We're only mere mortals in this mafia town: General Hospital Two Scoops for the week of December 30, 2024

It was a short and sweet week to start the new year on General Hospital, but it was certainly not without incident. One incident was previewed on Christmas Eve and could change everything forever in Port Charles.

Hold up! Is Sonny going to LEAVE THE MOB?!?!?!

Sonny is a mobster, and Jason is his second in command. That's the way it's always been unless one of them is presumed dead, but now one of them could actually die — of natural causes.

What is this, you say? Sonny is a man who is aging and has to face his own mortality? What? NEVER! Or so we always thought. Heck, he wasn't even allowed to keep his gray hair after Nixon Falls. That black hair dye came right out of the cabinet and went right back on his head. Ric was allowed to go gray, as was Marty. Brennan is gray, too. All these distinguished gray-haired men who look their age but are still vital and vibrant can be found throughout Port Charles, yet Sonny has to stay forever young.

The change we saw in Sonny was reversed in the first week of 2024 and looked like it was going to be reversed again as 2025 began. Maybe Sonny could even be Mike the Bartender again. He was so much more pleasant.

But, we digress. The real news is that Sonny now has a heart condition and is re-evaluating everything in his life. We should have known this was coming on Monday when Alexis asked him to take Charlie's back from Kristina because she didn't want the IRS or FBI asking questions. Sonny insisted the business was legit, and that he was not about to hurt Kristina that way. Alexis hinted that he could always just...leave the mob. (Hardy-har-har, you jest, Alexis. Sonny would NEVER do THAT!!!)

By the end of the episode, Sonny had collapsed in his own boxing ring and didn't know whether he'd live or die. Thankfully, Isaiah was around to make sure he'd live, but he had some very grave news for our favorite mafia man. There was a ticking time bomb in his chest. Now, Sonny is ready to hand the business to Jason, but wait...CURVEBALL!

Jason's...growth? (Does that happen?)

When Jason Morgan first went to work for Sonny, he was about four months old, give or take. Sure, his body was maybe 20 or 21, but that was Jason Quartermaine's body. Jason Morgan woke up in January of 1997 as a changed young man, one who was willing to kill because he felt no attachment toward other humans. Sonny needed a hitman and Port Charles' most enduring couple was born.

Jason Morgan is about 28 now and has fallen in love, married a few times, and even became a dad twice. He is also a single dad, and the only parent Danny has, so thanks, but no thanks. He'd have to pass on running the mob. This is all very strange indeed and a lot for Sonny — and the audience — to get used to. Sonny doesn't want to run the mob cause of a heart condition, and Jason doesn't want to run the mob so he can be a dad to a teenage boy. What show are we even watching? (Psst...we like this.)

Papa, can you hear me?

Papa Valentin was a very angry boy indeed this week. He couldn't believe the audacity of Lulu to bring Dante with her to Prague and refused to believe Dante followed Lulu of his own free will. According to Valentin, it was Lulu who put Charlotte's life in danger and not him for running away with a teenage girl and making them both fugitives.

At least Valentin had some self-awareness when he was alone with Charlotte and not trying to be a bloviating show-off. Instead, he became our blubbering boyfriend once again when he told Charlotte she could go be with her mother if she wanted. When Charlotte chose to be with her Papa, the waterworks truly began. Oh, precious piano-playing Valentin, it's soooooo good to have you back in our lives. Now, give us some Billy Joel, and we'll be good.

Dante launches the truest of truth bombs

Who did not want to punch Lulu and give Dante a big old hug as she raged at him and blamed him for ruining her chance to bring Charlotte home? Yo Lulu, YOU led the assassin to Prague. Dante was sad to have to tell her that but was ready to spit nails at her when she insisted she was going to search the world for her daughter without caring about herself or the teenage boy who sat at her bedside for the last four years.

Dante reminded Lulu that she owed her life to Sam, a woman who died so that she could live. Did she want to get herself killed so that Sam's sacrifice was for nothing? Lulu had a moment of self-awareness, but it was fleeting. Instead, she began throwing ceramic items around the room as soon as Dante was gone. Dante, run. Too bad you can't run to Sam because Lulu has her liver and is determined to get herself killed.

What is Willow thinking? Or...is Willow thinking?

Drew is still ewww. That is never going to change. But Willow? She has lost her mind and needs to make an appointment with Kevin right away. This silly girl who whispered her cancer for a year, identified herself only as Wiley's mom and Michael's fiance, traipsed off to DC so her brand-new congressman love uncle-in-law could get sworn in and vote for a speaker during a dramatic day on Capitol Hill.

For some odd reason, she was even wearing the same dress she wore two weeks ago when the Q clan got to watch her in various stages of undress via nanny cam on the playroom floor. Did Willow care that she and Drew would be photographed after she took her son out of state without informing his father? It's a really good thing that Willow isn't teaching third graders anymore, but she is a nurse and could end up losing a patient one day cause she is just that dumb.

Is the hospital as dumb as Willow?

Ok, so two healthy patients who just had routine surgeries die of heart attacks about a month or so apart, and an overdose of Digitalis is supposed to be the culprit. These ninnies running the hospital think that Elizabeth made this mistake TWICE or, worse yet — that Elizabeth purposely gave her patients unprescribed medication to kill them? Elizabeth. The head nurse with a heart of gold who has been taking care of GH patients for two decades? That Elizabeth? What are these people thinking?

And is anyone — ANYONE — going to tell Alexis that her daughter didn't just randomly die of a heart attack on Halloween? One would think the next of kin would be aware of these things.

Alexis' glee, Ava's angst

Speaking of Alexis, wasn't it glorious to see her smile, even if it was just a sadistic smile? Alexis doesn't exactly have much to smile about these days, but watching Ava squirm while she told her one-time sister-in-law and always-enemy that she would have to remain flat broke was everything Alexis needed. Now, we love Ava, but watching her squirm was everything we needed, too.

Ava likes her life of luxury. She earned it, she claims. After all, she was married to Nikolas, who had porn music sex with his teenage son's girlfriend, and now the result of that romp has all of Ava's money. Lucky Ace. Unlucky Ava.

Between Valentin's reappearance in our lives and the Cassadine money finding a new home, one would think the Cassadines are about to have a resurgence, and it can't come soon enough. So, come home and cry with Ava, Valentin. We're sure Anna is waiting. She'll even cry right along with you...

Catch all-new episodes of General Hospital weekdays on ABC and Hulu.