It's so nice to be insane, no one asks you to explain

Some Port Charles residents are certifiably insane. Some are just pretending to be certifiably insane. Can you tell them apart? Which character has their wits about them and which is most likely to spend their summer vacation in Shadybrook? Let's discuss in this week's Two Scoops.

Hello, dear readers. If you recognize the title of this column, it probably means you're old like me because it's a 70s song lyric.

There is so much insanity -- and rumors of insanity -- in Port Charles this week, it seemed like the obvious place to begin...Carly pleaded not guilty by reason of insanity to a crime she absolutely did not commit. (Side note, I was delighted to see Elizabeth Hendrickson across the courtroom from Diane Miller.) Carly is not insane but is pretending to be insane, which, as Jason warned her, will most likely backfire. Carly 's insanity plea left her holed up in Pentonville -- which I always thought was a men's prison, but what do I know? It's a new age.

On the other hand, Nelle is totally stark raving mad, but of course she thinks she's totally logical. The only people in town who seem to know that Nelle is two fries short of a Happy Meal are Jason and Carly. (And Bobbie, but she's missing from view.)

I was afraid that Michael was buying Nelle's innocent act, but by the end of Friday's episode, we saw Michael making calls to investigate her. I'm glad he's finally suspicious, but if Nelle realizes he doesn't trust her, she might frame him for murder next.

Next up, my precious Nina...Nina may or may not be insane. The exact scenario we glimpsed Friday has yet to be unraveled. Either A) Nina kidnapped Peter and chained him to a bed, or B) Auntie Liesl did the dirty deed, and Nina is just enjoying it. We will have to wait until Monday to find out which one of those scenarios it is, but my money is on Liesl. She's having it out with Anna in broad daylight. I'm sure my savvy, longtime viewers caught this, but that whole bit about Anna having to tell Robin in person was for our benefit. I predict that Anna will end up chained to a bed next to Peter, but no one will be looking for her because they will assume she's with Robin in California. At least for a little while.

Readers, I'm so worried about the flash drive of Drew's memories! What if someone steps on it -- or a squirrel runs off with it? I saw when Peter dropped it, and I'm afraid someone like me will find it and say, "Sweet! A free flash drive to load up with songs for my road trip to Vegas!" and erase the whole thing.

I admit that I want Drew to recover his memories, and I want to get to know him just as he rediscovers himself. I want to see him remember Kim and their love affair; I want to see him in his crisp white uniform, having Navy SEAL flashbacks; I want to get to know the essence of Drew Cain.

But really, readers, would you do this? If there was a chance you could end up brain dead and have nothing in your brain, would you take this risk? I can't say that I would. But then again, as a woman who has lost both parents, a sister, grandparents, and many other close family and friends, there are days when my memories sustain me, so maybe I would.

A point of interest: for someone who cut him free, Sam sure does seem concerned about Drew's well-being. She was willing to commit a crime and break Peter out of jail to help Drew. Is she just loyal or still a little in love with him? I'm glad she didn't just instantly jump back into Jason's arms; this whole situation should be hard. It's complicated to unravel your heart and life from someone you were married to and had children with. If she had switched men overnight, I would have loathed her for it. Sam is taking it slow, figuring things out, and I'm glad that's the way this is being written.

Of course, we all want the big payoff! We want her to be with her true love. We want the happy reunion; the hot, steamy sex scenes; the thrill of romance; the end of the yearning; the fulfillment. We need it! But we can't forget that there's a good, kind man with a crushed soul that she left behind. I'm glad the writers haven't forgotten him and haven't let Sam forget him.

You know who is not a good, kind man? Dr. Bensch. Readers, I want credit. I called this months ago. I have seriously honed creep radar, and I spotted Dr. Bensch as a creep immediately. The day he smiled at Kiki and told her what a good doctor she'd be, my Spidey sense started tingling.

After little creepy things along the way -- touches, kisses, intimidation, hostile work situations, flirting -- he finally went to the place we knew he was heading. He told her he'd change her bad evaluation to a good once if she met him in his hotel room. Ew. Gross.

I am so glad Kiki confided in Liz, whose past made her especially sympathetic to Kiki's situation. Liz was raped when she was young, so Kiki found a loyal and trusted friend to walk into Monica's office with her. But think of all the women who are in that situation, need their job, and don't have anyone like Liz to walk into the lion's den with them? That's heartbreaking.

While Kiki was telling Monica her story, my husband, who pretends not to watch GH, said, "Who is that lady?" I told him it was Monica and asked if he heard the "Today the role of Monica Quartermaine will be played by..." announcement. He said "Of course not."

But telling Monica didn't solve the problem or make it go away. Kiki has to keep working with the creep until there is an investigation into the matter. And Dr. Bensch has the vague voicemail Kiki left him squirreled away to concoct his own version of events. He also preemptively went to Ava to tell her he was worried about Kiki. I know that Ava will lose her mind when she finds out Kiki slept with Griffin, but I also know that when she finds out Dr. Bensch sexually harassed Kiki, she will END him.

Just as we had a sub for Monica this week, we had a sub for Maxie. Molly Burnett subbed for Kirsten Storms this week, due to an illness Kirsten experienced. In my house, when there is an unplanned recast for a role, we add "not" to their names. Not-Monica and Not-Maxie.

Not-Maxie is reeling from the news that her friend Peter, who was the kind gentleman who delivered her baby, is, in fact, the man who was probably responsible for her husband's death. On the up side, she got to hold her beautiful son, James, and that gave her some amount of comfort.

I am ever so curious to hear the letter Peter wrote to Maxie. In spite of the fact that he's the son of a super villain and had nefarious intentions, I really like him. He has the same quality that draws me to Valentin -- a heady mix of sincerity and pain. These men were wounded and abandoned and became hard and a little evil, but there is good in them, and tenderness lingers around the edges of them.

Peter feels betrayed by Valentin, but in spite of Valentin wanting to stick it to Anna, I believe he genuinely cares for Peter and wants what is best for him. When Valentin was explaining to Peter how the two of them are alike, doing bad things for wrong reasons, but then realizing it and sticking around to try to make amends, I teared up a little. James Patrick Stuart has that sincerity thing down, and he always manages to move my weary old heart.

How will this story this play out? Will Peter end up in Steinmauer, or is there a way to redeem him? I'm hoping for the latter. Also, I want very much to see him and Anna learn to love one another.

I was also happy to see Lucas sitting down with his dad, although It was more about practicality that warm, fuzzy, father/son love. Readers, I can't figure this out... Brad and Nelle are suddenly friends, Lucas keeps talking about their open adoption where the mom gets to know who they are, but they don't get to know who she is. Is it Nelle? Is she pretending to give her baby to Carly's brother just to yank it away? I can't figure out what the end game is or if the two storylines are totally unrelated. What do you think?

One more thing: I would be remiss if I did not give a shout-out to the magnificent Dominic Zamprogna for his moving scenes this week -- in particular, the speech he gave Peter about Nathan. When he said Nathan was his brother, it took my breath away. Such a powerful and poignant scene. Kudos, Dominic.

What will happen tomorrow, dear readers? Will Alexis dig into her past and figure out why she prefers criminals to nice guys? Will Oma Liesl bring Henrik's head on a stick to baby James? Will Valentin and Alexis bond over their legal work until she forgets he may or may not have killed her beloved nephew Nikolas? Will anyone ever bring Laura, Lucky, and Nikolas back to Port Charles to see Lulu? Will Heather show up at Liz and Franco's wedding, demanding a BLT at the reception?

Will Anna have to pick between Finn and Robert? Will Alexis discover in Kevin therapy that she really does belong with Julian in spite of his flaws? (Here's hoping.) Will I watch GH next week from my hotel in Vegas? (Probably not. Thank heaven for Hulu.) Will Charlotte ever start wondering why her Daddy disappears so often? Will Sam team up with Curtis and leave Jackal P.I. in the dust?

Only tomorrow knows, dear readers, and I will tune in tomorrow as long as there are tomorrows.Tamilu

What are your thoughts on General Hospital? What did you think of this week's Two Scoops? We want to hear from you -- so drop your comments in the Comments section below, tweet about it on Twitter, share it on Facebook, or chat about it on our Message Boards.