I want out (and this time I mean it!)

Carlos sure knows how to dismantle a sniper rifle in a timely manner, and who knew Carly was such a great private investigator? Meanwhile, Lulu and Dante sure could use a bigger apartment. What do you need from General Hospital? Let's discuss in this week's Two Scoops.

Dear readers, I propose a new #GH drinking game. Every time Jordan Ashford marches up to Anna and says, "I want out!" but then doesn't get out; drink. No, not really, because following that strategy would leave you super drunk, and you'd probably lose your job, burn your dinner, and pass out. (My husband, who pretends he doesn't watch GH, just said "Tell them to add an extra shot every time Shawn tells her what a good mom she is.")

Jordan has been reluctantly undercover for months now and doesn't have much to show for it. She hasn't been able to get one solid piece of damning evidence on any of the local mobsters that ended up in an arrest or indictment. She's actually better as a mobster than she is as a police operative or special agent. Really, she should just sincerely go to work for the mob and thereby eliminate the conflict of interest with Shawn.

When Duke offered T.J. a scholarship this week, it troubled me because seeing that guilt in his eyes, knowing he was in the midst of having T.J.'s mom killed while trying to ease his guilty conscience with a bribe, was hard to watch because I like to think of Duke as an "honorable" mobster.

But like all the rest of the mobsters, his number one instinct is self-preservation above all. He would rather kill a child's mother than be arrested and do time for his crimes. He has a lovely accent, can dance the tango, and looks darned good in a kilt, but when it comes right down to it, he's a criminal capable of murder. His morning tea is a money-laundering front, and his very good manners are merely a faade that covers up his evil intentions.

Sonny is a criminal, too, but right now, he has put his shady side on ice to try to gain custody of his daughter. What will happen if Carlos succeeds in taking out Duke? I doubt Sonny will leave Max the keys to the kingdom, so he will have to take the reigns of his own organization again.

Carlos was in Hayden and Jake's room for the entire episode, and had three different people wander into the room with him. He sure is fast at dismantling a gun and dashing into closets. Didn't Carly wonder why the dining table was propping the patio door open in her hotel?

When Hayden walked in, I thought, "Okay, this is it, he's busted." And yet, she let him walk out and didn't call the cops. That makes no sense to me. If someone was paying me to impersonate an amnesia victim's wife for a large sum of money and suddenly a sniper rifle was introduced, I would yell, "Peace out!" and vanish. She didn't really sign on for death, just cash. Of course, inviting the cops into her life means the risk of possible exposure, and she seems like the kind of woman with insatiable appetites for sex and money, so in that context, I guess it's true to what we know of her character.

Sonny doesn't even know about the two hits in process because he's too busy worrying about sweet baby Avery. I like that Avery's kidnapping gave Sonny and Michael a reason to start repairing their bond. I have always loved their relationship, because as a woman with no kids of my own and two stepdaughters, I like to see that kind of bond mirrored on my screen. It needs to be rebuilt ever so slowly though -- it should take months, not weeks. You don't just get over someone murdering your father. Ask Inigo Montoya!

Jake tried to get Julian to take him into his confidence so Jake could discover the name of the victim of the hit to fulfill his obligation to Sloane, but Julian is proceeding with caution. My guess is that Carlos chose Jake's room as his sniper window to try to frame Jake for the hit on Duke. I doubt that was an order from Julian because Sam specifically asked her Dad to keep Jake on the legal side of his business, and I think he plans to honor that. How will he feel when he finds out Carlos was trying to frame Jake? You just can't trust those mob hit men.

Of course, Duke has "Bruce"-- or shall we call him "Ensign Ricky"? I think we all know he won't survive the next round of mob hits. We've never seen him before this week, nor heard his name, so this doesn't bode well for his long-term longevity in the Port Charles mob world.

One local mobster is presumed dead, which is Ava. As for me, I am unconvinced. Baby A.J. showed up the exact same day that Silas got back to town and was sitting in his living room. My theory is that Silas took A.J. to New York and used her as a donor to save Ava and then brought her back home. We will see if I am right if Ava is still alive down the line. It is May Sweeps time, so stay tuned!

Morgan and Kiki were busted in their big "allergy pill switch-off caper" even though Morgan tried the very convincing "I have allergies now!" defense. Ha. They arrived home to find the baby in their living room, alone. So, if it was Silas who brought her back, bad on him for leaving her alone. Of course, another option is that Nina had her and brought her back, and of course probably still has a key to Silas' place.

Carly has a key to every room at the Metro Court and, with the help of her trusty pal Spinelli and her own internal lie detector instincts, was able to uncover the fact that the Fake Jake in the wedding photos is in fact one Pete Ross, actor. Carly snapped a photo of the faked wedding photo on her phone and ran to tell Jake the good news that he wasn't really married. Sadly, her effort was thwarted, and she got chased away before being able to share what she had found.

Knowing Carly, she won't wait to tell Jake. She will probably march directly to Hayden's room to taunt her, at which time I will boldly predict that Hayden will be meeting with Ric, and Carly will end up locked in the panic room again! Hahaha! Can you imagine?? Liz better push the button this time!

While my editor Dan from Soap Central is looking very dapper and hobnobbing with the soap actors at the Daytime Emmys, I am sitting at home, looking especially frumpy with an ice pack on my face and hopped-up on pain meds due to dental work yesterday. But I'm imagining I am on the red carpet, too.

In fact, I imagine a lot of things about GH, and right now, I am imagining a magnificent Nurses Ball, because they are always so much fun to watch. I love to see our GH stars shine, using their plethora of talents. But please, no Mr. Marbles.Ellie and Nathan might have to do a little number to make Maxie and Spinelli jealous, and I predict it will work. Clearly Maxie and Spinelli will always love one another, and they share a child together, but I see them both looking longingly at Nathan and Ellie and feeling like they might not be the best fit anymore. I like all four of them and feel I could support any possible coupling they might end up in, but I feel like the Nurses Ball might be the day when it all falls into place.

I noted that the program for the Nurses Ball said Aveeno was sponsoring it, so expect to see a lot of Aveeno products next week. I also noted that we had a lot of Girl Scout cookie mentions, and I'm wondering what that was all about. Is one of the cast member's kids selling them, or does one of the actors have a hoard of cookies in their dressing room? Maybe they will be serving them as appetizers at the Nurses Ball.

Mostly, I am looking forward to Magic Milo and Epiphany. It might be by choice, because I see Sonja Eddy in a lot of other roles, but I feel she has been tragically underused on GH this year. Instead of having Snorebrina, who became a nurse to honor her mother, give up and become a nanny, she should get Epiphany on her side, get her job back at GH, and give Elizabeth a little help in caring for patients. Of course, Elizabeth usually just picks a patient she likes and camps in their room, so...

Finally, I must mention a pet peeve. Lulu and Dante have needed to move since they had a baby. Dante is a cop. Lulu runs the Haunted Star. They have money. Heck, Sonny would buy them a house next door to him if they asked. Lately, they have had both Spinelli and Valerie as houseguests when they don't even have a bedroom or a nursery for their baby. Make it stop. Give them Brenda's old cottage or something.

What will happen tomorrow, dear readers? Will Robin come home for the Nurses Ball and be shocked to find Sam in her bed? Will seeing her judgmental little face bring Jason's memory back? (It seriously bugged me that he recognized her in that photo!) Will they put a tux on Spencer and let him host because he's easily the most charming and witty host in all of Port Charles? Will Nikolas drop Hayden as soon as Valerie moves in? Will Morgan ever feel like he measures up to Michael in the Corinthos family sibling rivalry sweepstakes? Will Duke live to see the Nurses Ball and have one last tango with Anna?

Only tomorrow knows, dear readers, and I will tune in tomorrow as long as there are tomorrows.Tamilu

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