Boys only want love if it's torture (Don't say I didn't warn you)

Ghosts and mobsters and murder! Oh My! The citizens of Port Charles clearly need to find a wizard to untangle them from the web of lies and deceit in which they are enmeshed! Let's discuss in this week's Two Scoops!

Dear Readers, first I want to thank you for the wonderful feedback from my last column. Sometimes I write a column and I don't hear from anyone, and sometimes I write a column and hear from everyone. Obviously, I prefer the latter. Clearly, I struck a nerve with my last column. It's clear that may of you who love GH as much as I do are invested in seeing it fixed before the ratings dip so low that we lose it forever.

Right now, we have no choice. We are riding the wave and finishing up the storylines currently running before the new writers get their crack at telling stories of their own. So, there is no need for me to take a bold stand this week; the writing change has already been made, so for now, let's just dish!

Franco clearly loves tortured relationships. He had a semi-normal relationship with Carly, only to blow it up in a magnificent display of revenge. He once had a fling with the lethal Ava. And now his lady of choice is Nina, who is mentally unstable, albeit delightfully interesting. And I can't fail to mention his tortured relationship with his new BFF, "Liesl P.I."

What a messy web of lies the denizens of Port Charles have themselves entangled in. Franco is in jail for killing Silas, but he's covering for Nina whom he found with a knife in her hand over Silas' dead body, but it appears the killer was actually Ava. Ava, of course, stayed around the murder scene long enough to snap an incriminating photo of Nina pulling the knife out of Silas' back, which frames her as the killer.

Here's what I am hoping for -- I am hoping that Franco or Nina actually thinks this through. Clearly, while Silas was nursing Ava back to health, stealing babies, and giving bone marrow transplants in NYC, sometimes he was also in Port Charles. So, that would lead me to assume that there must be some nurse or doctor who can say "Yes, I saw this patient in the clinic." There has to be someone who knows Denise is Ava -- like say Ava's mother Delia Reed-Ryan-Ryan-Coleridge-Crane. (Did I get all the last names? It's been eons since Ryan's Hope went off the air.)

While Ava has the photo of Nina, if anyone can prove that Denise is Ava, she is clearly the one with the motive to kill. I was thinking the murderer was going to be someone unexpected, but would Ghost Silas really be haunting Ava if she weren't the killer? Or does Ava need a stay in Shadybrook, too?

I was downright giddy when Nina showed up in Ava's place. Michelle Stafford and Maura West are two dynamos, and I knew those scenes would be magnificent. Side note, when Nina yelled at Denise, "Stop it with the fake accent; it's annoying me." My husband, Jeff, who pretends he doesn't watch GH, blurted out, "Me, too!" Ha. He makes me laugh.

Again, I will issue one complaint -- they had Michael Easton to work with all this time and did nothing with him, no love interest since he and Sam split, no storyline of his own, and now that Silas is dead, they write for him. It really infuriates me.

I read an interview with some GH cast members past and present and their thoughts on Tony Geary retiring. One quote was from Jacob Young, who used to play Lucky, and he said one day he came in, read his script, and said to Tony, "This storyline is total crap." And Tony said back to him, "It's your job to make it better." (Paraphrased -- I don't have the exact quote.)

GH has an embarrassment of riches when it comes to acting talent. When they get good storylines, they knock it out of the park. When they get bad storylines, they do their best to act it as convincingly as possible to at least draw us in and help us suspend our disbelief.

But it always upsets me when talent is wasted. Now that Michael Easton is gone, maybe we can get some decent writing and a worthy storyline for Rick Hearst, who is trapped in the ridiculous "Baby crying app, sleeping with Madeline to get Nina's fortune" storyline. And now he's the D.A.?

Come on. Seriously? First of all, none of this rings true. Scott Baldwin has been gunning for that job for years, and I find it hard to believe he would toss it away to represent the son he barely knows. If he wanted a good defense for Franco, he could have kept his job and hired Diane Miller. (I miss her so much. Can't we get her back?)

But let's say I buy the fact that Scott up and quit being D.A. -- who on earth would pick Ric to replace him? Ric is the brother of a mob boss and up until two days ago was the legal representative of said mob boss, so who would believe he wasn't involved in mob dealings? Pretty much any other lawyer in town would have been a better choice. I know Mayor Lomax is shady, but she likes her reputation to remain clean, and by putting Ric into that role, she is visibly aligning herself with the criminal element of Port Charles.

Rick Hearst is a fine actor and capable of a great range of emotion. I pray the new writers remember that and give him something worthy of his ability. For instance, once Jake finds out he is Jason, goes back to Sam, and hates Liz for lying to him for months, Ric is the perfect person to swoop in and help Liz get her broken life and broken heart back in order. He understands people who do bad things in the name of love -- that's kind of his thing -- so imagine if the two of them actually learned to accept each other as the flawed human beings they are, a real grown-up love story where two inherently flawed individuals decide to love each other in spite of those flaws. I'd watch that unfold with glee, wouldn't you?

Jake confessed the secret he was keeping from Liz, and she forgave him. Of course she forgave him! She has to, since her secret is 100 times worse than his secret!

The same is true with Dante. Of course he is being understanding about Lulu working with Dillon and exhibiting trust, because he knows in his own cheating heart that he is the one who can't be trusted. I can't believe that Valerie hasn't started having morning sickness yet.

Oh, wait, they will wait until after she sleeps with Dillon so we won't know who the daddy is and will have to get a DNA test. I swear, the DNA lab in Port Charles must be the busiest place in town!

Dante and Valerie's secret isn't theirs alone. Nathan knows and Jordan knows. Nathan was about to spill it to Maxie on Friday. I think, he is having a hard time keeping it from her already, and as time goes on, it won't get easier.

As to Jordan, I am really bored with her character. I wish Anna would come back and reclaim her job. Jordan was far more compelling as an undercover agent than she is as a police chief. I know she can't go back undercover again, but bring back Frisco and let her be in the WSB or something. She spends her entire day stalking T.J. or talking to Valerie. Zzzzz.

Rumor has it that when Anna comes back, Robert might be with her, and that's a rumor I can support. Maybe it's just Internet buzz and wishful thinking, but I hope it has some substance because I'm a big fan of Robert Scorpio. I'm a fan of Mac and Felicia Scorpio, too -- but haven't seen them in months. Are they still on the show? Did I miss the day Helena kidnapped them and took them to Greece? What gives?

One storyline that has promise: Nikolas letting Hayden move in with him has me intrigued. Sure, she was a con artist before the coma, but she did have mad chemistry with Nikolas. Maybe her brain injury will be like Jason's, and she will be a kinder, gentler version of herself, and Nikolas will actually fall in love with her and be his wonderful princely self again.

I don't think the writers understood why we were all so distraught when Nikolas became an evil Cassadine. Soaps are escape. We like to believe that somewhere out there in the universe, romantic, handsome princes with good hearts and nice manners and generous souls actually exist. When we see Nikolas Cassadine, we can daydream that guys like him are somewhere out there, just waiting to meet us! He's a fantasy we like to entertain in our lady brains. Turning him into a bad guy just burst our happy bubble of hope, and that's just wrong.

Readers, is it just me, or was the big reveal that Brad was married to Rosalie a bit anticlimactic? Her big secret that Nina was holding over her head all this time and forcing her to do illegal things for was that she is secretly married to Brad? Zzzzzz. Who cares? Who would have possibly cared about that secret? Did they marry for a green card? A mob-arranged marriage like Lily and Sonny? Either way, so what? Zzzzzz.

I feel like GH is just dragging its feet, trying to avoid actually having Brad and Lucas get married. Unless this marriage has a lot more layers than I'm seeing at first glance, I'm just rolling my eyes at this whole storyline.

What will happen tomorrow, dear readers? Will Sonny send another basket of carbs so Alexis can watch Julian lift weights while she enjoys a lovely breakfast? Will Carly and Sonny have their fifth wedding at Queen of Angels, or will the priest frown on that union? Will Kiki ever discover waterproof mascara? Will someone explain to me why Valerie knew where the paper towels were kept at the PCPD and Dante didn't, even though she's been there a week and he's been there for five years? Has he never needed a paper towel before? Do paper towels get bloodstains out of shirts? Doesn't he carry a Tide pen in his pocket for just such an occasion?

Will Maxie be studied by medical science over the miracle of her heart transplant scar disappearing so she can wear cute low-cut summer dresses? Will Lulu keep spending her days doing liquor inventory at the Haunted Star even though no one is ever there ordering any drinks? Will Morgan keep walking around town, looking guilty, until his hair grows back? Is Julian back in the mob, or is there a sixth family gunning for him? Will Sam and Elizabeth realize that many little boys like to play with toy cars and motorcycles, and it's not really such a big deal? Will Tracy notice her bank account is down by 50 million dollars now that Paul wrote Dillon that giant check? Will Olivia have a good explanation of why she left her baby back in Bensonhurst?

Only tomorrow knows, dear readers, and I will tune in tomorrow as long as there are tomorrows.Tamilu

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