Death becomes her and it's nothing to lose your head over

Bobbing heads in apple barrels, dead bodies with jack-o'-lantern heads, storms, a stranding on Spoon Island, stolen kisses, and lots of deception. Just your typical Halloween in Port Charles. Let's dish in this week's Two Scoops!

Dear Readers, I am not a scary movie kind of girl. I don't like Friday the 13th, or Halloween, or Nightmare on Elm Street, or that creepy-ass Chucky, or any other horror movies. I don't see them; I don't even want to see the previews. I have nightmares when I see creepy things.

So, I was not thrilled about seeing Mary Pat's head floating in the apple barrel when Carly went a-bobbin' for apples, but the writers got the desired reaction from me -- I jumped back and yelled, "EWWW!" I certainly did not see that coming. I knew Ryan was going to kill her, but the thought that he would dismember her and leave pieces of her scattered around town was a more sinister end for her than I anticipated.

I fear that Ryan left the body in Ava's chair kind of like a cat brings in a dead mouse to display his skills to his owner, kind of a "Hey, girl, I'm taking care of you," killing. After all, the crack team at the PCPD noticed some blonde hair in Mary Pat's lifeless hand. Methinks Ryan is framing Carly for murder to get her out of Ava's hair as a token of his affection.

Why? Because he's super cray. The way he leers at Ava just unnerves me.

Isn't it delicious that Ava is gushing to Scotty about how wonderful her sessions with "Dr. Collins" are -- can you imagine how ridiculous she will feel when she realizes she was smitten with a serial killer?

I have to admit I am not too upset that Ryan disguised as Kevin dumped Laura. I think Kevin and Laura are both lovely people, but I hope Laura takes up with Scotty Baldwin because they just have such wonderful chemistry. Kin Shriner and Genie Francis light up the screen together. I hope fake Kevin divorces Laura, and she marries Scotty. I don't even care that it won't be legal. When they finally get real Kevin out of his straitjacket at Ferncliff, he can go back to Lucy and her pet duck Sigmund.

The GH writers have a terrible habit of getting us to invest in couples as they fall in love and then almost immediately ripping them apart, sometimes irreparably. The worst case of this trend being Julexis. Julian and Alexis were an extremely popular pairing that the writers casually destroyed by having Julian try to slit her throat. I still miss them together.

(I also miss Alexis and Diane drinking. Why did they have to go and make her an alcoholic?)

Now, the writers have done the same hatchet job on Valentin and Nina. Man, I love those two together. They're so romantic. I could watch them all day. The nightly news is filled with all sorts of horrible, troubling things, and I just want an hour a day to tune it all out and dream of romance and goodness. But, nope, right when Nina and I were on the verge of trusting Valentin again, we discovered that he's still lying about stuff. Oh, Valentin, why you gotta be such a liar, liar, pants on fire?

The storm played in his favor, and their tender moments and sweet kiss filled my heart with hope, but then -- boom, we find out that Sasha is a big fat phony. I suppose I should have suspected as much -- Valentin did work with the WSB, so faking one or even two DNA tests is probably something he can do in his sleep. Leaving clues for Curtis to find, mere child's play. But the thing is -- why? What would motivate him to create such an elaborate scheme to trick the woman he loved, knowing she might one day find out about it?

I think Sasha will stick around Port Charles for a while and that she will break up Griffin and Kiki and possibly create more mayhem. She will definitely be found out as a fraud, and Nina and Valentin will be at odds again. Boo

But wait -- do we need two manipulative ladies in town? With the Britch back on the streets, there's only room for one. I'm delighted that Kelly Thiebaud is back on canvas, and I hope she will stay awhile. Watching her pig down ribs and get margaritas dumped on her head was so funny. She was always great at comic relief scenes.

I also enjoyed the brief scene with Britt and Peter -- half-siblings who share the same demented Daddy. I can see them becoming close and working through their plethora of issues together.

Maybe if Britt stays out of jail, she can be the one to discover that Nikolas is not dead and bring him back to town. After all, she really loved him at one point. I think Spencer will be delighted to see her -- the two of them teaming up to find Nikolas would be great viewing.

I know this will sound harsh, but you know what is not great viewing? Surly Oscar. If the writers are just going to have him keep being rude and surly to everyone who loves him until the cancer claims him, I hope he goes fast. At first, I was very invested in this storyline and felt sad about Oscar's illness. But now, every scene with him just makes me want to fast-forward. It's unwatchable to me. I get that he's mad that his mom kept his diagnosis from him. But Drew only knew for like two weeks before Oscar knew -- why Is Oscar blaming Drew for something he also just found out?

While I agree with the concept that a sick person has the right to decide their own fate, having Oscar push everyone he loves away and just be mean all day every day is very unpleasant viewing. I did get a glimmer of hope on Friday, though, when Kim suggested to Julian (a.k.a. Charlie) that maybe Josslyn could convince him to participate in the trial treatment, implying she's finally going to tell Joss that Oscar is dying.

Good for Oscar, but bad for our very handsome Han Solo impersonator, Cameron. William Lipton was very well cast. My husband, who pretends not to watch GH, said, "That new kid is a really good actor and has a lot of charisma." Indeed! He and Eden McCoy have great chemistry, but she also had a pretty sweet thing with Garren Stitt.

Rumors are floating around that Oscar may consider suicide. That is heartbreaking, and I pray it doesn't end that way for him. Maybe Josslyn can be the one who stops him and convinces him to at least try the treatment that might extend his life.

My mother battled cancer for 20 years, and when it came back when she was 85 -- the doctor said, "We can try chemo," and she said, "Nope," and I totally understood and respected her choice, even though it broke my heart to lose her. My heart is still broken, and it's been six years.

I understand Kim wanting to force Oscar into the trial. I understand Oscar being hesitant to do something that has no guarantee of working and could possibly kill him. It's a heartbreaking storyline, I just wish the writers would write Oscar more vulnerable than cranky.

Halloween was good for Sam and Jason, spending it together with Jake and Danny in some very sweet scenes. But again, GET ON WITH IT ALREADY. Either have them reunite or have them break up, but make a damned decision already. The waiting in limbo isn't fun and enticing anymore; it's just frustrating. Hey, writers, do you know what frustrated viewers do? They stop watching. They change the channel. Please bring this home before you chase half of your loyal viewers away screaming.

Talk about screaming, Ava seeing a creepy pumpkin head on a dead body in her office was exceptionally scream-worthy. Now that Ryan is a separated man, do you think he's going to hit on Ava? I do. I think he wanted to get away from Laura following him around town and also free him up to pursue his crush. They could be the deadliest couple since Faison and Obrecht. I'm not even sure Ava would stop dating him once she found out his true identity. She might just sic him on her enemies like she used to do with Carlos Rivera.

So, readers, election day is just a few days away. What do you think? Will Laura be the mayor? Probably not. I don't think she can get from 28% to 51% in three days, but it's a soap, so who knows?

I don't know why, but Olivia playing First Lady of Port Charles just cracks me up. I liked her better when she was hanging around the garage with Johnny Zacharra. It's not that I don't like her and Ned together, it's that I miss the real, down-to-earth character that Olivia once was. Speaking of Johnny Z, isn't it about time for him to swing by Port Charles to see his old friends Maxie and Lulu? They're both single right now, so...

Okay, I already hear your mean letters: "Lulu isn't single! She's still married to Dante!" True, but rumor has it Dominic Zompragna is stopping by for a visit to Port Charles, and I am not convinced that it's going to be a reconciliation. I fear it's going to be a "Hey, baby, you're great, but I like life on the road, living as a spy, so you and the kids have a nice life" kind of kiss-off like Felicia got from Frisco years ago. I could be wrong, but that's my best guess.

What will happen tomorrow, dear readers? Will Laura and Carly go back to Ferncliff and find the real Dr. Colling drooling in a corner? Will Britt turn Liesl in to the cops to secure her freedom? Will Michael fall for Willow in Grief Support class? Will Franco (the amazing Roger Howarth) be cast in the next remake of Willy Wonka, since he's far more engaging and much less creepy than Johnny Depp? Will the patients at Ferncliff have a party celebrating Mary Pat's demise? Will Peter keep eating Maxie's non-stale candy and watching Brady Bunch episodes with her for a week or so? Will GH put up its Christmas decorations by Monday, or will it still be Halloween for three weeks?

Only tomorrow knows, dear readers, and I will tune in tomorrow as long as there are tomorrows.Tamilu

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