The Sheila show

Do Sheila's mutterings of murderous mayhem have to eat up the lion's share of every, single, solitary episode?

It's no secret I detest Sheila and all she stands for. Ten plus years ago I was elated to see her exit the city, and trust me, contrary to what is sometimes claimed, absence did not generate any fondness for her in my cold, uncaring heart. When it comes to how I feel about the devil's spawn, a common clich comes to mind: A little goes a good long way. And if I may also borrow a phrase from Dru's ad-lib playbook: Enough is enough and too much is foolish.

Don't get me wrong. I like a good villain. Just not so darn much of one. Do her mutterings of murderous mayhem have to eat up the lion's share of every, single, solitary episode? I try very hard not to become a card-carrying member of the FF-ing fan club, usually try to sit through every second of every soap scene; no matter how excruciatingly annoying I might find them. But the very sight of Sheila makes my finger positively itch to press down ferociously on that fast forward arrow. Her continuous hate-filled harangues directed toward Lauren don't even make sense anymore. Not that it was ever logical in the first place. Dr. Granger is long dead and buried. And since him, Sheila moved on with not one, but two loves of her life, and an affair besides. Two of those liaisons resulted in an equal number of children of her own, but is she obsessed with either of them or whatever guardians watch over them? Noooo, the only one she can think about is the one who came out of another woman's womb.

And should she succeed at exterminating Lauren, what exactly will she have gained? She has already managed to make Scott a part of her life. I'm sure she could reach again and again into her bag of dirty tricks to keep him close. Had she left well enough alone, the wedding would be over and done with by now and she and her obsession could return to Toronto, presumably to live happily ever after for another 20 years or so. But, instead, we are subjected to months of Sheila's been there, done that shenanigans. Talk about having a one track mind. This woman's gone clear around the bend. Baby switching, vociferous vows of vengeance, death threats, roasting, poison, drowning and overdose attempts. And before the poison had even left Lauren's system, Sheila was already putting another murder plot in motion. Death by snake bite or, if that failed, by bullet. A plot that once again failed when Michael postponed the wedding. The only one to die that day was that poor defenseless wedding cake. I howled, by the way, as Sheila murdered the cake in that suddenly empty room, escaping as Scott dawdled on the stairs to have a waiter fiddle with his tie. So not believable! Anyway, when it comes to 11 ways to eliminate your enemy, Sheila has memorized and tried them all. And still Lauren lives. Give it a rest. Please!

Now, just my opinion, but if I have to have Sheila forced down my gullet on a daily basis, at least spice things up a bit. For one long heartbeat, I had hoped Tom might provide a measure of entertainment by becoming a too knowledgeable thorn in Sheila's side, but he was so easily fooled by her pretended nonchalance about his possession of the poison dipped necklace, I doubt if he's much of a match for her. United we stand, divided we fall! Humph! The only thing that crazed crow is united with are all those equally wacky women who dwell deep within her. She can probably chew old Tomcat up and spit him out. Despite what I said last week, perhaps Tom really is only good at terrorizing weak, bug-eyed blondes and small browbeaten boys. Unfortunately for Ashley and Michael, Tom, while being a poor opponent for Sheila, is probably more than capable of handling them. Ashley's already running scared and Tom doesn't yet even suspect her. Although I'm guessing it's only a minute matter of time before he begins to do so. Which makes Ashley a very weak link in her and Michael's two person chain.

Although I know I'm probably being quite foolish for even allowing my heart to leap with hope, just the same I've got my fingers crossed that Scott will somehow be able to do what no one else on either coast has thus far been able to. Get rid of Sheila finally and forever. After months of unquestioning curiosity, perhaps his writer's mind is finally beginning to come out of its deep slumber. I don't know about you, but I nearly jumped for joy when he found that picture in Sheila's wallet. And if on Monday, he shows it to her and receives in exchange a nonsensical story to explain it away, I will hunt him down and slap him sensible. Sheila, with her buck teeth, piecemeal face, Egyptian Lady wig and atrocious accent, has so far gotten to remain hidden in plain sight for far too long. How delicious it would be to watch Scott slowly slide each piece of this puzzler into place all without Sheila suspecting a thing. If written right, this has the potential to finally give us that oft-promised "explosive" story the people with the pens are always dangling before us. Come on scribes. Please don't take the easy, lazy way out on this one. For the ridiculous and unbelievable, not to mention waay too long and drawn out, Cameron Kirsten caper, the hair straightening orchid escapade, and the Samurai sword saga, just to mention a few of many, you owe us one really well thought out, expertly written, edge of the sofa seat, story.

Never would I have expected to be practically panting with pleasure at the thought of a battle over business. At first it appeared this would be just one more variation of Jabot vs. Newman, with Jack playing himself and Brad standing in for Victor. But Nick tossing his beret into the boardroom brawl brings a whole new layer of intrigue to the battle. Because now Newman and company won't just have to protect themselves from their enemies outside the Newman walls, some of them might also need to wear their bulletproof business suits within the walls as well. As suspected, big sis wasn't exactly jumping for joy to learn that little brother had concluded his mourning and was returning to the office. And his wandering eye little woman didn't turn any handsprings of happiness neither. Finally, making it three for three, there wasn't a single sighting of Brad sprinting through the hall in a mad rush to welcome his new co-CEO. But I saw he wasted no time trotting to Nick's wife's side.

But it wasn't all doom and gloom at the news that the prodigal son had decided to return to his office home. Daddy Vic, perhaps beginning to realize he might have been a little hasty in giving away shares of the company store to an outsider, is relieved his dream of son and daughter ruling together could still come true. And right hand, Neil, is ecstatic that Nick's presence might mean he will get to know what the left hand is going to do before, rather than after, it carries it out.

Yes, though everyone claims to be on the same team, eager to work compatibly together, secret alliances are already being formed. Nick has the Winters duo on his side. And Victoria, while she feels forced to draw a thick black line separating the business from the personal in her relationship with Brad, she still wants to count on his company support. Naturally Brad doesn't dare be anything but agreeable, but obviously plans to take a different route to capture her heart. I expect Sharon will play all sides against the middle.

Nick's return wasn't the only reason Brad's mannequin face wasn't wearing an insincere, ingratiating grin. Having clung too long to the Abbott name, champagne, a girl's best friend, diamonds, and all the flattery at his command still wasn't quite enough to buy him a round trip ticket on the Victoria gravy train. Although I was having a hard time believing in the sudden romance between Brad and Victoria, she was having no such problem. Hanging on his every effusive word in odes to her extraordinary charm, unparallel beauty and eyes that to hear him tell it surpassed the very glow of the stars in the sky, Victoria seemed ready to agree to say I do the moment his six month waiting period was up. But that was before Nikki got to her and shoveled away all the smelly stuff Brad had been piling around her daughter. So what her lover to be once frolicked under the covers with her mother? To Victoria, that was but a wee bump in the road they could both drive around. But Nikki's mention of the possible threat to her standing and respect in the business world made her turn to a whole different page in the book. The thought of anyone thinking she was just a paper puppet with Brad manipulating her business strings was more than she could bear and sent her running to find the box those earrings came in so she could hand them back.

Not that Brad is going to give up his pot at the end of the rainbow that easily. He first tried charming persistence and when it had no effect, he went for reverse psychology 101, trying to goad Victoria into rebelling against what he labeled her controlling parents. He even compared her behavior to that of his 20 year old daughter, but nothing he said changed Victoria's resolve to keep him at a businesslike arm's length. But this is Brad we're talking about, the brain behind the when will you say yes campaign. I doubt he's going to go down without putting up a vicious fight. In the meantime, I expect the slime ball to start squirting his snake oil onto Sharon I Need Attention Newman, who will slather it on much like she did that Nature lotion last week. Which wouldn't be surprising because even though his lips were recently locked to Victoria's, his eyes say he secretly prefers her sister-in-law.

Speaking of Sharon, was it just me or was anyone else taken aback at her over-reaction to Nick's mere mention that it wouldn't hurt her to spend a little quality time with her neglected Noah? Her sunny little smile dropped instantly from her selfish face and her eyes started flashing with displeasure. Nick's comment seemed to offend her and I had to laugh at how quickly she suggested poor Miguel or some other paid sitter step in to perform the bulk of her mothering duties. Once again I wondered why Sharon ever bothered to have any babies. She really wants nothing to do with hers except when she's cooing over him in Brad's presence. She keeps saying how much she loves her husband, but if that's true, why does she only seem to come alive when she's in Brad's proximity? Well, now that she's been appointed spokesmouth (like anyone really believed it would come out any other way), she'll have lots of opportunity to bask in Brad's admiring presence. In my opinion, the two users deserve each other.

Ah, Genoa City has become such an incestuous-like City. It's a lot like watching a rousing round of musical chairs, except it's mates who change every time the music stops. A place where a man nearly marries a Mommy and years later is wooing her daughter. A town where a woman marries a father, sleeps with the son, then divorces and later remarries the father. But nothing matches the checkered love chart of Ashley, Queen of the Sorry Seconds, who once whisked a married Victor from Nikki, later waltzed off with Victor's daughter's estranged spouse, Cole, and still later united in unholy matrimony with her sister's ex-husband, immediately turning her niece into her stepdaughter. And this is the hypocritical harpy who's chastising Brad for involving himself with her test tube baby's half-sister? Get a grip, Ashley dear. You might look haughtily down your nose at everyone else but you are one nasty piece of carrion. Sometimes when I enter the warped and twisted world of GC, it's as if I've stepped into some weird time traveling machine. Take for example, Lauren's last hallucination. By the time she peeked over the end of her hospital bed and began screaming in horror at what she thought was Michael's bloody head attached to his unconscious body lying on the floor, thereby summoning the nurse who, incidentally was only about four steps from her door, Tom had already made it all the way back to Brenda's and even had time to stop and hide the necklace.

Do you suppose people in Genoa City ever think hard enough to hurt themselves? Cases in point. We have Gloria, who seemingly doesn't wonder for a moment why Jennifer would want an invite to the wedding of a woman she recently spoke so disparagingly about. Then there is Scott, who apparently sees nothing strange in Brenda's insatiable curiosity about a woman she's used every excuse in the book in order to avoid meeting.

Kevin seems to be one of the few residents with a brain capable of occasional thinking outside the cardboard box. When Mac's insecurity once again reared its doubting head, causing her to mewl self-pityingly about how quickly J.T. seemed to have dismissed their two intimate encounters and dragged Brittany back into his arms, it was Kevin who sensibly advised her that things might not be the way they appeared. And they weren't. At least not on J.T.'s part. Brit is another story, however. Because as the reality of Bobby's death begins to sink in, Brit has taken a rebound leap that looks to have her landing right in J.T.'s lap. But, we know that nothing will come of it since days until Brit's departure number in the single digits. So Mac won't have to be insecure for much longer. Which is a good thing because I can't take much more of her he wants me, he wants me not waffling. I still haven't warmed up to these two. There was already nothing to them, without Brit to throw a little jealous fuel on the fire, there will be even less. There's only so many ways either can repeat I love you, I love you too.

And though he scoffed at the very idea, when Michael wracked his brain to figure out what might have poisoned Lauren, it was Kevin who offered the sage advice that it might be a "who" rather than a "what" that literally drove Lauren to the very brink of death.

Obviously, thinking outside or inside the box for that matter isn't something Gloria bothers to do very often. When I open my dictionary to the world self-absorbed, Gloria's widened eyes are staring up at me. This woman drives me nuts with her determination to keep her lying carcass completely covered, no matter who might have to serve as a sacrificial lamb. Can anyone be as selfish as she? The way Gloria saw it, Lauren should have showed up at that wedding even if someone had to stand behind her and prop her up to recite her vows. And when did it become the groom's mother's duty to pay for the wedding? For Heaven's sake, neither Michael nor Lauren are hurting in the least for pocket change. I thought John told her she could buy a few things for the wedding, not foot the entire cost. And since truth is like a foreign, unpronounceable word, continued fiction is surely going to be Gloria's answer to her current financial dilemma. Her line of credit apparently exhausted by the withdrawal of the 50 thousand big ones it took to spring Tom from his cell, I expect she'll look to one of her sons to help spread a concealing blanket over her crimes. Clearly, Michael will not be willing to heed her cry for help even if she had the gall to ask. Which means she'll expect Kevin to be her knight in shining armor. So what if the man responsible for her financial constraints has vowed to destroy one or both of her sons. Nothing is more important than that she continue to live her life of luxury.

I heard what Nikki said, but I don't believe the cruise cured her of all that ailed her before she left. I couldn't help but notice she hadn't separated herself from those anti-anxiety pills. Hardly home a day and already she's taking them out of her purse and eyeing them. And now that J.T.'s dropped the bombshell that Marsino is no more, she's probably going to be popping one or more of them the moment Victor removes his supportive arms from around her.

Well, I've spoken my piece for the week. Here's what a couple of fans had to say about it.

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SHERRI - I don't always get to watch the show, but, I have had a hard time with Amelia Heinle as Victoria since the beginning. I know it has been awhile, but I haven't warmed up to her in this role at all. She just always looks too conniving and up to no good. Heather Thom was great as Victoria, even when she was being bad it didn't seem so. Amelia just looks angry all the time. I really don't like her with Brad! It seems like these people on the soaps, (I know it is still a soap) go from the mothers and then when the children are old enough they are sleeping with them! It drives me nuts. I also feel Brad and this Victoria don't have any chemistry. It's like they are forcing it! The whole Tom and "fake Sheila" "real Sheila" are getting annoying. I did watch the show when the Sheila/Lauren thing happened, but it was so long ago I can't even remember. Except they hated each other. I think more needs to be explored with Devon's Mom getting out of rehab. He could be co-dependent and then Dru could be shipped off to a loony bin (she drives me nuts, like she is so much better than everyone else). She didn't always do the right or smartest thing when she was younger.

WANDA - Sharon needs to do her "roots." Where did Glo get $50,000 anyway? I think John would miss that much from their "petty cash" account. What a "bust" of a bachelor party. Don't those things usually take place closer to the wedding date? Poor Daniel. ANOTHER trial. For heavens sakes, he was INNOCENT! I think the feds faked Bobby's death. He will come back for B&J, soon I hope. That poor little Joshua. Does he ever get to get out of the blankie and look around? No baby that old would stay wrapped up like a mummy for any length of time. Did Nick get hit on the head with a soccer ball at Noah's practices?? What is up with him being such a nice guy all of a sudden?? Yippee!!! Only 3 more days of Brittany Marsino. I predict the way Michael and Ashley get out of this little predicament (framing TT) is that Sheila will have to kill TT and that will be the end of that SL. Then everyone and I mean just about everyone will be a suspect. Has Hank the detective (and I use that term loosely) been fired or left GC??

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It's nearly November sweeps time, fans. I'm hoping for some earth-shattering episodes. Keep those comments coming, fans!