Playing Uno in the Outback with John Abbott

If you've been paying attention, you'll have learned that gambling is bad -- unless you're winning. Also, if Lily had a brain tumor, she probably would have gotten a Get Out of Jail Free card. For more lessons learned from The Young and the Restless, do not pass Go (and don't even think of playing a Draw Four card) and head directly to this week's Two Scoops column.

I have significant issues with Billy and this poker game. Billy has been lambasted all across Genoa City for his addiction to gambling. Last week or the week before, Billy made a comment that poker doesn't really count as gambling because poker is a skill. You know, like unicycling on a tightrope or speaking seven different languages. Here in Pennsylvania, they have billboards along some of the highways that urge people to seek help if they have a gambling problem. Many of those billboards have things that people with gambling problems say. Things like "I just need to play a little more until my luck changes" or "I didn't really need to pay my electric bill this month anyway." I'm not sure that they have one for "Gambling is a skill," but I'm pretty sure it still qualifies.

More than that, I have a significant problem with Phyllis cheering gleefully when Billy cleaned up in the first round of the tournament. You don't get to lash out at someone for losing a boat -- and then say they're your hero because they were able to make it rain in your hotel room. It's either "Just say no to gambling," or you forfeit your right to pass judgment. Simply put: you don't get to decide when a gambling addiction is a bad thing.

That said, telling someone who won big that they are required by some sort of unwritten rule of poker etiquette to return to the table after they've cleaned up seems a little lame. There's a passage in the Bible that says something to the effect of: Thou must knoweth when to hold 'em and when thou must wa -- Oh, wait a minute. That's "The Gambler" by Kenny Rogers.

Confession time: Is it wrong that I was counting the number of bills that fluttered down on the hotel bed so that I could try to figure out exactly how much Billy won? Papa needs a new pair of shoes! Actually, I have enough shoes, but there are plenty of other things that I could use that money for here at Kroll Manor. Then again, based on how well I do at Solitaire and Uno (Ooh I develop a potty mouth when someone plays a Draw Four against me), perhaps I'd better just keep my butt at home and make it drizzle with the quarters that I need to wrap up and take to the bank.

Fun fact: Thrown quarters hurt when they fall down from the ceiling.

I'm glad that Lily was sent to prison. Now before you jump to the comments section or start firing off angry tweets, let me explain why I'm glad. I'm kind of over the era of soap folks not being punished for their crimes. You know, when someone kills five people but doesn't go to jail because they have a brain tumor. Or because they donate some sort of bodily fluid or organ to save someone's life. Or they blackmail someone, and then no charges are ever filed. It makes for entertaining soapy moments on-screen, but it's that not-grounded-in-reality kind of plot device that annoys some fans.

Rewinding a bit, I will admit that I didn't think Lily would be sentenced to any jail time. I figured Devon would get up and give a heartfelt speech to the judge (which he did) and that said judge would absolve Lily of any and all crimes committed. Lily, Cane, Mattie, and Charlie would then be free to celebrate their lives -- and perhaps move to Australia without having to use fake passports or live in seclusion in the Outback for fear of extradition back to the United States.

However, it does make sense that Lily will have to do a year in jail, since Christel Khalil asked to be taken off contract at The Young and the Restless. If you missed that, you can read all about it here. I'm guessing that Khalil will be able to use the next year or so to pursue other projects and, perhaps, decide if she wants to return to the show on a full-time basis in 2019.

I am wondering what the decision means for on-screen hubby Daniel Goddard and Lily's on-screen kids. Please don't mistake my question as an indictment over Christel's decision to step away. I wish her all the luck and success in the world, even if it means losing her on Y&R. I'm just aware of that whole cause and effect principle and wonder how a Lily void will impact those in her orbit.

Cane will need to get some sort of work-related storyline because I doubt the writers would even think of having Cane have some sort of fling while Lily is in jail. That would be wrong on so many levels. Two words: Juliet. Okay, that's one word. Apparently counting is also not one of my strong suits. The idea just makes me so angry that I think I was seeing double.

Then there is Mattie, who no longer has a love interest because Reed is off-screen at band camp slash military boarding school. To be honest, I've blanked on where Reed is. I'm just glad his perpetual Eeyore attitude is darkening someone else's doorstep. But as of the time of this writing, there is no one in Genoa City near Mattie's age range other than her brother and Shauna. While Mattie is a big picture, intellectual thinker... Charlie appears to be just the opposite. I worry that he is going to "act out" as a result of his mom being in jail. That might not end well for him.

I don't want the Ashby family to disappear. So, what happens to the Ashbys? Do they just sort of lay low for the next twelve months? I am afraid that they will then be out of sight and out of mind -- especially with the Rosales family getting ready to move front and center. That's not to say that the new family won't be good for Y&R. I think having the same characters front and center all the time is a bad thing. Sometimes characters do need a rest to make viewers realize how much they like them or miss them. However, there's a difference between a rest and a rest in peace. Too many other faves have all but vanished in recent months. Michael and Lauren have had no meaningful story in quite some time, and I've all but given up on ever seeing Paul again.

I don't think the show would benefit from recasting Lily. A statement was already made that Khalil will remain a part of the Y&R family, so recasting the role would look like the show lied or changed their mind. Unless she is a part of the extended family. There's no way the show would have Lily killed while in prison, though that would free her family for other story. The same thing goes for Lily killing someone who was attacking her in jail. It would result in Lily staying in jail longer, which could free her family to go on with their lives -- but that also seems like a bad story decision. Another scenario is that Lily gets released early from jail, and the family decides to relocate to Australia to try to put some distance between themselves and everything that happened. But that takes the Ashbys off the canvas, and who knows if they'd ever reappear.

Can I let you in on a secret? I don't care who Jack's father is. I mean, I already know who his father is. SPOILER ALERT: His father is John Abbott. It doesn't matter to me whose DNA is coursing through Jack's veins. John is, was, and will always be Jack's father, regardless of what some test says.

Sure, that's easier said from the outside, looking in. Jack has gone... let's just say quite a few years, unaware that John Abbott was not his biological father. Jack's life is not going to drastically change by knowing who his biological father is.

The only thing that has changed is his ability to reign over Jabot because of that ridiculous "blood Abbott" clause he created. A large part of me feels that Jack got exactly what he deserved. If he had not been so petty, so vindictive, and so downright cruel to craft that clause in the first place, he might not be going through all of the angst that he's currently dealing with. Yes, Jack's paternity would still be unknown, but he wouldn't have had to have gotten the boot from the CEO position.

I will say that I bet Mal Young has been spending a great deal of time on Soap Central's Who's Who in Genoa City section to find out who is related to who. The show has to tread delicately because Jack's paternity can't end up in any way tainting Jack's previous relationships. I don't want to find out that Jack has had "relations" with his sister all because he thought John Abbott was his dad -- and that someone in the writers' room didn't check out the soap equivalent of Incestry, er Ancestry.com. Yuck.

I would like for there to be a way that John really does end up being Jack's biological dad. I'm not sure how that happens, since DNA tests were done. I am sure there's a way to explain it. Perhaps there was a tainted sample -- or they used the wrong sample. Or maybe the other person in the test pool wasn't really related to John. Just for fun, I'm running a DNA test on myself to see if I might be Jack's father. That'd be a really fun trick, since Jack's got a good 20 years on me.

Here are a few rapid-fire thoughts that don't really need their own paragraphs. It's just me and some stream-of-consciousness typing.

I still don't trust Tessa. There's something about her story that doesn't add up. And even if Sharon is paying twice a "living wage," it's going to take Tessa a lot of lattes to raise that $20,000.

I also don't trust Rey. Granted his ability to fix tires, plumbing, and global warming could come in handy.

This week Rey and Arturo's sister Lola shows up in town. There's no word yet on whether Lola is a showgirl or if she'll have yellow feathers in her hair.

With Eileen Davidson exiting her role as Ashley, I'm guessing the Ashley and Neil romance won't last long enough to get its own smooshed name. That's probably a good idea since all I came up with was "Nashley" or "Nash." I suspect Neil will be alone again... "Nash"rally.

Victoria sure has been having some health issues of late. Has anyone checked her makeup for poison?

In case you missed the announcement, last Monday -- September 3 -- marked the season premiere of The Young and Restless. Yeah, I dunno what the hell that means, either.

I know that all shows have starts to their seasons -- everything has to have a beginning -- but it just seems odd that after however-many-decades and decades of soap opera viewing that now, in 2018, we are making a big to-do about the "season premiere" of a soap. And there's a reason why I am sort of irked by this whole notion of celebrating a soap opera's "season premiere."

Shows that air two different "seasons" per year -- shows like Survivor, The Voice, and The Bachelor -- brag about the number of seasons that they've aired. Survivor, for example, is touting its 37th season, which will begin airing later this month on CBS. In full disclosure, I am a fan of Survivor and have not missed an episode since it started airing 37 years ago. Oh... that's right. It's in its 37th season, but it only debuted in 2000. While host Jeff Probst -- again, I'm a Survivor fan, so you can save your angry tweets -- hoots and hollers about how awesome it is that Survivor is in its 37th season, it makes The Young and the Restless' 46 seasons sound less impressive. It's two totally different beasts. It's apples and... those weird partially developed eggs that contestants have to wolf down in order to win a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Survivor has broadcast less than 1,000 episodes. Y&R aired its 1,000th episode back in the 1970s.

No, this isn't your crazy drunk uncle ranting. Think of this more as someone who loves soap operas fighting for them. I don't want a show that has been on for 46 years -- or, in the case of General Hospital, 55 years -- to be lumped in with a show that has been on the air for a third of that time. To me, that makes soaps seem less special and, as a result, easier to take away from us.

Something else that is special that often gets lost in the shuffle of crazed tweets is that soap fans are special. To devote an hour of your day, five times a week, for 46 years is an incredible commitment. The same can be said for taking time out of one's day to read the latest soap news, daily recaps, or ramblings of an online soap journalist. I appreciate your support of Soap Central, and I appreciate you taking time to read this week's column. Teddi will be back next week with her regularly scheduled column. Until then, please feel free to share your thoughts and comments with me in the Comments section further down this page. You can also tweet me @danjkroll if you're more of a 240-character kinda person.

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