Blink if you're up to no good

It's Christmastime in Port Charles, but there is no rest for the wicked. Esme plotted an escape from her ivory tower, Heather and Ryan dropped bombshells, and Valentin and Anna went on the run from Victor's long evil reach. It's time for Two Scoops of naughty with Liz Masters.

Heather is Esme's mother. At least, that's the impression I got from Ryan's little bombshell at the end of Friday's episode when he accused Heather of being pregnant with his child when she stomped on his heart and left him alone in the woods with an axe and no one to kill. A fabulous plot twist to be sure, but does it hold up on closer inspection? You be the judge.

Heather is in the same age range as Jeff Webber (her first husband), Scott Baldwin, and Laura Collins, which places Heather somewhere between mid-60s to early 70s. Twenty-some years earlier would put Heather in an age range where it's difficult but not unheard of for women to get pregnant. We also know from Heather's history that she wasn't averse to giving a child up for adoption as she did with Franco when she handed her newborn -- along with his cousin -- to Betsy Frank. That means, if Esme is indeed Heather's daughter, that Esme is Franco and Steven Lars's sister (maternal) and Drew's cousin.

The part that I'm having trouble wrapping my head around is the idea that "Richard" and "Hazel" had no idea who the other was, given that they each had an infamous -- and well-documented -- history in Port Charles. Also, Heather had seen Kevin Collins a number of times. She wouldn't have been able to miss how much Kevin looks exactly like "Ricky" from the woods. Heather loves messing with people's heads and speaking in riddles, yet she never so much as hinted that she had a connection to Ryan/Richard.

I'm also a little surprised that Heather and Ryan wouldn't have crossed paths before, since both have spent significant time at Shadybrook and Pentonville over the past decade, occasionally at overlapping times. Heather has always kept close tabs on the goings-on in Port Charles, so surely, she knew that Ryan has been back for years and that he was sent to Spring Ridge after being diagnosed with locked-in syndrome.

The same goes for Ryan. Even if he didn't know who Heather was when she stumbled across him in the forest, cutting wood by moonlight, eventually he had to have put the pieces together. He tracked down their child. Why didn't Ryan ever visit Heather during all those months he posed as Kevin? It doesn't make sense.

I also have a hard time believing that Heather had no idea that Esme was in town. I say this because Heather is a stalker at her core. She knows what everyone is doing and where they are. Always. She was obsessed with her sons, so she would be no different with a daughter.

No wonder Ryan believes Esme is capable of murder. She is truly doomed with genes like that. No, Esme hasn't killed anyone, but that's not for lack of trying. Can motherhood redeem Esme? Possibly, but unlikely. Esme is diabolical, and she has done some awful things. People like that don't change unless they have a brain tumor, but no one liked that twist when it happened to Franco, so it would be very unwise to go down that road again with Esme.

I know that Elizabeth helping Nikolas is wrong, but I also see Esme's unconventional incarceration as a little bit of karma, not just for trying to kill Oz, but for everything that Trina was put through and the revenge porn of Cameron and Josslyn. As we now know, it destroyed Cam and Joss's relationship, and worse, it nearly cost Trina her freedom. Pregnant or not, Esme has done some terrible things, and both Nikolas and Elizabeth have good reason to suspect that Esme is the hook-wielding killer. It's not like Esme is being tortured. That suite of rooms is a lot nicer and far more comfortable than the jail cell that Esme belongs in.

Elizabeth is a nurse, and she's essentially playing the role of a midwife. Esme is in good hands, and she's receiving proper medical care. Elizabeth would never endanger the baby.

However, Elizabeth is not doing her relationship with Finn any favors by helping Nikolas. Will Elizabeth let Finn believe that she's pregnant to keep Finn from finding out about Esme? I'd like to say no with conviction, but I just can't. Elizabeth is spiraling a bit because of everything that has unfolded with her parents. She's making foolish and self-destructive choices.

Jeff made another appeal for forgiveness, but Elizabeth was unmoved. I am, too, but for different reasons.

I don't like this rewrite of Jeff. The Jeff Webber that I remember was a genuinely nice person. He wasn't a cheating hound dog who slept with every woman that crossed his path, and he certainly didn't hide behind others or let others take responsibility for his poor choices. He was honorable, honest, and a dedicated doctor. That's why Jeff was so popular with viewers and why he was considered a great catch by the ladies on the show.

Elizabeth catching Jeff with a lover, and confronting the woman is a recycled version of the hitjob that was done on Rick Webber when Rick returned for Laura and Luke's wedding. Like Jeff, Rick had been carrying on an affair with a co-worker, and like Jeff, Rick and his lover were busted by his teenage daughter. Laura ended up bashing Theresa Carter over the head, killing the nurse. Want to guess what Rick did next? He sedated Laura, and Laura repressed the memories for over two decades.

Laura began to have blackouts and flashbacks until the dam burst the night before the wedding. Laura returned to the attic, where she relived every horrifying second of Theresa's last moments. The following morning, Rick was dead, and Laura was in the grips of a complete breakdown. Laura ended up in a fugue state that lasted for years. Will Jeff end up dead, too? I hope not, but it doesn't look good. If Jeff does die, it will be a massive wasted opportunity.

I wanted Jeff to return for a number of reasons, but most of all, to fix his broken relationship with Elizabeth. It wasn't just about taking responsibility for all his wrongs and explaining why he was never around. I had hoped to see Jeff put in the work, make amends, and build a real relationship with Elizabeth and the boys. I would have been okay with making Carolyn the fall person because she was never a character that I've been invested in. She was the unknown, and frankly, her abandonment of her daughter didn't endear her to me.

Jeff is a different story. I've loved Jeff since I was a child, and I've been waiting so long for him to return and reconcile with Elizabeth. I feel robbed and exceedingly disappointed that all of this was about an affair. What was the point of inserting Reiko and Finn into this story?

Now, let's talk about Curtis and his unreasonable expectations.

Curtis showed up at Jordan's office to invite her to his wedding to Portia. How callous can he be? Why would Jordan want to go to his wedding? Jordan admitted that she did not want the divorce, so it seems a bit cruel to make her watch him marry someone else. Also, why would Portia want the ex-wife at her wedding when Jordan and Portia aren't exactly friends?

However, what truly galled me about Curtis' little visit was his demand for confidential information about an open investigation. Curtis felt that he was entitled to know all the details about the search for the Hook because he loves Trina like a daughter and wants to keep her safe. Naturally, Jordan reminded Curtis that he was not a part of the investigation, but instead of politely closing his trap, he had the nerve to throw their divorce in Jordan's face by blaming her inability to share secrets with him as the reason that their marriage ended.

It was a low blow and very incorrect. It takes two people for a marriage to fail, and both Curtis and Jordan had a hand in things falling apart. Curtis didn't respect Jordan's professional boundaries, and Jordan was selective about what she shared with Curtis. Curtis has no room to talk about keeping secrets because I can name at least a half dozen times over the past year when Curtis was less than forthcoming with Portia about Marshall. More importantly, Curtis lost the right to expect anything from Portia when he filed for divorce.

My friend Vanessa described Curtis as "fairly typical of the patriarchal archetype. A man who feels entitled to love, leadership, submission, comfort. Who believes it's wrong not to get his way and will do anything to get what he wants." She is so right, and it's why I can empathize with Trina's frustration right now. Curtis thinks he's the only one who can safeguard her, even though she is an adult and has a father who loves her and is perfectly capable of protecting her, too.

I don't like the way that Curtis is being written. He doesn't come off as a protective father but rather as overbearing and controlling. Unfortunately, it doesn't look like it's going to end anytime soon. If anything, I expect things to get worse because this is all about cranking up the tension for the big reveal that Trina is Curtis' daughter. I expect that to happen just in time for Curtis to leave Portia at the altar on their wedding day.

Meanwhile, Carly is playing with fire, too, and it's not going to end well for her, either.

Originally, Carly decided to keep the truth about Nina being Willow's mother because Willow hadn't had any interest in tracking down her birth parents. Willow was happy with the family that she and Michael had started. Carly wanted any excuse not to say anything, and Willow had unwittingly provided Carly a flimsy one. We all know -- Carly included -- that Willow would have made a different choice if she had known that Carly had all the answers.

Things have changed. Willow not only decided that she wants to find her birth parents, but she has enlisted Drew to help in that search. Carly is not just lying now, she's actively undermining Drew's efforts to learn the truth. Drew might have Jason's memories, but will he be as forgiving as Jason was? Jason always supported Carly, even when she was in the wrong, and he never turned his back on her. It's why their friendship lasted for decades.

Honestly, I'm not a fan of Drew and Carly's romance. It has nothing to do with Cameron Mathison or Laura Wright. I love them both, and they do have chemistry together, but I want more for Drew than for him to be Carly's sidekick. Drew should be working with Anna and Valentin to save the world from whatever Victor is cooking up with the Ice Princess and secret message hidden inside the diamond.

It just better not be something stupid like, "Be sure to drink your Ovaltine" (shameless plug for one of my favorite holiday movies, A Christmas Story).

Valentin, Anna, and Martin's adventures in Ireland were the highlight of the week for me. The three of them were fun to watch, and I'm so happy that this particular storyline is finally going somewhere. I'm a tad disappointed that we didn't get a visit with Tiffany or Annie, but I was thrilled that they were mentioned. This is the storyline that interests me the most. I love Valentin and Anna's romance (they actually have love scenes), there are all kinds of wonderful possibilities (I'm really hoping that both Jason and Luke will be revealed to be alive when Lucy is rescued), and there's adventure. It's not just Agent Witten and Eileen Ashby not-so-secretly working for Victor, but all the promise of what Victor is up to.

As much as Victor has been annoying me lately, I did enjoy his exchange with Cyrus at Pentonville. Evil recognizes evil. I don't for a second believe that Cyrus is reformed or that he's found God. However, I do think that Cyrus might actually care about Spencer. It's not exactly out of the realm of possibility, since Cyrus seems desperate to have at least one family member like him. I suspect that Cyrus sees Spencer as the future and the closest that Cyrus will ever get to having a son.

Cyrus will try to protect Spencer from Victor. Unfortunately, Spencer will also need protecting from Cyrus. Like I said, I don't think Cyrus has changed, and I'm okay with that.

On soap operas, we need our villains just as much as we do our heroes.

Eileen and Victor need to take a refresher course in clandestine and covert meetings. Watching them fiddling with the toys in the Christmas cart as they pretended not to be talking was downright comical. It was a lesson in everything not to do when meeting secret conspirators in public places.

Josslyn needs to take ten minutes to drive over to Cam's house and break up with him. I just can't stand watching her act all self-righteous while she's cheating on the nicest guy in town.

When Nina told Sonny that she had ordered dinner for them from Metro Court's restaurant, I couldn't help but wonder how many times Carly did the same thing. No wonder Sonny is always cooking. He's tired of eating takeout from Metro Court.

As I was typing this, my husband was channel surfing, and he landed on an old Perry Mason movie, The Case of the Killer Kiss. It was filled with ABC soap stars from the early 1990s, including Sean Kanan, Stuart Damon, Genie Francis, and several others. I immediately had him DVR it so I could watch it later.

Poor Britt. That alleged "specialist" didn't offer any treatment options. Another D-Bag. Why was Britt keeping the hideous Ice Princess necklace in her office at GH? Is it really that secure? Folks wandering around GH at all hours with zero security in sight. You can't leave a damned bag of pretzels in the ER Lounge where I work for 20 seconds without someone absconding with it. -- Missez Premise

I wonder if Esme will be the first to learn who the Hook is but no one will believe her because of her history. -- Andrew Hass

I guess it never occurred to BLQ before now, that she might not be the ONLY singer that Linc has sexually harassed, which makes sense, considering Brooklynn's overblown ego. These days, when even the mere accusation of sexual harassment is all it takes to ruin someone's career, not to mention their reputation, and get them "cancelled," or BLACKLISTED, as they used to call it, it would seem to be an obvious arrow in BLQ's quiver for her to use against Linc. -- Scrimmage

I'll be back in two weeks with my best and worst of the year. I love hearing from readers, but I really love to hear your picks for your favorites and least favorites of the past twelve months. So, hit the comments section below, and your picks might make a special appearance in my year-end Two Scoops!

Take care and happy viewing,Liz Masters

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