Simply sublime

Was it the new or old Phyllis who used all the weapons in her considerable arsenal to continue to tempt Nick away from his then more or less faithful spouse?

Unfortunately for my contrary carcass, I have not yet bounded onto that beribboned bandwagon, so I guess it goes without saying that their drawn-out dialogue left my lip perpetually pinched in petulant pouting. But since they made up the bulk of the week, so shall it be for this column.

So, why, some of you might be asking, can't I add my name to the ever-growing roster of dedicated, die hard Nick and Phyllis fans? Well, it's certainly not because I find them lacking in combustible chemistry. And it has nothing to do with not liking Nick, because except for certain circumstances (specifically, the bayonet in Daddy's back debacle and its subsequent surly aftermath), for the most part, I've been a card-carrying Nick supporter.

I can't, however, say the same about Phyllis. For that, cartloads of kudos must definitely be delivered to Michelle for playing the unlikable Phyllis part to perfection. I know she has supposedly "changed". She's no longer that woman who used every hook and crook in the book (as well as some that weren't included on the table of contents) to destroy the relationship between Danny and Christine. Nor is she allegedly the same webmaster who just for the fun of it helped Brittany rip apart the sweet union of Billy and Mac and with it, the heart of her web cam assistant. And of course, these days she would never attempt to murder by rented motorcar any of her enemies.

But, has Phyllis really changed? Was that the new or old Phyllis who once she'd tasted the fresh, forbidden fruit of married Nick, used all the weapons in her considerable arsenal to continue to tempt him away from his then more or less faithful spouse? Which Phyllis was it, old or new, who rented the room, delivered the key, started the texting, planned the rendezvous?

And therein, lies the reason for my dislike and disrespect for this duo. I don't believe them. Oh, they sound out all the right syllables. He says: I'm working on my marriage. I don't want to destroy my son. I love my wife. All while beaming that aw shucks, who me, deeply dimpled grin at Phyllis. And standing so close he almost squeezes her out of her own personal space. She says: I support you trying to fix that broken marriage. I would never try to come between that. Of course you don't want to destroy your son. I don't either. All while simpering sillily and batting her eyes flirtatiously for all she is worth. And standing so close she almost squeezes him out of his own personal space.

I know. I know. They're trying to stay away from each other. They can't help it that they work in the same building; that they're bound to run into each other in the break rooms, hallways, outside the elevators. On the private Newman jet. Yes, I'm aware neither had anything to do with winding up alone with the other aboard said jet. That was pure coincidence. And it certainly wasn't their fault the weather forced them to hole up together aground. Again. And they didn't tell that DJ to play that slow country song forcing them so close together their lips couldn't stay apart. And I'm sure they really don't mean 90% of their conversation to have double and triple underlying sexual undertones. But this is definitely not a pair that is sincerely sorry for the harm their indiscretion caused. Nor do they strike me as trying especially hard to keep any kind of an emotional distance between them. Instead, they seem to make a special effort to say and do things to titillate each other. Just my opinion, you may not agree.

As I mentioned before, I'd probably be able to stand this couple if they weren't such phonies. Nick more so than Phyllis. Because in all fairness, Phyllis isn't the married one. She's no longer actively seeking Nick out and I can't really hold it against her for participating in the flirtation game when he keeps setting up the board and inviting her to play. But I confess I was about to run screaming from the room if Phyllis would have giggled inanely or scraped that flapping hair back behind her ears just one more time. Enough with the "you're my first boyfriend" behaviour. Maybe I'm the only one, but I find it beyond annoying.But it's Nick's antics I have the most problems with. Oh, he had jokes didn't he? "You haven't screamed out my name with such intensity in a long time?" Oh, right Nick, that was appropriate. And that was just one of many highly inappropriate comments from this supposedly wants to be a happily married to Sharon man. And finally, Phyllis tells him she's pregnant and suddenly he's Mr. Supportive, I'll be there for you. How different than when he discovered his wife was with child. And with that said, I expect Nick and Phyllis will resume their down-low relationship, though I expect it will be sex-less, at least for now. Oh by the way, how many hands are in the air guessing that Phyllis will now feel a burning need to include Jack in the pregnancy circle? Yeah, that's how many I counted too. None. Just please don't say this is eventually going to turn into a switched DNA debacle. I don't think I could survive another one of those.

One final thing I'll say about Nick and Phyllis. This pairing has enlivened message boards all over cyberspace. I haven't gone in search of any Nick and Sharon fan boards, although I'm sure there are some, but from what I've read, for many fans, Nick and Phyllis have become the cat's purring meow.

Speaking of Sharon. It's really kind of sad what has happened to this character over the years. Like Ashley Abbott, only time (and likely a whole lot of it) will tell if redemption will ever be possible. For Sharon, she seems to go from bad to worse to even worse still. It wasn't the sleeping with Diego itself that painted her with a bimbo brush; it was her continued and relentless pursuit of him once he'd made it clear she was a mistake he didn't intend repeating. Then came the kiss of the father-in-law. Character-wise, that was very, very bad. Ranked right up there with Ashley's "swimmers" snatch. Then she abandoned her children and family. Leaving your husband is one thing, your children, something most mothers (and others) won't easily condone or forgive. Leading to her drunken night with Cameron Kirsten. Even the reported fact that he turned her face into "hamburger" wasn't able to buy her full forgiveness for that one. And now, on top of all that worm-filled dirt in her history bucket, lies Brad. Nick and Phyllis notwithstanding, there's no excuse for what she did with her sister-in-law's new husband. Any sympathy she gained for what they did to each other behind her back was irretrievably lost the moment she and Brad consummated their dry and lacklustre union. That was the straw that made the camel's knees buckle and sent him tumbling to the dry desert dirt. And because of it, almost no one wants to see her salvage her marriage to Nick. Heck, while I'm not currently for Nick and Phyllis, I can't say that I'm pumping my pom poms in the air for Sharon and Nick either. So I guess I'll remain on the fence about this one for awhile. But what about you fans? What do you all think? Is there any hope for Sharon's redemption? Will she prevail or be run out of town on a rusty rail? And what about Phyllis? Will Newman soon be listed after Summers Romalotti Abbott?

Before I move on to some other adults, let me stop for a second to jeer at to the two most annoying teens in all of Genoa City. Lily and her best "only" friend Colleen. What part of "not even Lily" did Colleen not understand when she was making that empty promise to J.T. to keep her loose-lipped flap fastened? And then there was Lily: "Don't you want to hear about my fight with Daniel?" Thankfully we were spared a retelling of that tedious tale! It was bad enough having to suffer through that coughing fit and demand for water.

Okay, I got that out of my system. On to the reason for Colleen's distress. Brad. We got a few more glimpses into Brad's past. What went on back them? Real and Brad-to-be both appeared to be covered in soot. Was what we saw the aftermath of a fire at the real Brad Carlton's house? Did Brad happen upon the scene or was he perhaps spending the night and somehow escaped? Was whatever happened accidental or was there murder involved? We already know Brad didn't have the most ideal of childhoods. Was his identity theft simply a crime of opportunity?

And what's the story with Jana? Is she connected to Brad, a possibility that seems more and more likely, or is she just a red herring to detour us off of the real trail? It can't be mere happenstance that she wound up the person discovering Victoria's stolen loot in the rubbish at Crimson. Or that she spent some time in Italy, as did Brad. And Victoria. Whom she seems to know an awful lot about as well. Did that come about from delving into Brad's past? Or could Victoria be the real person of interest? But if either of those scenarios are true, then what of her knowledge of the different fathers of Kevin and Michael? Perhaps Michael is the real reason she popped up in Genoa City. Where Jana is concerned, there seem to be a lot more questions than answers.

A whole laundry list of questions (what the heck does the phrase 'laundry list' mean, anyway) is exactly what should be playing tag through Nikki's mind right now. Finally, weeks (or is it months) after the head-butting/car jacking/spine shooting incident, someone besides Jack has noticed something's amiss in many of Victor's inexplicable actions. I stumbled upon a spoiler the other day so I now know what's behind it, but I won't spoil it for those who want to find out in the ordinary course of things. While it took only a tiny teaspoon of belief suspension to swallow this softer side of Victor Newman, I confess I'm looking forward to his hoped-for return. And while I don't blame Jack for his inability to let this once in a lifetime opportunity for a little payback from the once great and powerful Victor pass him by, I'm nearly salivating at the thought of it all blowing up in his face. As he gleefully told Ashley, he may not have outright stolen NVP, but if he got it for a "song", he certainly didn't pay what it was worth. To his credit, he did have the grace to look just a little shamefaced when he heard of Victor's collapse. I'd like to think he feels at least a miniscule amount of remorse that his silence could have led to a real medical emergency. Thankfully, Nikki has now heard from the medical nag's mouth pretty much the same information as that given to Jack so that leaves him off the hook for any future consequences.

Still sort of on the subject of people who deserve a consequential comeuppance, Ashley is another obnoxious individual on whose behalf I won't be smothering a smile when she gets hers. My wish for her is that she gets caught in a torrential downpour while she has her nose high in the air, and that will hopefully be the end of her. "After all, Nikki", she had the gall to snippily retort, "he is the father of my daughter". "Oh yeah, you semen stealing, can't buy a man spinster," Nikki should have shot right back. "When I find out the results of your donor's tests, I'll be sure to write and let you know. Now get your sticky fingered self out of my face before I forget I'm supposed to be a lady." Not to mention her smart-aleck comments to Phyllis and Kevin and everyone else in the world she thinks she's superior to. It was so satisfying to see the dismayed look on her face when Jill waltzed up to the table with Will, I thought I'd just finished a five course meal and dessert.

Gloria is another feral feline who needs to run straight out of lives. She's like a pestilence on the lives of everyone she touches. Let's tally up the count. Thanks to her, either directly or indirectly, Kevin is flawed, Tom is dead, John is jailed. Ashley's reputation has been tarnished. Jack has been fired. Michael, after fighting mightily to restore his character, is periodically reverting to his less savory side, helping to hiding Gloria's crimes, wheeling and dealing beneath the table at her behest. Not that I wasn't laughing and celebrating right along with the Fisher-Baldwin-Abbott faction at their success in boosting Kevin aboard the Jabot luxury liner at a competitive salary, but that doesn't matter, it's the principal of the thing. In the end, Gloria will likely be the downfall for both her boys.

Ahh, Neil, please don't say you are about to become like all the rest of the boys in Genoa City. Playing patty cake with the stray pussycat down the block when your own tabby is away. The one difference between Neil and every other male cheater in this Peyton Place of a town was his loyalty and adherence to his wedding vows. Not to say Neil is perfect. He did, after all, have that one time thing with Olivia. Though she is Dru's sis, at least he wasn't married at the time. And, of course, he did hunger after his brother's girl. But he didn't hesitate to toss a robe at Yolanda when she offered him her free stuff. But if Dru doesn't return real soon, Neil might slip and accidentally fall ... right atop Carmen. Where one Genoa City man's already been before him. Nothing against Carmen, but can't we have one "real" man in the bunch?

Okay, I've reached the end of my monologue. You fans are going to have to take it from here.

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WANDA - Please writers! Stop dropping storylines. Is Gloria going to completely get away with her "evil deed"? What about her job at Jabot as a "fashion consultant"? When Kev goes to work at Jabot who will run Crimson Lights? Will Lily find out about Daniel and Kevin's bad act towards her with Alex? What happened to the idea of NVP moving out of Newman Towers? That is just entirely too logical though, I guess. Sometimes the writers really do insult our intelligence. What is with the "revolving door" at the prison on Father's Day? The doddering Victor Newman is wearing mighty thin these days. The salsa dancing was so stupid. If he kisses that mutt one more time I'm going to be sick. No wonder Phyllis has to work 24/7 (I'll bet she doesn't have time for dance lessons). Nikki is really getting chubby and her back must have healed really, really well. I liked Jill and Will together. Colleen SHUT UP!!!! I dislike her more everyday. How can J.T. stand the whining? What a contrived argument Daniel and Lily had. What was the purpose? I could see an argument being warranted had she wanted to go to Paris to model a la Dru. I would like to see PA come out in maternity clothes at NE one day and just not say anything to anyone about her "condition". Just let everyone (Nick, Jack, Sharon) wonder WTD.

TREY - Hey Nita, I must say I thoroughly enjoyed your column this week, I especially love the shout out, thanks. I'm so happy to know you read all your mail and actually take it into consideration. For that I am very appreciative. I think, I agree with you about Brad and Victoria. Although, I do actually like the nuVictoria, there is something very odd about these two. Maybe its the fact that Brad's shady past is really creeping me out, but these two also leave me rather cold. I cant say that Im bothered by the fact that Brad was once with her mother, because Im sure im not the only fan that loves the intertwining of Soap Opera characters lives. Lets face it, on just about every soap...someone has slept with someone else's sister, brother, father, mother, cousin. Its all over the place. Its actually one of the reasons I love soaps. What I would really enjoy is to see them acknowledge these past indiscretions. When Nikki was warning Victoria about gettinginvolved with Brad why couldn't she have commented,"Look, I know Brad, I mean was going to marry him too, trust me he's not the one for you." That would have made me chuckle. As for the constant boardroom scenes, walking through the hallway, elevator conversations, break-room talks, I have to say I love those scenes. It gives a chance for actors who don't have scenes together to actually interact with each other. It also seems very realistic to me. People running into each other in the hallway, having a conversation and moving on. As opposed to the constant hour long banter that drones on and on between two people the whole show. I'm enjoying, Y&R more so then ever. I have to say Im intrigued by the friendship of Lauren and Phyliss. I love watching these two bond and commiserate over their mutual tension about being mothers again. I wonder if Y&R is planning something. I mean both women have red hair, their both equally far along in their pregnancies...maybe a baby switch! I don't know I'm just daydreaming. But all in all Y&R still intrigues me the way no other soap does. One thing though..Where is Victor Jr. For years, I have been waiting for them to age this character and bring him on to the scene. I just know they could really utilize his character.

CATHY - I'm responding to one of the comments made last week by another poster regarding Kevin and Lily. S/he posed a very good question. Why the heck haven't Kevin and Lily had scenes yet? Or have they, and I missed it? It's been months since Davetta took on the role, and yet we've had no Lily and Kevin? Colleen is running around like a village idiot, berating J.T. and Kevin whenever she gets a chance, and Lily is nowhere near this? Colleen can't help but "bump" into Kevin, but Lily -- her supposed best friend -- has no problems avoiding Kevin? Lily is off in happyland with Daniel (not that I don't find the two absolutely adorable togeter -- but where's the real drama?). Speaking of Daniel, wasn't he friends with Kevin too? I just don't see how it is that these three haven't had scenes yet. It's yet one more thing on this show that makes no sense. Kevin, Lily and Daneil live on the same premises yet they've never had scenes? Frankly I think the J.T./ Kevin rivalry has and always will be a bit far fetched. Delving into the Daniel/Kevin friendship that resulted in Lily's almost rape would be filled with more depth and drama for all three characters. The writers aren't utiliizing Davetta's, Michael's and Greg's talents well. Indeed, if anyone should be telling Jana about Kevin, it should have been Lily. She's the one who got an STD from Kevin.

LYNN - I just have a couple of things that I want to say first about Colleen and J.T.. I am so over her and her whining. She is very immature and she can't hold water. Always the damsel, YUCK! I have no sympathy for her and she is very judgmental. Always acting as though she can walk across water when actually she is no better! As for Phyllis and Nick. I believe that they are both in love with one another. Nick stayed with because he got caught, but is it me or did everyone forget he was about to tell Sharon on their anniversary he wanted out. Then Noah got hurt and he never said anything. I really beleive the baby is his and that Sharon is in such a uproar because in her heart of hearts she knows Nick does not love her the way he loves Phyllis. He does not even look at her the same way he looks at Phyllis.

CYNTHIA - What a great writer you are! I look forward to your column every Monday. I have been watching Y&R since David Hasselhoff was "Snapper"....Wow, I really feel old now! So glad to hear "Cricket", Lauralee Bell is leaving. She had no place on the show for so long. Family ties mean nothing when you can't act!! I, as one of your viewers said this week, am anxious to see what happens with Shiela and the picture. They have left us hanging long enough. Gloria...ewwww, is just plain creepy. Watch out Jack, way to much history here and when Victor does come around, and he Will, there will be Hell to pay like he's never seen! Keep up the GREAT work!

LYNDA - Hi, love reading your column. My comment is that I think Phyllis is a little old (in years) for Nick but no one has mentioned this fact. I am hoping the baby belongs to Jack.

GILLIAN - Your article 'Charismatic Couplings' about Y & R was spot on. Last week I couldn't help noticing a space between Victoria's front teeth. Is this a new trend?

TAD - I'm looking into my crystal ball, and this is what I see. I predict a mix up in the lab results concerning paternity which will mistakenly ID Phyllis' baby's daddy. That seems to be the common theme with all soaps. When it's all sorted out though, my money will be on Nick being the father for the following reasons. 1) The recent loss of Cassie; the positive impact Cassie had on the Newman family as a whole; the expected grief following her death; the unexpected family struggle due to dissention after her unfortunate demise. I see a new Newman female heir in the forecast. 2) Nick clearly doesn't have any illegitimate kids. The rule of thumb for the soaps has generally been one illegitimate child per person. Kyle is illegitimate, technically speaking, but the dynamics surrounding his conception like that of Abby is new territory for the soaps. How will this cutting edge form of conception be interpreted? Does this automatically eliminate Jack as Phyllis' baby's daddy? 3) Nick and Sharon seem to be making some progress toward putting their family back together. The trip that Nick and Phyllis are on together makes things a little more complicated, but I see only a slight derailment. When all seems semi peaceful and tranquil in the Newman household, there's nothing like a quiet storm to stir things up a bit. For these reasons, I think this baby will be Nick's. Of course, I could be way off base, and if so, I'll have no problem foregoing a career in prognostication.I'm not fond of the Phyllis/Nick pairing. There seems to be an air of awkwardness around them at all times, and there personalities are vastly different. Phyllis, like Jack is always plotting and scheming. Nick,although far from perfect, is a play it close to the vest type. It could be that Nick was playing the part of a married man who was unfaithful very well. I really don't see the chemistry needed to make what their doing any more than a passionate interlude. Nick fits well with Sharon, and Jack fits well with Phyllis. In my opinion, it's not there for Nick and Phyllis. If I'm in the minority of fans that feels this relationship lacks the chemistry to sustain the eternal pledge of love(1-2 years), then so be it. I whole heartedly agree with Nita regarding couples on Y&R. At present, most of the couples are lacking the I'll run through a wall for you devotion that all intimate couples should share. I look at Jack/Carmen, Nick/Sharon, Brad/Victoria, Daniel/Lily, J.T./Colleen, and Phyllis. There is emotional conflict with most, if not all, of these individuals that are masquerading as an item. Three weeks ago Jack was head over heels in love with Phyllis. What he has going with Carmen is nothing more than a rebound. Carmen was just undressing Neil with her eyes at Cassie's tribute. Both Nick and Sharon appear to be infatuated with other people. If Brad really was "feelin" Victoria he wouldn't have slept with Sharon the first chance that he got, and he wouldn't be so distracted every time he and his new bride are together. Lily and Colleen seem to share a closer bond than does Daniel and Lily, or J.T. and Colleen. As for Phyllis, who knows what the hell is going on in her head, but I think Phyllis' greatest love is herself. Oops, did I say that out loud? I do agree with Nita. Her dedication to Jack, and their commitment to each other was as strong as any of the other great romances in Y&R. Is it fair to say that the only two people that pass the litmus test is Michael and Lauren? Nick is always talking about how important his marriage is, and he'll do anything to prove his sincerity to Sharon; however, he always finds himself in a situation where he is not only in the presence of Phyllis, but he often finds himself in a situation that could certainly be misconstrued by a common spectator. I think the bottom line is they both have committed egregious acts of infidelity, and they both are in need of forgiveness. It's just too bad that Nick doesn't know that Sharon is in need of forgiveness as well.

RONNEA - You are dead on the money regarding couples. I want Phyllis's baby to be Nick's. The storyline has more possibilities that way. Victor defending another baby Newman, not by Sharon. How would the little girl change his relation with Nick's current wife? For the reader who wants my favorite bad/good character Sheila to come back as Phyllis I say no! I would much rather have them be friends. The best storyline in the world to trap Gloria in all of her evil would be for Sheila to come back as Paul's sister Patty. That would give her access to Mike et al. That way she could be the one to blow Gloria right out of the wood work. While raising havoc with so many other lives. Paul/Jack/Ashley siblings trying to protect each other. Getting close to Paul would give Sheila a less suspected route to Lauren while giving Jack back some of the grief he gave her. If she and Phyllis became friends she would be able to help her get NVP away from Jack. She of course as "Patty" would want to visit John, her loving ex-father-in-law. Keeping him up to date of all that is going on. Guilt and payback have always made for good storylines. Thanks for keeping us entertained.