If this boat's a-rockin, don't come knockin'

Afternoon boat sex, day drinking, tonsillectomies, and secrets and lies galore in Port Charles this week! Let's dish in this week's General Hospital Two Scoops commentary.

Dear readers, Curtis and Laura, are about to get an eyeful on the Haunted Star. Lulu and Dustin or "Lustin," if you prefer, have taken the one room on the Haunted Star to work out their pent-up sexual frustration.

As soon as Dustin said, "Wow, I've always wanted to see that place," and Lulu offered him a private tour, I thought, "Uh-oh, here we go." And then that Captain Jeremiah story...and boom! Afternoon delight. Maybe they were unsafe, and Lulu will get pregnant, and just as she and Dustin are about to tie the knot, Dante will come home, healed and ready to start over. Sounds pretty soapy, right?

I had another thought (before I found out Dustin was just an innocent English teacher) that perhaps he isn't who we think he is. Maybe he's one of Helena's boy toys, and he's part of whatever game Helena arranged from the great beyond, assuming she's even really dead.

You just never know in Port Charles.

Many of you (me included) think Nikolas Cassadine is behind all this, that he is alive and that Jax and Hayden are working with him, trying to get his inheritance back. If we are right, then this will be the best-kept secret in Daytime history, because I haven't heard any believable rumors about Tyler Christopher coming back. There were hints, but usually, there is some publicity somewhere like "Tyler inks new deal with ABC" or something.

Another rumor I have heard is that they have SORASed Spencer and that some new hunka hunka burning Prince Cassadine will emerge to avenge his father. I would hate that one to be true. I adore Nicolas Bechtel, and I do not want them to ever recast him. I vote for rumor A and for Nikolas to emerge from the shadows, oust Valentin from Wyndemere, and make him claw his way back into everyone's hearts.

Now that Liesl is "coaching" Sasha, I am 100% positive that her secret will come out. Sasha said she is going to tell Michael everything, but do you think she really will? I predict that she tries to have that conversation somewhere in public and that Valentin overhears and threatens her if she reveals anything. People in Port Charles always have highly secretive conversations out in public where they can be heard. That never happens to me because I trust no one.

Rumor has it that next week, Liesl will leverage what she knows about baby Wiley to get Brad to convince Britt to reunite with her. Which I hope means that Kelly Thiebaud is coming back. Imagine if Nikolas comes back, and both Britt and Hayden are there to catfight over him. And possibly Liz, too, since she's known him the longest, and Franco doesn't remember her anyway.

Drew's plane has gone down, and the town is learning the news of his supposed doomed fate. I haven't heard what is next for Billy Miller, but I'm going to pretend that he is just on vacation and will be back by Christmas. But probably he's waiting out Jason Thompson's contract to expire at The Young and the Restless to go back to playing Billy Abbott. If that happens, I think GH should snap up Jason Thompson. I don't care if he plays Patrick Drake or if they make him an entirely new character as they have done with Sarah Joy Brown, Tamara Braun, or the multiple roles Roger Howarth and Michael Easton have played.

Which brings me to my next topic. Am I the only one who is thoroughly enjoying Dranco and Kim? I swear, Tamara has more chemistry with Roger than she's had with any of her other love interests since she has been back in Port Charles. I know I am supposed to be rooting for Franco to come back to Liz and be himself again, but I can't just yet. When Dranco said to Kim as she slumped down to the floor after hearing about Drew, "This body isn't mine, but his body is at the bottom of the ocean," I mean, ouch.

I really loved the scenes with Monica and Dranco this week -- that she approached him as Drew and asked him to tell her about his life just to get to know him. If he stays Drew and never reverts to Franco, Monica will take him into the Q fold, no doubt.

Liz and Kim had a tough conversation this week, and I think, before it all ends, there will be some big fights, both verbal and physical. There may be hair-pulling involved. If so, my money is on Tamara because I remember how scrappy she was back when she was Carly.

Now that Drew is missing and presumed dead, Jax offered Sam the job of overseeing Aurora again (insert laughter here). Sam McCall, whose career trajectory goes from refuse diver to private eye to corporate leader of a publishing company, all with zero education or training and while being totally disengaged. Or is that perception just me? It seems to me like Kelly Monaco is kind of bored in every scene, like she is just waiting for the day to end so she can go to happy hour like the rest of us working schlubs. Am I wrong?

Readers, I have never liked Brad Cooper. He's a sleazy character, and I dislike him. I hate him with Lucas, I hate him at the hospital, I hate that he's friends with psycho Nelle. I kind of liked him with Britt the day they mocked everyone at the Nurses Ball, but it was a brief window.

Brad's getting worse by the day. When Julian got in his face and said, "You stole Sonny's grandson, and you dragged me into it?" I was hoping he would punch Brad in his stupid face. (Although I do not advocate that in real life ever.) Now Brad is trying to shame and bully Julian into killing Liesl, and I hope Julian really is a changed man and goes to Sonny with the truth.

But here's how I think it will go down instead. Julian offered to take the box of photos to Mike, and I think when Mike sees the pictures, he's going to start babbling about Croton again and divulge Sonny's crimes to Julian. Then, when Sonny finds out about Brad and baby Wiley, Julian will have the leverage to keep Sonny from burning down his bar or killing Brad. Just a hunch. The bad news is that since Olivia bought Charlie's, the only other job Julian knows is mob job.

The scenes with Alexis and Julian this week were so perfect, except that they didn't end in a kiss, which we all know they should have. Maybe after Kim sleeps with Dranco, Julian will hook up with Alexis in his grief and disillusionment.

Okay, readers, we have two shadowy people lurking around in corners right now. Clearly, the person looking at photos of Nina and Valentin and smashing their phone is Cassandra. But who is lurking about, spying on Lulu and Dustin on the Haunted Star? Any guesses? Dante? Nikolas? Maybe he's living there until Hayden gets his house back. Luke? Maybe he's tried of retirement. Helena's ghost haunting the ship? I don't know, but I'm anxious to see who is out there.

An aside...my husband, who pretends he doesn't watch GH, really, really wanted me to say that Cameron Webber was sentenced to more community service hours for almost buying pot than Boy George was for having thirteen bags of cocaine found in his home.

What will happen tomorrow, dear readers? Will Sasha become the Face of Deception after it's revealed that she indeed does have a deceptive face? Will Willow notice that although Wiley does not look like her or Shiloh, he bears an uncanny resemblance to Michael? Will Josslyn do what I did after getting busted for skipping school and call her mom and say, "Hey, Mom, I'm ditching school today. If they call you and say I'm not there, don't worry." (True story) Will Andre have any more dire predictions about what might happen if Franco's memory procedure fails? (You know, he might wake up and think he's a dolphin.)

Will Boy Scout Wyatt get his tonsils out and keep them in a jar for a badge? Will ABC keep using GH to shamelessly plug their new TV shows like Tamron Hall? Will Peter and Valentin be in cahoots with evildoing once both of their happy new lives crash and burn? Will Dev get adopted or deported? Will Ava ever get a new storyline worthy of Maura West's talents other than boozing it up at every bar in town?

Only tomorrow knows, dear readers, and I will tune in tomorrow as long as there are tomorrows.Tamilu

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