Mockingbird: Blame it on the juice

Drugged martinis, injected grapefruit, power outages -- it's just not a safe to eat or move between floors in GH land. Let's discuss in this week's Two Scoops.

Dear readers, stories about grieving people always get to me because I am a person who grieves. When you have lost someone, those rituals are the only way to get through the unbearable anniversaries. My dad used to take me for blueberry pancakes at some local truck stop on Saturday mornings. So, every year on his birthday, I go to some pancake place and order blueberry pancakes and remember being a nerdy ten-year-old sitting across from Daddy, telling him all my stories and singing country songs together. It doesn't bring him back, but it honors the memory of our relationship. My Mama loved butterflies, so every time I see a butterfly, which she told me she would send my way when she was near, I say, "Hi, Mama," into the air. And on and on. So, when Neil and Alexis got stuck in the elevator and sang "Mockingbird," I cried.

But as sad as that scene was, the lead-in was sheer delight. GH writers, please, give me an entire episode of Alexis and Diane. When Alexis said she was content and didn't need a man, Diane's big, boisterous laugh filled the room. The character of Diane -- and the sheer force of nature that is Carolyn Hennessy -- improves any show she is in. And the magnificent Nancy Lee Grahn and her smart, quirky, angst-ridden character of Alexis always brings me joy. The two of them together blow in like a hurricane of happiness in my heart.

Sadly, Alexis and Neil didn't have grief sex before the stalled elevator opened, but it's only a matter of time. I'd love to do a research project on Port Charles elevators. They don't seem especially well maintained. They break down a lot. Sure, this one was power outage-related, but a lot of times, they just randomly break and always when two people who want to avoid each other end up in the same car. Then, I would count the number of stair tumblers, because an awful lot of people have randomly fallen down the stairs. Really, there just isn't a good way to get from one floor to another in Port Charles.

Say, readers, I need a recommendation. If you are having a dinner party, and you think one of your friends is up to something shady, just where do you buy a vial of truth serum to slip in their martini? CVS? Rite Aid? I've just never actually seen it on the shelves. While I was a little concerned that Nina went for Valentin's drugging-the-guests shenanigans, if it got Hayden and Finn to finally talk, I'm all for it. I was hoping she would blurt out where her baby was and tell him he was a daddy, but no such luck.

My husband, who pretends he doesn't watch GH, said "As soon as Hayden started blurting out the truth, Nina realized it wasn't her drink that was drugged and chugged her martini." Ha!

What say you? What are they looking for in Wyndemere, and who are they working for? Oh, please be Nikolas. I will whine about this until Nikolas is back to life, he and Spencer are residing in Wyndemere again, and Valentin has to buy a three-bedroom condo from Lucy Coe.

Another guest at Wyndemere, the lovely and lethal Aunt Liesl, had the best line of the week. As Valentin welcomed her to Wyndemere, she said, "I know this house quite well. I was holding people hostage here long before you showed up." It made me howl.

The next funniest line of the week was Shiloh to Dr. Cabot: "Dr. Maddox has certain scruples that I feel would undermine my project. But you? Not so much." Ha! I bet the GH writers were howling at their own cleverness in the writers' room.

Although the line amused me, the intent behind it didn't. Am I to understand that Shiloh wants to take Drew's memories and implant them into Jason? One can only assume he feels he can only access his treasure with a face that looks like Drew used to look prior to surgery. This is so creepy. It would be a double win for Shiloh. He would get his money and rob Sam of her one true love, because if successful, Jason would not remember Sam at all and would instead think he was in love with Kim.

Mind you, that could prove to be a fun storyline, just like when Jason Quartermaine had a head injury and morphed into Jason Morgan -- having him morph again into Drew Cain, thinking he's in love with Kim and not working for Sonny anymore, might be fun for a minute. But how to get back? Is there another flash drive with Jason's memories on it still? So many questions.

All I can say is that that treasure must be worth a ton of money if Shiloh is willing to go to such extraordinary lengths to get it back. It bugs me that he is out walking the streets, still tormenting his victims. I am glad there is at least a restraining order against him for Willow. Hasn't that girl endured enough?

With Nelle back on canvas and now genuinely worried that her baby could end up in the hands of a person crazier than she is, I think she might go to desperate lengths to get Jonah out of harm's way. As soon as Carly texted Michael that photo of Sasha holding the baby, I was bracing myself for the certain crazy outburst. I cannot say it enough, in real prison visitation, one would never, ever be allowed to take a cell phone inside.

At any rate, when this all comes out, as it eventually will, Willow will discover that her real child died a year ago, and she will have to go to that grief group for real. Brad and Lucas' marriage will collapse, and Michael will get his son back -- but maybe Nelle, too. So, is it really a win? The thing I always wonder about crazy characters on soaps is what if the object of their obsession loved them back? What if Anna had actually fallen for Faison? What if Michael believed Nelle was cured and fell for her again? What if Sam falls for Shiloh after Jason thinks he is Drew? Are those characters capable of being saved by love?

I know it's terrible to say, but I actually enjoy the dynamic between Ryan and Ava. He's sick, and he's a serial killer who murdered her daughter. But when Ava went to visit him in prison and they did their dark dance, they still had a spark. I liked watching scenes between them. I felt dirty about liking it. It's so wrong! But, highly watchable.

In real life, I could never root for such a twisted union, but on a soap, I figure if Laura could fall for her rapist, Luke, marry him, and raise a family, maybe Ryan can be cured, and he and Ava can be just the right amount of evil together. All of that chemistry is solely due to the incredible acting gifts of Jon Lindstrom and Maura West. They just light up the screen together. I know you'll rip me up for that opinion, but, hey, I like what I like. Suspension of disbelief is what has carried me through four decades of soap viewing.

Okay, readers, let's say you had done Sonny a solid, and he came to you and said, "Someday, when you need a favor that no one else can help you with, you can come to me," like he did with Neil, how would you respond? Neil said he didn't think he would ever need that sort of favor, and Sonny said, "Everyone says that until they do." I think back over my life. Was there ever a time I could have used help from a mobster to get out of a jam? Maybe once or twice in the 80s. I was drunk a lot and don't really remember.

The fact that they made such a big deal out of no one finding out about Kristina's experience means someone will definitely find out about Kristina's experience. I don't think it will be via Neil, but probably Shiloh.

Meanwhile, in Puerto Rico, Michael and Sasha are having a lovely getaway and getting to know their new friend Sandy. Yikes! I do not know what substance she just injected into Sasha's grapefruit, but I know it's not going to end well. I have a few guesses... 1) She drugged her with something that needs an antidote and will blackmail Nina or Valentin into doing something for her to get the cure. 2) She is going to put Sasha in a coma, as was done to her by Nina. Nina will discover through various health tests that Sasha is not her daughter and will dump Valentin. 3) Sasha will die, and Michael will be without a lady friend again, a la Sabrina. What's your theory? What is Cassandra up to? Why do so many people in Port Charles know her? Where is Anna, and does Cassandra have her tied up somewhere to settle a score with Finn? So many questions.

Another scene this week that requires unpacking: Liz and Jason's long conversation about forgiving Franco. Since we know that we are losing Billy Miller (and thus Drew), perhaps they are setting up a scenario where Jason and Franco will have to work together to try to save Drew. Jason sees that Jake and Cam love Franco, or at least in Cam's case, he's coming to accept him might change his mind. You'd think Jason would be less judge-y of someone with a brain tumor excuse, since he has a brain injury of his own. What do you think will be Drew's fate? Will he get killed off on some Shiloh-related crime? Will he be recast? Will Steve Burton have to play two roles? I really can't decide how this will all pan out.

What will happen tomorrow, dear readers? Will Lulu down three more bottles of Chardonnay? Will Peter join the Optimists Club? Will Aunt Stella end up being related to the Q family -- a long lost-cousin of Mary Mae Ward? Will Nelle and Harmony bond over art therapy and make a latch hook rug together? Will someone please invite me to Sonny's island in Puerto Rico to drink and gamble? Will someone give a vial of truth serum to Shiloh and make him confess that he's a perve? Will Willow get her job back at the school in spite of being an ex-con?

Only tomorrow knows, dear readers, and I will tune in tomorrow as long as there are tomorrows.Tamilu

What are your thoughts on General Hospital? What did you think of this week's Two Scoops? We want to hear from you -- so drop your comments in the Comments section below, tweet about it on Twitter, share it on Facebook, or chat about it on our Message Boards.