The sweet taste of payback

Funny that when Gloria is committing the crime, Michael deems all being done is fair and just, but the moment Jack attempts to retaliate, the thespian leaps onto the stage, full of bluster and hyperbole.

This week it took a little extra time and determination to make it through my five day serving of Y&R. So fed up with Gloria's still mostly nonstick exterior, I angrily punched the FF button every time her face filled my screen. Likewise for her Baldwin-Fisher henchmen and women. Unfortunately, I soon realized such a FF-ing action would make me miss 90% of the show. So, after heaving a huge and long-suffering sigh of resignation, I grabbed a handful of my shirt collar and hauled myself all the way back to reality. All the while chanting under my breath: it's only a soap, Nita. It's only a soap. So, since I can't effectively complain about what I don't see for myself, I rewound my tape back to the beginning, though my teeth were clenched tightly together to ensure the contents of my tummy remained where it belonged instead of being spewed outward into my living room every time I spotted Gloria's smirking face mugging for the cameras.

With an unbecoming sneer lifting one side of my mouth, I made myself pay attention as Michael ranted and raved at back of the theater decibels, waving his arms theatrically about, pointing a stiff finger of blame at Jack, Jeffrey and Sharon in turn for what had been done to his meddling marital mate and manipulative mommy. I'll sue, he cried furiously, foamy spittle dripping onto the Abbott carpet. Okay, so the dripping spittle part didn't really happen, was just something my warped and wicked mind tacked onto the scene, but that was about all that was missing from his impression of a rabid mutt. What will he sue Jack for? Is there really a law on the GC books against hiring an actor to haunt someone? Doubtful. There is a law, however, against product tampering, perjury, conspiracy to commit any number of crimes, accessory after the fact and so on and so forth. Just as there are lengthy prison sentences handed out for such things as kidnapping and accessory after the fact thereof, as in the case of one late Sheila Carter. And finally, there most certainly are laws against a so-called officer of the court committing one felony after another. We know there are, because on occasion, Michael has told us so. Funny and how hypocritical that when Gloria is committing the crime, Michael deems all being done is fair and just, but the moment Jack or anyone else attempts to retaliate, the thespian dons his costume and leaps onto the stage, full of bluster and hyperbole.

Now to Lauren. Of course I don't wish death or even dismemberment upon the fair Lauren. Even though had Lauren kept her busybody behind in her own business, not to mention her inattentive noggin out of the pages of whatever periodical she was perusing on the stairs no less, she never would have tumbled. And while I understand Michael's anger, I don't recall anywhere near that amount of ire at the fate of Mrs. Gibson, who, unlike Mrs. Baldwin, did not survive Gloria's machinations. I know, I know, it wasn't proven Gloria was responsible for Mrs. Gibson's death. But had she not tainted the cream, perhaps Mrs. Gibson would still be living and breathing today. And just as Jack did not mean for Lauren to be a casualty of his haunting scheme, likewise Gloria did not intend to indirectly dispatch Mrs. Gibson. My point is, Michael never seems to be able to locate his affronted indignation except when it is against someone else. Where was his outrage at the thought that Gloria would have sent Jeffrey to jail for attempted murder? And what of her plan to murder Jeff and pin it on Jack? Would Michael have pooh-poohed that too and felt imprisoning Jack for a murder his Mommy committed was okay, because Mommy had a rough ride in her pre-GC life. No matter how great her trespass, Michael always manages to reduce Gloria's every crime to a mere misdemeanor. So while I don't by any means consider Jack a boy scout, his schemes pale against Gloria's. So I still say a pox on the hypocritical Michael and Lauren for supporting Gloria in all her wickedness while having the gall to point their accusing fingers at everyone else. I guess to the Baldwin Fisher Fenmore's, only crimes other people commit count. They, of course, are always entitled to a free pass. I don't object to Michael's protectiveness for Lauren, it's his hypocritical self-righteousness that causes my blood pressure to skyrocket.

Now, having said all of the above, as the week meandered on, I was somewhat mollified to see the spaghetti spines of Gloria's kin finally beginning to approach something resembling actual backbones, as they decided en masse to distance themselves from the manipulative matriarch of their clan. In fact, I would likely have felt an actual pang of sympathy on the witch's behalf, except for the fact that I would wager the last dollar standing between me and abject poverty that the family's resolve won't likely last any longer than it's claimed Pat remained in the army. Which was said to be until he heard the very first shot. I expect by this time next week, the Baldwin Fisher Fenmore Bardwells will once again be galloping together in one rattling harness.

And even if it takes two weeks instead of one before the family forgives all and sweeps everything back under the rug, it's not as if Gloria will actually be standing alone or even have a chance to be lonely, though she claimed that very thing just recently. Because as we all knew, and probably Gloria did too, Jeff's blackmail threat was just that. An empty one he had no real intention of ever following through on. Just as his brother did before him, Jeffrey has revealed he won't be sending the black widow spider he's come to love to the big house for any of her committed crimes.

But Jeffrey isn't the only man standing staunchly in support of Gloria. Right beside him, his pores exuding the scent of five or six shots of assorted alcoholic concoctions, wobbles Alistair. After a crash course conducted by Jill Abbott entitled: Everything You Need to Know to Become a John Abbott Clone, Alistair has weaved his way to Gloria's side, his hands full of Gardenia's and his alcohol-saturated heart sewn haphazardly on his sleeve. Determined to rescue what he mistakenly believes is a mistreated madam in misery.

Poor Jill. How far the once mighty has fallen. Once upon a time, Jill was a formidable force to be reckoned with, both personally and professionally. A time when she actually had a life and multiple men to love. But that was back then and this is today. How degrading that this once vital character now has to settle for living vicariously through Gloria's life, reduced to reinstating the tab for Alistair Jack had just marked paid in full, in hopes of finding out the real reason Gloria wed Jeff. Yea, yea, I know what Jill said, it's a dirty, thankless job, but someone has to do it, all in the name of Jabot, of course. And Kay's excuse for needing to be in the Gloria-Jeff know is that she couldn't possibly go back on her promise to John to be a foolish friend to Gloria. Well, maybe I'm just a mean and hateful fan, but Jill and Kay's involvement with Alistair seems little more than a flimsy excuse for yet another storyline to revolve around Gloria. And just my opinion, this continued and prolonged focus on such an unredeemable character is tawdry and tiresome.

Speaking of Alistair, if his GC drinking is anything to go by, it's amazing the man's presumably pickled brain is able to put together a simple 1 plus 1, let alone that his booze-blinded old eyes can tell at a glance that the enchanting Gloria is an unhappy damsel living under duress and great stress. Equally astonishing was how he could immediately discern Kay and Jill were an interesting pair on the strength of a single sentence. And a third thing I find quite baffling. How is Alistair making his way around this unfamiliar city? For instance, how did he follow Kay to the mansion? GC is no New York and I find it hard to believe there might be taxicabs idling at every corner just waiting for some GC pedestrian to come along and hail it, leap inside and shout: follow that limo.

So, wrapping up this Gloria mess, it appears her protracted efforts have resulted in victory. Apparently realizing that continued battling would be fruitless, Jack has waved the white flag of surrender, tossed in the towel and acknowledged the game is over and a winner has been declared. And in losing, I was thankfully reminded why Jack will always be a winner in my black book of statistics. His words to Gloria after tossing her the keys to the palace she coveted so greedily were so true and I practically cheered when he said them and more. Gloria has indeed polluted every former good Abbott memory, just as she poisons everything and everyone she comes in contact with. And as Jack bid his family home farewell, his eyes glittering with unshed tears, I was almost in tears myself. So at last Gloria has her mansion, and if she wants, she can also have a caricature of the man she claims so much love for she nearly destroyed the company he built with his blood, sweat and tears. So, now that she has beaten Jack and Jeff and has it all, what or who will she go after next? Because we know there's no way this greedy, grasping vulture will be willing to just sit back and be satisfied. I'm guessing Nikki will be the next victim to find a target painted on her back with Gloria sneakily taking careful aim.

The one gleaming bright spot in all the muck surrounding Gloria is the continued chemistry between her and Jeff. They really are two peas in a pod and their antics together are quite hysterical. The astonished expression on Jeffrey's face when Kyon came bursting into the Abbott foyer shouting in angry Korean, was funny enough to send me tumbling off the couch. I hope these two do end up together eventually, because for the few brief moments it lasted, I did enjoy their coming together. I think there could be plenty of mischief these two could get up to that had nothing to do with this worn out vendetta against Jack. Unfortunately, thanks to Alistair, Kyon, and the Chancellor spinsters, it seems that for now Jeff and Gloria may have ended before they even really got started. I guess we will see.

After months of despising each and every thing about David Chow, I have finally found something about the man to like. I was surprised to realize I actually prefer this flawed, fallen off the gambling bus, David. As Nikki's blow up boy toy, he was irritating at best with his subservient air, always a step too close to Nikki for comfort. A spineless yes man, he was boring, annoying and rather mechanical. But his addiction has added another layer to his character and he actually seems human now, instead of the robot he always reminded me of. As for Brad, he's never been mistaken for a choir boy and his current behavior is pretty much what we've come to expect from him. If David wants to run with the executive big dogs, he'd better learn how to protect and defend his territory or Brad will snatch it away from him. Speaking of Brad, now that he has officially made Heather's acquaintance, it will be interesting to see if they can generate any sparks. I doubt anyone believed in his alleged love for anything but Victoria's money, and had he been as in love with Sharon as he claimed, he never would have shoved her aside for Victoria, no matter how much money and power he thought came along with her. The last woman Brad seemed to actually love was Ashley, well until he decided to bed her best friend, that is. So I hope something can be kindled between Heather and him.

Over at Newman, brother and sister continue to nip and yip at each other. Adam tries to undermine Victoria at every turn, and Victoria is no better, pulling the Daddy card and tapping Adam sharply on the nose with it every chance she gets. If the two of them aren't careful, Victor will yank away all their authority and make them both clear their every business decision with Neil. The infantile way they're behaving, it would be exactly what they deserve.

Finally, Phyllis puts up the palm before Adam's face to halt his flirtation. If you can call Adam's awkward pursuit a come on. Adams acts as if he's never talked to a woman before, it's impossible for me to believe he's infatuated with Phyllis or anything other than business for that matter. Unless it improves tremendously, this particular pairing will continue to appear completely contrived and thrown together and Nick would have to do some extremely excellent acting to convince this fan he could actually feel threatened by Adam's clumsy pursuit.

A little more believable, at least for me, is the coupling of Victor and Sabrina. She brings out a more youthful acting Victor; they were actually holding hands as they strolled through the museum, and Sabrina doesn't look so young that they appear indecent together. In fact, they look a more believable couple together than John and Jill did in that flashback when they brought Billy home. But will Victoria continue to gaze so fondly at her French friend knowing she could wind up her stepmommy?

Was I the sole fan who got quite a kick out of watching Nikki cut the obnoxious Chloe down to bite sized pieces? That one scene was worth the price of admission. Well, if Lily is indeed pregnant, I guess Chloe's days are numbered, thank goodness. Unless the Fresh Face campaign plans to go maternity. This one kind of came out of nowhere. Where in the world can they go with this? Lily and Cane are just getting started and barely know each other. They haven't even exchanged the L word yet. And there are already enough invisible babies in GC. Fen and Summer are rarely mentioned, never seen nor heard these days and Noah must spend all of his days and nights with his school mates. So why add yet another infant? And something tells me neither Daddy nor Devon will be whipping out any cigars at the news of the impending bundle of joy.

Well, I guess I'm not the only fan suffering a little indigestion from being force-fed a daily diet of Gloria Baldwin Fisher Abbott Bardwell Bardwell. Judging from my inbox, many fans also feel a whole lot less Gloria would suit them just fine. And boy, you ladies did not bite your tongues one bit about it either. Here's what you had to say.

* * * * * * *

HEATHER -I've really enjoyed watching Jeff and Gloria's antics together. As silly as the whole thing is, it's been as entertaining as anything I can remember in a long time - the definition of escapism television. But this week the writers ruined all that with one stupid scene - hearing Alistair talk about how enchanting Gloria seems (and this after only seeing her from a distance)! I just don't have the stomach for any more of that crap. I have to FF through all their scenes now, or I might actually throw up!

LMFAN - I understand your Gloria hate even though Jack played his own hand in this whole vendetta game, but it seems Jack can commit any crime at this point because no doubt people will say, Gloria made him do it! The idea that Lauren deserved to break her neck or die because of her snooping is absurd. Michael is mad because he knows Lauren could have died taking a fall. What should he do? Ignore it and say, Hey Jack, my mom put the screws to you so it is ok you nearly killed my wife. I would love Lauren and Michael to distance themselves from Gloria and for Gloria to get some payback but Jackie Boy is no boy scout. Lauren and Michael deserve their own story separate from Gloria.

TONI - I am so tired of ghosts, goblins and other assorted folk and now yet another fool has fallen for the lovely Gagatha. For the life of me I can't see why the men see Glohag once and fall madly in love with her, a puzzler. I will say that things are better now that LML is history.

JULIE - I thought things were going to get better with the old writers out; not so sure I think the same anymore. Y&R used to be about causes and family and plain old romance. Why fix something that ain't broken? I have watched this show for so many years because it was always the classiest soap on TV. Remember Friday cliff hangers? Where did those go? Could not wait for Monday! Now, it's the bozo hour. Goofy storylines drag out forever; stories that could be good just disappear. I can only imagine how the actors feel playing these parts. I get more enjoyment these days from the posts and spoilers, and imagining the story in my head without all the embarrassing filler!

RENEE - I don't have a complaint about one specific soap, but all of them. I am just curious as to whether anyone else feels the same way. I love a surprise. So, why is it that the soaps all seem to tell you they have a big surprise coming and then spoil it by telling you what the surprise is?. When you go to the soap sites, you have the option of reading the spoilers if you want to, but they still plaster the homepage with the latest comings and goings. Can't they put all the spoilers under a tab so those of us who want the element and joy of surprise can be just that? Surprised!

LUCIE - I completely agree, Adam needs to stop chasing after Phyllis now! Mostly because we need some romance and courting (among adults) now! The biggest reason why it was so interesting to see Victor and Sabrina was because it's been a long time since we saw some real courting. Okay, I guess Cane and Lily, but c'mon, she's like 12 and it was pretty quick. Seeing Adam sweep a GC lady off her feet would be great! Plus I have to say, I would love for Leslie Kay to join Y&R long term. Felicia can be a great character, plus GC needs a new hot, strong, smart, beautiful woman to stir things up. Maybe she could be a love interest for Brad, Jack, Nick, Micheal or even Victor. Plus she has a history with Amber so that could be interesting to watch as well. C'mon, am I the only one who sees the potential?

JUDI - Give me a break. At the first mention that Sabrina would be coming to GC I felt like calling Victor and telling him to make sure he had a fresh supply of condoms. It is simply not possible for a new woman in GC to not want TGVN. It's also impossible for any old man to not want Gloria (their eye sight must be failing). And of course every young man wants Phyllis. This is just stupid.

COLLEEN - While I would never go back to watching AMC, I am real sick of the whole Gloria thing. How much longer do we have to put up with Gloria being the wounded party? She is cheap, tawdry, trailer trash and her punishment is long overdue. Put her in jail and throw away the key.

LEANNE - I completely agree. Enough Gloria. Please! I never understand why these soaps will bring on a new character and suddenly the entire show revolves around them. Y&R has so many characters that have been around for over a decade. Use them!

TEKISHA - When is Gloria going to get caught? I am so sick of the whole Fisher/Baldwin clan. Glo was the one who started this mess and she always comes out smelling like a rose. Jack keeps getting dumped on and the Fisher/Baldwin clan always appear to be victims? I want Michael, Lauren, Kevin and that criminal Glo to go! Time to start watching AMC, I hear Erica is going to jail.

DEE - I think they must be grooming Nikki to look like Matriarch Stephanie on B&B. And that multicolor blond hair is no help. What's happened to this formerly glamour gal?

BEATRICE - The only thing I would have added to that scene if it had been my choice would have been to have her felonious family members lined up ahead of her so that the fall could have had a domino effect with all of them tangled together in a heap at the bottom of the stairs. I couldn't have said it better myself, Nita! This is how sick I am of Gloria and her spawns. Sad, since I used to really love Michael, Kevin and Lauren, but being around Gloria has ruined them all. So tired of the Gloria must win all the times show only to be substituted every now and then by the all new older male characters must love Gloria show! Time to get rid of Gloria, period.

TERRI - I can't stand the Gloria/Jeffery/Jack storyline, thank goodness for fast forward. Gloria is like nails on a chalkboard! What I really want to see is the relationship between Victor and Sabrina ignite into something very romantic and serious. I hope there will be something new and exciting to keep me interested over the summer.

APRIL - Well, I stopped looking at Y&R last year. That's when I realized Gloria would never get caught for any of the dirt she has done. I mean really caught, not just found out and blackmailed. I have truly not watched a day of the show. I do wish I had seen the episode when Lauren fell down the stairs.

TRICIA - Again, I am disappointed that Gloria has won out. I thought the haunting was a good storyline. Now we are back to Gloria being Queen, now with her own Mansion, and tons of men falling at her feet. Enough already! I do love the chemistry between Lauren and Michael and hopefully he will keep his backbone and show Gloria the door, lock it, and throw away the key.

YOVNNE - I like the chemistry between Sabrina and Victor.

CABC - Well the last time we had an overdose of a character was when we had the Phyllis show. Now it's Ma Barker and her boys! GMAB! How does a newbie come onto our show, and outwit our beloved veteran Jack? Gloria is a good actress, but they've forced me to choose, and Jack is the man. Can we get some balance with the writing for once and for all? I'm still waiting to see what the new writers are about before I pass judgment, but this just ain't right! The very thought of Adam and Phyllis makes me sick to my stomach. Go back to the drawing board and start over again with that sordid s/l; way too many hot, single, young ladies on the show to waste Adam on Phyllis.

JAN - Can hardly wait to see what you have to say about Wednesday's episode in which the Glo-piggy gets some back in her face when Michael finally got a backbone and said enough. I know it won't last, but it was one sweet day. Y&R has long held on to its bad girls, perhaps way past their interest to the viewers. I don't mind a slower pace with romance, but how long do we have to wait for Gloria to see justice? I'm not liking this Alistair thing, but if it is used as a mechanism to bring Gloria down, I may have underestimated the value of the plot line. How perfect would it be for Gloria to ultimately be dragged through the mud by none other than John - whether he's an imposter or not. Ha! That'll be the day.

CHAR - Was the Wednesday show filmed instead of videotaped? Has the show changed to the film format? I thought I saw quite a difference in the feeling of the show - and I do like it!

LAURIE - It's a shame that Daniel's hair, psycho's brain tumor, Kevin's apron strings and Amber's fashion(less) designs are the best the writers have. I'm sick of Adam already. Get to his storyline. Where is Jack's son? It would be funny if he were Adam's lover (the mysterious phone caller). That would shake things up in GC for both clans! And explain Adam's feeble and clumsy attempts to deal with women. Sabrina? Oh get a life! She's a joke and this storyline is absurd. Victor needs to be alone. He's not supposed to be a good guy.

JUANICE - Who in their right mind would give Nick up to be with Adam? That would have been a great storyline, but the character in my opinion should have been tall, dark and handsome; someone that would have turned everyone's head and had the chance to steal Phyllis' attentions.

SHANNON - I couldn't help but laugh at Nikki's facial expression once Victoria told her about Sabrina's magic touch. It looked as if that appeared to be a hard bite to swallow. So it just so happens Alistair is smitten with all the people of John's past life. I feel the writers should have given this S/L five more minutes of thought. And making Jill and Kay look like these two old gossip hound biddies was awful. Let Jeff and Gloria have each other already. I'm tired of them hogging all the air time with this cat and mouse game.

MARILYN - Nikki is going to be jealous when Victor gets with Sabrina, because her and David are not going to last and she's going to want Victor back!

LORNA - Okay, enough is enough. I feel like I'm watching As the World Turns around Gloria or the Old and the Conniving. Thank God for technology - I can zap zap zap. I definitely couldn't watch this show if it wasn't for my VCR. No more wire hangers ... I mean no more Gloria ever!

LINA - I have one word for Victor and Sabrina dating: disgusting.

* * * * * * *

As always, I appreciate everyone's comments! Be back in a week.