A dog's life

Tom's in a cage, Franco has lost his damned mind, Roxy the bearded dragon is the cure, Lulu's got a new daughter, and Hayden is hallucinating, so you know it must be Christmas time in Port Charles! Join us as we Ho Ho Ho and Ha Ha Ha through this crazy week!

Dear readers, it's clear that Franco has gone back to the dark side. I do not think his brain tumor has grown back; frankly I am not convinced that it was a brain tumor that caused his bad behavior in the first place.

Tom Baker is a terrible man, and watching him hit on Nelle and Kiki makes me feel he is not the least bit rehabilitated, so I'm not defending him at all. But Franco locking him in a dog cage with a shock collar and making him bark is equally disturbing.

I will confess my sins: when Franco told Tom he was going to set the collar to "Irish Wolfhound, I did laugh in spite of my disgust for this storyline. But this trend of making characters do things they cannot be redeemed from is troubling to me.

Julian tried to kill Alexis, but we are expected to root for him as a romantic hero? Franco locked a man in a cage and sent electric shocks through him, and we are supposed to root for him as a love match for Liz? I just can't do it, dear readers.

Sonny, Julian and Franco are the "bad boy" characters. GH has its good guys, too, such as Nathan, Griffin, and Dante. It feels sometimes as if the writers expect me to view the good guys and the bad guys through the same lens. I can do that up to a certain point. Sonny's backstory is compelling; I understand why he got into the mob and how he became the man he is. Same with Julian -- he grew up in a mob family. But then you toss in a knife to Alexis' throat, and I can't blame that on his troubled childhood. Franco, Tom, and the dog cage? That's not due to the brain tumor Franco doesn't have anymore.

Thus, I am left not knowing how much to care about Franco. So, A, we are headed for a full-blown meltdown, and he will be sharing a family cell with Heather; B, it's going to be some lame "he has a new brain tumor" storyline; or C, the writers think I can accept that Franco is torturing someone and still root for him as a hero. Maybe it's just my delicate sensibilities, but I cannot.

My husband, who pretends not to watch GH, had a lot of comments about Franco this week. First, he thinks Franco's hair is getting too shaggy and that he needs a haircut. Second, he believes that Franco gets crazier every time he visits Heather and calls their visits "crazy talk time." I love that he holds a book while GH is on so he can pretend to read, but he is always peeking over the book to watch. Just admit it, man -- you are hooked.

Next on my agenda, Nelle. Dear readers, I'm starting a new drinking game. Every time Nelle opens up her music box and holds her silver baby rattle, I'm going to down my eggnog. I think the silver rattle is a clue. Poor babies get plastic rattles, so the silver would imply she was a baby of means? Maybe a Jacks family baby? I honestly don't know. I am trying to piece together clues, but at this point, I am starting to think it's a Rosalie story that will never be told.

Some readers have expressed to me that they think Sonny and Nelle actually did the deed. Since Sonny was drugged, I do not believe they slept together, but if they did sleep together, Nelle will definitely be pregnant because Sonny has the most potent seed in Port Charles.

Who is her dad? What wrong is she trying to right? And will she follow through with her scheme in spite of her growing attraction to Michael? Chad Duell makes Michael such a sweet and loveable guy, I don't know how you could purposely break his heart. I loved the scene where he changed into a Hawaiian shirt so Nelle wouldn't feel underdressed. How could a woman resist a man like that? It will be interesting to see which she wants more, love or revenge. My vote would always be for love.

In other odd plot twists this week, Finn thought he might have cracked the secret to curing his and Hayden's mystery illness when his bearded dragon Roxie shed her skin. You'd think that after all these years of having her, she must have shed her skin before, but this is the first time he put two and two together? I don't know, but I am over this storyline. I was over it before Hayden slipped in the sludge in the lab and caught the disease. Let's get these two characters healthy and let them have a normal love story. And then let Prince Nikolas come back from the dead and blow it all to hell.

Although the storyline itself has me frustrated, individual scenes within it have been incredibly moving. As Hayden was in and out of consciousness, I loved the scene where she thought she was talking to her own mother when she was actually talking to Tracy. Jane Elliot has been one of my favorites since I started watching GH back in high school, and she still has the power to make me cry. When Tracy said she was "raised by the sweetest woman on earth," we realized she was no longer pretending to be Hayden's mom but was confessing her own flaws as a mother, and it broke my heart a little.

It hit me on a personal level as I was raised by a Lila sort of woman: kind, sweet, good, never heard an unkind word pass from her lips, and so many days I think, "If only I could be more like my mother." But, like Tracy, I have too much of my father in me, and he was a little feistier. I enjoy the relationship between Tracy and Hayden, and I hope when this storyline ends that the writer's find new ways to continue to pair them up.

I'm a huge fan of Michael Easton, but I want Hamilton Finn to get a bit more to play so he's not only lying on the floor with a syringe sticking out of his arm. Michael Easton has the goods, so don't squander his gifts.

That was my concern when Michelle Stafford first arrived in Port Charles. At first, Nina was this innocent waif who had been in a coma, and I thought, "Nobody puts baby in a corner." But now, Nina has broken free of that mold, and the fire that is inside her portrayer's soul is allowed to leak out. I am totally captivated by the romance of Nina and Valentin.

Right now, you are saying, "Wait a minute, how can you give Valentin a pass on his violence when you don't accept Franco's?" Well, it's because I do not think that Nikolas is actually dead. As you may recall, when Valentin arrived on Cassadine Island, Nikolas had already faked his death once, trying to escape his troubles and woes. And then Ava found him and foiled his plan. My thought is that "Theo" was working with Nikolas and helped him fake his death again, with the caveat that Theo/Valentin got control of the estate. In other words, I don't think that Valentin actually killed Nikolas, so I am reserving judgment. Valentin is saying all the right things to Nina. Are they true? Who knows, but if I were Nina, I'd believe him, too.

The other theory being floated is that Valentin is actually Stavros, but seriously, how many times can one man be frozen and thawed out? I hope that isn't the case. I hope Valentin is who he says he is. I hope there is a custody battle for Charlotte, and I hope Nina marries him to help his chances. The two of them are dynamite together. I can't stop watching!

You know what I can stop watching? Alexis drinking. Oh please, please, make it stop. Doesn't her purse rattle with all those little airline liquor bottles in there? Julian knows her secret, Jax knows her secret, and now, Ava knows her secret. Julian is using this to force Alexis to be his nurse, but I am not sure why. Does he think changing his bedpan will endear him to her again? The logic is lost on me.

Every lie Alexis tells to Jordan, to Ava, and to her family digs her in deeper and makes me wish the writers wanted to tell a real story -- and dig into it -- about a woman whose life has crumbled, who turns to booze to self-medicate her pain. Maybe that is the end game, but it's taking such a long time coming that I'm not sure where we are headed.

Supposedly Julian is in cahoots with someone who is making him do bad things. Apparently, Tonja Walker, who once played Olivia Jerome, Julian's sister, is coming back to the show. But, the character she is playing is unnamed. It may or may not be Olivia. Since the name we have heard is Oscar Jessup, I am wondering if Olivia may be coming back as a transgender character? Now that would be interesting! As you may recall, Julian had a bit of trouble accepting his gay son, so a transgender sister might also unnerve him.

What would have been a better story for "Julexis" would be if Julian were the one to get Alexis sober again, and he found his own soul and hers in the process. I would enjoy watching them both gradually find redemption together. They'd get counseling, they'd work through their issues, and they'd emerge stronger. I'd love to watch that play out.

I do that all the time, the "If I were writing GH..." thinking. For instance, I think a far more poignant Christmas story for the Corinthos family would be watching them celebrate their first Christmas without their son. That would showcase real emotions that so many families face every holiday season as the tragedy of loss strikes them. Instead, the writers opted for a fake sex scandal.

Have you seen the show This Is Us? This is what soaps could be -- real family drama, telling, meaningful, powerful stories that move and impact you. Soaps used to do that -- Robin and Stone and the AIDS storyline, for instance. But how many years ago was that?

I have lots of notes on how to fix soaps...another suggestion I would make is to ditch the recap scenes. In the days before DVRs and the Internet, you had to begin each day's show with a recap of what happened before because if the viewer missed an episode, they missed out. That isn't the case anymore. If I miss GH, like Friday when the President's press conference ran over, I could go to ABC.com, or to Hulu, and watch the episode I missed, or I could go to Soap Central to read the recap. There are multiple ways to catch up. Thus, characters have flashbacks or recap conversations isn't really necessary. That gives you more time to move the story forward and not frustrate viewers with endless repetition of what they have already seen.

Another story that could have a strong impact if told correctly is around Lulu, who just found out she has a daughter. Dante says he can accept Charlotte as a stepdaughter, but any family who has stepkids can tell you that it isn't always a seamless transition. There are a lot of "You're not my real dad! I don't have to listen to you!" kind of days, and GH could tell a real story of how a blended family comes together. Poor Charlotte has had two moms and three dads in the past six months. That kid has got to be messed up! At least she will have Laura for a grandma, which is like hitting the lottery.

What will happen tomorrow, dear readers? Will Olivia ever remember that she has a baby and bring Leo with her while she's wandering around town, meddling in people's business? Will Curtis and Jordan finally realize they are still hot for each other and have make-up sex? Will Maxie and Nathan actually get married on New Year's Eve, or will Sam and Jason lock Maxie in a dog cage after she reveals the gender of their baby to them at their shower? Will Father Doctor Griffin get to read the Christmas Story at the GH Christmas party? Will Epiphany get to use her angelic pipes to sing "O Holy Night"? Will Santa bring Sonny a new security system with cameras so he can see when people are trying to drug him or steal pills from his kids? Will Kiki kiss Dillon under the mistletoe and make his Christmas merry? Will Liz stop chasing bad boys and get Griffin to leave the priesthood once and for all so he can date her?

Only tomorrow knows, dear readers, and I will tune in tomorrow as long as there are tomorrows.Tamilu

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