We're only mere mortals in this mafia town: General Hospital Two Scoops for the week of December 30, 2024

Should we welcome back Smike the Bartender? | Image Source: ABC
Should we welcome back Smike the Bartender? | Image Source: ABC

It was a short and sweet week to start the new year on General Hospital, but it was certainly not without incident. One incident was previewed on Christmas Eve and could change everything forever in Port Charles.

Hold up! Is Sonny going to LEAVE THE MOB?!?!?!

Sonny is having an existential crisis | Image Source: ABC
Sonny is having an existential crisis | Image Source: ABC

Sonny is a mobster, and Jason is his second in command. That's the way it's always been unless one of them is presumed dead, but now one of them could actually die — of natural causes.

What is this, you say? Sonny is a man who is aging and has to face his own mortality? What? NEVER! Or so we always thought. Heck, he wasn't even allowed to keep his gray hair after Nixon Falls. That black hair dye came right out of the cabinet and went right back on his head. Ric was allowed to go gray, as was Marty. Brennan is gray, too. All these distinguished gray-haired men who look their age but are still vital and vibrant can be found throughout Port Charles, yet Sonny has to stay forever young.

The change we saw in Sonny was reversed in the first week of 2024 and looked like it was going to be reversed again as 2025 began. Maybe Sonny could even be Mike the Bartender again. He was so much more pleasant.

But, we digress. The real news is that Sonny now has a heart condition and is re-evaluating everything in his life. We should have known this was coming on Monday when Alexis asked him to take Charlie's back from Kristina because she didn't want the IRS or FBI asking questions. Sonny insisted the business was legit, and that he was not about to hurt Kristina that way. Alexis hinted that he could always just...leave the mob. (Hardy-har-har, you jest, Alexis. Sonny would NEVER do THAT!!!)

By the end of the episode, Sonny had collapsed in his own boxing ring and didn't know whether he'd live or die. Thankfully, Isaiah was around to make sure he'd live, but he had some very grave news for our favorite mafia man. There was a ticking time bomb in his chest. Now, Sonny is ready to hand the business to Jason, but wait...CURVEBALL!

Jason's...growth? (Does that happen?)

Jason doesn't want to run the mob | Image Source: ABC
Jason doesn't want to run the mob | Image Source: ABC

When Jason Morgan first went to work for Sonny, he was about four months old, give or take. Sure, his body was maybe 20 or 21, but that was Jason Quartermaine's body. Jason Morgan woke up in January of 1997 as a changed young man, one who was willing to kill because he felt no attachment toward other humans. Sonny needed a hitman and Port Charles' most enduring couple was born.

Jason Morgan is about 28 now and has fallen in love, married a few times, and even became a dad twice. He is also a single dad, and the only parent Danny has, so thanks, but no thanks. He'd have to pass on running the mob. This is all very strange indeed and a lot for Sonny — and the audience — to get used to. Sonny doesn't want to run the mob cause of a heart condition, and Jason doesn't want to run the mob so he can be a dad to a teenage boy. What show are we even watching? (Psst...we like this.)

Papa, can you hear me?

Valentin cried and all was right with the world | Image Source: ABC
Valentin cried and all was right with the world | Image Source: ABC

Papa Valentin was a very angry boy indeed this week. He couldn't believe the audacity of Lulu to bring Dante with her to Prague and refused to believe Dante followed Lulu of his own free will. According to Valentin, it was Lulu who put Charlotte's life in danger and not him for running away with a teenage girl and making them both fugitives.

At least Valentin had some self-awareness when he was alone with Charlotte and not trying to be a bloviating show-off. Instead, he became our blubbering boyfriend once again when he told Charlotte she could go be with her mother if she wanted. When Charlotte chose to be with her Papa, the waterworks truly began. Oh, precious piano-playing Valentin, it's soooooo good to have you back in our lives. Now, give us some Billy Joel, and we'll be good.

Dante launches the truest of truth bombs

Dante didn't mince words with Lulu | Image Source: ABC
Dante didn't mince words with Lulu | Image Source: ABC

Who did not want to punch Lulu and give Dante a big old hug as she raged at him and blamed him for ruining her chance to bring Charlotte home? Yo Lulu, YOU led the assassin to Prague. Dante was sad to have to tell her that but was ready to spit nails at her when she insisted she was going to search the world for her daughter without caring about herself or the teenage boy who sat at her bedside for the last four years.

Dante reminded Lulu that she owed her life to Sam, a woman who died so that she could live. Did she want to get herself killed so that Sam's sacrifice was for nothing? Lulu had a moment of self-awareness, but it was fleeting. Instead, she began throwing ceramic items around the room as soon as Dante was gone. Dante, run. Too bad you can't run to Sam because Lulu has her liver and is determined to get herself killed.

What is Willow thinking? Or...is Willow thinking?

Willow is not smart | Image Source: ABC
Willow is not smart | Image Source: ABC

Drew is still ewww. That is never going to change. But Willow? She has lost her mind and needs to make an appointment with Kevin right away. This silly girl who whispered her cancer for a year, identified herself only as Wiley's mom and Michael's fiance, traipsed off to DC so her brand-new congressman love uncle-in-law could get sworn in and vote for a speaker during a dramatic day on Capitol Hill.

For some odd reason, she was even wearing the same dress she wore two weeks ago when the Q clan got to watch her in various stages of undress via nanny cam on the playroom floor. Did Willow care that she and Drew would be photographed after she took her son out of state without informing his father? It's a really good thing that Willow isn't teaching third graders anymore, but she is a nurse and could end up losing a patient one day cause she is just that dumb.

Is the hospital as dumb as Willow?

Elizabeth knows something fishy is going on | Image Source: ABC
Elizabeth knows something fishy is going on | Image Source: ABC

Ok, so two healthy patients who just had routine surgeries die of heart attacks about a month or so apart, and an overdose of Digitalis is supposed to be the culprit. These ninnies running the hospital think that Elizabeth made this mistake TWICE or, worse yet — that Elizabeth purposely gave her patients unprescribed medication to kill them? Elizabeth. The head nurse with a heart of gold who has been taking care of GH patients for two decades? That Elizabeth? What are these people thinking?

And is anyone — ANYONE — going to tell Alexis that her daughter didn't just randomly die of a heart attack on Halloween? One would think the next of kin would be aware of these things.

Alexis' glee, Ava's angst

Ava worked real hard for that divorce settlement | Image Source: ABC
Ava worked real hard for that divorce settlement | Image Source: ABC

Speaking of Alexis, wasn't it glorious to see her smile, even if it was just a sadistic smile? Alexis doesn't exactly have much to smile about these days, but watching Ava squirm while she told her one-time sister-in-law and always-enemy that she would have to remain flat broke was everything Alexis needed. Now, we love Ava, but watching her squirm was everything we needed, too.

Ava likes her life of luxury. She earned it, she claims. After all, she was married to Nikolas, who had porn music sex with his teenage son's girlfriend, and now the result of that romp has all of Ava's money. Lucky Ace. Unlucky Ava.

Between Valentin's reappearance in our lives and the Cassadine money finding a new home, one would think the Cassadines are about to have a resurgence, and it can't come soon enough. So, come home and cry with Ava, Valentin. We're sure Anna is waiting. She'll even cry right along with you...

Catch all-new episodes of General Hospital weekdays on ABC and Hulu.

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Edited by Erin Goldsby
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LkyLdy. · 29 d
For those of you that asked if Sonny was going to die………. I should be so lucky that I don’t have to watch that massive hypocrite COLD BLOODED MURDERER run around getting praised by the whole town anymore....
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daffysez · 93 d
Is Portia ever going to report the digitalis overdoses to the police? She should have reported it after Sam's autopsy and definitely after Dex was an OD too. One time might have been a mistake but not twice and it's weird that she's stalling about reporting it. Is anybody ever going to investigate or even mention John Cates' murder? How about Austin's murder? Are we just supposed to pretend none of it ever happened? Anna is getting nuttier by the day. I wouldn't put it past Brennan to use Emma if he needed leverage over Anna, but tazing him like that was way over the top. It was nice to see a little glimpse of Anna Freaking Devane instead of the weepy mess she's been for a long time, but there are other more appropriate areas to use her skills. Why would Drew even suggest that Willow bring Wiley to DC? I don't recall Drew having any particular relationship with Wiley, he's too young to really appreciate the lengthy pomp and ceremony and you'd think Drew would want to have Willow to himself. Is Drew deliberately trying to antagonize Michael into divorcing Willow? I still think nuDrew is an impostor. There's just no way the decent, loyal Drew we knew before he "died" would have an affair with Michael's wife while boinking her mother, or lie to his best friend Curtis, or try to push Ned out of ELQ, or do any of the things he's been doing since he returned.
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LkyLdy. · 92 d
@daffysezI love this!! Nice to see you here. It’s been a while!
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Shelly · 93 d
IMO, Dante can go straight to hell for his comment about Sam. Lulu didn't ask to be blown up in a freaking bomb; Lulu didn't ask to be in a coma for 4 damn years; and Lulu sure as hell didn't have a say in Sam being her donor! I'm so utterly sick of Lulu being called selfish and that she had no right to go after her daughter! Lulu would have done the same for Rocco if he were the one on the run with his father. Dante needs to go home, mourn his "great love" Sam and leave Lulu the hell alone. Last I checked, she didn't ask him to run after her and play hero! Go home and make excuses for your mob boss father!
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LkyLdy. · 93 d
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judyj163 · 93 d
Best of the week was Dante putting Lulu in her place! Even knowing she brought danger to Charlotte wasn’t enough for her to leave it alone and go home to her son. I love that they are letting Dante grieve Sam and not pushing a reunion with Lulu
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JDF · 93 d
@judyj163I didn't realize how much I can't stand Lulu until they brought her back.
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Jane · 93 d
Old broad learning new tricks!
@judyj163Yeah, I loved Dante putting Lulu in her place! I wish this Lulu were more like Julie Berman's Lulu and not so much like Emme Rylan's version in her extreme reactions.
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LkyLdy. · 92 d
@JDFRemember when she decided she was a journalist and let Faison know Nathan was his son and how well that worked out?
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LkyLdy. · 94 d
So in the second that the shot rang out and Lante hit the floor and then got up, Valentin was able to duck, grab Charlotte and her purse and disappear????? Other than Jason, has there ever been a professional sniper that can hit a target? TAZER! Anna’s constant law breaking and asking Jason to help solve crimes while she has a WHOLE police force to do that and is the “Acting” Commissioner is enough to make me sick. Like I said last week, Anna is either crying or breaking the law.
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Jane · 93 d
Old broad learning new tricks!
@LkyLdy.Anna is a big disappointment these days. . . . Sad
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LkyLdy. · 94 d
Ok, I’ll pretend that Lulu has not just had a liver transplant or been in a coma for 4 years, but do the writers remember that Ava HAD MONEY before Nick? She always lived in a great place, gorgeous clothes, could fly anywhere, was always wealthy!
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Terry · 93 d
@LkyLdy.Exactly, Ava was rich before which doesn't explain why she couldn't pay for dinner. She did admit to Alexis that she has other money.
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trezmom1997 · 92 d
@LkyLdy.That is exactly what I was saying. All of a sudden, Ava is broke if she doesn't have Nickolas' money.
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LkyLdy. · 92 d
@trezmom1997That’s so weird. She was always so wealthy in her penthouse and such. Like I said it’s one thing to suspend belief over a coma patient’s recovery, but this changes ALL of Ava’s lifestyle before she married Nick.
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Scrimmage · 94 d
Schadenfreude thy name is Alexis! How very Cassadine of Natasha to take such glee in Ava's misfortune! I'm sure she can't wait to tell Kristina about it.  Were Ava and Nikolas married in Greece? Is he a Greek citizen, or does he have dual citizenship? Did they file for divorce in Greece? I just don't see how a Greek court has the jurisdiction to seize the assets of an American citizen, from what I would presume would be an American bank.  By the way, has there EVER been a blood/DNA/paternity test that proved without a doubt that Ace really IS the son of Nikolas Cassadine? Are they really taking ESME'S word on that?  ***  DOWN GOES CORINTHOS!! One... Two... Three...  Sonny (to Doc Isaiah): "In my business, I can't appear weak. That's why I have to dye my hair with black shoe polish twice a week!"  Isaiah: "SHOE POLISH??!! Well, that explains the chest pains! That stuff probably seeped into your blood system, and is clogging your arteries! My professional recommendation is that you should go natural, and let your grey hair grow out."  Sonny: "I'd rather DIE!"  ***  If Jack Brennan - or ANY man, for that matter - tasered a woman, and handcuffed her to a chair, just to warn her to stay away from his grandchild, fans would be up in arms, accusing him of assault, and illegal restraint, and calling for his head, yet these hack Writers seem to think that if a woman does that same, exact thing to a man, it's okay.  That's REALLY messed up!  ***  Speaking of messed up... Drool, drooling over Willow is just... Ugh!  If he kissed her with that sandpaper stubble, he'd probably leave a rash. Abs or no abs, how can she POSSIBLY find that creepy old guy attractive?  ***  If Michael agrees to let Sasha raise their kid by herself, the least she could do in return is bang him a few more times, if for no other reason than to take his mind off of Willow. What has she got to lose?
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Scrimmage · 94 d
I said it before, back when Sonny was dodging bullets from Pikeman's snipers, and I'll say it again now... These shooters must be graduates of the Mr Magoo Sniper School!  That whole scene was HORRIBLY staged, beginning with the fact that we never got any idea of where the shooter actually was in relation to the cafe. She could've been on a roof across the street, or a half mile away. I had the impression she was pretty close, which only makes the idea that she could've missed even MORE ludicrous. Plus, outside of seeing the window shatter, while Dante pulls Lulu to the floor, we didn't see ANYTHING that happened when the shot was fired!  Secondly, when you put a flash suppressor / silencer on a rifle, it doesn't go "BANG!" when you pull the trigger. It's more of a "pfft!"  Third, if that was a professional sniper's weapon, Dante standing in the way of the target wouldn't have been much of an obstacle. The bullet would've probably gone right through him.  Finally, even if Valentin was wearing a kevlar vest, if the sniper's bullet DID hit him, the impact, alone would've knocked him down, and maybe even broken a couple of ribs. They say it's like being kicked in the chest by a mule! He certainly wouldn't have been able to grab Charlotte, and run out of there in all the confusion, and even if he tried, he wouldn't have gotten very far.  If these Writers were any good at action sequences, they wouldn't be stuck, working in Daytime Television. I've said THAT before too!
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MissezPremise · 94 d
:: I Am Diagonally Parked In A Parallel Universe ::
@ScrimmageIt was so badly done I didn't even give it a second thought. Yep, that Fake French Broad is a Really Piss-Poor Shot. I did enjoy seeing JPS on my screen again.
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Scrimmage · 94 d
So it looks like Kristina is transforming Charlie's from a sports pub to a live music venue, judging by the guitars on the wall, and the sign advertising bands on Friday night. Good! Supporting live music is one cause I CAN get behind.  ***  GH ambushed Elizabeth! They can SAY she doesn't need a lawyer, but if she said anything the LEAST bit suspicious, or incriminating, things would change in a BIG hurry!  How did Ric find out about the hearing? I've heard of "ambulance chasers" before, but this is taking it to another level!  ***  The truth is, Valentin was absolutely RIGHT! Lulu led BOTH Dante and the WSB right to him! Lulu is the poster child for having good intentions turn into disasters!  Lulu: "But I didn't MEAN to set Valerie on fire!"
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Jane · 93 d
Old broad learning new tricks!
@ScrimmageDid Lulu really set Valerie on fire? I'm forgetting most of Lulu's past, so it is possible and I just don't remember it.
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MissezPremise · 93 d
:: I Am Diagonally Parked In A Parallel Universe ::
@JaneI, too, was trying to remember if Lulu ever actually set Valerie On Fire. I'm sure she wanted to, after Dante Bumped Uglies with Cousin Valerie in a fit of Misplaced Jealousy. Remember, she'd gone on some Adventure with Dillon (Dylan?) and Dante was so sure they were having an affair that he immediately Jumped Valerie's Bones. Stupid Idiot Dante. Well, Lulu was stupid, too. Everyone was Stupid. But I digress.
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Scrimmage · 92 d
@Janein January of 2016, Lulu conspired with fugitive Johnny Zacharra to "get rid of" Valerie in exchange for helping him get out of town. Johnny kidnapped Valerie, and left her handcuffed to a chair in a remote work shed somewhere. I believe Valerie's unsuccessful efforts to free herself sparked a fire that would've burned down the shed with her in it, if Lulu hadn't shown up to free her, but Valerie quickly realized that Lulu was behind the kidnapping, and the two women got in a fight.
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Scrimmage · 92 d
@MissezPremiseSee my reply to Jane about Lulu vs Valerie.
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JDF · 94 d
Two patients die in GH, one after the other, of a digitalis overdose and it was not a precribed medication. No one with half a brain would think a mistake was made. They would think we have a murderer on the loose. The Cassadine Estate has become as confusing as ELQ shares. Is there a lawyer in the house? I don't know how anyone can take money out of someone elses bank account except for the IRS and even they will notify you first! Alexis said the court in Greece made the decision and "it's the law". In Greece, maybe, but the last time I checked, NY state is not in Greece. Is Port Charles now on the Greek side of the river? Is Wyndemere in "international waters"? I think Anna is losing her mind. What would Brennan want with Emma?
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MissezPremise · 94 d
:: I Am Diagonally Parked In A Parallel Universe ::
@JDFDon't forget, these are the same "Medical Professionals" who failed to used Stethoscopes or any other common form of Cardiac Monitoring during not just one, but TWO Code Blues recently. I mean, come on. Talk about Lazy Writing and Production!! They could have gotten some cheap stuff on Amazon. I know, I just can't get over the Stupidity. Greece is just across the Passaic River from Pennsylvania, is it not?
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JDF · 93 d
@MissezPremiseThey can give Drew a stethoscope, then he can slither around and whisper "do you want to play doctor?"
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Nubee · 93 d
@JDFhah!
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Nubee · 94 d
This is the best Two Scoops in a long time. Insightful commentary with a point of view, but not so many unsupported opinions. It also felt more respectful to the characters and the actors. Thank you!
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MissezPremise · 93 d
:: I Am Diagonally Parked In A Parallel Universe ::
@NubeeI still miss Liz and the old column, but when I try to post on Dan's "New" site, I can post, but I don't feel as if I'm a "part" of the discussion. I didn't even bother this week. Yet. I agree the commentaries here are getting better. I still miss a lot of the features the former site (Disqus) offered.
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MissezPremise · 95 d
:: I Am Diagonally Parked In A Parallel Universe ::
☀️🪐🌙🎼🎵🎶Felicitous Celebration Of The Completion Of The Earth's Revolution Around The Sun 🎶🎵🎼🌙🪐☀️ Love me some JPS!! Woo-Hoo, Val's Back!!! I agree with Val on most points. While Charlotte would do well in PC with her family, Val has been raising her for a good portion of her life. So what if he's an International Criminal? Sonny's a Domestic Criminal, and he's Evidently Father O The Year!! ~~~ What was Greasy, er, Lucky doing at Volcano's Gym, Air Boxing? And here I've been feeling guilty because I haven't been able to get to the Gym, I didn't realize I could stand in the middle of my Living Room, wave my arms around, and get the same results? How come no one goes to Curtis' "Wellness Center"? ~~~~ I am LOVING Ric Lansing!!! Can we keep him, Please??? I don't care what a creep he was in the past, he's making me smile now. I was so glad when he ::BURST:: into Liz's GH "Inquiry"!! So how come nobody's reviewing Security Tapes of the hallways surrounding the rooms that Sam and Dex were in?? The Hospital I work at has cameras EVERYWHERE (except maybe inside the Bathrooms). We all know Smiley Cyrus did it, but just how did NO ONE notice his Slimy Presence? Oh my God as if Drew couldn't be any creepier, stalking Brillo at the Hospital. "I was hoping I'd find you here", he says. Brillo should have said, "You know I Effing work here, you CREEP!" But no, instead she says "I'm just getting off work, let me Lick Your Gonads and Rationalize Why I Should Take WileyWileyWiley to Washington so he can Kiss Your Rancid Behind as well!" Gannon to Sonny while he's lying on the floor clutching his chest, "... are you feeling light-headed or dizzy?" He's on the floor writhing and clutching his chest you idiot, "No this is how I get my exercise! I throw myself on the Mat and Shimmy Around like a Dying Water Bug!" Then Jason, back at Sonny's Pad, when Sonny sez Gannon wrote him a Script says, "But he's NOT a CARDIOLOGIST!" No, but he's a World Renowned Transplant Surgeon, does THAT count for anything? Doesn't matter, cuz Sonny can't let ANYONE know he's Mortal. Brennan was pretty funny to Anna, "Flying in here on your Broomstick", that was great. She is a bit of a Whiny Witch, lately. Are we sure Anna isn't really Alex, Back from the Afterlife? They never did find a Body, you know. Tazering Jack was SO Alex-Like. Handcuffing him to the chair leg, as well, but he could easily get out of that one I can understand why Sasha doesn't want to hang around PC and Give Birth to Mikey's Spawn. I still think she should stay. I'm glad Mikey convinced her. ~~~~ Does Curtis know that Ninny and EwDrew were Rug Rash Buddies?? He does now. Ninny definitely should have crashed the Swearing In Shenanigans and made it clear to Willow and The Rest of the World that she and EwDrewQ were Bumping Uglies Regularly at One Point. And the Other Point. And that Point Over There, too. ~~~ I love Dante's rant at NuLulu. Exactly. What about Rocco? And why isn't NuLulu in the Opening Credits yet? And Why is Maxi making the Same Snarky Face (in the Opening Credits) as Brennan?
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rlajoie7 · 95 d
@MissezPremiseDid you see the accidental spoiler that came out?
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MissezPremise · 95 d
:: I Am Diagonally Parked In A Parallel Universe ::
@rlajoie7Not yet!
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rlajoie7 · 95 d
@MissezPremiseDo you want me to tell you?
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MissezPremise · 94 d
:: I Am Diagonally Parked In A Parallel Universe ::
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JDF · 94 d
@MissezPremiseIt's not as if Cyrus has the kind of face that blends into the crowd.
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rlajoie7 · 94 d
@MissezPremisethe teaser for this tuesday’s episode was accidentally released and it looks like Michael is going to be burned alive. I don’t think he’s going to be killed off, but I think he’s going to go to a long term rehab facility.
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JDF · 94 d
@MissezPremiseSoon, I expect Drew to be walking around in a trench coat and whispering "come heeere little girl, don't be afraid".
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MissezPremise · 94 d
:: I Am Diagonally Parked In A Parallel Universe ::
@JDFHe really is Disgusting.
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MissezPremise · 94 d
:: I Am Diagonally Parked In A Parallel Universe ::
@rlajoie7Omg. Hasn't that character been through enough already? I guess not. Just look at what TPTB did to Sasha the past few years!
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rlajoie7 · 94 d
@MissezPremiseit’s so gross. Michael is such a great guy, yet he’s talked about like a dog by other characters and constantly gets the short end of the stick. I hope that when he returns, he doesn’t take anymore crap.
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Jane · 93 d
Old broad learning new tricks!
@MissezPremiseSo much happened this week, but I'm stuck on the Opening Credits. I think they ALL look snarky and washed out. I don't understand why the production people chose the worst photos they could find of their talented actors. The lighting in the photos is kind of a washed out sepia look. I noticed this back with Austin was still around and they used a sneering smile on the handsome RH. Then I started looking at the rest of the photos and they all sucked! The photos in the montage have been replaced with other snarky, sneering, washed out sepia images. What are they thinking?
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Jane · 93 d
Old broad learning new tricks!
@rlajoie7WTH! These writers are going too far if that is what they do. Can't they just let him disappear on Cassadine Island or something where he could return in a few years?
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Nubee · 93 d
@Janedisfiguring burns will lead to reconstructive surgery which they can use to explain another actor in the role. Of course it won't explain different height, build, body hair, hair color or a million other things, but they think we're stupid enough to fall for it.
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MissezPremise · 93 d
:: I Am Diagonally Parked In A Parallel Universe ::
@JaneI guess they're supposed to be..."Soapy"? The Snarky ones just crack me up. Especially Brennan. It really is pretty awful.
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LkyLdy. · 92 d
@JDFHaha
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LkyLdy. · 92 d
@JDFThat could be because Cyrus is one of the few characters that doesn’t have botox and/or plastic surgery LOL
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