The best of Nikki Glaser’s Golden Globes monologue: 15 savage jokes that will leave you laughing

Nikki Glaser is going viral for all the wrong reasons... or maybe the right ones? The comedian cum actress took to the stage at the recent Golden Globes event to diss anyone and everyone within her line of sight. From the Blake Lively and Justin Baldoni controversy to Diddy's case.

The comedian's monologue at the 2025 Golden Globe Awards had everyone reeling with laughter while fighting back tears, given that she went into Full Decimation Mode. Some of her other targets included Timothée Chalamet, Harrison Ford, and Nicole Kidman. She also took shots at Wicked and Joker 2.

In this list, we're taking a look at 15 of the best jokes she delivered so that you, as readers, can join in on all the fun too!

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All of Nikki Glaser's best jokes from the Golden Globes night are in one place!

1) When Nikki Glaser dissed Wicked 2 and Joker 2 in one go:

“In Wicked, some people complained that the movie was ruined by people singing. And then in Joker 2, some people complained that the movie was ruined by the images on the screen and the sounds that accompanied them. I’m sorry, Joker 2. Where’s their table? Oh, they’re not here.”

2) Not Nikki Glaser confusing Tilda Swinton with Timothee Chalamet and then roasting the latter

“Tilda Swinton is, of course, nominated this year for her role as Timothée Chalamet … Timothée Chalamet, you have the most gorgeous eyelashes — on your upper lip. That is such a good look. You were so good and in A Complete Unknown as Bob Dylan. I read that your singing voice was so accurate that even Bob Dylan admitted that it was absolutely horrible.”

3) When Nikki Glaser jokingly suggested that the only way Benny Blanco could bag Selena Gomez is by being granted a wish by a genie

“Selena Gomez is here as double nominee tonight … and she’s here tonight with her new fiance, Benny Blanco. And Benny Blanco is here because of the genie who granted him that wish.”

4) Here's Nikki Glaser swearing she won't pull a Ricky Gervais... and then pulling a Ricky Gervais:

“I’m not gonna go so hard that anyone’s gonna be offended,” she added. “I’ve made a point not to, and that’s not to disappoint anyone who’s hoping I’m going to pull a Ricky Gervais. I’m not Ricky Gervais. This isn’t my last Golden Globes, this is my first one. He really went hard on his last one. He was ready to burn some bridges [because] it didn’t matter anymore.”

5) Nikki Glaser's take on the It Ends With Us scandal:

"I think the Blake Lively–Justin Baldoni thing is such a hot-button thing right now that even a mere mention of it will seem like I could be on the wrong side of things, even though I would never be,” she said. “I also don’t want to give his name any — I’m mad I even know his name, to be honest with you, so I don’t need to say it anymore.”

6) Nikki Glaser collectively roasting all the Gloden Globe Awards attendees at once is an impressive feat:

"Welcome to the Golden Globes, Ozempic’s biggest night! … This feels like I finally made it. I’m in a room full of producers at The Beverly Hilton and this time all of my clothes are on. It was worth it.”

7) So... do we thank Keith Urban for Nicole Kidman's 20th Golden Globe nomination?

“Nicole Kidman is here for Babygirl. That movie was so good, I give it two fingers up. Nicole, this is your 20th Golden Globe nomination. I mean, incredible. Thank you so much for all of your hard work. And thank you to Keith Urban for playing guitar around the house so much that she wants to leave and make 18 movies a year.”

8) It's going to be a man, but it could be a woman

“This is going be a very memorable evening, and maybe not even in the way that you think. I predict five years from now, when you’re watching old clips of this show on YouTube, you’ll see someone in one of the crowd shots, and you’ll go, ‘Oh my God, that was before they caught that guy.’ It could be a woman, you know. I think 100 percent of the time it’s a man. But it could be a woman.”

9) When Nikki Glaser said she wouldn't be roasting anyone... and then proceeded to decimate the room:

“I’m not here to roast you. And how could I? You’re all so famous, so talented, so powerful. I mean, you could really do anything — except tell the country who to vote for. But it’s OK. You’ll get them next time!”

10) And the award for the hardest working actors in show business goes to...

“I look out and I see some of the hardest working actors in show business — and by that, I mean your servers.”

11) Harrison Ford on his choice of co-star:

“The legendary Harrison Ford is here tonight. I was talking to Harrison backstage and after he gave me his drink order. I said, ‘Would you rather work with Zendaya or Ariana?’ And he said, ‘indica.'”

12) When Nikki Glaser didn't even leave Robert F. Kennedy Jr. alone:

“The Bear, The Penguin, Baby Reindeer. These are not just things found in R.F.K.’s freezer. These are TV shows nominated tonight.”

13) Is she roasting Eddie Redmayne or Peacock?

“Eddie Redmayne did TV this year. He’s nominated for Peacock’s The Day of the Jackal. It’s about a top-secret elite sniper who no one can see — because he’s on Peacock.”

14) Or maybe it's Paramount+?

“If you’re watching on CBS, hello. If you’re watching this on Paramount+, you have six days left to cancel your free trial … Tonight, we celebrate the best of film — and hold space for television.”

15) When she took one for the team and roasted herself:

“I did not know much about Wicked going into this year because I had friends in high school … Everyone loved Wicked. I loved Wicked. My boyfriend loved Wicked. My boyfriend’s boyfriend really loved Wicked.”

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Do let us know in the comments section which of Nikki Glaser's jokes you found the funniest! Personally, we're a huge fan of them all.