I'm half the man I used to be

A bombshell week on GH! DNA tests completed, betrayals, comas ended, new hot romances, and fizzling pairs breaking up. Let's get to it in this week's Two Scoops.

Dear readers, this week's GH was mesmerizing. I couldn't take my eyes off of it for a single minute.

Valentin is not a Cassadine! Jax and Nina kissed! Sam and Jason nearly got busted with a save from Epiphany! Finn packed up Violet and left Anna! Nelle is about to sell her ELQ shares to Valentin! One explosive storyline after another hit our screens this week, and I can hardly wait to dive in with all of you.

Let's start with the first shocker. Valentin is not a Cassadine. Or, in truth, all we know if that Valentin's DNA doesn't match Alexis'. One theory is that it's Alexis who is not a Cassadine. Could it be that her opera singer mother was the floozy cheating on Mikkos and passing off Alexis as his child? That would make a great twist down the road, after Nikolas and Spencer settle back into Wyndemere for a few years. That revelation comes out, and Valentin and Charlotte can take it all back!

My husband, who pretends he doesn't watch GH, threw this nugget at me... What if Valentin's father is Luke? Yikes! That would make him and Lulu siblings. That would mean Charlotte was definitely not their child. The ages check out -- Luke (Tony Geary) is 20 years older than Valentin (James Patrick Stuart). Helena supposedly did seduce Luke once, and in the imagined conversation with Valentin, the mesmerizing Constance Towers as Helena told Valentin how she had kept her pregnancy a secret from Mikkos.

Can you imagine if Luke was Valentin's father? Oh, man, Tony Geary would have to come back to see that storyline through. Lulu would probably lose her mind if Valentin was her half-brother.

Let's pause a minute to just talk about the radiant Constance Towers. She is 86 years old. Eighty-six! And she is as glamorous and glowing as the first time I saw her on GH back in the 90s. Helena is my favorite GH villain. I'd say Faison was my second, but I always feel a little dirty about loving a stalker so much.

I'm sure at 86, she wants to stay retired, but I am glad she comes out of retirement from time to time to play with us. I just adore her.

Next, I want to gush about James Patrick Stuart. He was stellar in this week's scenes. That haunted look in Valentin's eyes as he read the DNA test, and watching the rage boiling up inside of him as he vented to Martin Gray and spit out the words, "I'm a lie!" His fantasy about shooting Jax when he heard that not only had he lost his identity, but possibly the only woman who had ever loved him. His angst on the balcony while he was quoting Shakespeare (guys, I had to Google that; it's been a long time since I was in college Shakespeare class. King Lear, if you're curious.), moving ever closer to the edge.

I felt my heart pounding as he got closer and closer, so afraid he would jump, until Alexis came out and saved him from his own dark impulses. I loved her line, "You got all of the smarts and none of the crazy." I could watch him all day. Not because he's exceptionally handsome (although he is!), but because he's exceptionally soulful, which gets to me on a much deeper level.

Nina now has to make an impossible choice... Does she go for the practically perfect Jax, or the emotionally complicated brokenness of Valentin? This is like when Mary Tyler Moore had to choose between God and Elvis in Change of Habit. Nina is right; Jax is an alien. Such a creature does not exist here on earth.

Even though Valentin is a liar, even though he's troubled in a plethora of ways, God help me, I hope she chooses him because no one on earth will ever love her the way he does. That endless, all-encompassing love is a magnet pulling her back. She could fight it, but don't we all want to be loved that way? Aren't we all hoping that someone on this earth thinks we are the most magnificent creature God ever made? Don't we yearn for someone who would do anything for us, even create a fictional daughter for us just to make us happy? But, yeah, I know that Jax is the healthier choice. And seemingly, that is the choice Nina made.

However, I wasn't especially feeling the sizzle in the Nina/Jax lovemaking scenes. I love Jax. I love Nina. But I don't love them together yet. I see more sparks with Jax and Carly, but I can't imagine what would get Carly to leave Sonny if a brewing mob war and her entire family being targeted and shot at didn't do the trick. Any normal mom would have packed up all the babies and headed out of town. But not to Sonny's island, as it has been compromised once already, but somewhere out of gun range. But not Carly. She's still sitting in the kitchen with her enormous fern like it's just another Tuesday.

Meanwhile, Valentin has a new scheme up his sleeve to grab power and wealth. We discovered that he's the one behind Brook Lynn's skeevy manager and the recording contract battle. Are you putting this all together, dear readers? If Valentin gets Nelle's shares and he gets Ned to offer ELQ shares to get Brooke Lynn out of her contract, he can have a sizable stake in ELQ.

The real question is what are his intentions with ELQ? Does he want to build an empire? Does he want to wow Nina with his business prowess? Does he want to buy out Crimson from Jax so he can be in Nina's orbit again? I can't quite figure out his angle. What are your thoughts?

Okay, readers, spoiler alerts ahead. If you are a "spoiler free" kind of person, skip down a few paragraphs... I'll write SAFE at the beginning of the paragraph when I'm done.

SPOILER: Next week is the week. The truth about Wiley will be revealed. Brad and Lucas will probably not be moving to Portland for a fantastic new life. This secret will blow up everyone's life. Willow, Chase, Nelle, Michael, Sasha, Brad, Lucas, Julian, Sonny, Carly, Bobbie -- so many people will be impacted by this secret.

First, let's talk about Sasha. Would you want to be Michael's girlfriend if you knew he was tied to crazy Nelle for life as a co-parent? She should run for the hills. Next, up, Willow. Willow has bonded with Wiley, believing him to be her son. When she discovers that he's not, will she just stop feeling maternal toward that baby? I think not. What will that mean for her relationship with Chase? Will she drift to Michael just to become Wiley's stepmom? Grief will flood her entire being when she realizes her child died over a year ago. How will Chase handle her rush of emotions? Will Nelle pay for this, or is she out of prison for the long haul?

I am so delighted to have Ryan Carnes back on the canvas and to have Lucas awake from his coma. Without Lucas, Brad is just unstable and jittery. I know Brad thinks he has this all solved, and he can move to Portland and take Ellie's job. Get away from Nelle, Willow, Julian, all the people who could take Wiley away. But he can't outrun this one. I fear Brad and Lucas' relationship will be over very soon. (If so, here's hoping Lucas rebounds with Felix.) What will happen to Julian when Brad rats him out, and Sonny discovers he knew Wiley was actually Jonah? Will they confuse the hell out of the baby and change his name? Oh, readers, so many burning questions.

SAFE Okay now that we got all of that out of the way, let's move on to Finn and Anna.

A question. In the same situation, would you do the same thing Finn did to Anna? Keep in mind, he didn't only betray her confidence (this is why I trust no one), but hasn't he also incriminated her? She removed evidence from a police folder and obstructed justice. Has he considered the fact that there might be repercussions for Anna covering up for Peter?

I know Finn's motive was to protect Violet. I know he's a new dad, and Violet is the most adorable child on GH since Emma was that age (we'll get to her shortly), but I don't think he considered that he was selling Anna out. He could have taken Violet and moved out of Anna's to get his daughter away from Peter without throwing Anna under the bus. I think that's unforgiveable. Maybe the writers are clearing the way for Finn, Hayden, and Violet to be a family. If so, I'm fine with that.

Robert will be there to comfort Anna when this all blows up. Spinelli and Ellie are moving back to Port Charles, so Spinelli will be on hand to comfort Maxie when things blow up with Peter. But how do we get rid of Ellie? I figure Ellie will be there short term, as a catalyst for Spinelli and Georgie moving back to Port Charles. Then, Ellie will probably get caught in the crossfire in the next Renault mob hit, so Maximista and Damian can ride again. But that's all just speculation, and I have no facts to back any of that up.

What do you think about Peter? We thought he had really put his past behind him, but then he put a hit out on Franco and Andre. Sure, he stopped it in the end, but doesn't hiring a hit man at all seem to imply he's not really a changed man?

There are changed women in Port Charles this week, too. Our all-grown-up Emma is stunning, and Spencer is going to be smitten all over again when he sees her. It's great to have Brooklyn Rae Silzer back on the canvas. I don't know how long the storyline can dictate her staying, since her parents are presumably in California, but I am enjoying her visit.

What will happen tomorrow, dear readers? Will Epiphany have to give Sam a fake pap smear to throw Delores off her scent? Will Neil and Alexis keep accidentally choosing the same restaurants for dinner? Will Trina end up being Nikolas and Gia's daughter and convince him to keep her art mentor Ava as a step-mommy? Will new gal pals Nina and Ava plan a weekend in Vegas? Will anyone ever let Michael E. Knight shine and let him play a role with more sizzle than Martin Gray?

Will the seemingly good guy Brando pretend to be Dev's dad, or is it game over? Will the portrait Ava has commissioned Franco to paint for her for Wyndemere be as big as Stephanie Forrester's portrait on The Bold and the Beautiful? Will someone get Charlotte an appointment with Neil after catching her defacing drawings and photos of her enemies with mustaches and scissors?

Only tomorrow knows, dear readers, and I will tune in tomorrow as long as there are tomorrows.Tamilu

What are your thoughts on General Hospital? What did you think of this week's Two Scoops? We want to hear from you -- so drop your comments in the Comments section below, tweet about it on Twitter, share it on Facebook, or chat about it on our Message Boards.