Things that are false

Lies and deception, tricks and tapes, fights and furs, and lots of booze, Santa suits, and Latin phrases. You never know what will pop up in Port Charles! Let's dish in this week's Two Scoops!

Dear readers, I know this may seems shocking, but this week I heard characters utter a couple of things that were false. There were phrases uttered that did not ring true. Words that fell out of character's mouths, and I paused my DVR to laugh. Things I thought I must have misheard and rewound to listen to again to make sure I had it right.

For instance: Sonny said to Nelle, "I'm a big believer in telling the truth." Are you, Sonny? Are you really? I have known you for a long time, Sonny, and that's not the way I would characterize you. I have seen you make a thousand clandestine phone calls to set up various criminal acts, and then immediately lie to whoever walked into the room about said conversations. I have heard you lie to various police officers, WSB agents, lawyers, judges, and other authority figures for decades. You, Sonny Corinthos, are not a big believer in telling the truth.

Sometimes you even lie to help someone else. You lied and admitted to crimes you didn't commit to protect someone you love. Very noble, but still a lie. Lying is kind of your thing, Sonny. You should have "Serial Liar" on a tattoo on your chest. Santa has you on his "Naughty Little Liars" list. No, you are not a big believer in telling the truth.

In other false statements, I heard Monica say, "General Hospital has a zero tolerance policy on violence." Since when? I have seen a plethora fistfights in your lobby. I have seen serial killers with brain tumors hired as your art therapist. I have seen Dr. Niles trap Robin in a hole and come back to work the next day with a smile. I have seen mob fights play out in hospital beds. I have seen people pushed down your stairs. I have seen people trap other people who refused to talk to them in your elevators. I have seen hostage situations in your hallways, and I bet if Jerry Jacks came in the door with a booboo, you would treat him. I guess I can't fault you for Paul Hornsby, as we didn't know he was killing people for months, but still. Many a violent act has happened in GH, and many of the perpetrators of violence still work there. You yourself, Monica, did a little hair-pulling and bitch-slapping at GH with Leslie Weber back in the day when you were sleeping with her husband, Rick. And here you are, chief of staff. I label your declaration false!

But all that having been said, I am so glad you kicked creepy Tom Baker out of the hospital. That actor creeps me out. It unsettles me when he is on the screen because I remember his original turn as Liz's rapist all too well, and it was too vivid for me to forget.

I don't want a rerun of the Lucky/Liz story with Dillon and Kiki. I'd rather see Liz find her inner strength and fight back against Tom. I don't want her to cower in a corner when Tom comes in. I'd rather see Liz swinging at Tom rather than see Franco choke him. I want her to be fierce. I know it's not reasonable, but part of me wants Liz to be the one who gets mad this time instead of Franco.

The fact that they are leading up to Tom possibly raping Kiki makes me cringe. Instead, I propose an alternate --Tom tries to rape Kiki, she knees him in the groin, gets away, and then Franco kills him. Then Franco can go to jail and never be heard from again, and Roger Howarth can come back as Todd Manning now that the Prospect Park lawsuit is settled.

Now that that stupid lawsuit has ended, I can come up with a million ways that AMC and OLTL characters can pop into Port Charles. My favorite is that Dorian Lord puts up the funds to save GH and that Liesl Obrecht has to spar with Dorian. Can you imagine the hilarity and hijinks?

But I digress. Back to GH.

There are some parts of GH I loved this week. Don't hate me, but I really love Nina and Valentin. What are we calling them? What's their cute couple name? Vina? Valtentina? I don't know what the Internet has landed on, but I really think they sparkle together.

Now just a brief word about Michelle Stafford. That black lace dress! Oh, dear lord, if I looked like her and had a dress like that, I'd be parading around Von's in that outfit. I'd go to my mailbox in that outfit. I'd wear that outfit all the time, to inappropriate places, like a kid's soccer match. Because I like attention, and I am beyond the age where I can wear an outfit like that and have men notice I'm in the room. Color me envious, Michelle. You're a knockout.

Back to the characters... Valentin may well be a bad dude, but there is a vulnerability to him that touches me. I thought he was genuinely interested in Nina, but now that he has that schoolgirl photo of Anna, I have to wonder what he's up to. Is he there for love or revenge? Did she break his heart? Is he there to win her back or to settle a score? And why now?

As for Nina, I think she is willing to give Valentin a second look because she is so fond of Charlotte and of the idea of being a mom. However, as I have predicted several times now, I think Charlotte is really Lulu's daughter, as absurd as that may sound. It seems that baby would be younger, but with the jenky way soaps age kids up and down, it's anyone's guess.

For instance, Morgan Corinthos was born in 2003, so, he should only be 13 right now. Instead, he became Brian Craig, who is 25. So, how old someone ought to be is no indication of the writer's ability to make a kid whatever age suits the storyline.

Point being, I think Nina will be sorely disappointed if she gets too attached to Charlotte.

But that's the way of things in life, is it not? People you love disappoint you every day. People you admire and respect turn out to be flesh and blood, filled with flaws and prone to make bad choices. Even after being in a coma for twenty years, I am sure Nina remembers that about people, as she has been burned multiple times in her life, even by those closest to her.

Let's take Alexis. Alexis isn't a bad person, but this week she did a very bad thing and is unwilling to accept the consequences for her drinking and for her actions. She ran Julian down with a car. She knows the police are looking at Sonny as the culprit and said nothing. Here's how I see it playing out... Julian keeps reaching out to her, and when she finally shows up, he will make her a deal. He will implicate Sonny to get her off the hook if she agrees to come back to him. She will wrestle with it but will take that deal because, as much as we love her, she is also flawed and mainly concerned with her own well-being.

Perhaps she will have a twinge of conscience at the end and come forward. I don't know. Her booze-filled brain isn't making the best choices. Jax should have insisted that she go to rehab immediately, but she would have just said, "No, no, no." Will she let Sonny go to jail for a hit-and-run she knows she is responsible for? In the end, no, but she may wait and see if Diane can get him off the hook before she confesses, which is what got her in all this trouble in the first place.

Speaking of people drinking, I really enjoyed Laura and Tracy drinking and dishing together. These two women, who have been at odds, can now find a space to connect since Luke is out of the picture and they can both see in each other what Luke saw in each of them. I loved Laura thanking Tracy for being there for Lulu while she was gone. That was a conversation long overdue, but so welcome. There is a part of me that's still a dreamer in my old age and hopes that maybe Luke is coming back.

Perhaps he comes back for Christmas, looks though the window and sees Laura and Tracy sipping Champagne and giggling, realizes they are okay without him, looks in on Lulu and Dante and his grandkids, visits Bobbie but swears her to secrecy, especially not to tell Laura and Tracy he's been home. That would be a sweet Christmas miracle, right?

Also, I keep hoping for a Nikolas homecoming. ABC, I know you have the money to hire Tyler Christopher. Last year, ABC signed George Stephanopoulos to a $105 million contract, so I'd imagine whatever Tyler was asking for was a fraction of that. Say, if you'd just given George $100 million and given Tyler $5 million, then we'd still have him on our TV. That's a measly $250,000 a year for the 20 years he has been on GH. That seems fair, right? (By Hollywood standards.) Just a thought.

Laura and Tracy's drinking led to Laura borrowing Tracy's fur coat to go and flash Dr. Collins, only to find out she was flashing Santa. That's probably a game some couples actually play this time of year. "Come to Santa, baby."

In other game-related news, Nelle is playing a game with Sonny. She drugged him, crawled into bed in her skivvies with him, and led him to believe they slept together. They did not. What we still don't know is why.

Readers, I seriously hate this brand of storytelling. I always have. I hate the "Why is this character doing horrible things?" kind of stories. I hated it when it was Fluke for over a year, I hated the secret of Rosalie that ended up being a dud, I hated the big Maxie and Levi reveal, all those storylines just piss me off. What I do like is when we, the audience, are in on the secret, and we are just waiting for the character to be found out. We knew Denise Demucchio was Ava. The good people of GH didn't. Back in the day, we knew Bobbie used to be a hooker. The rest of the town did not. We waited for her past to catch up with her. I prefer that sort of storytelling. I want to know what Nelle's problem is and then follow along with her. If I know her motivation, I can respond differently to the character. If I understand why she is doing what she is doing, I am more engaged in the plot than if nothing makes sense. Right now, I am just annoyed.

Also, I have a plea to the writers: can you just stop breaking Michael's heart over and over and over? Why let Michael again end up in a relationship with someone who is going to trample his heart? Kiki dumped him for his brother, Sabrina dumped him for Carlos then came back and got murdered, and now you are pairing him with a woman who is trying to rip his family apart. Please just stop and let the guy catch a break.

Nelle appeared at first glance to be a nice girl. Now, we know she is not a nice girl. When Sonny finds out the truth, it's not going to be pretty.

Back at Carly's, things were just getting good when Jax got the call that he had to go home and tend to Lady Jane. I was actually enjoying the possibility of a reunion for Jax and Carly. It probably is stunted by the fact that Ingo Rademacher isn't on GH full-time anymore. Neither is his old GH flame Vanessa Marcil, but I read here on Soap Central that Brenda might be coming back, so maybe that would tempt Jax to stay in town? Josslyn is very invested in seeing her parents together, they teased that Jax would be home for Christmas, and I'm hoping for a little Christmas miracle. If Carly hears Sonny's confession about sleeping with Nelle (even though it's false), it could drive her right into Jax's arms, and that would be dandy. I hope Jax and Carly remarry, and even when she finds out Sonny really didn't sleep with Nelle, that she and Josslyn are so blissfully happy to be out of the mob and together with Jax that she stays put. I doubt that's what will happen, but a girl can hope.

What will happen tomorrow, dear readers? Will Finn find a cure, leave town, and be replaced by a look-alike cop named John McBain? (Please?) Will Franco commit a crime, get a cell next to Heather, and be replaced by a look-alike named Todd Manning? (Please?) Will anyone at GH clean up and bandage the bloody open wounds on Julian's head? Will Bobbie and Epiphany get some scenes together now that Bobbie is back to work? Will Curtis get a love interest anytime soon? Will Valentin speak some more cryptic phrases in Latin?

Will Nathan and Maxie actually have a New Year's Eve wedding, or will a demon puppy trip her on the way to the altar? Will we ever understand why Sonny actually drank out of Nelle's drugged glass instead of throwing it at the wall like he does all other glasses? Will Kiki find her true career calling on Monday, or be another Port Charles rape victim? Will Carly and Sonny ever find out that Ava stole Morgan's meds, or is this just another dropped plotline? Will Anna's investigation of Valentin jog her memory? If Anna went to school with Valentin, will she ever finally remember the name and city of the school she attended?

Only tomorrow knows, dear readers, and I will tune in tomorrow as long as there are tomorrows.Tamilu

What are your thoughts on General Hospital? What did you think of this week's Two Scoops? We want to hear from you -- so drop your comments in the Comments section below, tweet about it on Twitter, share it on Facebook, or chat about it on our Message Boards.