The not-so-sixth sense

What a wild week in Port Charles! Long-awaited weddings, trips down dark staircases, surprise serial killers, Roman coin cufflinks, babies for sale, Noodle Buddha, and so much more to discuss in this week's Two Scoops!

Readers, I am not generally a fan of trick endings. Rare exceptions include The Sixth Sense, but most trick endings aren't as masterful as that particular story.

I enjoy a good thriller. I like to follow clues in a great "whodunit" and try to unravel which of the suspects is the guilty party. But I don't like to be punked. And GH punked us.

The reveal this week that Paul was the hospital killer was a serious letdown to those of us who have tried to follow the clues. So. Many. Questions. Why? How? What is his motive? None of these answers are obvious to us. We have no idea on earth how Paul even figures into the storyline. Viewers had a long list of suspects, and Paul was not on it. We thought maybe it was Dr. Finn -- that his injections made him a Jekyll and Hyde kind of character. We thought maybe Franco had a new brain tumor that was reinvigorating his darkest impulses. We thought maybe gossipy Nurse Amy was a little cray-cray. We thought maybe Obrecht had a relapse and was trying to woo Faison back by becoming treacherous again. We thought longtime resident lunatic Heather had escaped and was on a BLT-deprived killing spree. We had all sorts of theories and ideas, but Paul's name was never even under consideration.

Over the years, Paul has been a bit of a shady guy. He's done some questionable -- even illegal -- things, but a serial killer he was not. So now, after 20 years, he's trying to kill his former sister-in-law Monica?

When this storyline is finally unraveled, I can't even begin to imagine the lame reasons the writers are cooking up right now for why D.A. Paul Hornsby would go into the hospital and kill random patients. Maybe Richard Burgi's contract was up, so they made him the killer? My guess at this point is that the writers hadn't even decided who the killer was yet, and someone said, "Hey, did you hear Richard quit?" And another writer said, "Boom! Let's make him the hospital killer!" That's the only scenario that makes sense.

Ava is onto Paul's secret identity and is blackmailing him. Ava is pretty ballsy to confront a serial killer with no backup. Carlos is dead, and Julian is in jail. She doesn't really have anyone she can call if she gets into a jam. What makes her think Paul won't overpower her and inject her with his leather pouch of deadly drugs?

I bet Paul didn't even know that Ava was an expert on Roman coins and cufflinks. I thought her job at the gallery was all fluff and cover, but apparently, she has some actual art and fashion knowledge in her brain.

The power outage at the hospital was supposedly orchestrated by Paul to push Liz down the stairs and cover his tracks of being caught riffling through Monica's desk. So, we are also to believe that Paul has the blueprint of the hospital and knowledge and access on how to disable the power.

Question... When the lights went out in the hospital, what happened to the staff ? The power has gone out twice at my office in the past month, and you know what happened? A hundred people were standing around in the dark, laughing and chatting and grumbling about the work they couldn't complete. The stairwells were pitch black, and the elevator didn't work, so very few people ventured out. But at GH, as soon as the lights went out, the floor was empty, and the entire staff vanished to some unseen location. Curious.

Franco has been extremely devoted to Elizabeth and has remained by her bedside every moment. But, there will be a minute when he leaves, and I suspect Paul will show up. Here is my worry -- Sabrina has offered to help care for Liz since GH is short-staffed, and I suspect Paul will inject something into Liz's I.V. bag and that Sabrina will be blamed for it. I hope I am wrong and that instead it is an avenue to get Sabrina working at the hospital again, which would make me extremely happy.

I have a feeling Elizabeth is going to have some health complications before she is released. Let's see if Monday proves me right.

Across town, Hayden is being blamed for Liz's fall, and Dr. Finn is pouring her a drink at Perks in a stolen coffee cup. So, let me get this straight. Not only does Dr. Finn routinely inject himself with something that makes him slump to the floor like a rag doll, but he also has a flask in his pocket and is drinking all day, too? Yikes. Or did I miss a scene where they stopped and bought that bottle on the way to Perks?

Dr. Finn believes in Hayden's innocence, and as a friend has doctored her medical records to give him an excuse to visit her in jail. I suspect the change in her record will also exonerate her and give her an alibi, but that's just speculation at this point. I am enjoying the two of them together, but Nikolas will be home soon (I hope), and I wonder if Hayden will go back to Nik or stick with Hamilton Finn?

Readers, I've been watching GH since I was 17, and now I am 55, so I have been around the block in Port Charles a thousand times. I just did the math, and assuming I watched five episodes of GH for 38 years, that comes out to 9,880 episodes. Wow, I probably could have done something with my life if I hadn't watched nearly 10,000 hours of soaps. Ha! I told you that Liz and Hayden were going to be sisters. Many of you wrote to me and told me I was crazy and that Jeff Weber would never have cheated with Naomi. So, not to be a brat, but I was right and you were wrong.

Another storyline that has me peeved is that Dante and Lulu's single embryo has been destroyed. Are you kidding me? We waited so long for the two of them to reconcile. We waited for them to move out of that shoebox-sized apartment. We waited for them to have the chance to have a baby of their own that Lulu could carry and not be lost by a random puppy at the door tripping their surrogate. We have so much time invested in this storyline, and then, poof, the embryo is gone.

So, of course, the natural next step would be to try to hunt down a Thermos with a frozen embryo that is half Lulu and half total psychopath Stavros. If this baby is born, Nikolas would be both the baby's uncle and the baby's half-brother. Ick. Does Lulu really want to give birth to Stavros' child? You know he will magically defrost from the cryogenic lab and come back to stake a claim on his child. Or that Valentin will kill the baby so he doesn't have to share what's left of the Cassadine fortune with another heir.

The one bright spot of the storyline was having (the still sexy as hell at 70) Tristan Rogers (Robert Scorpio) show up at the door with news from Luke and a warning about Valentin. The downside is that this means we are probably not going to get Tony Geary back for a better ending for Luke.

With Luke and Anna both off canvas, it was good to see Robert. I know he's doing double duty right now as Colin on The Young and the Restless and as Robert on GH, but I sure wish we could keep him for a while longer.

Next, the impending nuptials of Jason and Sam. This has been a long time coming. Before I talk about the storyline at all, I just have to say that the first gown that Kelly Monaco wore when Sam and Jason were trying to dress formally -- WOW. That dress was stunning, and Kelly looked like a princess in it. She looked spectacular.

I really loved the scenes of the Davis girls and extended family posing for photos. These were some much-needed moments of joy in an otherwise bleak week on GH. My husband, who pretends not to watch GH, always makes snoring noises when Sam and Jason have love scenes. He doesn't like any scenes that don't move the plot forward. So this week, when Sam and Jason were cuddling and canoodling, Jeff got very impatient and left the room. I, on the other hand, liked it just fine. It's been a very long and winding road for the two of them to find their way back together. I'm glad they had Noodle Buddha for their pre-wedding dinner. I hope they have the dragon and phoenix figurines on top of their cake.

The choice to have Spinelli officiate their wedding is perfect. I can hardly wait to see Monday's episode and hear his wedding message! I've been to a few weddings lately where this has been done -- having a family member or close friend do the vows, and it's been meaningful and lovely. I've also been to weddings in Vegas wedding chapels with random pastors, and that's been meaningful and lovely, so maybe I just like weddings.

I am not so sure that Maxie and Nathan's wedding is going to happen. This week, Nathan sought out his sister, Nina, for advice, and she said, "When you're the odd man out, it's horrible. When you are in love with someone and they are fixated on someone else, it crushes your self-confidence." Nathan said, "Maxie is my everything." And Nina replied, "Then you better act before you lose her."

Nathan says that Maxie is his everything, but he's not acting in a way that backs up his words. He is still fixated on Claudette, losing his temper when he sees her with Griffin and continually drawn into situations that make his declarations of eternal devotion seem empty to Maxie. And she has been bamboozled by men many times before and is unwilling to get her heart stomped again. Can you blame her?

I believe that Nathan loves her, but he can't seem to stay away from his ex-wife.

However, for Claudette's part, she is working the system, flirting with Nathan while trying to seduce Griffin. Has she no fear for her immortal soul, trying to seduce a priest? (Again.) Griffin said that when he sees Claudette, he only thinks of the bullet wound in his stomach and how she got him shot. Maybe he will choose God, and maybe he will choose Claudette. Will Nathan let them be and focus on Maxie, or will he continue to fight an old fight?

Maxie is currently ripping up her dream board, peeling off pictures of dresses and bouquets of the wedding she was planning, believing that dream has come to an end. Felicia is trying to persuade her not to give up and to fight for Nathan, but sometimes the fight is drained out of you, and you just choose to let go instead. That's where Maxie is this week, but perhaps she will get her second wind if Nathan makes an effort to make Maxie his priority. His words and his actions don't match up, and that does not inspire trust in a girl who has had their heart broken as many times as Maxie has. She, of course, is not perfect; many of those heartbreaks were her own doing, but that doesn't make the pain any less.

In addition to advising Nathan on his love life (although she warned him she wasn't the best person to ask), Nina is also following through with her desire to be a mom. She asked Curtis to help her find a person who was willing to arrange a private adoption (meaning she wants to buy a baby). Curtis found a willing girl, and at their first meet and greet, Ava stumbled upon them and broke up their meeting by giving Bridgid a history of Nina's crimes against her. Nina tried to explain that she had been mentally unstable at the time, but Ava's words were enough to scare the girl off.

Everything Ava said was true, yet I find myself rooting for Nina to get a baby. Michelle Stafford has this amazing way of making me root for every character I have seen her play, even when I probably shouldn't. My hope instead is that Nina will prove the doctors wrong and get pregnant all on her own. Or maybe she is already pregnant with Valentin Cassadine's baby. That would be perfect.

In other baby-related stories, Nelle was willing to help Carly by watching Avery, but right before she got the job full-time, Grandma Bobbie stepped in to volunteer. Was it just me, or did it seem like Bobbie was wary of Nelle? She looked at her suspiciously until Carly said she had been Josslyn's kidney donor, and then Bobbie hugged her, but I got the sense she was still a little guarded about the prospect of Nelle babysitting Avery.

Some scenes I loved this week:

• Heather and Franco. Robin Mattson is comic gold on GH. When she was telling Franco about why she had to stalk Jeff Weber, I was cracking up. She just tickles me. Roger Howarth keeps pace with her, and the two of them together have great chemistry. I hope Heather keeps making weekly appearances.

• Also, just as Alexis was in a full-blown hallucination of Julian and talking to thin air, Tracy came in and helped her get a grip on herself. I really enjoyed the two of them bonding a bit. As you may recall, back when Alexis was with Ned, Tracy was not a fan. Wouldn't it be divine to see a girls' night out with Tracy, Alexis, and Diane? Oh, please, invite me.

Scene I did not like?

• Another person falling down another set of stairs. I swear, if I lived in Port Charles, I would only enter one-story buildings. "Metro Court? No, thanks, I'm a one-floor kinda girl." I can't even begin to count the number of people who have fallen down the stairs over the years on GH. At least Liz wasn't pregnant.

What will happen tomorrow, dear readers? Will Jordan get a clue, or will she hire Mac Scorpio to come back to work as assistant police chief to help her solve her long list of unresolved cases? Will Sonny keep threatening Carlos' brother, Joe? Is Joe actually Carlos? What size of gun shot scar would impress Claudette? Will baby Teddy ever actually be inside that empty baby buggy? Will the frozen sperm-Thermos be found in the charred remains of Creighton-Clark?

Did Lucas and Brad go on the longest honeymoon ever, or did the hospital killer kill them and no one noticed? Is Felix on extended summer vacation, or did the hospital killer kill him and no one noticed? Is gossipy nurse Amy in the break room telling secrets, or did the hospital killer kill her and no one noticed? Will the missing floor staff of GH be found when the power is restored, or did the hospital killer kill them and no one noticed? Is Epiphany packing her boxes to move in with Magic Milo, or did the hospital killer kill her and no one noticed?

Only tomorrow knows, dear readers, and I will tune in tomorrow as long as there are tomorrows.Tamilu

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