeks of the year cold turkey. That meant no day-ahead previews, no spoiler site lurking, just live-time viewing, commercials included. So you can imagine how confused I was to see a motoring Michael trailing Paul's car. What could he possibly learn about the real reason Paul dropped out of Devon's case by that, I mused idly. But even though I was confused, I was still staring intently at the screen when Paul entered an unfamiliar place. No, no, no, no, no, I began shouting at the screen, horrified, as a glimpse of what looked like jail cell bars came into view. Next came some limp, orangey-colored hair and the edge of a baby crib. And finally my head crashed into my waiting hands as my very worst fear was realized. Sheila was back! That was bad enough. But that didn't begin to explain the pain that immediately assailed my entire body. Because she is now being played by the one GC character I detest the most, next to Gloria Abbott. And now, it's not enough that I have to see the King and Queen of Lustful Pawing Phyllis and Nick Newlywed Newman disproportionately splayed across my television screen, I'm now stuck with Phyllis in her un-made up mode as Sheila. But still sounding like Phyllis, only not as loud. I swear fans, it's possible this will either kill me or drive me clear out of Genoa City for good.

Why it doesn't work for me: Okay, so I can't fairly claim this one doesn't work for me yet since the storyline is only a day old. Actually, despite my dislike for Phyllis, this one could turn out to be better than much of the fare we've being served lately. I have to admit if I had to choose, I'd pick this foray into something a little different over the usual ill-disguised Sheila coming back for the ninety-ninth time to continue her torment of Lauren. And it would have been a whole lot more fun if Phyllis could have managed to sound just like Sheila, at least when alone with Paul. Since Paul's not bringing the hair dye, does that mean Phyllis is going to slowly turn brunette?

My hope? That Sheila/Phyllis actually succeeds in switching places with Phyllis/Phyllis. It would suit my admittedly warped sense of poetic justice to see the cheating Phyllis/Phyllis getting cheated on by the man she cheated with, even if it was only with her Sheila/Phyllis look-alike. Hopefully if the switch does happen, Lauren will have recovered from whatever's ailing her. Because as she is now, Lauren doesn't have a hope in heck of saving Fen (I hate that name, sounds like something you'd name an elf) and is even less of a match for Sheila than ever before. And she was completely ill-equipped all the times before! My other hope? That somewhere inside of her Lauren will find a shred of the former feisty woman she used to be and give Sheila a run for her money, banishing her for good!

FRIENDS, SURE, BUT DID YOU REALLY HAVE TO MAKE THEM LOVERS?

Yes, I'm talking about Jack and Sharon. As lovers, Jack and Sharon aren't the least bit believable, though to my surprise, they didn't evoke the ewww factor I was expecting. The problem is they don't evoke much of any kind of feeling. In my opinion, their best moments have been when they took off their proud, public faces and showed us the vulnerability and heartbreak beneath. I think they work well as friends, a friend that Jack will sorely need when all the smelly stuff he's been burying is dug up.

Why it didn't work for me. On paper, pairing Nick and Phyllis and Jack and Sharon could have been interesting to watch. But only if jealousy were part of the mixed-up foursome. Unfortunately, for Jack and Sharon, Nick and Phyllis only have eyes for each other and could care less who their former partner makes the bedsprings squeak with. As for jealousy, if you were to ask them, I'm sure they'd say jealousy was just an eight letter word for a crossword puzzle and had nothing to do with their feelings for their exes.

My hope? That Sharon will get a man (at least a little closer to her age and preferably one untouched by any current or former family member) and a drama of her own.

WHERE THE HECK DID THAT COME FROM?

The kiss between Colleen and Professor Need-A-Shave seen round the world. Over and over. And over. At least until it was replaced by the ice storm sofa stand seen over and over and over. And over.

Why it doesn't work for me: Okay, for Colleen, it's been J.T., J.T., J.T. and J.T.. Writing his name on a paper napkin, scheming to squeeze herself between Mac and J.T.. Publicly humiliating her stepmommy to be, all in the name of puppy love for Jeffrey Todd Hellstrom. Said object of her desire cheats on her with Brittany's mother. Forgive and forget 'cause she loves her some J.T.. Has a fling with Victoria though still living with and involved with Mac (no matter what he says, he was). Forgive and forget 'cause she loves her some J.T.. Keeps details about his PI job to himself. It's over. Obsession immediately transferred to Professor Upright and Moral about Other People's Indiscretions Korbel. On top of that, I'm finding it very difficult to buy into Korbel's sudden mutual attraction to his very immaturely behaving student. Do 20-year old young women really act like Colleen? If I didn't know better, her actions would make me guess her at closer to 16.

My hope? That should the scribes take us down this path, at the end of it Colleen will have grown up a little.

SAYING SO LONG WITH MIXED EMOTIONS

Another change. One, in my opinion, that is not wholly a good thing. When it comes to Ashley Abbott, I have often been the first to speak ill of the live. That whole sperm theft thing was way beneath her and far out of character. As was her stubborn determination to cling to Victor by way of Abby, though she knew that after years of waffling back and forth, he had made his final choice in Nikki the Nose. But say what ill you will about Ashley, and you all know I have done exactly that on many occasions, everyone always knew there was no man but Victor for her, all other chosen ones having wound up being a poor and eventually unsatisfactory substitute. Her character was slowly, and as it turned out, apparently irreparably damaged and now she's to be shunted off to GC's version of Siberia.

What could have fixed this? I think kicking Ashley to the concrete curb was premature. There could have been plenty of storyline potential for Ashley. Like, teaming her with JiMin, either romantically or professionally, or both. Better yet, since she had already been so heavily revised, why couldn't she have joined with brother Jack and fought tooth and nail for her family's company against the man she was once so enamored of? Ashley and Jack against Victor and Nikki. Could have been fun. Instead, she's been bested by the trashy likes of Gloria with the help of her law-breaking sons.

OH, GHOST, IF THAT'S THE BEST YOU CAN ME, JUST BE GONE WILLYA?

Once my favorite patriarch, the memory of the man who was once John Abbott has been sullied with all this chain-clanging ghosting about. And to make matters worse, he's a blind ghost, only capable of seeing Jack's faults. Note to John: This is the son from your loins. I know it had been awhile for you, but when did the ice water of self-preservation in Gloria's veins become so much thicker than the blood tie between you and your son? It's bad enough the man has been hoodwinked all of his adult life by women who used, abused and then hired a lawyer to legally rob him half-blind. But Gloria as the icing on the cake? What a way to send off someone who's brought so much richness to the Genoa City canvas. It was insulting to see him banished from the City with a send-off of a scant handful of quarreling family members. A send-off the grandkids didn't even bother to attend, too busy tending to their boring lives. Shameful!

IF YOU CAN'T WRITE FOR 'EM, KILL 'EM OFF

Don't want to be bothered coming up with an engrossing, compelling storyline for a character? That's okay, just kill 'em off (Cassie Newman; John Abbott, Tom Fisher) or send 'em packing (Mackenzie Browning, Billy Abbott and soon, Ashley Abbott).

RECASTS FROM OOPS, INCORPORATED

Also known as Miscasts At Your Service. I try not to kick an actor when he's bad. Only his character. In this case, I don't know what the problem was, the man or the stuff he was given to spout. Whatever it was, when it came to Billy Abbott, it was like trying to force a square peg into a perfectly round hole. No matter where they stood him, he stuck out like a stiff, sore thumb. He didn't fit with the teens, the adults, his mother, or the rest of the Abbott family. It was a relief when he was shipped off to Hong Kong.

WAS IT BROKEN?

It didn't seem broke, but someone fixed it anyway. Yes, I'm talking about Lily Winters Romalotti. Lots of reasons were rumored why, but the bottom line is when the revolving door finished spinning, new Lily had been ushered out and old Lily shown back in. Right recast or wrong? It's hard to say. Lily has had so little to say or do since her return, who's playing her really doesn't seem to matter.

MOST ANNOYING HALF-GROWN GIRL ON THE GC CANVAS

Colleen, so self absorbed, her every sentence begins with I. This one always wants a chunk of cheese to go with her nails on a blackboard whine. Colleen Carlton has two modes, whining and whining in a whisper. That whisper is so annoying, I don't even bother rewinding and upping the volume to hear what she has to say. Because I really don't care. Between the whispery voice delivery and her ever present pout, is it a wonder I could care less what happens to her and actually wish only the worst for her character simply because she's so annoying. By the way, I guess, now that she's bed hopping or sofa surfing, I guess she's not a girl anymore, she's a true GC woman

COMEUPPPANCE, PLEASE!Can the doorknob please hit that bulbous-orbed, gold digging Gloria hag on her way out of town? That woman does her job well. Because she makes me want to reach through the screen, wrap both hands around her neck and squeeze until her eyes glaze over and she's fluttered those hands for the very last time.

My hopes? That her devious deeds are revealed and she pays!

DON'T PLAY THAT SONG AGAIN

Another round of Victor tromps Jack. The names weren't changed because neither is innocent nor needs protection. Whatever way this tale is told, the outcome always seems to come out the same. With Victor winning and Jack left face down in the dirt.

Why it doesn't work for me. Victor against Jack is one thing. Victor and all the people he's lined up to help him beat Jack smells like overkill.

My foolish hope? Jack figures out how deftly Victor's playing him and turns the tables on him, making it a much more even (and more fun to watch) match.

SHAME ON YOU!

Sharon for doing the mattress mambo with her brother-in-law. Brad for being the willing brother-in-law.

Gloria who wound up nearly bankrupting her husband's company in an effort to punish his kids. Ditto to her sons who broke every law that applied to help her cover it up.

Phyllis for once again inserting her sylph like self and her baby between another husband and wife. Nick for being the husband and willing inserter inviter.

Neil for cheating in thought, though not in deed, and caused the most long-lasting damage when he chose a fatal (for her) attraction to almost cheat with.

WAKE ME WHEN IT'S SOLVED

The long-running and far from over Carmen Mesta murder mess. Devon didn't do it. We know that. Dru didn't do it. We know that too. Most likely Brad didn't do it because his hard, murderous thighs weren't anywhere near Carmen's head and if Jack turns out to have been the murdering man, I'd hit myself on the head with my keyboard until I too had expired. Michael's not the culprit, nor Jana, nor Kevin. We know Professor Korbel couldn't have done it. Because he was spotted moping in his office at the time drawing full page sketch pad pictures of Colleen and her hair.

Why it's not working for me. Because so far it's just one more repetitive case of the GC Keystone Cops chasing after the wrong perpetrator.

My hopes? The best is yet to come. Unless they're going to chase the weary Devon horse all the way to the GC jail stable, sooner or later, surely even the tunnel-visioned DA is going to stumble across a real clue. And that could make this one worth watching again.

FORGET ABOUT THE WRATH OF A WOMAN ROMANTICALLY SCORNED

Fear instead the all-consuming wrath of a woman crossed in business. Nikki Newman has become a bitch (pardon my French) in heels. Can you believe this was a woman who once wept profusely on Jack's shoulder over Victor? Was even married to Jack until shortly after she tumbled down the stairs and lost the Abbott child she was carrying. Who once sunk a wad of her own money into the listing luxury liner that was then Abbott-owned Jabot? Well that was then, and this is 2006 and all that love has turned to hatred. Nikki is like a rabid dog, snarling and ripping at Jack. She's turned positively scary.

2007 HOPES AND DREAMS AND WISHES

I know shock (and sex) are the number one sellers these days. The proliferation of reality shows and round the clock cameras prove that. But the thing about shocks is that if you are given a daily diet of them, it ceases to have an effect, and turns more silly than shocking. Remember when Fear Factor first came on? Hand over your mouth in disbelief, you couldn't believe what you were seeing when the contestants had to chomp down on those Rockefeller roaches. But after awhile it was like, okay, they're gonna each roaches today, hmm, let's see what else is on. Channel change.

It would be nice to have a blend of the ways of the past, the ways of the present and the ways of the future. Storytelling that contain at least a modicum of intelligence, that make us care about these people again. That fleshes them out with some morality, compassion, understanding, remorse. Not just people jumping out of each other's arms and beds, willy nilly, all bad and no good, or vice versa. Oh, and one or two shockers a week, instead of one every single day.

Anyway, despite all I didn't like about 2006, I'm looking forward to and am hopeful about 2007. It's gotten pretty bad, the coming year can only be better, right? I guess we'll see.

As always, there's plenty more that could be said, but I have to stop somewhere and I've chosen this spot to draw a line in the sand. Here's what you had to say.

* * * * * * *

MARY - How could you let Eileen Davidson go? You tried other actresses in the role and the viewers kept asking for Eileen back. You need to write more solid storylines for her and listen to her ideas about the character. She has played Ashley for years. She is right. The character was taken in directions that didn't really fit the personality of the character. Eileen made Ashley good, but not a goodie goodie, a strong woman who could be vulnerable. She gave her nuances. Remember some people have followed the soap for years. You can't keep killing off the mainstay characters or cutting favorite actors.

JULIA - Love Two Scoops! Love people's comments. Feel sorry for the writers. What a job! I've tried to write. Can't. It's one of the most difficult things in the world to do and I only admire writers.

EVE - Oh, my, Sheila's back. I wish I cared. I wish the writers cared. At least enough to mop up some obvious flaws with this story, the most obvious being that long red hair. So Paul, you want to make sure that Sheila can't get out and about and threaten little Fen? Shave her head! She might have gotten plastic surgery, but there's no way the knife changed Sheila's basic DNA, and if she's in Paul's little hidey-hole with a shaved head, when that hair grows out, it's going to be dark brown. I also hope they're going to address the little problem of eye color. But then, I always hope they're going to address the little problem of logic, and considering the Bradski story just goes on and on, that's a laugh. Not to mention the Professor and Maryann doing the nasty in his office, on campus, in an ice storm. Personally, I kept waiting for Gilligan to show up. Allow me to assure the entire writing universe that no professor keeps pillows, sheets, and blankets tucked away in their office, and also, no professor (outside of perhaps Harvard or Yale) has an office larger than the average bathroom. But then, getting back to the Sheila nonsense, how many people can construct their own jail? Literally, only the folks in Genoa City.

SANDIE - I've been a viewer of the Young and the Restless from almost the very beginning. The storylines use to be extremely emotional and interesting, but now have lost a real edge, especially with the breakup of Sharon and Nick. And those of you who think Sharon is boring, how about using your abilities and rush the writers for a much better storyline on her behalf. Don't for one minute forget that her stupid storylines are not her fault. My fondest hope is there will be a family reconciliation but since that's a loooooooooong shot, then maybe just maybe a fantastic good looking knight in shining armor will finally do the correct thing and rescue Sharon before its all over. I solely blame the writers for how meaningless these storylines have become and Sharon still keeps that smile. Bless her heart!

ANGELA - I don't know where to begin, I hate the writing on this show. Gloria makes me SICK! She is not the victim in this storyline. The Abbott family are the true victims. This storyline is difficult to handle because of the fact Gloria is able to walk around and do very bad things and never pay for her actions. But Jack does one bad thing and the powers that be are ready to crush him. I what to know how do you feel that Nikki and Victor have decided to go forward with crushing Jack even though he saved their granddaughter's life! I hope their efforts fail big time.

HEATHER - I couldn't resist adding my 2 cents worth this week. First, Colleen drives me crazy, also. Suck it up, girl, and quit whining about your PI boyfriend keeping "secrets" from you; it's not gossip, it's his job! By the way, GCU should have had their final exams during the first week or 2 of December. Colleen's still in Adrian's class and GOING TO LECTURES THE DAY AFTER CHRISTMAS. We're expected to buy into this? Finally, I've read a lot of complaints about the sign language thing, but I really thought Devon's hearing loss was very well-written. The dialogue seemed so authentic (e.g., Devon asking people to repeat certain words as he learned to read lips, and asking Neil if he was talking too loud after he first lost his hearing). And it's perfectly understandable that Devon wouldn't use sign language, because he already knows how to talk. It's just the people around him who have to sign for him because he can't hear them speaking. I thought the whole situation was very well played.

NERO - I'm turning my back on the debacle that was 2006 and am looking ahead to predictions for 2007. Sheila is alive and well in GC. It seems that she has become a gifted plastic surgeon (she must have used the same correspondence school where Kevin got his computer degree) and has been changing her appearance weekly to resemble a different GC resident. She's finally captured when, during a tense "who's who" final confrontation, her face falls completely off. It's revealed that Victor Newman has been dead for three years and Nikki replaced him with the Abraham Lincoln automaton from Disneyland's "Hall of Presidents". Her ruse is discovered when Abby finds a tall hat and a copy of the Gettysburg Address hidden in the attic. Neither Nick nor Jack is the father of Phyllis' baby. She did it all herself, like the dinosaurs in "Jurassic Park". In a shocking twist, we learn that Ashley didn't really move to Hong Kong, she was eaten by a rampaging Phyllis. Colleen becomes so annoying that she gets on her own nerves and shoots herself in desperation. Michael defends her, posthumously, but she is found guilty of murdering herself. As she lives in GC, she is never punished for this crime. Katherine realizes her dream means she gave away Jill's twin sister - Esther. Gloria gets herself elected Mayor of GC. She names Michael DA and has him arrest his own brother Kevin for crimes against humanity. Oh, and for what he did to Colleen, too. Of course, the lad doesn't serve any prison time, they just lock him in a closet for two or three episodes. Goy Beorge's long-dead father will turn up alive. He will be portrayed by the late Christopher George and will reveal that Victor Newman is the Nazi responsible for his death. (You have to be a really old to get that one, LOL). Finally, 2007 will end on a cliffhanger when the entire population of GC (about 30 people) finds itself locked in the break room at Newman Enterprises. There's only one Ring Ding left in the vending machine! Who will get that Ring Ding?! Stay tuned. Thanks for all the fun commentary this past year. Have a great 2007!

ELAINE - I think Nick and Phyllis should have named the baby Noel Summer, for Christmas and Phyllis. Just a thought. The scenes with Baby Newman and her family were so moving. Good work.

JOANNE - I just read your thoughts on the past year of the Y&R and agree with most of your thoughts. Unlike you though, I hate Phyllis and Nick together. In fact, I dislike all the other couplings with the exception of Lauren and Michael (even though Michael tends to be too lenient on his mother's, brother's and best pal Phyllis' past evil deeds). I also feel Sharon is the best female character now because she has shown such strength in character as she has been dragged through unimaginable horrors this past year. I never hated her for Brad, she was desperate for some comfort and attention after her daughter died and her husband was totally ignoring her while he slept with the horrible Phyllis. I don't see how people find Phyllis so hot, especially with Nick. She is much better with Jack as they seem better suited in age and experience. Sharon and Jack are not the best couple but are sweet together, especially when they express their vulnerable feelings towards their exes. Jack should finally win against Victor as Victor's dealings in the past have been far from legal or ethical. Jack should be rewarded for being fired because of Gloria's evil deeds. Again, I agree with your take on how Phyllis and Gloria never get what they deserve and that they are now written as these wonderful strong female characters. I cannot forget the past for these two and find it hard to stomach the scenes where they win once again. The Winters family is the most real and I love watching their scenes. The Colleen character is very annoying and I wish the real story behind the Professor and Amber or Jana comes to light soon because I am losing patience for their characters as well. The Mesta murder is boring also. The writers could have made this much more interesting but focusing on Devon is just ridiculous. Sad to hear another Abbott will be leaving the show and I worry that the whole family will be wiped out soon as the Brooks family was years ago. The Newmans as the main family will be just too annoying to watch and I will have to pull the plug on the Y&R once and for all if that is going to be the case. Nikki's holier than thou attitude is sickening and the way all of the Newman's have accepted Nick's treatment of Sharon and the subsequent events with his remarriage, birth of another baby girl Newman and Noah's easy acceptance of all of the above is just too unbelievable to accept and watch. Let's hope 2007 finds Jack and Sharon finally getting some of the justice they deserve, hopefully at the expense of the Newman's, especially the newest Newman, Phyllis.

SANDI - I have been watching our favorite Soap, but have refrained from reading the commentaries so my comment here, may have been said before. If I SEE Fenmore in the stripped blanket one more time, I swear I will scream! Doesn't Lauren have more than one blanket that style OR color?! When I actually saw him in red for the Christmas show, I thought there was hope we might see him as a baby and NOT AS A STRIPED BLANKET! We have seen more of Summer Newman than we have of Fenmore and she is only one or two weeks old! New blanket, please.