The new year is days away, and what better way to bring it in than by celebrating with some jokes? Perhaps you're at a party and you're caught like a deer in headlights. Or, you're all tucked in at home, ready to call it a night, and just need something to make the mood lighter before you pass out.
Perhaps you've got no plans for the new year's countdown, and would rather be by yourself, watch some memes, and see how the day goes instead. Either way, this list has been compiled after scouring the internet to bring you the best jokes, allowing you to ring in the all-new, shiny 2025. Have fun!
Disclaimer: This piece reflects the writer's opinion; the reader's discretion is advised. Do let us know in the comments what you think should have made the cut.
A list of all the best New Year jokes sure to leave you chuckling
1) Youth is when you're allowed to stay up for New Year's. Middle age is when you're forced to. (Via Parade)
2) What's the worst part of jogging on New Year's Eve? The ice is falling out of your drink! (Via Yahoo!)
3) A man asks his buddy for a cigarette. His friend quips, "I thought you made a New Year's resolution and that you don't smoke.” The man replied, "I'm in phase one of quitting." Confused, his friend asked, "Phase one?" The man laughed, "Yes. I've quit buying." (Via Parade)
4) A woman took an afternoon nap on New Year's Eve. When she woke up, she told her husband, "I just dreamed that you gave me a diamond ring for a New Year's present. What do you think it all means?" He replied, "Aha, you'll know tonight!" At midnight, her husband handed her a small gift-wrapped present. Excited, she opened it quickly, but was even more surprised: In it was a book titled The Meaning of Dreams. (Via Parade)
5) Why should you stand on just your left foot during the New Year's Eve countdown? So you start the New Year on the right foot. (Via Parade)
6) What is a New Year's resolution? Something that goes in one year and out the other. (Via Reader's Digest)
7) What happened to the man who shoplifted a calendar on New Year’s Eve? He got 12 months! (Via Reader's Digest)
8) What’s the one group that hates New Year’s Day? The New Year’s Eve cleanup crew. (Via Reader's Digest)
9) What compliment did the drink glass give to the champagne on New Year’s Eve? “You’re so bubbly!” (Via Reader's Digest)
10) My New Year’s resolution is to get better at pretending to know the words to “Auld Lang Syne.” (Via Reader's Digest)
11) Why is New Year’s a slice of bread’s least favorite holiday? It has to make a toast. (via The Pioneer Woman)
12) What was the opening line of the spice rack’s New Year’s toast? "Cheers to the good thymes!" (via The Pioneer Woman)
13) Knock knock. Who's there? Cheese. Cheese who? For cheese a jolly good fellow. (Via Yahoo!)
14) Why do birds fly south for New Year's Eve? Because it's too far to walk. (via The Pioneer Woman)
15) What does every new year have in store for us? Another 365 days! (via Good Housekeeping)
16) Why do you need a jeweler on New Year's Eve? To ring in the new year. (via Good Housekeeping)
17) How did the Prince celebrate the new millennium? He partied like it was 1999. (Via Good Housekeeping)
18) In what year did Christmas Day and New Year's Day fall in the same year? Every year! (Via Good Housekeeping)
19) Why should you never anger fireworks on New Year's Eve? You might just set them off! (via The Pioneer Woman)
20) My resolution was to read more... ... so I put the subtitles on my TV. (Via Yahoo!)
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As the clock ticks down and the New Year begins, remember that laughter is one of the best ways to welcome fresh beginnings. Whether you're surrounded by loved ones or enjoying a quiet night in, these jokes are a reminder to find joy in the little things. Here's to a 2025 filled with smiles, laughter, and moments worth celebrating. Happy New Year! May 2025 be better than ever.
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