Cabins and critters

Carly is overmedicated, Peter is bleeding from the wrists, Franco is slamming Dr. Bensch into lockers, and Alexis is trying to find out why she picks the wrong men. It's a very complicated week in Port Charles, and we discuss in this week's Two Scoops.

Dear readers, I am here to provide a PSA today -- yes, there are rattlesnakes in upstate New York. How do I know? Because I Googled it. Why did I Google it? Because I have spent a lot of time in upstate New York in my lifetime, have never seen a rattlesnake, and decided GH was bending the truth for the sake of a storyline. But alas, there is a "Snakes of New York" page, and the "Timber Rattlesnake" is among them.

But just because such a creature exists, what are the odds that it made its way into Leisl's cabin and up onto Peter's bed? Slim. Knowing Liesl, she probably made a trail of tasty snake treats leading up to Peter's foot to lure him inside.

I love Dr. Obrecht as a character; she is hilarious, she is unhinged, and she brings the kind of campiness to GH that makes me love soaps. I can't imagine the glee on Kathleen Gati's face when she gets a script and sees that she gets to tie up Peter and torment him for a week or two. She gets paid to be Liesl! Isn't that the best job ever?

Being tortured by the villainous stylings of Dr. O has made it a tough week for Peter August (a.k.a. Henrik Faison). He's had flashes of hope when the mostly sane Nina dropped by to feed him, but she hasn't yet told anyone that her nut-job aunt is holding Peter hostage.

Liesl wants Peter to confess his crimes and sins, but in truth, we, the viewers, don't even know what all that entails. We know Peter held Jason and drugged him at some clinic in Russia. We know he has (had) the flash drive with Drew's memories. We know that he used Lulu's story about Nathan to draw Faison out of hiding. But he didn't intentionally get Nathan killed, and I don't believe for a minute that he is evil in the way Faison was evil.

I like Peter August. There is good inside of him. I was distressed this week to see the testing of the waters between Chase and Maxie, because I'm not done with Peter and Maxie's relationship yet. It certainly couldn't happen overnight, but I would like to see redemption for Peter. But, realistically, I can't expect Maxie would ever want to be involved with the guy who is semi responsible for her husband's death.

I'm unrealistic when it comes to my soap hopes, though -- I still want Julian and Alexis to reunite, I want Nikolas Cassadine to still be alive, I want Lucky to come home for a visit at least to see his kids, I want to see one little adventure with Luke and Tracy, I want Laura and Spencer to come home from boarding school for the summer, I want Dillon to hear about what's happened to Kiki and show up to rescue her, I want Sabrina to be resurrected to get Michael away from Nelle... I want all sorts of things that will never happen.

Something I learned from Peter this week: if you are tied up and come upon a piece of broken glass, you're more likely to slit your own wrists than escape your restraints. I can't decide if those ropes are made of steel or if Peter just has really bad aim.

When Peter finally got Nina alone, he tried to tell his side of the story and told her he was trying to make amends by writing a letter to Maxie and returning the flash drive with Drew's memories. This was new information for Nina. I think Nina is looking for a reason to let him go. She said if this were true, it would be a game-changer for her. But after the snake screams, it's highly possible that the cops will already be surrounding the cabin by the time she gets back.

Kim and Julian are camping. I don't get camping. Camping for me is a hotel without room service. I digress. Kim and Julian were trying to have a weekend away in the woods, but they've now been drawn into the madness. They heard screams coming from a cabin, and I can't imagine how Dr. O will get out of this one. If Julian and Kim see him tied up, it's game over. If so, Dr. O will land in jail, and possibly Nina, too.

Maybe the way Valentin can use his 30-day trial to save his marriage with Nina will be to get her out of prison for aiding and abetting.

Kim and Julian's camping trip is also allowing Oscar to eat piles of fried food and bond with his dad, Drew. I am enjoying their relationship, although I'm afraid of how it might change if Drew gets his memories back. Drew was a Navy SEAL. What if his memory flash drive gives him PTSD? What if it drastically changes his personality, and he becomes a drunken gambler like Billy Abbott? What if restoring his old memories makes him forget the past five years, and he doesn't remember Sam or Scout or anything that has happened since he got to town? I'm slightly afraid of where this could go.

I don't like the kind of storytelling where one action undoes years of other storyline. For instance, right now on The Young and the Restless, having Jack not be an Abbott. Ugh, I hate those kinds of stories. So, I am hoping that Drew getting his memories back doesn't make him lose everything he has gained in the past five years: his relationship with Jake, his friendship with Curtis, etc.

Since Ferncliff is pumping Carly full of drugs (which seems consistent with the state of mental health care in America, does it not?), she may not remember who she is by the end of the week, either. Mary Pat is full on Nurse Ratched, and her goon Rupert is downright scary. Jason (a.k.a. Jesse the janitor) is a tough guy, but I sort of feel like Rupert could bend him in half with one hand.

It seems like Mary Pat has it in for Carly. Why? I have to wonder if she is somehow connected to Nelle. She seemed intent on pumping Carly full of drugs and calling her Caroline instead of Carly. Time will tell if my tingling Spidey senses are right.

When I first saw Dr. Collins at Ferncliff right after I saw him with Alexis in his office, I had this sick feeling that Ryan Chamberlain had come back to life. I actually rewound my DVR to make sure they had the same shirt on. (They did.) Kevin said that since Laura was out of town, he had taken on some extra work... How bored would you have to be to take a side job at a hospital for the criminally insane? He's probably in there, doing experiments on people's brains for his book research.

Do you think Diane made a mistake having Carly use the insanity defense? She miscalculated the outcome, and Carly is in a much worse predicament than they had anticipated. Can it be undone? How long will Mary Pat torment Carly before Jason can save her? Dear heavens, I hope not long, because I can't handle four months of Ferncliff.

Nelle, the person who legitimately belongs in Ferncliff is roaming the streets with her Cheshire cat smile lingering in the air as she passes. Nelle was feeling very satisfied with the outcome of her plan until Chase showed up and it was revealed to us that he knew her in Florida and that she had used and abused him, as she does all people who encounter her.

Jason was blaming himself for not figuring out that it was Nelle who was setting Carly up, and he's in good company, as Chase didn't realize Nelle was using him, either. The one thing that's driving me mad is that no one has thought to ask Ava about her employee, and no one has figured out that Ava is the holder of the missing blanket. Better get Jackal P.I. and Ashford and McCall to team up on this one.

Michael is doing his best to help Spinelli spy on Nelle, but GH is using that most annoying soap tool of having the person walk in at the exact moment they are about to discover something. I know it's great to keep us in suspense, but if you use it too many times, we lose interest. Remember Fluke?

I have a theory I'm going to float here... I still feel like Brad and Lucas' adoption has something to do with Nelle. My theory is that Nelle is going to pretend she lost her baby, secretly give it to Brad and Lucas to adopt, and then in four months, take the baby back. Maybe she will use it to frame Carly for murder, or maybe Michael if she finds out he is onto her. Just a random theory -- I might be totally off base.

In happier news, Anna and Finn finally consummated their relationship this week. I loved the split screen When Harry Met Sally kind of glimpse -- he was reading a medical journal; she was reading a spy novel -- but then they talked on the phone, and he was outside the door. Loved that. It reminded me of that Maroon Five song "I don't mind spending every day, out on your corner in the pouring rain."

Meanwhile, Finn's rebound lover Alexis is trying to figure out why she picks the wrong men. Hey, good luck with that, Alexis! When you find the answer to that burning question, can you share it with every other woman in the world? When I get together with my college friends, our favorite game is "Remember that loser you dated named...(fill in the blank)?" I remember the day I brought home a pothead hippie named Druid who told my Dad the pastor that he could move our sofa with his mind. That whole thing went over super well, as you can imagine.

Thanks to Mike Corbin, we learned this week that a Bel Air is not the primo body-moving vehicle. Poor Mike. He drifts in and out of reality, the Alzheimer's is taking its toll, but he still remembers moving a body for Sonny. And he really likes to babble on about it, which is bad news for Sonny.

I'm not really sure where they are going with this line of storytelling. Just watching Sonny deal with his dad's illness was enough. It was real; it was compelling. Now -- it's gone from beautiful, poignant, human storytelling to mob ridiculousness.

We learned this week that we will soon be losing Dominic Zamprogna from GH. I hate to lose Dante Falconeri, but I understand his desire to try new things. The writers haven't written a decent storyline for Dante in eons, and he deserves the chance to find the sort of success other soap defectors have found on primetime, like Justin Hartley on This is Us and Ryan Paevey with his irresistible Hallmark movies.

My only question is will they kill Dante off or recast him? I predict he will get killed off. If so, and if Maxie can't forgive Peter, maybe Lulu can. Can you imagine Valentin if Peter was Charlotte's new step-daddy?

The final thing I want to touch on is Dr. Bensch and his disgusting behavior to Kiki. This week, I looked up at my screen and thought, "Oh! Hey! It's Max and Todd! But then I remembered sadly that OLTL is gone, and it was Franco and Dr. Bensch.

Dr. Bensch is still trying to bully and intimidate Kiki, and Franco, Griffin, Liz, and others are trying to protect her from his evil intentions. I suspect he plans to blackmail Kiki with the photo he has of her and Griffin. I just pray the writers keep writing her smart and strong. I'd rather have her confess to Ava that she slept with Griffin than cave in to Bensch's blackmail. I mean, after all, Ava slept with Morgan, so if she acts too judge-y, I hope that Kiki is prepared to throw that in her face.

What will happen tomorrow, dear readers? Will the rattlesnake cut himself in half on the shards of broken glass in Peter's bed before he's able to strike? Will Carly run into Heather Webber in the game room at Ferncliff? Will baby James get out of the hospital in time for Maxie to take him to the Fourth of July fireworks? Will Dawson and Diane become drinking buddies now that Alexis won't split a bottle of Pinot Noir with her anymore at the end of a long week? Will Alexis' mom turn up alive, after all these years, to sing at Carnegie Hall? Will Jason find he prefers janitorial work to killing? Will Mike remember which car trunks are best for moving decomposed bodies?

Only tomorrow knows, dear readers, and I will tune in tomorrow as long as there are tomorrows.Tamilu

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