It's a sad, sad situation

Dying, flus, and all manner of doom and gloom filled Port Charles this week. But the viewers of General Hospital found a way to make it fun. What do I mean? Check it out in Two Scoops.

Dear readers, I'm going to be real. I had a terrible week. Not like a lousy little week, but a week where devastating, earth-shattering, life-changing things happened. To quote Elton John, " It's a sad, sad situation, and it's getting more and more absurd..."

I turned to GH, hoping for an escape from the fears and worries that filled my mind. But you know what? GH was depressing, too.

Kristina was being deprogrammed from the cult in an angry intervention. Oscar is dying of cancer in one heartbreaking scene after another. Ryan's severed hand showed up in the mail as if someone would ever mail such a thing to a family member! Finn never got up the courage to propose to Anna, despite the beautiful sapphire ring and her obvious adoration of him. Carly is getting genetic testing and worrying about her baby having bipolar disorder, and Michael and Sasha are both sick with some mystery illness shortly after making love.

Laura and Kevin reunited briefly and then immediately planned to pretend to break up due to Ava's crazy scheme to lure Ryan out of hiding. Super creepy cult leader Shiloh "Me-Too-ed" Sam in his lair with some lame "reveal yourself to me" ritual. We found out that Willow is Harmony's daughter and that she pimped her kid out to Shiloh! We're left wondering if Robert is going to try to tank Finn's proposal and maybe try to woo Anna back with Finn's sapphire. And we look on as poor Monica loses yet another family member.

It was not a happy week in Port Charles. It did not cheer me up. Then I switched over to the Young and the Restless -- Big Mistake! Neil Winters' funeral was beautiful and poignant and so, so sad. Knowing that those tears from those actors were real because, while the characters in Genoa City lost fictional Neil Winters, the real flesh-and-blood actors who play them lost their real friend Kristoff? It was too much! I thought my heart might explode.

You know what cracked me up and made me laugh this week? YOU. GH fans -- your Twitter feeds are the funniest things going. The discussions about the shock of seeing Sonny's kitchen. (Which, by the way, I love.) The penguin memes when talking about Morgan -- because one time someone said: "Morgan LOVED penguins." The mean, mean (but funny) tweets about people planning an "Oscar's death party" because they are just over it -- they feel the storyline has gone on too long and plan to celebrate when it finally ends. I get it. It's funny in GH context... But my mother died of breast cancer, and I have had multiple other family members and friends who have died from cancer, so I feel so guilty when I laugh at those tweets. But still, I laughed.

Then I saw people who were outraged at those making fun of the storyline. It's not that they are laughing at cancer or making light of real people battling cancer. But from a fictional soap context, watching a kid die for months is just not fun. It appears, by the multiple tweets on this topic, that many GH viewers are more than ready for this storyline to end. And, no offense, but I am not a fan of the song Oscar and Joss are writing. Or at least the one line I have heard over and over... maybe it gets better.

Also, you have questions on Twitter that make me laugh, like "Is Sam too busy playing Undercover Cult to go visit Oscar?" Good question!

I had some questions of my own... like can Oscar just decide to change his name on a patio chair in the Q backyard and Poof! he's a Quartermaine? Don't we need Alexis to stop by with some papers?

I like Oscar and Joss. I'm sad he's dying. All the teens in this storyline, Garren Lake Stitt, Eden McCoy, and William Lipton are doing an excellent job in a sad and layered storyline. But, man, I could use some comedy or some romance or Jax to fly in and whisk Joss and Oscar to New Orleans for breakfast on his private jet or something. GH is missing magic right now. I wish Ingo would hurry up and arrive because Jax is always magic. Oscar's wish for Drew and Jason to learn to be brothers would be magic.

Joss called out Cameron for not spending time with Oscar, and Cameron said he "just can't see Oscar like that." In times of sickness and grief, some people flee. Have you seen the new movie Breakthrough starring This Is Us star Chrissie Metz? Oh, readers, it will make you cry, but healthily. This topic comes up in that film -- the people who sit with her in the room with her unconscious child, and the people who never walk through the doorway. I'm glad GH addressed this and that Joss called Cameron out about what it means to be a friend.

I'll state the visible, dear readers... as soon as Oscar dies, Cameron is going to "be there" for Josslyn until the two of them eventually push their grief aside and fall in love. You know I'm right. Frankly, I'm okay with that. I think Joss and Cam have better chemistry than Joss and Oscar, anyway. I know that will anger many of you, but the beauty of an opinion column is that I get to tell you my opinions. My husband's view is that a visiting doctor will come along with a miracle cure and heal Oscar, but I think he's wrong. Again, my opinion.

Another opinion: while we saw Milo going to visit Shiloh at Dawn of Day in the previews for next week, I do not believe that Milo is suddenly joining a cult. You heard Sonny say it was time to end Shiloh, right? Milo is on a mission, I suspect.

If Shiloh gets whacked, whom do you want to whack him? Sonny? Jason? (I confess, I really want to see Jason pummel him, since Shiloh has made a point of taunting him. Does he get that Jason kills people for a living?) Sam? Harmony? (Question... why is Harmony so jealous of Sam but doesn't mind all the other chicks Shiloh sleeps with, up to and including pimping out her daughter to him?) Which leads me to another potential murderer: Willow? Chase? Kristina? (My husband, who pretends not to watch GH, is rooting for her to do it.) Valerie?

Speaking of Valerie, I LOVE Paulina Bugembe as the recast Valerie. My only sticking point is the hair length. I know it's weird, but mismatched hair is always the thing that bugs me about recasts. When GH recast blond Sean Kanaan with brunette Billy Warlock, it drove me mad. I don't know why hair is such an issue for me in suspending my disbelief in a recast situation, but it is. When Cynthia Watros takes over for Michelle Stafford, they better get that flat iron out and straighten her hair.

At any rate, Nu-Val is fierce and passionate. I wonder if Valerie and Kristina will be an item once they finally un-brainwash her? What secret do you think Kristina could have chosen to give up, other than that Kiefer's death wasn't an accident? That her mom has killed people? That her dad has killed people? That her brother Michael has killed people? I mean seriously, her family is filled with criminals and crimes. She could rat out any or all of them.

The intervention seemed like they might be making progress when Michael was talking to Kristina. Her face softened. She teared up. It seemed like he was breaking through to her until she remembered Shiloh had dirt on her and that she could never leave. She hardened back up again, and it was done.

I grew up in Ohio, and there was a local commercial in the Cleveland TV market about some guy who would go in and rescue your kid from a cult. He'd bellow, "We can help them even if they don't want help!" -- think if Neil had a business out of deprogramming cult members. I guess it was perfectly legal to kidnap someone from a cult in Cleveland in the '70s because there was a TV commercial about it. But in Port Charles in 2019, Kristina's family and Dr. Neil could be charged with kidnapping. Do you think they will be?

Ava might be charged with murder because she's planning to capture and kill Ryan, assuming he's still alive and assuming he can even stab people one-handed. While I was rooting for a Scotty and Ava caper, I can see how much fun a Kevin on Ryan faceoff will be. Mac was trying to be the voice of reason but got shouted down by three fierce blondes and agreed to let them use Ava and Kevin's fake romance to bait Ryan out of hiding. What do you think will happen? Will Kevin fall for Ava while pretending to be her boo?

Laura warned her, but I don't really think Ava scares all that easily. I like that she has formed pseudo-friendships with Felicia and Laura. I hope after this is all over, they invite Ava out for a happy hour from time to time. If she's not in prison for a murder, that is. I don't think Maura West gets enough recognition. I want her to win Emmys. Plural. Like piles of them. Of course, if she does, we won't be able to see it because they aren't televising the show again this year. Except here on Soap Central -- so maybe I can see it if my Wi-Fi cooperates.

What will happen tomorrow, dear readers? Will Lulu get that exclusive interview with Ava? Will Ryan tune in from a remote village in Canada? Will we ever get to see Michael and Sasha go skiing after they get over their random one-night stand virus? Will Oscar be Jordan's kidney donor? Will I ever get used to both Oscar and T.J. being new people? Will Sonny double pound Shiloh for bringing drugs into his territory?

Does Anna have any more jewelry that proves she is Robin's mother? Will Kim realize that if Oscar died on a motorcycle ride at this point, that wouldn't be so bad? Will Michael tell anyone that Sasha was mumbling that she wished Nina was her mom? Will Sam and Jason, who are supposed to be broken up, continue to have incriminating talks in public? Will we be able to tell the difference between "Vengeance Ryan" and "Nice Ryan," since "Nice Ryan" is the one who killed Kiki and Mary Pat?

Only tomorrow knows, dear readers, and I will tune in tomorrow as long as there are tomorrows.Tamilu

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