Boo-tiful skeletons

Halloween parties in Port Charles never end well, and this year's is no exception. So many skeletons emerging from closets all over town. Spinelli's computer knows Jake is Jason, the whole town knows Valerie acted on her forbidden love, Vampire Felix knows Sabrina doesn't know who her baby Daddy is yet, and the party is only 30 minutes in!

Happy Halloween, dear readers! What a boo-tiful week in Port Charles!

Finally, at the end of Friday's show, we saw the thing happen we have been waiting for since the day Billy Miller arrived in Port Charles. Spinelli's computer changed the skeletal x-ray shot of Jake's head into Jason Morgan's face! I wonder if they had to pay Steve Burton a royalty for that?

But that having been said... Would Spinelli be in such a hurry to get to Ellie and her broken ankle that he would have to leave when the program was 96% loaded? He really couldn't wait to go to the airport until after the picture was fully loaded? Carly is a few too many steps away from the computer, and who knows if Maxie is going to wander through the hospital lobby with a beverage of some sort.

I swear, if Carly gets to the computer and the image isn't there, I will throw something at my TV. But something soft, because I love my TV.

This week my ten-year-old granddaughter, Zoe, and I were watching a movie. She's brilliant (no I'm not biased, she really is!) and kept saying things like "Wait a minute, if he had wished his brother was never born, that means they wouldn't be playing this game, and he wouldn't be stuck in outer space."

So, I gave her a short lesson in "the suspension of disbelief." Everyone knows the movie doesn't make logical sense, but for the sake of being entertained and enjoying the film, you let go of reason and just sit back, watch, and smile. She took notes on this conversation, which is a good thing because she will need it to get through many movies. And if she ever takes up Nana's vice and watches GH, she will need it then, too.

For instance let's considerer these plot points; a film student left his camera charging and accidentally hit record, thereby capturing a conversation that would blow up Lulu and Dante's marriage. And it plays publicly on the exact night that Dante has decided to confess to Lulu. Sabrina thinks her baby could either belong to Carlos, who died five months ago, or Michael, whom she just slept with a month ago. Wouldn't she have realized after five missed periods that she was pregnant? Olivia comes to town with a baby the exact age as her baby that supposedly died and tells everyone she adopted it. Thankfully, Alexis did not suspend her disbelief, and now Julian has Leo in his arms.

Speaking of Julian, he happened to build a house for Alexis that looks exactly like the house she had that blew up that was completed on the exact week when Sam will find out Jake is Jason and will need her mom out of her guest room. Audrey is seen writing a note to Liz, but when she flips the paper over, we see there is already writing on the other side. Jake has a karaoke bachelor party, but there was no actual singing, since all the actual musicians and vocalists have quit GH. It's a weekly occurrence on GH, and I just smile and watch and take notes so I can mock it in my column.

Oh, readers, I love General Hospital, but it often breaks my hearts with all the comings and goings. As you may have read here on Soap Central, Jason Thompson, our beloved Patrick Drake is leaving after ten years in Port Charles. In one of the highlights of my soap loving life, he attended an event here in San Diego, and I have a photo of myself with him. I introduced myself to him, and he knew who I was and said he had read my column! I was giddy for days afterward. Even is he was just lying to make me happy, I'm good with that. He is a very gracious and kind man and a fine actor. He will be missed on the GH canvas.

On the flip side, his ex-wife and father-in-law are heading back to Port Charles. Does that mean Robin is coming home and we won't have to lose Emma? Will Robert Scorpio help Anna find peace after killing Carlos? Readers, I am still not 100% convinced that Carlos is dead. Sure, we saw Anna shoot him, but perhaps she just imagined herself shooting him because she was so devastated after Duke died that she legitimately lost her mind. I know GH is hiring a new shrink, so maybe Anna will be his first patient and Robert will show up to help her find her sanity again? I'd like that actually; I don't want to think our heroine killed Carlos in cold blood.

What I don't know is the timeline of all of this. Is Patrick leaving as soon as Sam finds out Jake is Jason? If so, I hope he will stop on his way out of town to tell his "best friend" Liz what he thinks of the secret she kept all these months.

I think that's the part of this storyline I am most looking forward to -- the parade of people who are going to tell Liz off after the skeletons fall out of her closet with a giant thud! Imagine Carly, Jake, Patrick, Sam, Monica, Tracy, and others all lining up to let her have it! Oh, dear writers, please just let it roll in waves.

If I were writing, the person I would choose to pick Liz up and put her back together again is the newly bespectacled Clark Kent-looking Ric Lansing. He has always loved Liz, and she has judged his bad behavior and dishonest ways, so it would be fitting for him to be the only one who understands and accepts her, flaws and all. He could legitimately be her Superman. Oh, I hope he shows up at the Haunted Star in a cape and his hair parted on the opposite side!

And what about Nikolas? Will he be able to be redeemed? Can Laura help him find his Spencer side again after wallowing in the Cassadine side of himself for so long? Once this secret comes out, will he keep Hayden around or put her on the next launch back to a room above Kelly's Diner?

Someone else who needs to get her own room is Kiki. Get her out of Nina and Franco's place. So annoying. I think this character and storyline are pointless. I don't care about Kiki at all, so every time there are scenes of her throwing back shots, I just roll my eyes and want to fast-forward. I would rather see Lexi Ainsworth as Kristina 100 days in a row rather than Kiki for two days in a row.

I whined about this in my last column, and here I am whining about it again because it hasn't been resolved. Lexi gets hired back, they make a big fanfare about her coming back, and then she has hardly been on at all, while Kiki drinking has been on 16 times. Please reverse. Less Boozy Mc Boozerton and more from our Daytime Emmy-nominated actress. Of course, if Kiki dies on Monday, I will feel very guilty...

Why do people in Port Charles throw Halloween parties? They never, ever end well. Right now on the Haunted Star, Lulu and Dante's marriage is about to implode, and Captain Morgan and his date, Darby, are going to be discovered by Kiki, who will most likely drive drunk and wrap her car around a tree. Maxie will find out that Gladiator Nathan knew that Dante and Valerie slept together and kept it from her, people think Tracy's street clothes are a costume, Valerie in her poodle skirt (the newest freshmen in the Police Academy -- oh brother) has been outed as a home-wrecking tramp, Vampire Felix just heard Snorebrina's confession about the paternity of her baby, and the party is just getting started! So many boo-tiful skeletons escaping their confines in one night!

What will happen tomorrow, dear readers? Will Scotty marry Ava to give her equal footing in the custody battle? Will Sonny get back on his feet before Johnny Z comes rolling into town to take his territory? Will Max and Diane bump into each other and rekindle their romance and be back on-screen where they belong? Will Nina and Franco and their brilliant portrayers, Michelle Stafford and Roger Howarth, get more to do than be the comic relief for Kiki's alcoholism storyline? Will Tracy be crushed when she realizes Paul is more of a scoundrel than Fluke? Will Paul collect his favor from Anna now or later? Will Cameron get more lumps on his head before someone other than Grandma Laura notices there is something wrong with Li'l Jake? Will baby Avery be a new baby next week after this baby got fussy and pulled off her Halloween costume? Will Liz have to go to Wyndham's and return all her wedding gifts? Will Ellie's broken ankle have anything to do with tripping over a puppy?

Only tomorrow knows, dear readers, and I will tune in tomorrow as long as there are tomorrows.Tamilu

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