Crash and learn

In a soapiverse far, far away, a handsome amnesiac prince had memories of a chariot crash while a princelet-in-waiting sought answers from a man-child. Elsewhere in the kingdom, folks read all about it in Two Scoops.

Sometimes you have to crash and burn before you learn. That is, if you want to do it the hard way! Personally, I don't care for the hard way, unlike our beloved soap characters. Look at what Devon's been through, and it's not over yet -- not by a long shot. Even though he is having memories of the crash, I have no doubt that Hilary's ability to obfuscate will keep Devon clueless for a while longer. I'm sure Hilary is hoping that by the time Devon learns the truth, his love for her will rebuild the bridges that she just burned.

I do like the story of Devon and Hilary, though I wouldn't mind a romance between Devon and Mariah, who is the only one that could possibly break up "Hevon," in my opinion. If Devon remembers why he crashed and kicks Hilary to the curb, then I suspect that Jack and Hilary might become an item. But, if they do, Jack will likely eventually work his way back to Phyllis, and Hilary back to Devon -- even if Devon has been smitten by another. I never cease to be amazed at how often mean, scheming women end up with nice men, especially on soaps. I would say that it is unrealistic, but it's not! I see it in real life all the time, and I'm just as amazed. Maybe it's nature's way of balancing things out.

Now that Jack is going through his "out-victor" Victor phase, it would be an ideal time for him to hook up with manipulative Hilary, who would support his machinations. Trying to take over Fenmore's from Lauren is despicable and more out of Victor's playbook than Jack's, but at least Jack, a.k.a. Wile. E. Coyote, has a chance to outwit a much slower roadrunner than Victor. I hate to see Lauren lose it all, but it would be nice to see Jack win one.

I can't believe what a vicious backstabber Gloria is. I forgot about the shenanigans Gloria pulled during the John Abbott years. I was lulled by memories of the sweet Ginny that the actress played on GH back in the day. However, after her treacherous treatment of Lauren -- and didn't you just know that she was going to spoil Lauren's bailout deal as soon as Michael suggested that Gloria spend the night at the Athletic Club, the very place where Lauren was having dinner with her potential investor -- all I can say is "Ouch!!!!"

It was so excruciating to watch Gloria tank Lauren's deal that I wanted to fast-forward. (I didn't because it was good writing that made me want to FF instead of bad -- for a change!) I kept thinking, "Poor Lauren, I hope she figures out it was Gloria." I did love the mommie dearest scenes in the sauna with Gloria, Kevin, and Chloe. I really want Gloria to end up in their home for a while. Not only can I imagine a lot of humorous dialogue, but I wouldn't mind if Gloria started taking an interest in Bella and Bella's unknown father just in time to complicate life for Billy and whomever he is getting cozy with when she does. I'd also like to see Chloe on the hot seat she so richly deserves as Adam's apparent murderer.

Because they share two children, I expect that Billy and Victoria will work their way back to one another, like most couples with children do on soaps, but in the meantime, while Victoria is in denial, I want Billy and Phyllis to form an attachment. I really think that Jason Thompson and Gina Tognoni light up the screen when they interact. There is a charisma about that pair, which started my spidey senses tingling the moment Billy and Phyllis began conversing at Crimson Lights, and I wanted much more. I would definitely like to see them together again, especially if Jack gets involved elsewhere. Billy and Phyllis are as magnetic a couple as Sharon and Nick were the last time they were together. Is it a sin to want to see on-screen couples whose attraction seems so real that I can forget the relationship is staged? Amelie Heinle and Thompson are good together, also, just not as good together as Tognoni and Thompson are at this time, in my opinion.

Victoria is channeling her inner Victor where her family is concerned. She jumped on Jill with both feet, and I sensed that her concern over Billy's relationship to Reed was more about jealousy and a desire to control than anything else. I like the growing relationship between Reed and Billy. Billy has always been a great parent -- well, except for that disastrous time he left Delia and her dog alone in the car. Victoria might find a bettor mentor for Reed than Billy, but Billy's willing, and he's the one Reed wants. Jill's smirk as she left Brass & Sassy made it clear that Jill believed that Victoria was in denial about her feelings for Billy, even as Victoria adamantly denied that she was in denial -- you know, that river in Egypt!

I cracked up a couple of times when Billy and Victoria were talking. The first time was when Victoria and Billy were discussing what they were like at fifteen. I thought, "When Billy was fifteen, he was with Mac, and when Victoria was fifteen, Billy hadn't been born yet!"

I also got a laugh, which I thought was an intentional "wink, wink" by the writers when Victoria said, "My son's at my house, and I hardly know him. How did this happen?" The answer, my dear friends? "SORAS, of course." Good luck, dearest mommy Victoria.

Until I read Teddi's column last week, I never thought about a Dylan recast. I guess that I expected him to get killed off, but when she started speculating about who from GH could replace Steve Burton, my thoughts turned to Tyler Christopher, formerly known as Prince Nikolas. Why not? I'd love to see him as an ordinary guy -- you know: soldier, handyman, caf owner, cop.

When I started thinking about the scope of Dylan's "undercover" assignment and what kind of person was needed, I couldn't think of a worse candidate than straight arrow Dylan. He's too moral and upstanding to pass even the entry-level tests of a mobster with no conscience, but "It's only a soap," so I'm suspending my disbelief. I think I would prefer that Dylan simply disappear, leaving everyone to wonder what happened and opening the door for a recast. We've had too much death lately.

What does everyone think about the kinder, gentler Victor? I like him, but how long can it last? This is Victor that we are talking about. I wonder what new undertaking is afoot. Here's a thought: perhaps he will become a venture capitalist and bail Lauren out. As for Newman Enterprises, never in my wildest imaginings did I see Abby taking over the family business! She doesn't seem ruthless enough, but she is the daughter of Victor and Ashley, so the girl comes from tough-as-nails stock, and anything is possible. Why not mogul Abby?

Meanwhile, Victor has been a good grandpa to Faith, who is dealing with some big family problems. The actress who plays Faith is getting better and better, and I really enjoyed her performance as she explained how she felt about her familial situation to Victor and again when Faith helped her parents get over their anger with each other -- at least while they were with her.

Eventually, perhaps Nick will realize that he didn't miss as much of Christian's early life as he thought because Dylan, unwitting though he was, made Nick an integral part of Christian's life. Nick should be grateful and return the favor to Dylan. I also think that denying Christian Sharon's love and affection has to be harmful to the baby, because Sharon is the only mother Christian has known, and he has to be missing her. Sometimes, Nick's stubborn selfishness overcomes his common sense, and this is one of those times. I'm counting on Faith to get through Nick's thick skull!

Finally, a word about Lauren and Michael and the mess that Fenmore's is in. What to do, what to do? As Lauren made her presentation to that Chicago investor, I wondered why Lauren had not turned to Jill for help. They are sisters, and Fenmore's has the exclusive for Brash & Sassy, so it would make sense for Jill to take an interest. I also thought that Jill owned a piece of Fenmore's. Devon would be another good choice as an investor -- once he's over that nasty concussion. He's bailed just about everybody else out of trouble, so why not Fenmore's. I bet Hilary would love a piece of that action!

Just like Michael, I wonder why Lauren did not share her troubles with him. What's the point of having a partner if you don't share your soul-crushing problems with each other? I don't know the answer to that, but I'm glad that Lauren and Michael have a story again, and I can't wait to find out how they overcome this latest obstacle!

With tongue firmly planted in cheek, I invite you to meet again in two weeks at the Newman Ranch, where we Soapaholics will compete for an internship to assist Victor Newman as he begins his new career, whatever it is. Be prepared with a rsum, real or imaginary. Until then, take care of yourself, your family, and all your friends, especially the ones that are fully visible.

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