No more Sheila?

By the time Michael got through tugging terrifically on their tattered heartstrings, there were few dry eyes left in soap audiences all across the country.

As I watched J.T. and Paul pace back and forth across the carpeted office floor, a persistent pang of deja vu kept poking at me. Where had I seen this similar scene before? And suddenly it came to me. At least when it comes to the private eye game, J.T. has become Andy Richards. Posing predominately as Paul's pondering partner throughout much of the murder mystery, in the end J Tonto was left behind to keep one eye on the barn, while the other watched Paul Ranger leap aboard his snorting steed and gallop gallantly away to save the distressed damsel. Acting upon one of his famous hunches, you know the ones that pinch him in the very nick of time, Paul arrived at the vacationing family's farmhouse just in time to pull Lauren from their collapsing cellar. Though presumably eternally in her hero's debt for his opportune arrival, Lauren had little time to waste in fervent thanks. For she had a memorial to get to and a grieving husband's tears to dry. Speaking of tears, by the time Michael got through tugging terrifically on our tattered heartstrings, I'm sure there were few dry eyes left in soap audiences all across the country.

When it comes time to recount the facts of that fateful day to all and sundry, Paul's back won't be the only one deserving of congratulatory pats of praise. Much to the amazement of many, Sheila was also a heroine of the day. In a sudden and inexplicable about face, Sheila nobly stepped back into the gas-filled shadows, insisting her nemesis take the first breath of life-saving air. Why, we all wondered. Did lack of food and oxygen and excessive ankle pain render Sheila incapable of calculation? Or had her time in the cellar bonding with Lauren weakened her decades-long wrath? Whatever the reason for her generous gesture, it cost her dearly. It would seem, judging by our last glimpse of Sheila, lying supine on the cellar floor, dirt and debris pouring in atop her, that it might be time to sing a sorrowful chorus of Ding Dong the Sheila witch is dead or dying.

I said, it would "seem." Because as we all know by now, say it with me fans: things in this city are seldom what they seem. So I don't believe for a single second that Sheila has succumbed so easily. Of course, we won't know 'til the coming week whether Sheila's act was more self-serving than sacrificial.

Sheila wasn't the only one willing to lie down on a slab and pronounce herself a sacrificial lamb. Her former writing partner, Scott, was also eager to pretend to be a sitting decoy to lure Sheila out into the open where the long arm of the law could reach her. However, judging from the ease with which Sheila/Jennifer was able to slip undetected through the loose ring of security surrounding Lauren's wedding guests, were I Scott, I might be just a mite leery about relying on Paul's hirelings to guard my unprotected back.

And lastly, we have Ashley, willing to sentence herself to a prison life fighting off amorous females to insure her elderly Daddy doesn't do so much of a day of hard time. I guess I should be lumbering grudgingly to my feet in order to give Ashley a standing ovation for her unselfishness. After all, look what she's doing for devotion of Daddy. But here I still sit, half-reclined on my couch, unimpressed by her martyrdom. Maybe it's because I don't think she's doing anything both Traci or Jack wouldn't do had they been the unwilling witness to John's crime. Perhaps even Gloria would have made the same choice. Okay, on second thought, I take that back. I can't see Gloria putting herself on the prison food line for anyone. Or maybe it's simply because I find Ashley so unlikable, I have a hard time feeling much of anything for her, except contempt.

Michael pressed pause momentarily in his grieving process long enough to relieve Christine of Ashley's murder case. I don't know about you, but I laughed until my tummy ached when Ashley told Michael she didn't really want to lie under oath about Terrible Tom's alleged drug possession. Umm, excuse me for having a brain too thick for penetration, but isn't she planning to lie under that same oath abut who really fired that gun? And since when did Ashley start giving a flying fig for the truth?

Don't you just love the conveniently selective memories of certain Genoa City citizens? I know, I know, before you point it out, I too have heard trauma has sometimes been known to erase, or at the very least, temporarily misplace the memories immediately before and after it. But that isn't going to stop me from scoffing scathingly at the convenient and much used plot point. For John what will it take to direct the detoured thought train back onto its rusty tracks? Like Humpty Dumpty, will he fall off a wall and bump the memories back into place? Or will he fall asleep and relive the whole nightmare in a blurry, hard to see dream, like his one-time daughter in law's son?

Enough about mystery, mayhem and murder. How about we turn our attention to secrets, lies and lust monkeys?

So just what is Brad up to? Although there's nothing in his seemingly sincere sentiments upon which I can press my pinky upon, I trust him just about as far as I can pick him up and pitch him. Which means I don't trust him at all. The man with no snow on his black tar rooftop nor an ounce of excess flab on his washboard abs is too smooth to be believed.

Except by Sharon who believed every flattering syllable he uttered about his deep and, as she quickly discovered, not so lasting love for her. I'm still cackling over her affronted line relating to Bradley's lightning quick love recovery: "In less than one day?" While I'm sure she will soon change her tune, I think she accurately hit the nail right on its shiny, round head when she used the "B" word to describe the boy wonder. And, no, in that particular case, B did not stand for Bradley. Of course, I doubt her anger will last; before long she'll have stars in her eyes, once again dreaming of what could be between her and Brad.

And, of course, by Victoria, who can't see the forest because her vision is completely blocked by a big old oak tree and a couple of dozen red hearts dancing before her eyes. Of course she'd like to believe Brad finds her so irresistible he can't wait to move her into Cassandra's old house. I haven't figured out yet what exactly Brad will gain by wedding the Newman co-CEO. It could turn out to be plenty considering how far marrying the daughter(s) of Jabot's founder took him.

Phyllis and Nick. I can't quite decide what I think of this panting pair of lust monkeys. I don't have a problem with the 10-12 year span between the years their respective doctor spanked their bottoms to elicit their birth cries. (I'm guessing Nick at 30 or just past and betting Phyllis' celebration of the big 4-0 occurred a year or more ago). And I won't deny there's crackling current in the air whenever they're sharing the same few inches of it. How could there not be? Nick has grown up to be quite a sex-sational man and not a single Genoa City man has ever mistaken Phyllis for the demure girl next door type. It's not so much the cheating I object to. After all in Genoa City, cheating has proven to be the norm rather than the exception. But something about Phyllis's ongoing and ever-tightening friendship and connection to the unaware Newman wife, while dreaming of sapping the strength from her husband's limbs, is sending the needle on my distaste meter clear off the charts. Despite her words to the contrary, Phyllis seems to be purposely trying to entice Nick. All that talk about how sweaty she got while sampling the amenities at the Chicago Wellness spa. And what of Daniel's relationship with Noah? Does she really think it would continue should Sharon learn of Phyllis lust for her husband? As always, Phyllis is thinking solely of herself and her overcharged libido.

Sharon, Nick, Phyllis, Brad, Victoria. Two plus two plus one. No matter how you switch these men and women around, they still add up to five, which means someone is bound to be left shivering out in the cold, their tears turning to icicles. Before it's over, this web is going to get mighty tangled indeed. Maybe Victoria shouldn't oughta get too attached to that rock on her finger.

When it comes to love among the younger set, with no real contenders lined up to put their love to the test, J.T. and Mac continue to trudge tirelessly on. I don't think J.T. has to worry about being in line for winning any kind character commendations. He was happy to play house, rent free at the Chancellor mansion, while Kevin paid the bills at the loft. And though he doesn't want to wed her, he still wants to play husband and wife games alone at the loft and wants Mac to evict their sub-letting tenants so he can be free to romance her both in the bedroom and the living room. If he's so deluged in dollars, why doesn't he move with his lady love into a smaller place and leave the loft for the others? I can't wait to see if Colleen's arrival will upset their little love cart.

If the rumors are true that an appropriate Lily has at last been named and could appear on the Genoa City scene before the month is out, Daniel could have a lot less time to play big brother to Noah. While I at times found Lily and Daniel tolerable (at least while they remained in Genoa City), I confess the lovers on the lam was a bit hard to choke down. When she was banished to boarding school, I can't say I lost any sleep at the thought of never again hearing her annoyingly whine Dan-yell's name. And now she's coming back. To the exact same situation she left. Mummy and Daddy still disapprove of Daniel although it's increasingly hard to understand why. And I'm guessing they'll have no more influence over their disobedient daughter than they ever had. Like olden day inquisitors, the parents remain unified in their desire to keep daughter and Daniel apart and probably under threat of torture or worse, held her hand to paper and forced her to pen him a Dear Daniel letter. But the parents are only human and therefore had to grab a wink or two of shut eye. And that was presumably when Lily hurriedly scrawled a second note, rebutting the first and sneaked it to Devon. With Lily already 18 or about to be, the Winters are wasting their time trying to keep these two apart.

Instead of Dru worrying about Daniel, perhaps she should be keeping her eagle eye pinned on Yolanda. Because under her breath Yolanda is probably humming a catchy little tune that goes something like this: How much is that Winters in the office? The one with the right-hand man's job? How much is that Winters in the office? Will one day that Winters be mine?

It's been a week worth watching and I'm definitely eager to see what happens next. Many thanks to fan Bethany for refreshing my memory about Lauren's marital infidelity (see below). Alas, a sure sign of my steadily advancing years: gaping holes randomly appearing in my memory. Scribes, if you're listening, a flashback on that one would be well worth watching!

Fans, your comments were great. I trust your fellow fans will enjoy your observations as much as I did. So here they are, just as you wrote them.

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BETHANY - I was reading in the Two Scoops section where someone was asking about who Lauren had an affair with while married to Dr. Scott Grainger. Well, it was none other than the hound dog of 2005, Bradley Carlton. I don't know which is more memorable of the affair. Lauren causing him to have a heart attack from an undiagnosed health problem or the cat fight that broke out between Lauren and Traci when she found out about it. At least the Carltons were legally divorced at the time which is more than I can say for the Graingers. Or could it be that Sheila was hiding in a closet taking pictures of them while they were in an indecent pose. And who can forget the giant puzzle Sheila had made and sent to Lauren, one piece at a time. Imagine Lauren's shock first of all realizing Sheila was still alive from the house fire that presumed her dead or that she was the photographer of the puzzle and how she obtained them. Maybe when they start talking again about things they had done to each other in the past we can pray for a flashback.

TYLER- Nita, I hope you publish my comments only because I know I am in the minority with some or most of my Y&R opinions, and I know there have to be other Y&R fans who feel the way I do but have not vocalized it. That said, I have for the most part thoroughly enjoyed Y&R all year. In fact I have almost thoroughly enjoyed it for 2 1/2 years when I started watching it again. I do agree that Malcolm's return was a total let down. I do like his chemistry with Lily though. It took me no time to tire of his endless stories about how seeing nomads and elephants in Africa gave him a totally new outlook. However, if he really is Lily's dad then Dru had no right to try to sweep him under the rug. Damon and Adrienne/Phyllis/Victoria/Diane: zero chemistry with all of them. Damon during the orchid hair straigtener story was entertaining, but it ends there. Yes Jack's "whoa is me 'the moustache' ruined mine and my family's life for the last time" rants have gotten older than the can Sheila was eating from the other day in captivity. Yes Victoria and Brad are a total yawn together, but I am one person who likes Amelia Heinle in the role. If we can't have Ms. Tom then AH will do. But give more backbone to her. I don't like "quivering Jell-o Victoria." If Nikki doesn't soon stop looking down her nose, her eyes will stay that way and she'll have to tilt her head back in order to see where she's going. She and Bobby were simply electric. We never did see Bobby die, did we? I love Sharon!!! She acted the way a mother who senselessly lost her daughter should act. She didn't deserve the way Nick treated her. She only kissed Brad (twice), but has put her foot down and said she will not pursue Brad. That said, geez can Joshua Morrow please try to show at least an ounce of emotion when the director says "Action!!" He sounds like Data on Star Trek: Next Generation. Maybe the chip in his head is in need of replacing. Although it was cruel for Nick to sleep with Phyllis, boy were those two sizzling. I can't believe they stared at each other that long before ripping each other's clothes off. I was like "either do it or don't, but please do something!!" Oh I forgot...man am I glad Lily is gone!! Omigod like totally!!! Gag me with a spoon!!! I love Yolanda too! Granted inviting a total stranger to live with you is not the only way to turn around the life of a drug addict. But seeing her take small steps to better herself, and seeing her helping Devon with Algebra (and remembering something as trivial as what a Solution Set is) made her seem real to me. And regarding Kevin, you know, not even detective Weber could prove Kevin set that fire, so that makes Kev a free man. And Colleen wasn't all that badly hurt, and if the Winters felt like not pressing statutory rape charges then you can't blame Kev for that either. I have truly enjoyed watching Kev try so hard to better himself. And you know what? I didn't mind the mob story. Not really. Throwing people like Kay and Jill and Nikki into it was hysterical, considering it was so improbable that it'd ever really happen. I about died when Jill announced that the mobsters only stole a baby doll at the airport. I wish that Bobby really had beaten J.T. to a pulp. Someone needs to. He realllllly gets on my last nerve. I didn't even realize broke prison-escapee Sheila had all those favors done for her for free or she robbed a lot of banks before hitting town. Not until it was pointed out in your year-end column. LOL. I have thoroughly enjoyed Sheila's latest go-round. Had it been done exactly the same as all her other returns (or like her cartoonish B&B return), then I might not have liked it so much. But I liked her and Tom, and her disguises and accent, and her sneaking around. It allowed her to be on the show longer, which I am glad for. With all that said, the only things I didn't like about Y&R this year were Damon, Adrienne Lily, Malcolm, Nick.

EVE - Today Scottie gave the line of the year: I just got up from rolling on the carpet, laughing, after he said, to Paul, "with all the security you can provide, I have nothing to worry about." Oh, my dear, you are going to be so dead. And two other things: (1) if the writers think I'm going to feel one shred of compassion for Sheila, tied up, broken ankle, and coughing her little lungs out, they are living in la-la land. As always, I'm waiting for the witch to die. Again. And (2) J.T. and Mac are the biggest yawn I have ever seen. No chemistry, no self-respect, and no heat. Move it along, guys!

JOAN - Obviously Ashley did not shoot Tom. The police never arrest the right person. I knew right away that Ashley had picked up the gun after John had used it.

SANDI - I can't help but think Nick is his father's son. Victor always could justify what he did and now Nick is doing the same thing with the Phyllis thing. And Phyllis playing around with feeling bad, NOT staying away from Nick, brushing his hand with hers, lightly brushing a kiss on his cheek; oh, yes, there are sparks and I think it will not be the end of the Phyllis/Nick tryst. I do give Sharon a lot of credit and did even when Cassie died. I thought that the Brad thing in the Boutique was going to be a dream. She did hold her composure when Victoria came into the room and Nikki saw the ring; how convenient that she held that hand out for her mother. Brad must have ran home, penned the note proposing to Victoria, made the popper crackers, bought the ring, just her size (or was the ring for Sharon?) all in time to prepare dinner and have the evening all planned. Like someone said - Plan B. BRAD IS NOT DIVORCED YET AND HE IS NOW ENGAGED! And once divorced he has to wait 6 months in Wisconsin.

BETSY - I wish CBS would test putting Y&R on primetime TV. My hubby & I may miss other shows we like, but not our daily Y&R dose. If Dynasty, Dallas, Knots Landing, and now Desperate Housewives made it, why not try actually moving a daytime soap to the evening? 1) They've already got it taped. 2) It's better than a most of the inane blarney after 8 p.m. and has better actors. 3) CBS could regain their audience that had to go to work over the years. 4) We wouldn't have to tape it and would actually WATCH the commercials. What have they got to lose? Heck, show it twice a day!

MAUD ANN - I LOVED Friday's show!! What a lot of emotion: Michael's heart-wrenching soliloquy and tears were so well done, and his despair so deep I was aching for him. Gloria so frightened for the man she loves as she realizes he has committed murder; Michael looking behind him and seeing Lauren, who he must surely be thinking is only a vision and proof he is coming apart. I really love seeing Nicholas being cute and smiling again, and I really hope that he and Sharon get back under the same yoke. While Phyllis agreed she needs to make herself very scarce where Nick is concerned, and respect his marriage, I'm just not buying it from such a dyed-in-the-wool bad girl as herself. What's up with Nikki - isn't she Miss Prim these days?! I do wish the writers would stop making Paul be such a bumbling fool - some good detective work being done would make for interesting shows. J.T. is a self-centered idiot, and I hope we see more happen between Mac (who I really like - she's just sooooo sweet!) and Kevin (who has worked hard to redeem himself from the dark forces that made him do horrid things.) Shows as good as the one this Friday make it really really hard to wait for Monday!

SHIRLEY - I have to put in my two cents worth here. I cannot stand Gloria or Kevin ( he is so creepy looking), She so overacts.. You could also get rid of Ashley, never liked her on Anything! Get a new Victoria, she is so insipid! Would love to see much more of Katherine and Jill, they are hilarious. And please keep Scott, for once they have someone good looking. I agree about Mac and J.T.. Paul needs some romance and I just Love Michael and Lauren, and please do not bring Sheila back again! That story has been done to death.

WANDA - Boy, does Nicholas like those couches or what? Does he know what a bedroom is for? I thought he and Phyllis were going to get it on, on the couch in the living room of the ranch, the way they were looking at each other. It is just a matter of time before they do. First Phyllis and then Sharon in the living room. The way people just walk in, at the ranch and at Sharon and Nick's, anyone including Noah, could just stroll in. Nikki does it all the time. NO ONE and I mean NO ONE is as naive as Victoria is pretending to be. Will she have to see Brad and Sharon on the conference room couch before she sees the light? OH, NO! We didn't get to see Sheila bite the dust. Now, she can live on to return ANOTHER day. I knew Lauren would come to the memorial to be with Michael. That is a great touch to the SL. Michael kept saying she wasn't gone so he will doubt that he is really seeing her (not a dream). I hope Neil Winters does leave the show. He is being such a scumbag to Daniel. I don't have a lot of love for the Winters anyway. They pretend to be so goody-goody. Dru is especially obnoxious and "hauty-tauty" (look what she said about Yolanda and her new job). As soon as Glo finds out that John really shot TT then all of GC will know. She has a really BIG mouth. Poor John. I was really hoping the writers would make it more of a "whodunit" about killing TT. There were all kinds of possibilities there to work with.

TYLER- Nita, I hope you publish my comments only because I know I am in the minority with some or most of my Y&R opinions, and I know there have to be other Y&R fans who feel the way I do but have not vocalized it. That said, I have for the most part thoroughly enjoyed Y&R all year. In fact I have almost thoroughly enjoyed it for 2 1/2 years when I started watching it again. I do agree that Malcolm's return was a total let down. I do like his chemistry with Lily though. It took me no time to tire of his endless stories about how seeing nomads and elephants in Africa gave him a totally new outlook. However, if he really is Lily's dad then Dru had no right to try to sweep him under the rug. Damon and Adrienne/Phyllis/Victoria/Diane: zero chemistry with all of them. Damon during the orchid hair straigtener story was entertaining, but it ends there. Yes Jack's "whoa is me 'the moustache' ruined mine and my family's life for the last time" rants have gotten older than the can Sheila was eating from the other day in captivity. Yes Victoria and Brad are a total yawn together, but I am one person who likes Amelia Heinle in the role. If we can't have Ms. Tom then AH will do. But give more backbone to her. I don't like "quivering Jell-o Victoria." If Nikki doesn't soon stop looking down her nose, her eyes will stay that way and she'll have to tilt her head back in order to see where she's going. She and Bobby were simply electric. We never did see Bobby die, did we? I love Sharon!!! She acted the way a mother who senselessly lost her daughter should act. She didn't deserve the way Nick treated her. She only kissed Brad (twice), but has put her foot down and said she will not pursue Brad. That said, geez can Joshua Morrow please try to show at least an ounce of emotion when the director says "Action!!" He sounds like Data on Star Trek: Next Generation. Maybe the chip in his head is in need of replacing. Although it was cruel for Nick to sleep with Phyllis, boy were those two sizzling. I can't believe they stared at each other that long before ripping each other's clothes off. I was like "either do it or don't, but please do something!!" Oh I forgot...man am I glad Lily is gone!! Omigod like totally!!! Gag me with a spoon!!! I love Yolanda too! Granted inviting a total stranger to live with you is not the only way to turn around the life of a drug addict. But seeing her take small steps to better herself, and seeing her helping Devon with Algebra (and remembering something as trivial as what a Solution Set is) made her seem real to me. And regarding Kevin, you know, not even detective Weber could prove Kevin set that fire, so that makes Kev a free man. And Colleen wasn't all that badly hurt, and if the Winters felt like not pressing statutory rape charges then you can't blame Kev for that either. I have truly enjoyed watching Kev try so hard to better himself. And you know what? I didn't mind the mob story. Not really. Throwing people like Kay and Jill and Nikki into it was hysterical, considering it was so improbable that it'd ever really happen. I about died when Jill announced that the mobsters only stole a baby doll at the airport. I wish that Bobby really had beaten J.T. to a pulp. Someone needs to. He realllllly gets on my last nerve. I didn't even realize broke prison-escapee Sheila had all those favors done for her for free or she robbed a lot of banks before hitting town. Not until it was pointed out in your year-end column. LOL. I have thoroughly enjoyed Sheila's latest go-round. Had it been done exactly the same as all her other returns (or like her cartoonish B&B return), then I might not have liked it so much. But I liked her and Tom, and her disguises and accent, and her sneaking around. It allowed her to be on the show longer, which I am glad for. With all that said, the only things I didn't like about Y&R this year were Damon, Adrienne Lily, Malcolm, Nick.

ANTOINE - The one thing that definitely shocked me was Sheila's attitude to Lauren. She hated her since she premiered on the show, and in a shocking twist she saved her life. Why? I am definitely happy, and I feel it semi-redeemed Sheila. Sheila, the 2-D cartoon character is changing more to a layered individual with problems from her childhood that caused her to be vindictive. I hope when Sheila returns she will not be going after Lauren for leaving her for dead while her life was saved. And I am soooo glad that Lauren got saved quickly- by Paul Williams himself! That prisoner/hostage storyline served it's purpose which was to temporary kill off Sheila, while showing Lauren that the cold-hearted Sheila may indeed have a conscience. Oh-and bringing the secret of Sheila's mystery childhood to surface. Phyllis and Nick should just stop seeing each other especially in private. On Friday their sexual tension was thick as a T-bone steak! I applaud the actors for making their scenes together steamy and hot. Sheila's childhood is something that everyone wants to know. Surely it was something horrific that resulted in her acting demonic and hateful. Her mother Molly was very supportive and believed in her, so who else could it be that made Sheila act the way she does? What happened in Sheila's childhood?

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Well, Antoine asked about Sheila's childhood and coincidentally, I stumbled across an answer for her.

Hinted at in conversation while entombed with Lauren in the bomb shelter, I have no idea whether or not the rest of the story of Sheila's past will ever be regurgitated. If you're a fan who hope it might and would rather hear it for yourself firsthand, this is the end of the column for you. For those who might one day pay a steep price for their insatiable curiosity by possibly being maimed or permanently eliminated (yes I place my name with such curious cats), read on.

While electronically eavesdropping on other people's written words of soap wisdom, I ran across the following. I make no claim as to its validity; however, I was a B&B watcher at the time and retain a very vague memory of this conversation. Vague, because then as now, I was NOT a Sheila fan and therefore cared little about her reasons for why she was the way she was. Having done four little jigs of joy when she finally scraped the last of the GC soil off her sneakers, suffice it to say I was not the most pleased camper in the cabin to see her show up with her burlap bag of spoiled baloney on the only other soap I watched. I just wanted her gone from my B&B screen! But for those who care (or don't), here is her terrible tale, as remembered by poster, Kit Kat. I hope she doesn't mind that I "copied" a partial page from her book of Sheila memories.

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SPOILER - STOP HERE IF YOU DON'T WANT TO KNOW

Sheila talking to James: "Days were really strange. No talking, no warmth. My parents never touched each other. During the day there was no screaming or physical violence. But my father would start drinking, taking it out on my mother, who would be cooking. The thought of that used to make me throw up. Mom became consumed with meeting his demands. Night would become an exercise in survival. With my dad getting drunk night after night, he would see me as the cause of their problems, and take it out on me; chasing me around the house and pulling my hair. I would tire him out by knocking down furniture. My mom wouldn't do anything; she was just happy it was me who was being abused, instead of her. And I only got away by keeping my father at arm's length - like I learned to do with all people. I found out how to keep my distance using my father's drunken state. Or with mercury poisoning, James suggested. Sheila agreed, explaining how she thought Stephanie was going to put her back in that prison hospital. I had to stop her the same way I had to stop my dad before he killed me, Sheila finished.