Driving Miss Crazy

Why is everyone suddenly labeling what Cane allegedly did as cheating?

We've heard Chloe hint she may not be a finished product of the most functional of family backgrounds. And knowing that, if I had a more generous and loving heart, I would probably say I empathize with her pain and can understand her manipulative motives. But when it comes to Chloe, my heart is stone solid, so I don't and I can't. And as this idiotic scenario continued to unfold over the week, I began to wonder if Chloe was really the salted nut roll, or me. I ask that because though I admit I have very limited knowledge of DNA matters (and was way too lazy to jump on the internet expressway to add to it), I couldn't figure out why everyone was so quick to pronounce Cane Papa. Did the test put him at 99.9%? Of course it didn't. Because we already know beyond a shadow of a doubt he's isn't the Daddy, whether he did the drunken deed with Miss Crazy or not. For those fans who may have forgotten or fast-forwarded right through it, Chloe was already pregnant when she helped herself to a sample of Cane's inebriated wares. And another thing, these two non-medical persons read a letter saying Cane is in the matching group and cannot be excluded, and they don't have a single question? Like what the heck does in the matching group mean exactly? Like how many others in GC might also land in the matching can't be excluded group? Like, if he is the father, why didn't the test simply say so? And since it didn't, DNA technician, should we perhaps get a definitive DNA on the baby when it's born? For all this and more, both Cane and Lily make me long to march up to them and slap a Duhhhh sticker on both their foreheads.

Speaking of Duhhh, why is everyone suddenly labeling what Cane allegedly did as cheating? Every time Lily, Neil or Devon accused Cane of cheating on Lily, I wanted to fling a handful of popcorn kernels at their talking heads in hopes one would hit hard enough to jump start their brains. I mean this wasn't two people who had some drinks together then tripped and fell into bed, after which Nature took its course. Now, that would be cheating. Cane was passed out, much like he'd be if Chloe had slipped him a date rape drug. Would anyone consider that cheating? I know, Lily has only Cane's word that he was drunk and doesn't remember. And there is the matter of that can't be excluded evidence. Still, call me selfish and uncaring, but I wouldn't be handing over my man on a silver platter to that scheming minx. Oh, and note to Neil: Educate the bartender who continued serving an already plastered Cane.

Then there was Miss Nobility, a/k/a Lily. As much as I hate Chloe and as much as I love you Cane, Lily said with no trace of a tongue in her cheek, you must marry the bad seed. Can't you just hear the vows now. I promise to detest you till death do us part. I like Lily so I hate to say this, but for rolling over and declaring herself dead in the water, she almost deserves what Chloe is giving her. Maybe she ought to do something about that turning the other cheek stuff. Just kidding. Then there is Cane who didn't even try even a feeble rebuttal, just stood there looking back at her with that silly slack-jawed stare. Gee, what are the chances a man would manage to get himself ensnared with not one, but two manipulative, stalker-type dames. Some people, if they didn't have bad luck, they wouldn't have any luck at all.

And lastly, to Neil and Devon. Boys, the tough guy act ain't working for you. Matter of fact, they looked kind of comical, speaking for Lily when Cane tried to talk to her. Maybe if Devon wasn't always hopping around doing Chloe's bidding, it might have had more impact. The doctor says I gotta have food, Chloe complained. I need my feet up. And Devon actually went and fetched her food and brought a chair for her to put her feet on. Were it me, she would have been asking my walking away back for help. Besides, what idiot leaves the hospital after a possible miscarriage scare and hightails it to a smoky nightclub? As usual, Neil's answer to what ails Lily is for her to move back home. And had she agreed, what exactly was he going to do with the singing sensation already inhabiting it?

Two things would have made this storyline a bit easier to swallow for me. First of all, by not telling us Chloe was already pregnant. And my penny wager still rides on Billy Abbott as the father, although I already feel sorry for him at being saddled with a brazen bimbo like Chloe. Second, if Chloe would have shown just a little bit of guilt or remorse for what she's doing. I mean, it's not as if Lily has ever done anything to her she didn't deserve. She shows entirely too much glee in the destruction she's wreaking. And too obvious an interest in all that Chancellor cash. Where, by the way, are all the shouts from outraged fans, calling Chloe a gold digger? Sabrina got painted with that gold digger brush though she'd done nothing to warrant it. Yet Chloe screams her greed from every rooftop in town, and no one, including her fellow Genoa Citians, even raises a brow. Oh, and that lack of humanity of hers? Well if she has any, I presume she will start to give us glimpses of it now that she's wearing Cane's ring and residing in his new home. And I'm reasonably certain, in true soap fashion, Cane will begin to thaw toward her, perhaps even fall in love, probably just about the time he discovers who really fathered her little prince or princess. In the end, Lily is once again left holding the empty bag with one hand and her broken heart with the other, watching while some other chick again walks away with her man with a triumphant smirk on her face. Why bother to invest in a romance, when you're only going to wind up alone in the end.

The way the Newman family is behaving, you would think Victor had passed on to the great hereafter instead of simply vanishing on his annual trek to self or some other type of discovery. Like buzzards lazily circling above something dead or very nearly so, most of the Newmans have banded together in concern for the Newman patriarch. Now, normally I wouldn't have a problem with this. I mean, this is what families, at least the Newman one in GC, do. One moment they're snarling and snapping at each other, hurling hateful taunts meant to maim, if not outright kill. The next they're joining hands and singing chorus after chorus of We are Fam-i-ly. Well, they're all family, all right, as long as no one tries to include the interloper Adam in the family circle. Anyway, here is my problem with Mrs. Whine, Mr. I Wanna Be My Own Man, and Mrs. What Part of Stay Out of My Life Don't You Understand Chow. For months, all this trio has done is bellyache and moan about Daddy constantly stepping over the lines they had toed in the sand. One has been braying about betrayal, another bellowing about shivering in Daddy's sinister shadow and the third shrieking about how much better her late hubby was than the one whose settlement money kept them both in the lap of luxury. While you worry about Newman Enterprises, Nick shouted at Adam, I'm going to find my father. Well, I can guarantee Victor Newman was not lost in the arms of Nick's wife, which is the only place he went after making that statement. As for Victoria, so jealous of her father's affection for his new bride, she turned her back on her best bud, her Daddy and all he had built up at Newman. But Nikki was the one who really made my jaw dangle until I looked just like Cane. She's been shrilly hating on Victor for months, now she's wringing her hands in concern. So when did she suddenly start giving a hoot about Victor? And funny, until Victor went away, each of these three stooges wanted nothing to do with Newman Enterprises. Victoria and Nikki wanted to use Jabot to grind it and Victor into the dust and Nick just wanted to be Mr. Magazine Mogul. Now, they want an artist to paint them as the picture of caring concern. Pardon me, if I'm not impressed. There was one thing Adam did that I wasn't much impressed with. And that was Adam entertaining Heather at the ranch. Given Victor's very clear opinion on the matter, I thought that was just a little bit disrespectful. He couldn't be completely sure Victor wouldn't appear as mysteriously and suddenly as he'd vanished.

I also wasn't a bit impressed with Victoria's wailing and gnashing of the teeth when she was boo-hoo-hooing about Daddy's disappearance to Nikki. I know it was written to be funny, but I couldn't help it, I was laughing myself nearly to expiration. It's all my fault she whined, the salt from her copious tears dripping out of my screen and ruining my polished wood floor. Daddy left because he wanted to get away from meeeeee. He hates meeeeeee, she wailed shrilly, holding out her arms for Mommy to enclose and comfort her. Here Sabrina is finally gone, and I never got a chance to be Daddy's perfect little girl again, were words she didn't actually say, but I kindly provided them for her. I know, I'm probably too hard on that girl, but that's it, the girl is official delusional. How did she manage to make even this all about her. I guess Chloe isn't the only nutcase in town. Victoria is right beside her. Yeah, yeah, I know fans, I'm probably much too hard on Victoria, but she just gets on my last nerve.

Now, I would be the last to try to sketch Victor as some poor innocent, misunderstood victim. He gave his sometimes loving family plenty of reasons to see red and turn their backs on him and his company. But, to give Victor credit, on more than one occasion, he went to every one of them, hat in hand and the humblest expression he could muster up on his face to try to gruffly beg their pardon and show them the olive branch in his hand. What did he get? They slammed the door on his words, then talked trash about him behind his back. So, pardon me if I stand solidly on Adam's side on this one. While it's true unlike his siblings and ex-wife, he hasn't really seen the worst Victor has to offer, he's the one that was sticking by Victor, at home and at the office. Often, the other Newmans seem to only be able to find their regrets, or recognize the error of their thinking when it's too late. Victoria's lucky Adam's too much of a gentlemen to strike back, else she might have wound up picking her hypocritical behind up off the floor after that weak slap she delivered.

Yes, I know Adam took NE matters into his own domineering hands when Victor disappeared. But, until the other Newmans decided to rear their interfering heads to butt into the business they claimed they wanted nothing to do with, he was the only Newman on board. Sure, he could have been more diplomatic and let Neil take charge of the reins, but I certainly don't blame him for nudging Neil aside, even though he probably doesn't yet have the experience to completely get the job done on his own. After all, Neil's not a Newman, and though he might be a loyal employee, he's only loyal to certain Newmans. Why didn't he just stand up to Adam like a man, instead of running crying to Nikki, of all people, to scheme behind Adam's back to put Vicky in charge. And what was her first order of business? Well, nothing to do with NE. No, Mrs. Everything's About Me's first directive was ordering Adam off the ranch. Like I said, she's acting like Victor died and left her fickle butt in charge. And yes, that was my loud mouth you heard cheering when Adam looked at her like she'd lost her last functioning brain cell and refused. Legally, Vicky's out of the Will so she hardly has a leg to stand on when it comes to who comes or goes at the Ranch. Obviously, her experience with Sabrina didn't teach her a single thing about jealousy, hatred and misjudgment. I guess Adam has to die too before she'd change her opinion. I hope Victor isn't lost long, because I'm definitely not looking forward to the whiny one throwing her weight around the office.

I found Nikki and Adam's confrontation rather enjoyable. In came Nikki, waltzing into the Newman home like she slept there nightly. How dare you, she attacked Adam, or words something like that. Adam didn't even let her get her rant going good before he cut her off and gave her a piece of his mind about Skye. Of course, he was doing good until he told Nikki Sky's only crime was beating Chow at cards. No, Adam, hate to break the bad news to you, but the crime that sealed your girl's fate was cheating, not beating, Chow.

We fans already know, but how long will it take for those left behind in GC to realize Victor left of his own volition? And how long will it be before Victor finds the tables turned on him. That black T and hat aren't really much of a disguise and I doubt it will take Walter long to spot him loitering in the half-empty Mexican bar. So who is Victor working with? Obviously not his GC PI pals nor the FBI. But I'm guessing it will likely be the GC contingent that eventually comes to his rescue. I'm looking forward to watching this one play out, even the cheesy part where Paul rides in and rescues Victor's burning bacon. Right in the nick of time, of course. No, I don't know anything, I'm guessing just like everyone else. Actually, Paul is probably Victor's best hope. I certainly wouldn't count on the FBI for help. Even with newspapers, radio and TV presumably broadcasting the news about Chow, Sabrina and all the rest, Team FBI couldn't even figure out Nikki could not possibly be Mrs. Victor Newman. Not much likelihood they'll be able to put their hands on Victor.

And while Victor is working his way toward a pot of hot water, I'm betting there will be plenty of heat at the office too. At the moment the score is Victoria 1, Adam O, but it likely won't be long before Adam evens the score. The battle is a bit lopsided, because as usual the Newmans never play fair. This time, with four against one, and if you add J.T. and Michael, that makes 6 against one lone Adam. I hope Adam find an ally somewhere, because it won't be much fun watching Team Newman battle Adam.

When it comes to whose name Jack might blacken next via the pages of RSM, I'm practically on the edge of my sofa in bated breath anticipation of Jill getting even a small portion of what she's been so liberally dishing out to others. Brad hasn't been one of my favorites for a long time, but I'm definitely rooting for him over Jill. Jill's been hateful since JiMin quit sharing her bed, and seems to keep growing nastier as the years go by. And hopefully, it will be the last expose attributed to Jack, because I want him causing havoc at Jabot. Brad, the Bardwells and Jack against Jill, Kay and Cane. Delicious!

So, it's official. Tyra isn't Ana's mommy after all, but her loving Aunt. So will Neil now adopt Ana? What a saint is our Tyra. Poor Karen. Another impossibly perfect woman to compete with. And unlike poor, dead Dru, this one is living and breathing and hanging all her good man hopes on Neil. How will Ana react to this shocking news? With a song, I just betcha. In harmonious duet with her songwriting brother, most likely. I know, that was mean, but I just couldn't help myself.

Well, those are the things that stood out most for me this week. What follows are what some of you had to say.

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Sandy - Sabrina and Victor could have started a second Newman dynasty. A reunion with Victor and Nikki would be so mundane, how about Ashley. The actress who plays Chloe is great, but the storyline's direction is boring. Watch, by the time she delivers, Cane will be proven not to be the father and because of the DNA, also not Jill's son.

Colleen - Now that Victoria has slapped Adam, does she have backbone? Amelia is a wonderful, beautiful actress and deserves all the credit we can give her. As for slapping, Victor would be next in my line. Then Amber, Jana, Gloria.

Roxy - I don't like Chloe saying she is carrying Cane's baby. I think Cane and Lily should get married and suggest they take the baby Chloe cannot afford to care for.

Dana - The Chloe thing is really driving me insane. How can you even remotely show us Cane could be the father, after knowing that she was already with child?

TPS - It's curious to me that people in soaps automatically assume they have to marry when a baby is conceived. That never works so I don't understand why the writer's can't just, for once, be original and have the father sue for some kind of custody of the baby like they would in the real world. God knows Cane has a truck load of money behind him. He can hire better lawyers than Chloe. And it's not exactly like Chloe is the most stable of people.

Tiara - I am really sick of the Chloe storyline. Come on, taking a DNA test when the baby is not even fully developed? What is Y&R thinking? My top three stories to get rid of: Chloe being pregnant by Cane; Neil showing all his attention to Tyra and Ana; and Victor going missing again!

Sheila - I've been watching Y&R since its beginning and love the show. But I can't take the Chloe storyline. Why not keep Cane and Lily together as a strong united couple that will stand together? The DNA test said he was in the pool. It did not say he was the father. I love Nikki. She has been and is the backbone of this show. Let's not ruin it by her drinking again.

Roberta - Am I the only who noticed Jeffrey has the face cream? If he's so in love why didn't he tell her he has it? Fan Mary (last week) was so right. I rewound the tape and nowhere did Victoria say anything about a will. Was that a writer's error or is Heather up to something?

Karrow - I've taken quite a liking to Lily and Cane. And what do the writers do? They screw things up yet again. This is by far the most far fetched storyline I've ever seen. They've destroyed every good couple on the show, there isn't too much left to enjoy.

Londa - Why is everyone being dumbed down for the sake of Chloe? The results said Cane can not be excluded from the group of matches. There's only like four blood types that millions of people share, isn't that quite a large pool of potential victims, er, fathers? Chloe is being wasted on this crap. I enjoy her antics but not against Lily, the writers always make her a victim and I'm just freaking sick of it. Why not go after Brad. I mean, how much would he hate to be hooked up with a nobody like her, and how much would everyone love to see her getting the best of him? Cane is dumb as rocks and the writers are ruining his character. What a dolt! Marry her to keep her from taking off? She'd probably give him the kid if he would just keep her in the life to which she has always wanted to be accustomed. Will Neil ever learn? Why must he profess his love to one woman but be led around by the nose by another? Good to see Sharon stand up to Phyllis and stick by her man. I know people are skewering her for that, but they would do it if she left him, too. Then it would be, Oh she couldn't wait to leave him, she never loved him, blah, blah, blah. Part of marriage is accepting the bad with the good, and trust, there can be a lot of good in marriages that see their fair share of bad times. Life really can be as complicated as these fake folk sometimes ponder it is.

Alissa - I'm enjoying Y&R - especially Victor in Mexico. Moving on to the gripe department: Please, Y&R powers that be, no more singing! And Can Chloe, Amber, Tyra, and Ana all please go away?

Holly - At the beginning of summer Noah was 9 and now he's a teenager. Why do the children on this soap all have rapid aging syndrome? The writing staff of the Y&R must think we are all idiots. Testing DNA at this stage of a pregnancy is not feasible and Cane having sex that night when he was plowed wasn't physically possible. Why does Victor always have to run away? I can't wait for Jill to get a little taste of what she has been dishing out and I am sick of Brad. He has no life of his own so he needs to go around after others. Getting old guys.

Kate - I actually think Chloe is funny and the actress who plays her terrific. It's the writing for her that stinks. And give me a break about Victor. He was completely obnoxious to Nikki toward the end of their marriage. Why couldn't the writers find a way for two people who love each other (Victor and Nikki) to each take responsibility for their own behavior and find a way to live together? And who disowns their children? He showed absolutely no parental concern for his kids, having essentially fired them and then when they didn't fall in line with his new relationship, disowned them. Wouldn't want him for a father. He's lucky they still care about what happens to him.