Dj vu, anyone?

For many long-time viewers, and perhaps some short-timers, too, it may seem a bit like dj vu in our favorite dysfunctional, fictional town.

For many long-time viewers, and perhaps some short-timers, too, it may seem a bit like dj vu in our favorite dysfunctional, fictional town.

First, it's another round of whodunit and why. Racing willy-nilly 'round town like the proverbial keystone cop bumblers they've repeatedly proven themselves to be, Genoa City's finest is off yet again, in hot pursuit of the wrong perpetrator. Prim and proper Chance, his stern military man demeanor never slipping an inch, is leading the charge, apparently after perusing the same police periodicals as his predecessors. The one that says a Newman must have done it.

As for those Newmans, except for when it comes to bad seed Adam, they're like the Musketeers, all for one and one for all. Blankets in hand, they're all scrambling to cover one another. Victor's got his purple plush over Nick, who's trying to shrug it off to cover his father. From her wheelchair, Phyllis has lifted her red lap blanket, waving it at Sharon as she issued hide the evidence commands, which Sharon obediently followed. In the meantime, Victoria makes the supreme sacrifice, leading herself like a lamb to the slaughter, a martyr prepared to do prison time penance to save her baby brother. And in the process, losing custody of her son.

And all the while, Patty, her head thrown back in maniacal laughter, is bellowing like a banshee at all the carnage she has managed to cause. I don't mind admitting the scribes have got me scratching my skull on this one. Like a headless chicken, I'm running around in confused circles first going one way, then the other. Because while last week I was sure Adam was having the last laugh, sending an innocent man to his death so that he could live to hate another day, this week, as evidence mounted up, like Nick's pen puncturing the dead man's chest and Jack's pristine hanky hanging out of his mouth, I've had to start singing a whole 'nother tune. Either Patty and Adam worked all this out ahead of time and Adam is really alive and will return at some distant time in the future, or Patty really is a coldhearted murderess. Since we saw Patty "recall" the moment she snatched Jack's hanky, it appears that Adam might have really died.

If Patty really did kill Adam, this woman needs to be trussed up and monitored 24/7 like Silence of the Lamb's Hannibal Lecter. All this because she can't stop craving Jack's special brand of love?! Yeah, she's clearly crazy all right, but like a fox. How else to explain how this woman who was cutting out paper Jack's from newsprint not very long ago can now prepare a psychiatrist's report convincing enough to fool a judge, knows how to create a gas leak to cause an explosion, can kill a man with a ballpoint pen and stuff a hanky in his mouth, like he's a pig and the hanky's an apple, all while a multitude of her fellow Genoa Citians are milling around in a darkened basement, some even having time to confront the victim, and not a single soul saw her.

As if Patty didn't supply enough insanity-related problems, now the scribes have added two more nuts to their roster of evil doers: Sarah Smythe, and her sister Sheila's spawn, Daisy, who clearly both also carry the insanity gene obviously running rampant through that unfortunate family. And Sarah can't see very well either, because if she honestly thought Sheila looked happy in that photo she whipped out to show Lauren, I'm going to send her my glasses, because she definitely needs them more than I do. But, back to the story, dj vu, once again, as much like Patty did to Emily, Sarah has stepped into Lauren's life, but unlike Patty, her reasons have nothing to do with love, only hate.

It's probably futile to hope Michael will prove to be more observant than Jack has been when it comes to the woman in his life, but hoping is still what I am doing. Michael's been with Lauren a very long time and there is also Fen to contend with. So even though I'm sure Sarah has studied Lauren's life long and hard, there's no way she should be able to fool Michael and Fen for long. Considering the fact that we have already had to swallow the chunk of unpalatable porridge that was Sheila cosmetically altered to look just like Phyllis and now Patty becoming Emily, I'm with every other fan who is fed us with the evil twin scenario and just want these current ones to run their course as quickly as possible so we can be fed more palatable fare.

I do wonder sometimes, though, where are the brains God planted in some of these skulls in Genoa City? Given what they have witnessed for themselves, why are some of these citizens so quick to automatically suspect their loved ones are the problems, instead of at least considering the fact that some twisted sociopath has once again entered their lives? Did Michael, Paul, Kevin, and Daniel learn nothing from the dramas and traumas that have been inflicted on them or their family members? I swear, sometimes, I really, really, really, want to swat them a good hard one with my stupid stick. In fact, I wish I could have reached through the screen and grabbed Daniel by the neck and shaken him senseless for the way he was defending Daisy over Jana. How quickly he's forgotten how firmly Jana remained planted in his corner despite everything Deacon and Ryder threw at him. And it's not the first time Daniel could not be counted on. Sure, he's always quick with the apologies after the person has proven their innocence beyond a shadow of a doubt, but stand in the trenches with you until that day comes? Nope, not Daniel. I said it back then, and now he's forcing me to repeat myself. Daniel is no friend I'd be proud to call my own.

Anyway, once again, it appears the captors will have to save themselves if they ever want to return to their lives and their clueless loved ones. With maybe just a little bit of help from Ryder. Although the way the scribes sometimes pen things for these trouble-plagued characters, Ryder will probably end up in the cage with the women if he doesn't step carefully around his insane sister and their Lauren-obsessed aunt. Which brings to mind another thing that has me screaming in rage and shaking my fist in frustration at my screen. What is wrong with these people? How can they be smart enough to pull all this off (and where the heck did they get the money to do it, by the way), but be stupid enough to blame Lauren for Sheila's insane pursuit. And another thing, while I'm picking holes in this storyline fabric. What kind of plastic surgeon is this and why is he not making the big bucks in Hollywood instead of hiding his immense talent under a bushel somewhere in wherever land? Hmmm, let me see, I think I want to look like Sandra Bullock today. Or maybe Halle Berry. How much will it cost me and where do I call to make the appointment?

Another jolt of dj vu slammed me to the ground as Jack went after Victor, blaming him for what was done to sister Ashley. Since I was already on the floor, I went ahead and rolled around for a while, screaming with laughter and repeatedly pressing my rewind button so I could keep hearing Jack's indignant voice telling Victor he caused this, and listing everything he felt Victor caused. When I was able to haul myself back to reality, I then showed my own crazy side as I taunted Jack's image on the screen, demanding to know whether he'd forgotten his part in this whole plot. "Uhh, Jack," I told him through my giggles, "on your way out, why don't you stop in the bathroom and take a good, long look at the man in the mirror, because that's the man who put all of this in motion."

I thought I'd get some relief when the scene shifted to the Winterses. Until I heard what Malcolm was bellowing about. More dj vu, as Malcolm went wah, wah, wah, I blew out my knee, everybody liked you better, etc., etc. Get over it, Malcolm! So you didn't get to be a big-time football star. Wasn't being a big-time high-fashion shutterbug a lucrative alternative? I would have thought he'd have been more upset about big brother making time with his girlfriend, Alex Perez, behind his back, leading to him falling into the river and being raised by lions or whatever made him later able to talk to them like they were his long lost kin or something. But, nooo, no mention of that. But there was a mention of this big secret he doesn't know how much longer he'll be able to keep. Is Dru alive and on her way back to Genoa City? As herself or disguised as this Simone recast we've heard about perhaps? Or is the secret something worse? Like maybe the mystery woman turning out to be Tyra Hamilton, who instead of overseeing her niece's education has really been having herself cosmetically altered to look just like Dru so she can come back and steal Neal's heart. Just a joke, I hope.

Oh for heaven's sake, please cure Lily. Because I can't take much more of her negative, poor me, my babies, no momma, no papa refrain. Lily, get a grip. I know cancer is a horrible diagnosis, and I wouldn't wish it on anyone, and pray that I never have to live that reality and wish no one ever had to, but Lily as this eternal sad-faced victim is hard to stomach or remain sympathetic toward. If you must moan, moan about Mac who is carrying those babies that she might have to raise, whether she's ready or not. Feel bad for Cane, for a change, who has to keep propping you up even though as fast as he gets the emotional supports into place, you kick them out with your never-ending negativity while you wallow in your misery. If I sound callous, remind yourself I'm only talking about her character, not a real person dealing with cancer. I just think the scribes could dial it down a notch and still get their points across.

What will the coming week bring? Patty and Sarah joining forces? Obviously, Sarah was searching for plastic surgery scars, which she found. Does she know Patty from somewhere? Did they use the same surgeon? Each villainess on her own was bad enough. If you put the two together, the brainless boobs of Genoa City will never manage to figure things out. I thought the blood the nurse practitioner drew would prove Sarah couldn't possibly be Lauren, but those hopes were quickly dashed. Maybe the nurse will notice that discrepancy later, unless, of course, Sarah and Lauren conveniently share the same blood type.

As for the Newmans, I suspect they will continue to try and save each other. I'm just amazed that they actually believe one of them is capable of murder. I understand they all had an axe to grind when it comes to Adam, but murder? Come on, Newman guys and girls, you really don't have much faith in one another, do you?

Well, that's all I care to say this week, so until my next time, here's some words from the e-bag from your fellow frustrated fans.

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I'm becoming more and more convinced that Malcolm came to town to scope things out for Dru. Last week when he got caught in his lie and made that phone call I think it was to Dru. We shall see. -- Kathy

I have been watching Y&R for so many years I've lost count. Let's just say that I remember when there weren't any Abbotts or Newmans. And honestly - I wish there weren't any Abbotts or Newmans right now - well, except Billy. I'm beginning to think the show's PTB are "looking" to get the show cancelled. In the past month the emails into Two Scoops resonate with viewer dissatisfaction. Boiled down - there just isn't any character or storyline on the show that's even remotely likeable anymore. Everybody's either an idiot, spoiled rotten or mean as a snake. All of the plots are either 'meh' or stretches the viewers' credulity to the point of making you ashamed to admit you are watching the show. I flatly refuse to watch another Sheila story arc. And this one is a cheap rip-off of the just past one where Sheila looked like the Phyl-pill. Gah! What a colossal waste of the talent of Tracey Bregman and Christian LeBlanc. Y&R take note: You can be eliminated. Just look at what happened to ATWT. Stop assuming that viewers will soak up whatever weak storyline you put out. At this point a game show would be more interesting than Y&R (and it pains me horribly to say that). Now where's my Sheila-b-gone spray! -- Jan

How many times are we going to see the same story line being Patty looks like Emily, Sheila looks like Phyllis, Sarah looks like Lauren. Try this for a twister. After the Newman funeral Victor is feeling bad about the way Adam turned out, the doorbell rings at the Newman ranch the man says hi dad it's Adam. And don't make Adam stupid. He's smart and takes over better than Nick and Victoria. It will work Victor did not raise his son. Doesn't know what he looks like and Hope was blind and sick on drugs for cancer. -- Charlene

So Daisy and Ryder are the offspring of Sheila and Tom? Why was this not mentioned when the real Sheila was on the show before and her and Tom teamed up to take down Lauren? Sheila might have said something like, "Oh, do you remember me from years ago. I had a set of twins that I gave up." But that didn't happen and I don't believe it's true. Mama Bear is some nut wacko, probably an unknown sister of Sheila. And she will have been the one to have slept with Tom and the twins are hers. -- Tom

It seems the writers at Y&R have been given the same directive that first Guiding Light and then As the World Turns writers were given. Write a big heaping pile of crap and eventually ratings will be so low we can cancel you and put on much cheaper game shows in the afternoon. -- F

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