The term 'soft swinging' might sound familiar as its rise in popularity traces back to internet personality Taylor Frankie Paul, who started a TikTok group called MomTok in 2020. The group gained fame for showcasing the lives of a close-knit group of Mormon moms. On September 12, 2024, Paul met with the hosts of The View to debunk some misconceptions associated with Mormons.
In 2022, the internet was flooded with headlines reporting Paul’s divorce from her husband, citing 'soft swinging' as the reason. When one of the hosts from The View asked Paul to explain the meaning of the term, she said:
“So swinging is where you full on switch partners like swingers, right? And so for us we like open up our relationship…like playing games, being intimate all in front of each other. So, we were like full on switching per se you know. That’s what they call soft swinging which I didn’t come up with that term by the way.”
When asked if she developed feelings for one of the men, Taylor Frankie Paul responded that she wouldn’t describe it as falling in love although she mentioned having experienced strong emotions at the time. However, she felt those feelings weren’t truly love but heightened emotions.
The MomTok drama surrounding ‘soft swinging’
As per Cut's September 9, 2024 report, Taylor revealed in an Instagram live that she and her husband had been in an open relationship. Although she didn't name anyone, she described their arrangement as “soft swinging,” where full intimacy was only permitted if both partners were present.
According to her, the entire group had been intimate with each other. Still, she admitted to breaching the group's policies by engaging in a more intimate encounter with someone outside the agreed-upon boundaries. Taylor clarified that the incident occurred at a party after she had become intoxicated, leading to a private encounter rather than a group activity.
She insisted it was a one-time occurrence but acknowledged that she and the unnamed individual developed feelings for each other. Following the incident, Taylor reported feeling ostracized by her friends, though she noted that no one in the group was entirely innocent as they too engaged in soft swinging. She mentioned that other group members also developed feelings for people outside their marriages.
After separating from her husband, Taylor shared updates about her life as a newly single mom before Dakota Mortensen appeared in her videos. In September 2023, Paul and Mortensen revealed they were expecting a baby, and since then, her Instagram account shifted focus to pregnancy and postpartum content.
Soft swinging has inspired a new Hulu series
Taylor Frankie Paul is now featured in the Hulu show The Secret Lives of Mormon Wives. She revealed that the incident challenged traditional Mormon views on sex, which stress exclusivity with one's spouse. However, the term might still be obscure for many. The arrangement involves being in a relationship, whether married or dating, and agreeing to engage in non-penetrative s*****l activities with others.
According to Carolanne Marcantonio, LMSW, an AASECT-certified sex therapist, the boundaries for soft swinging are discussed and agreed upon with the partner beforehand, making it distinct from cheating. Gloria Brame, PhD, a sex therapist and certified sexologist, notes that all partners involved are comfortable with these arrangements.
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According to a report by Women’s Health from September 9, 2024, although soft swinging has gained attention within some Mormon communities, it is not as widespread among Latter-day Saints (LDS) as TikTok might suggest.
Chelo Leavitt, PhD, a sex researcher and assistant professor at Brigham Young University, said there is a small subculture within the LDS community that explores practices considered unconventional or off-limits by mainstream LDS culture. However, such explorations occur across various populations, not just within the Mormon faith.
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